Hi,
I’m new here. Not really a forum person, but so desperate for help. It seems like a lot of people here know their stuff and can offer good advice, and man do we need it.
Here is our story. We married in 2004 after four years of dating. Four kids in 7 years - pregnancy just murder on my wife’s body. She says she never wants to be pregnant again. I don’t blame her, she had such bad vomiting and nausea and sciatica. With the last baby she was confined to bed and a wheelchair for 11 weeks. It seems like with her pregnancies it’s always SOMETHING. Luckily nothing life threatening, but just 9 months of anxiety, misery and sickness. Our babies have been tough. Tough to nurse, fussy sleepers. Great kids overall but I’m sure you know how draining parenting little kids is. My wife says she’s had it.
I work long hours and when I come home she’s standing there ready to give me all the kids and lock herself upstairs with a glass of wine and a magazine for an hour.
So, I get that she doesn’t ever want to be pregnant again. Honestly? I’m really happy with the family we have and I am so tired, so burned out and so BROKE. I don’t really want any more kids either. Of course we’d love anyone who came to our family - but we feel like we’re at our max.
So, NFP, right? We took a class. A good class. But my wife is so terrified of becoming pregnant that she refuses to have sex for 5 days prior to ovulation, the day of, and 5 days after. Her cycles are 27-28 days, so if you exclude her menstrual period that leaves about ten days a month for marital intimacy. Now, with four little ones, you know what that REALLY means - we’re having sex maybe two or three times a month. No good.
I can’t help it. Maybe I’m a dog but I get irritable without sex. I want to be with my wife. I feel closer to her through sex and not a whole lot else. I didn’t get married thinking I was going to have to live like a monk.
On top of that, when we do have sex, my wife gets really anxious about when I am near climax and sometimes pulls away and makes me stop. Every month, even if we follow her “rules” for sex, she obsesses about possibly being pregnant and takes multiple pregnancy tests until her period comes. A few days before her period is due, she starts getting really crazy and snapping at me. She says things like, “If I’m pregnant, I’m going to kill you!” Now, she’s not really going to kill me - but I don’t know! She says if I “get her pregnant” she will never speak to me again. And until her period comes, she’s an anxious mess. It’s bad.
But what can we do? She’s already told me she’d rather not have sex at all, but that she uses NFP so that I don’t explode and so that I keep helping out around the house (I tend to get really distant when it’s been a while.)
She’s even said, “You know, if you just went and got a vasectomy without telling me, it might be a good thing.” Honestly I’m thinking about it because this lifestyle is crazy and putting a HUGE wedge between us. She’s so terrified of becoming pregnant, and I can’t live in a sexless marriage. We can’t use birth control. So, we’re left with strict NFP that makes my wife nutty and so worried. I hate to see her like that.
I have shown her this post because I do not want to put this out there without her permission. I’m going to give her the opportunity to reply if she wants. For now, we can be “Scott and Colleen.”
Thank you.
S