NFP reliability!

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Well, big fight with hubby. He says he’s fine with me practicing Nfp if I can find “reliable sources, not just catholic ones” to prove that it works. Fine. As discussion develops I mention how once we have our bills paid off in a year or so maybe we can re-evaluate situation and see how things look then for having kids. Then I get the whole “I’m not emotionally ready to have kids and probably won’t be for a while thing” the " I want to have time with just you" thing…bunches of other stuff and a lot of nit-picking then finally get the kicker, “I’m not gonna be Catholic no matter how much you want me to be”…I’m trying not to cry now. I don’t know what to do. I’m not trying to start a fight here. I thought NFP was supposed to bring couples closer together. I’m so frustrated. :crying: Help please!
 
Contact CCL. I’m sure they can give you reliable secular sources for NFP accuracy. Catholics are not the only ones who use it.
Your husband has a very worldy view of sexually and having children, which is why NFP isn’t bringing you closer. He’s digging his heels in probably because he feels you are trying to convert him.
You can try saying in a calm, sincere tone of voice “I know you are not Catholic, but you know that I am. You are asking me to go against my religious beliefs. I feel hurt because I feel you don’t value how important this is to me. I am not asking you to convert, but I am asking you to be supportive of what is important to me.” This may not get you anywhere, but is important to stress that these things are important to you. I would also recommend Marriage Encounter - it’s not just for Catholics, it’s for any demonination or no denomination.
I know you are frustated. I feel frustrated for you. People make fun of NFP all the time, saying it doesn’t work but it really does. I know because I have used it for almost nine years and have not become pregnant.
You probably want to let things cool before you appraoch him again. I’ll keep you in my prayers.

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HI Celia,

Conversion of anyone is in God’s hands. Think of yourself as an instrument in God’s hand and He will do all the hard work. Sometimes it’s quick but often it is not. Just plant the seed so to speak.

A spat over NFP isn’t a bad thing, many of us have been there done that, you are communicating and this will eventually make your marriage stronger.
Marrying a practicing Catholic can be a big challenge for some people. It can be a whole new world to some. It sounds like you are ironing these things out in your first year.👍 be patient

Matt
 
Thank you for your kind words and advice. I appreciate it so much. I will try and make those contacts. You’re right on the money about him thinking I’m trying to convert him…when we talk about the Church I can practically see him mentally backing away… sometimes he likes to talk but he doesn’t like to get too serious with it…he has always respected my beliefs, don’t get me wrong…it’s not really his fault. When we married last year I had the same views he did but then I came home to the Church and he’s kinda still back where i was. I guess this is our first big “issue” we’ve been kind of in the honeymoon stage till now. I love him dearly, it’s just difficult. Thank you again…more advice and comments welcome…:o
 
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Celia:
Well, big fight with hubby. He says he’s fine with me practicing Nfp if I can find “reliable sources, not just catholic ones” to prove that it works
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Celia…

That first study quoted in my first post was from a secular source…U.S. Department of Health, Education, and Welfare (now known as the Dept of Health and Human Services). The other studies quoted in that link I provided were all done by Doctors and other independant researchers…Dr. Roetzer, Dr. Gerhardt K. Doring, etc. Although I’m not certain of their religious affiliation, these studies were not done by the Catholic Church.
 
Celia,
Here is the website for CCL:
www.ccli.org

Lead by example. St Francis said, “preach the gospel often, use words sometimes.” It will be hard and you will feel alone in your faith but pray, keep good Catholic company, go to confession, go to Eucharistic Adoration, pray the rosary, read about the saints lives…(so many things you can do) As he sees you change into a more loving person he will begin to change. It may take years but if you perservere he will change.

Peace,
Jen
 
This may need to be a new thread… but I have been wanting to post a question on reliability and different methods. My wife and I were trained in the Creighton model in pre-Cana classes 13 yrs. ago. We followed up for the first 6 mos, and then regrettably drifted away.

Since “reverting” in our faith, we slowly, prayerfully came to accept God’s plan for sexuality within marriage using NFP. We returned to the Creighton model, began charting, etc… On the 4th month we become pregnant (due in Aug.). We have looked and re-looked at the charting. I don’t know how it happended. We did not mis-read the signs.???

Don’t get me wrong we are thrilled with this gift of a child, but my wife is now very skeptical of NFP. We have not really dealt with it, since she is pregnant, but we will need to explore other NFP methods, etc… in the future. (ABC is out of the question of course).

What do you think? Are certain methods more reliable than others? Should we use 2 methods simutaneously? I know the whole drill about being open to life and prayerfully considering this along the way. I have no qualms about that. I can just tell you that my wife’s mother was very fertile and I believe my wife inheirted this gift also. Having another child 11 months after the birth of this new babe, would not be healthy for my family (I have 2 older kids already). Any ideas are appreciated. Thanks.

Todd
 
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IMAbeliever:
Since “reverting” in our faith, we slowly, prayerfully came to accept God’s plan for sexuality within marriage using NFP. We returned to the Creighton model, began charting, etc… On the 4th month we become pregnant (due in Aug.). We have looked and re-looked at the charting. I don’t know how it happended. We did not mis-read the signs.???

.

Todd
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Is the Creighton model is cervical mucus only? I have a hard time with the mucus thing, for me it’s so subjective - i get too nervous knowing if I read it right,and I get mucus at odd times of the month. I use the sympto-thermal method (mucus, cycle charting and temp) I rely heavily on my temp and previous cycle historys. For me my temp is always very clear to see when I’ve ovulated. I can’t advise on others because I haven’t used them.
 
My husband and I use NFP and have had no “accidents”. I will agree with an earlier post in saying that it is frustrating that your fertile time is generally when you are feeling romantic, and PMS symptoms generally coincide with the safe times. But when the rules are followed, it is near 100% reliable. We’ve not always followed the rules (tend to extend the first phase past 6 days), but we know what the chances are that a pregnancy will result. That is what makes it a romantic and loving encounter. We are not using each other; we are open to God’s will. Any child God chooses to give you is a gift. Even if you think you can not afford it, trust God. He makes no mistakes. Trust that God will care for you, your husband, and your future children, and He will. If, however, you do not trust that He will provide for you, sure enough, He won’t.
 
Thanks, we talked and I feel a little better now… He said he is sorry for upsetting me and we can try nfp since it is so important to me. We’ve both cooled down but I feel as though it is still a “touchy” subject with him. As with anything Catholic :rolleyes: . But, I guess I should be patient as possible. If I want him to commit to the church at some point I shouldn’t be driving him away.
 
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rayne89:
Is the Creighton model is cervical mucus only? I have a hard time with the mucus thing, for me it’s so subjective - i get too nervous knowing if I read it right,and I get mucus at odd times of the month. I use the sympto-thermal method (mucus, cycle charting and temp) I rely heavily on my temp and previous cycle historys. For me my temp is always very clear to see when I’ve ovulated. I can’t advise on others because I haven’t used them.
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I use the sympto-thermal, it uses tempatures, cervical signs and mucus. There some people that have some type of mucus all the time so the Creighton method, if all it uses is mucus would not work for them.

Peace,
Jen
 
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IMAbeliever:
Since “reverting” in our faith, we slowly, prayerfully came to accept God’s plan for sexuality within marriage using NFP. We returned to the Creighton model, began charting, etc… On the 4th month we become pregnant (due in Aug.). We have looked and re-looked at the charting. I don’t know how it happended. We did not mis-read the signs.???
Todd
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I do not know about how you check your signs. I use the sympto-thermal method. I rely heavily on my tempatures. I have a problem with too much mucus throughout the cycle. CCL said I needed to cut down my dairy products. I did and the mucus patterns became easier to read. They also said that hormones go crazy after having a child once the cycle comes back, and mucus signs can’t really be trusted, and to carefully watch my temps.

There is another method that is mentioned in the "Do you use natural family planning’ thread. You can also PM some of the ones that have experience for personal advice.

Peace,
Jen
 
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Celia:
Thanks, we talked and I feel a little better now… He said he is sorry for upsetting me and we can try nfp since it is so important to me. We’ve both cooled down but I feel as though it is still a “touchy” subject with him. As with anything Catholic :rolleyes: . But, I guess I should be patient as possible. If I want him to commit to the church at some point I shouldn’t be driving him away.
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Celia,
When my husband and I married although I had faith in God I wasn’t practicing my Catholic faith (in fact I knew nearly nothing about the church teachings). It wasn’t until I became pregnant that I started going to church regularily again. My (pentecostal) MIL was asking all kinds of questions about what Catholics believed and really didn’t know how to answer so I did alot of reading. Long story short I became an onfire Catholic.

My husband is a laid back guy and is really cool about letting me do my own thing. I went through a health food phase. He went along with taking herbal iced tea in his lunch instead of pop, and he even kind of liked the tofu custard I made.

He was really ok with the me doing the religion thing but himself - he really considered himself an agnostic. The major changes in me started to scare him though. We had been together since highschool and we came from what was considered the “burnout” crowd. Needless to say having EWTN on every spare moment or playing Catholic music in the car was a big difference. I was so excited about my faith I just wanted him to follow me so we could share it together. He went to Mass with me on Sunday but that’s as far as it went. The more I tried the more he dug in. (continued next post.)
 
His conversion was a slow process (verry very slow to me.) What finally made him believe was not me but him entering AA after wrecking our car. (The higher power thing.) He did come into the church but still was not real keen on all the changes. Anyway I’ll try to cut this short. In the end when I finally stopped pushing and just prayed, lived out my faith, and trusted God he stated relaxing and his real conversion began. It’s hard, it’s so hard to be patient. It’s hard not to be able to share something that is such a big part of you with the most important person in your life.

My advise is take it slow. It’s great that he’s ok’d the NFP thing. The classes have to be taken as a couple so hopefully that will help him understand. Just be patient, I’ve learned over the years things happen in God’s time not ours. Makes ya crazy but ya gotta trust in Him. God Bless.
 
Thanks rayne89 🙂 I appreciate your advice so much. Your story sounds a lot like mine. It is so hard to wait and hope, isn’t it? I pray every day for him though that he’ll “see the light”, so to speak. Right now we occasionally have theologically themed conversations but then when I start to get to in depth with stuff and he feels like I might be trying to convince him, he backs away. I think he’s afraid to think that his ideas about religion and what he’s used to believing might be wrong. Not being mean about that, I had to too. I grew up Catholic but sorta made my own “cafeteria Catholic” thing out of it. He’s an extremely logical person and I have learned to accept certain things about the church on faith, while he needs to have several sources for everything. I love him so much and I just worry about him and where he is with God. This is kind of getting off the nfp topic, isn’t it? 😛 It is a huge relief that he has agreed to it though. Well thank you again for your replies, they always make me feel a 'lil better :o God Bless
 
My wife finds that some cold remedies like decongestants and antihistamines can screw up her mucus patterns. Mercifully, she is healthy enough that not using such things has not been a major sacrifice for her. Using the Billing method has been amazingly effective for us. (WARNING graphic discussion to follow!) It’s not really about presence or quantity of mucus, more about the slipperyness and stretchiness. Perhaps one of these is what happened to the poster. Or God exercised His options!
A real class is better than any book to learn this stuff.
 
Congrats,
To the new Aug. baby! That is me too!! Although I KNOW exactly where my “problem” came from. It was all of the cute little babies making cute noises on Sunday.

I know people that got pregnant well on the pill and using condoms, sometimes there can’t be an explaination other than if you have sex pregnancy can happen.

Until we decided to risk it (well truth be known we came as close to trying that month as possible), it worked great for us. And I am guessing if I didn’t have the biggest case of the baby bug in the world it would still be going great for us.

Kat
 
My wife and I have 4 daughters.
#1: Honeymoon baby (we weren’t thinking about NFP during our honeymoon… She was born 9 months & 6 days after the wedding.

#2: Surprise! Though we followed NFP.

#3: Planned.

#4: Surprise! & this time we were NFP extremist.

So… the 50% of the time we followed NFP, it was 100% ineffective (I suppose that stat isn’t entirely fair – after all, there was a 3 & 6 month lag between #1 and #3’s births and #2 and #4’s conceptions.

BTW… we were thrilled (eventually, we were thrilled) with the surprises. Good Luck!
 
My fiancee and I went to one of our followup visits for our diocese’s NFP class last Friday, and the instructor pointed out that, according to surveys, couples who practice NFP tend to have intercourse more frequently than couples who contracept. Very interesting, especially considering the concern that some people voice these days that NFP involves “too much abstinence”.
 
Celia:

What a good heart you have! Please be patient with your husband!! This issue of birth control is a challenging issue that many of us struggle with. For myself, it reflects a very human weakness to fully trust in God, and and takes some of us more time, prayer and life experience to overcome. I think it is also incredibly difficult to find that fine line between responsibly planning for a child on one hand, and, on the other trying to anticipate every possible contingency and holding off until they are all met (hint: they never are).

I think men, especially if they take on the full burden of financially supporting their wife and children, feel the pressure to prepare before they feel comfortable “allowing” any kids to arrive. This probably reflects your husband’s strong sense of duty and responsbility to you and any children you may have. In the future, as you work on accepting NFP into your marriage, don’t forget to recognize and compliment your husband for this wonderful trait of his. It will validate and encourage his efforts and hopefully, if he knows you understand his concerns, will make him more open and willing to consider yours as well.
 
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