NFP resources (can't find any where I live)

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So we agreed to go with NFP, combined with complete abstinence for periods when the reasons to avoid are very serious. (May seem obvious, but my convert fiance wasn’t quite sure at first. He’s in on it now. :))

Now, it seems to me that y’all here had some sort of classes about it.

I am not in the US, I’ve tried, but I really can’t find anything really informative, and definitely nothing interactive here. Can’t even find an OB who knows enough to give me real instructions, I really wouldn’t feel comfortable and safe relying on information from them. The Family Planning Centre, the only one I could dig up, is out of business and has been for ages.
I’ve come across some books, some articles, some instructions, but nowhere to go with the questions, to make sure I’ve got it right…

So I’m looking for resources, but it is important that they are reliable, we cannot afford a come-what-may attitude. (That’s why we know there will have to be periods of complete abstinence, and I don’t mean a week or two, at times.)

Now we will be open to life as much as possible. We’d love to have many many kids, we’d love to throw all caution to the wind, but there are some very real financial limitations, but we are hoping to have at least three kids. The first one even not right away, for the same reasons, and the others will have to be spaced.

Do you have any places I could ask or turn to?
Maybe even something like those on-line college courses? An expert who would do Skype?

I know our deacon and his wife do it, and I know my GP is Catholic, but not informed enough to give me a proper training on it, so I’m getting desperate and actually considering asking them if I could talk to their wives.

Also, a big question…
We are not married yet, and not intimate until then. But do I need to start keeping track of things before the big day? How long does it take to get a good picture of fertile and infertile days?
I need to know whether to pack boardgames for the honeymoon. 🙂
 
Others have already given you resources, and they are great so I don’t need to add on to them…

But yes, you really, really, really, really, seriously, really, really, really, REALLY, really should start tracking before you get married!!! Chart your cycle, signs, and temperatures (depending on the NFP method you are using) for as long as you are able before you marry. First, it will give you practice and time to learn how to interpret your signs and B) it will help you to establish the norm for your cycle. It is SO helpful to have a headstart on these things.

Good luck! Praying for you!!
 
I would start in 2 places:
  1. iuseNFP.com. They have lots of info about the practical aspects of using NFP. In fact they just started a series where a woman is journaling her learning process. 🙂
  2. Living the Sacrament. It’s Catholic and has a private forum where you can ask all of your questions! Plus they have a blog and tons of info about NFP.
Also, yes starting charting now! The more information you have the better! 😃

Good luck!
 
www.sympto.org

They are a non-religious group in Switzerland. They do not assume you’re married nor do they assume that you have religious reservations against using barrier methods. As such, they will say the fertile period requires either abstinence or a barrier method. You do have a consultant. Its not free and I’m not sure if it works if you’re outside of Switzerland.
 
My wife and I found that this book had sufficient information for our NFP-learning needs, though your experience may vary.

(And unfortunately the book is out of print. We got our copy for something like $12, but I see that the asking price on Amazon is now ten times that! But I think there is a newer book on the Billings Ovulation Method that is in print.)

I would also suggest that maybe, just maybe, you are trying to be a bit *too *much in control. It sounds like you are saying that you can’t take even the slightest chance of having an unexpected pregnancy. But would an unexpected pregnancy truly be the end of the world? I’m not saying that you can’t or shouldn’t use NFP to postpone pregnancy. I’m just saying that unless you have serious health problems, maybe, just maybe, an unexpected pregnancy would not be quite as bad as you imply. However, I don’t have all the details, nor do I want all the details. This is something that you and your soon-to-be husband have to discern.
 
Thank you all for the links, I’ll start studying the info this weekend. 🙂

We are new in this community and don’t know the deacon or my GP long enough to ask to talk to his wife about sex. 😃
But seriously, I don’t think there’s a register of such trainers because here it doesn’t even exist. The parish doesn’t even have a register of Catholic doctors of any kind.
PaulGH said:
I would also suggest that maybe, just maybe, you are trying to be a bit *too *much in control. It sounds like you are saying that you can’t take even the slightest chance of having an unexpected pregnancy. But would an unexpected pregnancy truly be the end of the world? I’m not saying that you can’t or shouldn’t use NFP to postpone pregnancy.
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I have to be in control, as much as I can.
We won’t be able to live on one income, it is unusualto do that here, even for people with all sorts of degrees, and women lose their jobs when they have kids, maternity is very long so the job won’t wait for you when you get back. Legal protection is ridiculous, but is somewhat better after a certain period and in certain circumstances.
My employer is somewhat open to it, but I don’t think they would like it if I had three kids too close together. If you lose your job because you had a child, you will probably be unemployed until your child starts school because no one will hire you with a pre-school kid at home. Very often a pregnancy at the wrong time means 7 years of unemployment with practically no benefits during that time.
If you’re unemployed, you can’t get day care (it’s okay here), but you can’t get a job until you find a place to leave your kids.
The situation for young families is very bad here. Even without children, young women find it hard to find work, because the first thing they actually openly tell you is that they don’t want someone who will go off to have kids.

There are some health reasons, some of them very serious, but we decided to see how it goes with the first one.

I don’t like it that the first thing here is to question a couple’s reasons. In my first post I said that there are very real financial limitations, do you not believe me?
 
Ms_Manners said:
I have to be in control, as much as I can.
We won’t be able to live on one income, it is unusualto do that here, even for people with all sorts of degrees, and women lose their jobs when they have kids, maternity is very long so the job won’t wait for you when you get back. Legal protection is ridiculous, but is somewhat better after a certain period and in certain circumstances.
My employer is somewhat open to it, but I don’t think they would like it if I had three kids too close together. If you lose your job because you had a child, you will probably be unemployed until your child starts school because no one will hire you with a pre-school kid at home. Very often a pregnancy at the wrong time means 7 years of unemployment with practically no benefits during that time.
If you’re unemployed, you can’t get day care (it’s okay here), but you can’t get a job until you find a place to leave your kids.
The situation for young families is very bad here. Even without children, young women find it hard to find work, because the first thing they actually openly tell you is that they don’t want someone who will go off to have kids.

There are some health reasons, some of them very serious, but we decided to see how it goes with the first one.

I don’t like it that the first thing here is to question a couple’s reasons. In my first post I said that there are very real financial limitations, do you not believe me?
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I don’t think it is my business to believe you or not to believe you. I commented on something that I thought I may have perceived in your post, but as I tried to make clear in my post, I don’t know your situation, and I may be wrong.

I do know that I have seen situations where a couple is hesitant to have a child for financial reasons, when the reality turns out to be that the financial hurdles were not as high as they thought. (And this is not just with Catholic couples.) My experience has been that most couples could afford another child if they had to, even if it would be difficult. However, it sounds like you are in a country or society where things may be much tougher financially than where I am. So maybe this doesn’t apply in your case.

But even more importantly, I would like to clarify something: I never meant to question that you have a valid reason to use NFP to avoid pregnancy. I accepted that at face value. What I questioned was what I perceived as an attitude that not only must NFP be used, but that NFP *must *work, that it *must *be 100% effective, and that there can be *no *margin for error. But it is very possible that I misunderstood your attitude. It is also very possible that your reasons for postponing pregnancy are truly much more grave than I had assumed. If either of those is true, then I was wrong, and I would ask you please to disregard my advice.

I am sorry that I made you feel the need to defend your reasons for using NFP. Those reasons are none of my business.
 
I think others have given you some great resources, and I would definitely recommend learning to chart before you’re married. It will take you several months, at least, to get a good idea of what is going on and to begin noticing patterns. And then, if you find that a particular method isn’t working (signs ambiguous, etc.) you can try another.

It does seem like you plan to use NFP to avoid over a long period of time, and there is nothing wrong with learning the method and being prepared to use it. One thing I would emphasize, though, is that use of NFP to avoid is a month-to-month discernment process. This is something I did not fully understand until I was married. I would caution you against saying “we want this many kids, spaced this many years apart”. When using NFP the decision of whether to be intimate or not at any given time is a dynamic, always changing thing because it involves so many factors. It truly is a discernment process, and not something you discern alone.
 
PaulGH said:
What I questioned was what I perceived as an attitude that not only must NFP be used, but that NFP *must *work, that it *must *be 100% effective, and that there can be *no *margin for error.
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During the periods when there can be no margin for error, we will abstain.

The situation in our country is very very bad for a young couple just starting out. Three kids are a rarity and people are more likely to feel sorry for you than congratulate you.

We would both love to have many children, and I mean seven or more, but even three will be a stretch. The worst thing is that by our standards we are actually doing fine, our jobs are safe right now, for which I thank the good Lord every day.

The deal is that we go for the first as soon as it’s safe financially, and then abstain when we can’t even risk it and try NFP when any miscalculation would be a happy one.
Any chance to have more than three and we’ll take it.

I know it’s because people stretch the definition of “just reasons” and misuse NFP, but the general attitude here is to doubt and try to find faults in their logic, it can really be hurtful. I don’t mean you personally, the whole atmosphere actually had me thinking many times before even starting this thread.
 
Read the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility. I learned everything I needed to know about NFP via this book. It is actually quite simple once the principles are understood - no classes should be necessary.
 
Ms_Manners said:
During the periods when there can be no margin for error, we will abstain.

The situation in our country is very very bad for a young couple just starting out. Three kids are a rarity and people are more likely to feel sorry for you than congratulate you.

We would both love to have many children, and I mean seven or more, but even three will be a stretch. The worst thing is that by our standards we are actually doing fine, our jobs are safe right now, for which I thank the good Lord every day.

The deal is that we go for the first as soon as it’s safe financially, and then abstain when we can’t even risk it and try NFP when any miscalculation would be a happy one.
Any chance to have more than three and we’ll take it.

I know it’s because people stretch the definition of “just reasons” and misuse NFP, but the general attitude here is to doubt and try to find faults in their logic, it can really be hurtful. I don’t mean you personally, the whole atmosphere actually had me thinking many times before even starting this thread.
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I’m sorry to hear that the culture is so anti-family where you are. Would you mind to tell me what country you live in? Please don’t feel any obligation to answer if you prefer not to.
 
Central/Southeastern Europe, small country.
I would rather not name the country here, maybe privately if you want.
 
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