One thing I’ve learned through years of hard experience is that ALL of this is “informed” (as the academics would say) by the man’s appearance. An expression of interest by an unattractive man become simply unwanted attention. Women are not flattered by having an unattractive man pursuing them - it’s just an annoyance.
*I think beauty is in the eye of the beholder, Ted
…even when it comes to what women find attractive. I think many women like masculine men…and masculinity can be displayed differently from man to man. *Some defects are simply beyond the pale; I can tell you from experience that a man with a severely receding chin will never even be perceived as a man, much less a potential mate. The defect is both a real and symbolic marker for a lack of testosterone and a corrsponding inability to be a woman’s protector.*I think beauty is in the eye of the beholder, Ted
My suggestion would then be that you need to disprove that via your actions. If you get to know a girl and can demonstrate that in fact you are a ‘strong’ man, she will see over time this is true. As you say it may not be possible with women you just meet, but over time the initial impression should go away.
Unfortunately my experience hasn’t borne that out. There are plenty of men around who do look strong, so there’s no reason for a woman to take a chance on one who doesn’t. Women at various jobs I’ve had did get the opportunity to see my good personal qualities, but they never changed their attitude toward me as a man.
How do you know? Did you ask these women out?
No, that would be pointless; they make it quite clear they’re not interested in any interactions with me beyond work-related matters.
Ted, just a word to the wise…I wouldn’t date women you work with, if you break up…it can turn ugly in a hurry…he said/she said kind of thing…it’s the things lawsuits are made of. It depends on the person certainly, but I’d only date women outside of where you work…could be why they shy away from you, and has nothing to do with you as a man! Think positive. I have read your posts on here before, my heart goes out to you…I think that it’s easy to feel slighted if you feel you’re not having success in the dating world…but, have you tried some different things, approaches, etc…to changing the situation? Sometimes, it’s easy to get into the same rut, and expect different results.
A cyber hug for you, my brother in Christ. :hug1:I agree with whatevergirl. I think there is a chance they said no mostly because you are their co-worker. I’ve turned down some attractive women who I’ve worked with that have asked me out because I don’t like to mix my personal and work life. I have even declined being set up with some of the daughters of my older co-workers who frequently want me to meet their single daughters.
Thanks very much. That’s a good point about dating people at work. Actually, though, what I noticed was the difference in how the women responded to me versus how they responded to other, more attractive single men in the same situations. For instance, they would politely brush off my attempts at casual conversation, while they would happily chat with other guys. And I would never see a smile from any of them; it’s obvious they knew all of the approved techniques for not encouraging guys they’re not interested inTed, just a word to the wise…I wouldn’t date women you work with, if you break up…it can turn ugly in a hurry…he said/she said kind of thing…it’s the things lawsuits are made of. It depends on the person certainly, but I’d only date women outside of where you work…could be why they shy away from you, and has nothing to do with you as a man! Think positive. I have read your posts on here before, my heart goes out to you…I think that it’s easy to feel slighted if you feel you’re not having success in the dating world…but, have you tried some different things, approaches, etc…to changing the situation? Sometimes, it’s easy to get into the same rut, and expect different results.
*Aw, Ted.Thanks very much. That’s a good point about dating people at work. Actually, though, what I noticed was the difference in how the women responded to me versus how they responded to other, more attractive single men in the same situations. For instance, they would politely brush off my attempts at casual conversation, while they would happily chat with other guys. And I would never see a smile from any of them; it’s obvious they knew all of the approved techniques for not encouraging guys they’re not interested in
I’m in my early 50s, so I’ve had a few decades of experience with this. What I’ve finally come to realize is that it’s just natural selection at work. A weak male would be a poor provider and protector, so he’s to be avoided - and rightly so. It’s not my fault, and it’s not theirs. The only issue for me is how to live with it.
Okay, when you say ‘‘weak,’’ do you mean…like physical appearance? Not to sound…not sure of the word…lol…but if that is it, you could lift weights. I do think that it’s not unfair for women to wish to date men who are in strong shape…not body builders, but have some muscle to them. I found that apealing when dating…and my husband caught my eye because of that, at first. Ultimately, physical attraction can’t be the only deciding factor for people. Remember, men do this also…they like to find attractive mates, too. It’s not just women who seem to be do this, but since you’re male, you notice it more. 
Whatevergirl - I agree with you. Physical appearance is only an initial attractor. I’ve been attracted to women and then once they opened their mouth, I crossed them off the list of “potentials”. I’ve seen others that are more average, that once you get to know them they become more attractive. (Due to sense of humor, kindness, intelligence, etc.)*Aw, Ted.
I think that there are some different approaches you can take, that might help improve your chances, if in fact, you do want to meet someone for marriage someday…*
And I’m sure you got that way working out 15 minutes a day, three times a week or your money back.
This describes me perfectly. Please tell me if you’ve had any success yet.
