Nice guys finish last belief

[chevalier]

So what if the girl is in the yard? jk

Jokes aside, I’d have to agree with The Bucket on this one. I would never suggest lying to a woman to get her attention, but you have to get your foot in the door somehow. Be completely honest, but reach into your bag of expertise and pull out something that may get her attention. In a conversation bring up something about yourself that is interesting or unique. Maybe it’s a talent or a skill that not a lot of people have, or knowledge that not a lot of people know. There is a difference between dishonesty and tact.

I am sorry, but I will be relentless. Having tact does not require providing sufficient fireworks so that people, in this age of short attention spans, would be entertained enough to keep looking. Marriage is about partnership and looking for marriage is about looking for a partner. It’s not or should not be a simple biochemical process in which X provides sufficient reward for Y to tolerate his presence.

The way I was brought up, you treat a woman like a princess, you focus on her. Consequently from this, you listen when she’s talking, you give as much as you can, but it’s not a who’s-a-better-drake-with-cooler-feathers contest. This probably relates somehow to my single status, but to tell the truth, there’s a limit to my caring.

(For the record, I’m doing a Ph.D. in law, I run a tiny translation firm, I almost became an archaelogist at some point in my life and still am an IT nerd. While not the most party-going person you know, I know how to make a woman crazy on the floor, too. This is not about being boring or not having stuff to bring up. It’s about principle.)

Whatevergirl is kindly requested to advise if rum needed with coke at this point.

 

[irishman33]

Marriage is about partnership and looking for marriage is about looking for a partner. It’s not or should not be a simple biochemical process in which X provides sufficient reward for Y to tolerate his presence.

I agree, but when meeting a new friend one talks about their interests or hobbies. This is just part of getting to know each other. It is process of identifying what makes you unique. The same concept applies to meeting a woman. Chevelier, you say you treat a woman like a princess as a matter of principle. Is this not part of what sets you apart and makes you unique?

Just some food for thought.

 

[whatevergirl]

I am sorry, but I will be relentless. Having tact does not require providing sufficient fireworks so that people, in this age of short attention spans, would be entertained enough to keep looking. Marriage is about partnership and looking for marriage is about looking for a partner. It’s not or should not be a simple biochemical process in which X provides sufficient reward for Y to tolerate his presence.

The way I was brought up, you treat a woman like a princess, you focus on her. Consequently from this, you listen when she’s talking, you give as much as you can, but it’s not a who’s-a-better-drake-with-cooler-feathers contest. This probably relates somehow to my single status, but to tell the truth, there’s a limit to my caring.

(For the record, I’m doing a Ph.D. in law, I run a tiny translation firm, I almost became an archaelogist at some point in my life and still am an IT nerd. While not the most party-going person you know, I know how to make a woman crazy on the floor, too. This is not about being boring or not having stuff to bring up. It’s about principle.)

Whatevergirl is kindly requested to advise if rum needed with coke at this point.

no, just more popcorn.

 

[The_Bucket]

Treat a girl too much like a princess and she’ll lose respect for you.

Treat women like John Wayne treats Maureen O’Hara in “The Quiet Man” (court them, protect them, fight for them but don’t let them run over you) and you’ll more than likely end up with a great marriage.

 

[ambrosegirl84]

I was once the “nice girl” and had the same belief about finishing last! All around me my friends were getting into relationships, and here I was, 22, and hadn’t ever had a serious boyfriend. It especially bugged me when guys I was interested in would either stay single or go for some high-maintenance, demanding girl.

I really think, though, that my problem was two-fold: I was 1. trying too hard. I would agonize over every word I was going to say to whatever guy I was interested in…and I’m sure they recognized it.

Second, I had very unrealistic expectations for what to expect in a guy. I wouldn’t say I had my standards set too high, per say, but I had A LOT of them. He had to be a good conservative Lutheran (or Catholic), be either a farmer or rancher, college-educated (preferrably), have the same morals, and have very specific ideals that were the same as my own, plus be physically attractive.

I eventually realized that even if that guy did exist, it didn’t mean that there’d be “instant romance” and everything would be perfect! I did keep some standards–moral values being one, rural ideals being another. But had I kept my “old” standards, I would have never considered going on a first date with my fiance, who had never been exposed to the morals and religion I was raised with. He gladly accepted them, though, and is now a faithful church member.

Sometimes you just have to keep an open mind…without going down the slippery slope of losing your own morals, if that makes any sense!

 

[chevalier]

I agree, but when meeting a new friend one talks about their interests or hobbies. This is just part of getting to know each other. It is process of identifying what makes you unique. The same concept applies to meeting a woman. Chevelier, you say you treat a woman like a princess as a matter of principle. Is this not part of what sets you apart and makes you unique?

Just some food for thought.

Yes, very unique, as the ideal friend.

And it’s not done to make a guy unique, it’s a matter of principle.

Treat a girl too much like a princess and she’ll lose respect for you.

That always happens, but principle is principle.

Treat women like John Wayne treats Maureen O’Hara in “The Quiet Man” (court them, protect them, fight for them but don’t let them run over you) and you’ll more than likely end up with a great marriage.

Of course don’t let them run over you but why be with someone who wants to run over you in the first place?

I eventually realized that even if that guy did exist, it didn’t mean that there’d be “instant romance” and everything would be perfect! I did keep some standards–moral values being one, rural ideals being another. But had I kept my “old” standards, I would have never considered going on a first date with my fiance, who had never been exposed to the morals and religion I was raised with. He gladly accepted them, though, and is now a faithful church member.

Sometimes you just have to keep an open mind…without going down the slippery slope of losing your own morals, if that makes any sense!

Of course it does make sense. People should be given a chance.

 

[irishman33]

Sticking by your principles no matter what…I respect that.

 

[kelleyclip]

Sticking by your principles no matter what…I respect that.

At the end of the day, no matter what happens, it’s important to stand your ground. It’s called honor, I too respect that.

 

[whatevergirl]

*’‘It’s done to make a guy unique…’’

If you be yourself…you’ll always be unique. No seriously, though. Part of the problem I’m seeing in this thread, is the notion that yet again, there’s a secret code to crack with ALL women. We’re all different…as a gender, we have common traits, just like men do. But, if you go through your dating life trying to fit all women into this compartment…or this notion of well, they should react ‘‘this’’ way if I just do ‘‘this,’’ you will be let down more often than not. There is no one way fits all women…it’s a major turn off to a woman, if she picks up on the fact that you might be trying to ‘get a reading’ on her…so you can apply ‘‘xyz’’ tactic. Bleck, it’s not attractive…so don’t do that. I am speaking to no one specifically…just saying. *

 

[TedDC]

Whatevergirl - I agree with you. Physical appearance is only an initial attractor. I’ve been attracted to women and then once they opened their mouth, I crossed them off the list of “potentials”. I’ve seen others that are more average, that once you get to know them they become more attractive. (Due to sense of humor, kindness, intelligence, etc.)

TedDC - You might want to seriously take a look at what kind of second impression you make. The first impression can be altered quite easily as Whatevergirl suggested - lift weights, color your hair, whiten your teeth or whatever.

But how do you come across once you meet someone? Are you desperate? Depressed? Sullen? Do you act like nobody in their right mind would want to date you? Or are you kind, charming, intelligent, funny?

There isn’t really anything I can do to correct my particular appearance defects; I’m in very good physical condition, but there are some things, like stature and facial structure, that just can’t be changed.

As far as the second impression - I’ve never had a chance to make one.

I had a very revealing experience some years ago. In my job, I had to talk on the phone fairly often with a women at one of our suppliers, to coordinate a project. After a while, the conversations became quite friendly and personal, and she apparently had a good impression of my personal qualities. She said she looked forward to meeting me, and eventually came up with an excuse to vist my office, a few miles away. I’ll never forget the look of disappointment on her face when she got her first (and last) look at me. From then on, she called me only when absolutely necessary, and only talked about business.

I’ve seen many mismatches. I think to myself - how did he ever end up with a woman like that!?? I’m sure people think that when they saw me with my wife. She married him!??

Anyway - don’t dwell on it. I think most people would say that they met their current spouse or special friend in an unusual way when they weren’t even looking.

And I know it’s hard, but I think some people are meant to suffer in loneliness. Offer it up and pray. I think my wife used to say a quick prayer to St Anne. “Good St Anne, send me a man as fast as you can.” Something like that anyway.

That, I’m afraid, is the ultimate answer. It’s just natural selection - and for some to be selected, others must be rejected. It’s just something you live with. I don’t believe that prayer has any effect; if God wanted the situation to be different, it would be.

 

[whatevergirl]

Ted…I just wanted to say, your honesty is so nice to see. I mean, you’re open with us about your situation. I am sad when I read what you’ve been through, though. You sound like a wonderful guy…

 

[whatevergirl]

I was and still am the “nice guy” at 25.

College: busy, I commuted, had jobs and internships, but met girls and had a brief relationship with one before she moved. She was thrilled to find a Catholic guy at a Catholic university.

Now, I’m still the “nice guy.” People my age are in serious relationships, co-habitating, and some are marrying after co-habitating.

Really, I don’t know what to do, and I live in a city of 3 million. I have tried meeting others though the parish young-adult route. That was limiting and produced some “interesting” females.

I think I should just show strength and confidence 100% of the time. It’s just hard when dates laugh in your face when they get on the inevitable topics of religion and values…

*You don’t need to tolerate a date laughing or mocking your views on values and religion. That’s so sad! *

 

[whatevergirl]

So what if the girl is in the yard? jk

Jokes aside, I’d have to agree with The Bucket on this one. I would never suggest lying to a woman to get her attention, but you have to get your foot in the door somehow. Be completely honest, but reach into your bag of expertise and pull out something that may get her attention. In a conversation bring up something about yourself that is interesting or unique. Maybe it’s a talent or a skill that not a lot of people have, or knowledge that not a lot of people know. There is a difference between dishonesty and tact.

*“bag of expertise” haha *

 

[chevalier]

Go on, folks, feed the parrot.

 

[Norseman82]

To “The Bucket”:

Does this mean your wife is “The Bucket Woman”?

(Please don’t hit me!!!)

 

[djforce888]

*Hi there;

God gives us free will, what we do with that, is our choice. If you are a nice guy, the right girl will see it. My husband is a nice guy, but I dated a lot of bad men back in college until I met him. Perhaps, it helped me appreciate him more…I don’t know. I didn’t know how to ‘take’ him right away, but over time, I realized ‘‘yes, this is how I should be treated by a man.’’ Some girls date bad boys for the thrill, or because they grew up with a father figure who wasn’t the greatest, and so they don’t have a good role model to model a solid relationship on. Could be that the bad boy didn’t show his true colors right away. Could be a number of reasons, really.

Be true to who you really are, and the right girl will take notice. *

What did you mean by I didn’t know how to ‘take’ him? Are nice guys something girls arent used to?

 

[chevalier]

Are nice guys something girls arent used to?

Yes.

But I don’t know what Whatevergirl meant. Whatever she meant, she probably was right.

 

[wogforever]

Girls certainly like the nice guys. In fact, a real gentleman is far more attractive in the eyes of women.

I see guys chase after bad girls, but in the end they want a keeper, someone they can bring home to meet the parents. Same goes the opposite way.

Don’t stop being a good guy. Don’t let women like me lose hope in finding one.

 

[Adelaide_Rose]

Hi,
Hope you don’t mind but Im going to put a twist on this discussion.

I do think that in some cases nice guys finish last and that is a real shame because every good girl deserves a nice guy and every nice guy deserves a fantastic girl. However it is not always the nice guys that finish last.

I dated a wonderful man, a man that I was not initially attracted to at all. He pursued me for a year and a half, sending flowers and sweet notes and he showed a confidence and love of life and of faith that I was starting to feel attracted to and I thought I would give him a chance. Turns out he was the only man I actually fell in love with. Our love grew from a deep friendship to a real chaste, understanding, committed love for nearly 2 years. He moved states to be closer to me. Then recently we were talking about our future and to my surprise this wonderful guy told me he has a vocation to become a priest and we broke up.

 

[Raedar]

I can only speak from personal experience so bear that in mind when I say that I was a girl attracted to the ‘bad boy’ type without ever realizing it. I never would have classified myself as being attracted to jerks yet looking back those were the type of men (boys, really) that I would wind up settling for. Deep down I just frankly did not believe I deserved to be treated any better. After a while I became complacent with the behaviors and attitudes of ‘jerks’ and didn’t expect anything else from guys.

Then I met my fiance. I was agnostic at the time with no real desire to find God or realize His purpose and will in my life and in comes this home-schooled Catholic boy with a Jesus fish around his neck. I was and still am a tomboyish girl who likes to make slightly inappropriate jokes (his first memory of me is saying “kinky” after one of our professors explained that for charity she was going to be in handcuffs all day until she raised enough funds for her ‘bail’.)

I immediately assumed that this religious down to earth country boy would absolutely hate this tomboyish yankee agnostic liberal and was shocked when we could spend hour after hour geeking out about our love for the sciences and comic books. We were friends for two whole years and each had a small crush on the other before we admitted our feelings. Never in my life did I believe I deserved to be treated with dignity and respect and it still surprises me when he takes the time to consider my feelings or goes out of his way to do something special for me.

On the other side of things my fiance has always been the quiet and shy type and never had luck with dating girls. He had a few dates here and there, been stood up and shot down many times and was wondering if he’d ever find a girl who would like him enough for a second date let alone love him. And then he met me and was wondering why God would put a girl in his life that he was attracted to and could talk to but never date because she was already with someone else and way too different for there to be grounds for a lasting relationship. He thought he was doomed for that ‘I just like you as a friend’ zone. He would have certainly agreed with the expression ‘nice guys finish last’. Now he has gotten to see that agnostic yankee tomboy transform into a Catholic yankee (sorry, love, I’ll always call it ‘soda’ not coke) woman. We both often like to sit outside and marvel at the work of God in our lives and the changes we’ve gone through together.

I guess what I’m trying to relate to you is that God really does have a plan. I had to go through a lot of abuse to realize what a real and wonderful man is like but I don’t regret those experiences if they help me to appreciate and love my future husband the way he deserves to be loved.

Maybe nice guys do finish last, but I believe they finish well.