X
Xantippe
Guest
Constant Convert,
That sounds very plausible.
That sounds very plausible.
Nightmare marriage to Asperger Syndrome Spouse - can I get annulment?
- Status
L
lionheart23
Guest
Hello,
I understand. I have been married to a man with aspergers. He did not know until a little over a year. I’m not catholic, but I am Christian. I too have struggled with how to live with someone with aspergers. It was such a difficult marriage from the beginning. Although not abusive his communication with me was awful. I thought because we were newly married that it was just this. But the communication between never got better. We had marital counseling before we married. As soon as we married he dismissed the advice and told me he was not going to follow it.
I realized he had aspergers by accident after reading a book about autism then going online reading about autism, I “tripped” over a site about aspergers, and was connected to a book called: A Journal of Best Practices. If counseling is sought it needs to be with a specialist who is trained in aspergers. We saw a counselor that was not trained in that and he could not help us at all. The person with aspergers also has to be aware of it and aware that it’s effecting others lives to a degree that can make a relationship intolerable for the spouse. It’s really difficult for the person with aspergers to understand because they lack empathy and the way they think (like all people to some degree) is how we think others think. It’s hard to understand their behavior might be unconvential or not inappropriate if we don’t have the empathy to understand or feel someone else’s pain.
That being said…our marriage almost tanked. But…my husband was arrested because his behavior came off as off to someone. That was what it took to get his attention. He has since worked very hard (very hard) to learn to better understand how he and I are different.
I know what it’s like to have children and be married to someone with this disability. I know how hard it’s to decide to leave. I know how crazy making it can be to live with someone that responds to the world the way some men with aspergers do. I understand how lonely it can be (it can be very disappointing and lonely). I know how hard it’s to find others that understand how you feel. Although I’m not you I can relate.
Because my husband has grown enough that he changes his behavior (because he does love me), I can accept the times that feel lonely and am learning to become my own person and develop strong friendships and activities outside of marriage. A support group for couples where one has aspergers can be helpful. Even if you just go by yourself and decide on an annulement. It can give you the support to move forward or see someone with aspergers perspective.
My recommendation would be this, live separately with your husband. Give him an opportunity to seek out counseling independent of you and with you together with a counselor also trained with aspergers. Aspergers is no excuse for rude behavior. There does have to be some compromise…if you continue on, but also an awareness of how you yourself are doing. Living with someone with aspergers can tear you down and be a “mind numbing” experience.
I would give him a chance (although it sounds like you have). In which case, get out of the relationship. I know how hard it’s and the thinking that it will get easier…or better with time…it can, but the person has to be really making an effort and really understanding that they see the world very differently from their spouse and learn what that means to them an to their spouse. It goes both ways.
I hope this is encouraging. At very least knowing you are not alone. I’m not for divorce or separating families…but aspergers can be a relationship killer is both people are not on board. I will pray.
I understand. I have been married to a man with aspergers. He did not know until a little over a year. I’m not catholic, but I am Christian. I too have struggled with how to live with someone with aspergers. It was such a difficult marriage from the beginning. Although not abusive his communication with me was awful. I thought because we were newly married that it was just this. But the communication between never got better. We had marital counseling before we married. As soon as we married he dismissed the advice and told me he was not going to follow it.
I realized he had aspergers by accident after reading a book about autism then going online reading about autism, I “tripped” over a site about aspergers, and was connected to a book called: A Journal of Best Practices. If counseling is sought it needs to be with a specialist who is trained in aspergers. We saw a counselor that was not trained in that and he could not help us at all. The person with aspergers also has to be aware of it and aware that it’s effecting others lives to a degree that can make a relationship intolerable for the spouse. It’s really difficult for the person with aspergers to understand because they lack empathy and the way they think (like all people to some degree) is how we think others think. It’s hard to understand their behavior might be unconvential or not inappropriate if we don’t have the empathy to understand or feel someone else’s pain.
That being said…our marriage almost tanked. But…my husband was arrested because his behavior came off as off to someone. That was what it took to get his attention. He has since worked very hard (very hard) to learn to better understand how he and I are different.
I know what it’s like to have children and be married to someone with this disability. I know how hard it’s to decide to leave. I know how crazy making it can be to live with someone that responds to the world the way some men with aspergers do. I understand how lonely it can be (it can be very disappointing and lonely). I know how hard it’s to find others that understand how you feel. Although I’m not you I can relate.
Because my husband has grown enough that he changes his behavior (because he does love me), I can accept the times that feel lonely and am learning to become my own person and develop strong friendships and activities outside of marriage. A support group for couples where one has aspergers can be helpful. Even if you just go by yourself and decide on an annulement. It can give you the support to move forward or see someone with aspergers perspective.
My recommendation would be this, live separately with your husband. Give him an opportunity to seek out counseling independent of you and with you together with a counselor also trained with aspergers. Aspergers is no excuse for rude behavior. There does have to be some compromise…if you continue on, but also an awareness of how you yourself are doing. Living with someone with aspergers can tear you down and be a “mind numbing” experience.
I would give him a chance (although it sounds like you have). In which case, get out of the relationship. I know how hard it’s and the thinking that it will get easier…or better with time…it can, but the person has to be really making an effort and really understanding that they see the world very differently from their spouse and learn what that means to them an to their spouse. It goes both ways.
I hope this is encouraging. At very least knowing you are not alone. I’m not for divorce or separating families…but aspergers can be a relationship killer is both people are not on board. I will pray.
L
LongingSoul
Guest
Yours is an exceptional post, Lionheart. Thankyou for contributing to the topic.
Can I ask… how do you know he ‘loves’ you? What aspects make you confident of that. Are there gestures/signs… or is it something you know by instinct/gut feeling?. I ask the question as a woman who has resigned to accepting a ‘loveless’ marriage to a ‘different’ man, but willing to consider ‘signs’ of some sort that could relieve my feelings of rejection and loneliness.
Can I ask… how do you know he ‘loves’ you? What aspects make you confident of that. Are there gestures/signs… or is it something you know by instinct/gut feeling?. I ask the question as a woman who has resigned to accepting a ‘loveless’ marriage to a ‘different’ man, but willing to consider ‘signs’ of some sort that could relieve my feelings of rejection and loneliness.
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lionheart23
Guest
L
lionheart23
Guest
Dear Longing Soul,
My husband has/does tell me he loves me, but it has been difficult to believe at times (a lot of the time) because he actions did not line up with the words.
The most difficult part for me (and still is) is remembering that love does not look the same. So sometimes he will do something loving (it will not be a gesture, or words) and I have to accept that is his way of expressing romance. I think this is common with most (or at least a lot of men) but is exaggerated when someone thinks using Aspergers.
I know that he and I think so differently that he is putting up with as much as I feel sometime I’m putting up with. To stay with me is a direct message of his love and commitment.
He has begun to respond to what I say in a way that shows empathy. This has been really really hard for him. In the past me expressing feelings (what women are so apt to do) was boring and a waste of his time. He might still feel this way, but because he loves me he takes the time to respond and show an interest.
I recommend the book journal of best practices. There is also a book called in a van down by the river, by Dana Longpre.I struggle the most is setting aside the picture of what a relationship ought to look like (according to my mind) and enjoy what ours actually does look like. My husband has worked hard. It use to be a nightmare living together. We could not talk about anything. I felt so unloved, and he did too. We still struggle with communication. It has been a long and difficult ride, we really had to grit our teeth to get into a better place. We still have a lot of room for growth.
What was it that caused you 2 to fall in love? What did you enjoy before you married? My husband I don’t talk well, but we enjoy snuggling together watching a TV show or movie. We connect that way. I feel emotionally connected because we are both experiencing the same thing and he is spending time with me. What was it that you both enjoyed the most before the “rat race chores/errand/stressors of life” started kicking you from behind
Do you have a love language? What is his?
I don’t know if any of this helps…patience…is really important…and both people really working hard…my husband has outgrown me in a lot respects as of late.
I do remember how stressed, angry, disappointed, lonely and overwhelmed I felt for so long. There is a way through it. There is hope. Marriage does not have to end, but it takes two. The hardest part for my husband was realizing that he and I were so different and that I did not see the world as he did. It was a shock to find out he had aspergers. But I don’t really think about it anymore, because he is a person too and we all have our differences and aspergers is a tool/label to understand a different way of thinking.
Have a blessed evening and weekend. I hope you have an opportunity to get outside and go for a walk. Let go of the past. Hold hands. Hug and begin a journey together that will result in healing and a path towards a more loving relationship. Be prepared for some bumps!
Nothing is impossible with God in charge. It can be so easy to get wrapped up the immediate I want to feel better now fixes…and so hard to look at the big picture (life is so fleeting). The big picture is what is important (I think). I’m sorry you are in such a difficult marriage. I sincerely hope things get happier and easier for you soon.
Sincerely, Lionheart
My husband has/does tell me he loves me, but it has been difficult to believe at times (a lot of the time) because he actions did not line up with the words.
The most difficult part for me (and still is) is remembering that love does not look the same. So sometimes he will do something loving (it will not be a gesture, or words) and I have to accept that is his way of expressing romance. I think this is common with most (or at least a lot of men) but is exaggerated when someone thinks using Aspergers.
I know that he and I think so differently that he is putting up with as much as I feel sometime I’m putting up with. To stay with me is a direct message of his love and commitment.
He has begun to respond to what I say in a way that shows empathy. This has been really really hard for him. In the past me expressing feelings (what women are so apt to do) was boring and a waste of his time. He might still feel this way, but because he loves me he takes the time to respond and show an interest.
I recommend the book journal of best practices. There is also a book called in a van down by the river, by Dana Longpre.I struggle the most is setting aside the picture of what a relationship ought to look like (according to my mind) and enjoy what ours actually does look like. My husband has worked hard. It use to be a nightmare living together. We could not talk about anything. I felt so unloved, and he did too. We still struggle with communication. It has been a long and difficult ride, we really had to grit our teeth to get into a better place. We still have a lot of room for growth.
- If someone has aspergers and they decided to marry you…they do love you (I think, if I understand correctly) my husband explains it’s next to impossible for him to be false about anything. He is all black or all white with his thinking. It’s one way or the other. If he married me it was because he was in love with me, however…his view of showing love is different from mine (a usual difference between men and women I think…but a wider gap between and aspergers/non-aspergers couple).
- A good place to start and where we did is here…personality-testing.info/tests/EI.php
an EQ test (we both took it) - For a while we used a journal to communicate because it was too hard to try to talk, I was so frustrated he would not make eye contact, me talking stressed him out, he wouldn’t talk with me…so on…so we talked about important things with through writing, we could not even have a basic conversation.
- Once he understood what things made me feel loved…he would make a point to do these things (I had to be patient though without asking…and still do). Although he struggles to make me feel loved by listening he will do things that help me feel loved. For a while because he could not make eye contact he would write while I spoke…we did need to talk in order to have our household function. There had to be some communication. We put up white boards too so we could talk without actually talking…because we could not talk without arguing (about anything).
- A lot of individuals with aspergers have anxity disorders that go along with it, it can be helpful for them to talk with a Dr. about this. (if you have aspergers and disagree please let me know! I’m still trying to learn)
- A support group! I needed to know I was not alone with my frustrations…and seeing other couples like us and their struggles was really really helpful. The group is made up with people on the aspergers spectrum
What was it that caused you 2 to fall in love? What did you enjoy before you married? My husband I don’t talk well, but we enjoy snuggling together watching a TV show or movie. We connect that way. I feel emotionally connected because we are both experiencing the same thing and he is spending time with me. What was it that you both enjoyed the most before the “rat race chores/errand/stressors of life” started kicking you from behind
Do you have a love language? What is his?I don’t know if any of this helps…patience…is really important…and both people really working hard…my husband has outgrown me in a lot respects as of late.
I do remember how stressed, angry, disappointed, lonely and overwhelmed I felt for so long. There is a way through it. There is hope. Marriage does not have to end, but it takes two. The hardest part for my husband was realizing that he and I were so different and that I did not see the world as he did. It was a shock to find out he had aspergers. But I don’t really think about it anymore, because he is a person too and we all have our differences and aspergers is a tool/label to understand a different way of thinking.
Have a blessed evening and weekend. I hope you have an opportunity to get outside and go for a walk. Let go of the past. Hold hands. Hug and begin a journey together that will result in healing and a path towards a more loving relationship. Be prepared for some bumps!
Nothing is impossible with God in charge. It can be so easy to get wrapped up the immediate I want to feel better now fixes…and so hard to look at the big picture (life is so fleeting). The big picture is what is important (I think). I’m sorry you are in such a difficult marriage. I sincerely hope things get happier and easier for you soon.
Sincerely, Lionheart
L
lionheart23
Guest
I think I should say I did have to tell him what made me feel loved initially and in counseling. Also, anything he does that helps take care of you (even him going to work) or paying bills, could for him be an expression of his love…
L
LongingSoul
Guest
Thankyou for your reply, lionheart. My oldest son (22) has Aspergers syndrome and I hope that he can navigate marriage well enough (eventually) that both find happiness and fulfillment together in the way you are trying. It was heartwarming to read that you and your husband can snuggle together watching a TV show or movie. That’s one thing that I really missed out on that causes a deep ache. My H would never do that sort of thing or would not even hold my hand. I think there are gestures and stuff that could replace physical affection, afterall if a man was born without arms and couldn’t cuddle someone, he could convey the intention somehow. My H just doesn’t believe affection is a necessary part of marriage and that I’m just abnormal and too needy. I’m not able to accept any false gestures based on that belief and prefer to maintain my dignity. To him I have never been ‘lovable’. We’ve been to counselling for 7 years to no avail. I’m going through a particulary bad patch at the moment, but I do maintain hope even without any evidence that it will ever change, luckily. Hope sustains me.
L
lionheart23
Guest
That would be very very difficult. Your needs do matter. I wish he would value those needs. Is your counselor trained in aspergers? A support group really might help. Sometimes guys need to hear from other guys how to treat woman. A man with aspergers might be able to explain to your husband…why it’s important…and the people at the support group might back you up and hold him accountable. I don’t know…I will pray. I know about those low times. Hang in there. Some friends of ours gave us journals to right all the things we are grateful for in. Those really help when I’m feeling low. Pulls me out of the “rut”. I can find myself in. Wish you were getting lots of hugs. :console:
E
EGP
Guest
I understand how you feel. I am divorced and couldn’t figure out for the life of me what went wrong. I blamed it on myself thinking I was inadequate. After going through the process of the Catholic annulment and also discovering things about my exhusbands children by his new wife (the children have autism), it all fell into place. I feel so liberated. Living with my ex husband was impossible. He was so self absorbed, rigid, CONTROLLING and cruel I divorced him. It was always me that was the problem with our marriage according to him. Maybe if he had help, it would have been ok, but I doubt it because he was so focused on himself and sameness, it was impossible. Unless you like the exact same things, it’s a nightmare. on top of it, he was devoted to his mother in a very unhealthy manner (and I believe she has AS too). it was hell. I had alot of doubts before we married because something was very strange about him I believed. Considering I came from a dysfunctional upbringing and had low self esteem, I went into anyways hoping it would improve. Good luck. It’s painful to divorce.
R
rocketone14
Guest
Okay, I know you posted this almost a year ago, and may never read my reply, but for posterity or anyone else- the behavior you described precisely fits my experience of getting married to and living with man with Aspergers. WHAT A NIGHTMARE it has been. Beyond belief. Literally from day 1 he became a different person and it has been 16 years of a nightmare and I am making plans to extricate myself from his insanity in as many ways as I can. Marriage is forever? When your spouses behavior is so crazy making and toxic that you can barely survive as a human being with a shred of sanity intact- well I think the idea that marriage is forever needs to be looked at more closely. My so called “marriage” to an Aspie has not been what I would even consider a marriage. Anyway- some of the initial replies seemed quite accusatory to you and misguided- I had to stop reading them. Go to Asperger Spouse at Delphi Forums for some real insight on living with a spouse who has Aspergers…
K
kipperjl
Guest
Rocketone 14 I don’t remember what I wrote but this is what I believe.
There is the situation when one is psychologically unable to meet one essential criterion of marriage, the close and intimate personal relationship of mutual support and affection. Frequently, this was evident before both parties were married. But this was ignored because one party believe that he/she could “change” the other person during the marriage.
The abuse of alcohol, cannabis or other forms of abuse and violence is hardly compatible with the Church’s definition of marriage as a community of life and love. Such are grounds for an Annulment.
I in no way indicated you have to live this way forever. I was married to a homosexual which in someways is just as bad. All of the above can give you an annulment. But we also have to face God and he might ask have you done everything possible to stay together. I did close to 3 yrs counseling. But unfortunately he wasn’t honest about the real problem when we went. You know the problem so you can work on it if he will do so.
I will pray for you that you make the right decision as God wills it to be.
- Go to counseling someone who handles autism so they can help both of you see things that would help your marriage. If you husband refuses to go or refuses to try and change. Then then please read what cannon law says. Also read what the person who is married to a Aspie (Lionhheart 23) and has worked things out with her husband said . They did the above. This is the cannon law concerning Psychological problems:
There is the situation when one is psychologically unable to meet one essential criterion of marriage, the close and intimate personal relationship of mutual support and affection. Frequently, this was evident before both parties were married. But this was ignored because one party believe that he/she could “change” the other person during the marriage.
The abuse of alcohol, cannabis or other forms of abuse and violence is hardly compatible with the Church’s definition of marriage as a community of life and love. Such are grounds for an Annulment.
I in no way indicated you have to live this way forever. I was married to a homosexual which in someways is just as bad. All of the above can give you an annulment. But we also have to face God and he might ask have you done everything possible to stay together. I did close to 3 yrs counseling. But unfortunately he wasn’t honest about the real problem when we went. You know the problem so you can work on it if he will do so.
I will pray for you that you make the right decision as God wills it to be.
K
kipperjl
Guest
Here is the website I got the cannon law on about psychological problems:
catholicdoors.com/faq/qu79.htm
catholicdoors.com/faq/qu79.htm
M
Mayita30
Guest
WOWWW !!! at least one good advice here !!! I cannot believe this is a catholic forum PUNISHING a suffering woman.** Those who judge are the ones who live life comfortably and have never CARRIED THE CROSS CHRIST CARRIED… you call yourself catholics… well tell e WHAT CROSS HAVE YOU CARRIED FOR JESUS…IS IT THE SAME CROSS THIS WOMAN IS CARRYING ???**
K
kipperjl
Guest
I do understand and would not want to hurt the person who is married to a aspie. Please read the cannon law that I mentioned (I gave a webs address) psychological problems and physical abuse are grounds for annulment Please read what I have said in two area’s. My ex and I were married 22 yr with 3 children. He came out of the closet. For the last 15 yrs of our married life he would not have anything physically to do with me. So I understand more then you think. My daughter is an aspie and I definitely feel that my ex’s mother-in-law is because there personalities are exactly alike. I also think that he may be an aspie but not as bad as his mother. Even though my daughter is an aspie she is loving (hugs) listens well to those who need a good listener. So there are diffferent levels of aspies.
Some psychological problems justify the annulment of a marriage. The Church recognizes instances of psychoses such as schizophrenia or manic depression. It also asserts that conditions such as homosexuality and alcoholism often undermine the capacity for a permanent union.
There is the situation when one is psychologically unable to meet one essential criterion of marriage, the close and intimate personal relationship of mutual support and affection. Frequently, this was evident before both parties were married. But this was ignored because one party believe that he/she could “change” the other person during the marriage.
The abuse of alcohol, cannabis or other forms of abuse and violence is hardly compatible with the Church’s definition of marriage as a community of life and love. Such are grounds for an Annulment.
Here is the website I got the cannon law on about psychological problems:
catholicdoors.com/faq/qu79.htm
Some psychological problems justify the annulment of a marriage. The Church recognizes instances of psychoses such as schizophrenia or manic depression. It also asserts that conditions such as homosexuality and alcoholism often undermine the capacity for a permanent union.
There is the situation when one is psychologically unable to meet one essential criterion of marriage, the close and intimate personal relationship of mutual support and affection. Frequently, this was evident before both parties were married. But this was ignored because one party believe that he/she could “change” the other person during the marriage.
The abuse of alcohol, cannabis or other forms of abuse and violence is hardly compatible with the Church’s definition of marriage as a community of life and love. Such are grounds for an Annulment.
Here is the website I got the cannon law on about psychological problems:
catholicdoors.com/faq/qu79.htm
S
SuperLuigi
Guest
A couple of things here:
I’m sure if you thought long and hard enough, you could find symptoms of AS from him before the marriage.
- AS does not simply appear after marriage. The issue of him being all nice at first and then changing when once you got to his country: that’s not uncommon for international relationships.
I’m sure if you thought long and hard enough, you could find symptoms of AS from him before the marriage.
- The very late diagnosis isn’t surprising.
- If you’re set on leaving for good this time, I’d talk to a priest. Yes, AS is difficult----and call this a hunch----but I’m starting to think there’s more going on here than AS. AS can be managed with the proper care and treatment.
K
kipperjl
Guest
SuperLuigi I totally agree with everything you say.
E
Et_Cetera
Guest
It should honestly be against forum rules to encourage people to stay in abusive relationships, especially with children involved. NO ONE is obligated to stay in an abusive situation. Your post is dangerous and misguided.Agree with this post. Marriage is forever, do not give up on it now. The grass may look greener on the other side of the fence but it rarely is.
K
kipperjl
Guest
IF YOU READ WHAT I WROTE BEFORE I DID NOT SAY NOT TO GET A DIVORCE.
THIS IS WHAT I WROTE;
Rocketone 14 I don’t remember what I wrote but this is what I believe.
There is the situation when one is psychologically unable to meet one essential criterion of marriage, the close and intimate personal relationship of mutual support and affection. Frequently, this was evident before both parties were married. But this was ignored because one party believe that he/she could “change” the other person during the marriage.
The abuse of alcohol, cannabis or other forms of abuse and violence is hardly compatible with the Church’s definition of marriage as a community of life and love. Such are grounds for an Annulment.
I in no way indicated you have to live this way forever. I was married to a homosexual which in someways is just as bad. All of the above can give you an annulment. But we also have to face God and he might ask have you done everything possible to stay together. I did close to 3 yrs counseling. But unfortunately he wasn’t honest about the real problem when we went. You know the problem so you can work on it if he will do so.
I will pray for you that you make the right decision as God wills it to be.
Last edited by kipperjl; Yesterday at 1:30 pm.
Here is the website I got the cannon law on about psychological problems:
catholicdoors.com/faq/qu79.htm
January 9th
I do understand and would not want to hurt the person who is married to a aspie. Please read the cannon law that I mentioned (I gave a webs address) psychological problems and physical abuse are grounds for annulment Please read what I have said in two area’s. My ex and I were married 22 yr with 3 children. He came out of the closet. For the last 15 yrs of our married life he would not have anything physically to do with me. So I understand more then you think. My daughter is an aspie and I definitely feel that my ex’s mother-in-law is because there personalities are exactly alike. I also think that he may be an aspie but not as bad as his mother. Even though my daughter is an aspie she is loving (hugs) listens well to those who need a good listener. So there are diffferent levels of aspies.
Some psychological problems justify the annulment of a marriage. The Church recognizes instances of psychoses such as schizophrenia or manic depression. It also asserts that conditions such as homosexuality and alcoholism often undermine the capacity for a permanent union.
There is the situation when one is psychologically unable to meet one essential criterion of marriage, the close and intimate personal relationship of mutual support and affection. Frequently, this was evident before both parties were married. But this was ignored because one party believe that he/she could “change” the other person during the marriage.
The abuse of alcohol, cannabis or other forms of abuse and violence is hardly compatible with the Church’s definition of marriage as a community of life and love. Such are grounds for an Annulment.
Here is the website I got the cannon law on about psychological problems:
catholicdoors.com/faq/qu79.htm
This is from super Luigi:
A couple of things here:
I’m sure if you thought long and hard enough, you could find symptoms of AS from him before the marriage.
THIS IS MY ANSWER
SuperLuigi I totally agree with everything you say.
THIS IS WHAT I WROTE;
Rocketone 14 I don’t remember what I wrote but this is what I believe.
- Go to counseling someone who handles autism so they can help both of you see things that would help your marriage. If you husband refuses to go or refuses to try and change. Then then please read what cannon law says. Also read what the person who is married to a Aspie (Lionhheart 23) and has worked things out with her husband said . They did the above. This is the cannon law concerning Psychological problems:
There is the situation when one is psychologically unable to meet one essential criterion of marriage, the close and intimate personal relationship of mutual support and affection. Frequently, this was evident before both parties were married. But this was ignored because one party believe that he/she could “change” the other person during the marriage.
The abuse of alcohol, cannabis or other forms of abuse and violence is hardly compatible with the Church’s definition of marriage as a community of life and love. Such are grounds for an Annulment.
I in no way indicated you have to live this way forever. I was married to a homosexual which in someways is just as bad. All of the above can give you an annulment. But we also have to face God and he might ask have you done everything possible to stay together. I did close to 3 yrs counseling. But unfortunately he wasn’t honest about the real problem when we went. You know the problem so you can work on it if he will do so.
I will pray for you that you make the right decision as God wills it to be.
Last edited by kipperjl; Yesterday at 1:30 pm.
Here is the website I got the cannon law on about psychological problems:
catholicdoors.com/faq/qu79.htm
January 9th
I do understand and would not want to hurt the person who is married to a aspie. Please read the cannon law that I mentioned (I gave a webs address) psychological problems and physical abuse are grounds for annulment Please read what I have said in two area’s. My ex and I were married 22 yr with 3 children. He came out of the closet. For the last 15 yrs of our married life he would not have anything physically to do with me. So I understand more then you think. My daughter is an aspie and I definitely feel that my ex’s mother-in-law is because there personalities are exactly alike. I also think that he may be an aspie but not as bad as his mother. Even though my daughter is an aspie she is loving (hugs) listens well to those who need a good listener. So there are diffferent levels of aspies.
Some psychological problems justify the annulment of a marriage. The Church recognizes instances of psychoses such as schizophrenia or manic depression. It also asserts that conditions such as homosexuality and alcoholism often undermine the capacity for a permanent union.
There is the situation when one is psychologically unable to meet one essential criterion of marriage, the close and intimate personal relationship of mutual support and affection. Frequently, this was evident before both parties were married. But this was ignored because one party believe that he/she could “change” the other person during the marriage.
The abuse of alcohol, cannabis or other forms of abuse and violence is hardly compatible with the Church’s definition of marriage as a community of life and love. Such are grounds for an Annulment.
Here is the website I got the cannon law on about psychological problems:
catholicdoors.com/faq/qu79.htm
This is from super Luigi:
A couple of things here:
- AS does not simply appear after marriage. The issue of him being all nice at first and then changing when once you got to his country: that’s not uncommon for international relationships.
I’m sure if you thought long and hard enough, you could find symptoms of AS from him before the marriage.
- The very late diagnosis isn’t surprising.
- If you’re set on leaving for good this time, I’d talk to a priest. Yes, AS is difficult----and call this a hunch----but I’m starting to think there’s more going on here than AS. AS can be managed with the proper care and treatment.
THIS IS MY ANSWER
SuperLuigi I totally agree with everything you say.
L
LongingSoul
Guest
kipperjl, you seem to be mistaking all the recent posts as addressing something *you *said. I think you are taking things personally when they aren’t relating to anything you said at all?
K
kipperjl
Guest
Thank you for pointing that out to me. Shouldn’t do this, this late at night. Sorry everyone.
- Status