No baptism godparent?

[malphono]

babochka;13993514:

Canon law requires a sponsor, if at all possible. “Force” seems a strong word, if the priest assigns a sponsor to your child, in order to comply with canon law. It would not be a false sponsor. That person can fulfill his or her obligations as a godparent through prayer for your child, even if you never allow a relationship to develop.

Any new person in my life now would be forced.
If we can only see them that one time, it is possible, but if I had to include anyone for a longer period of time, I would be lying to say it could happen.

I can actually understand your feeling and it might be possible to arrange a sppnsor as a ‘one shot deal’ so to speak. Doesn’t really have to be a relative or friend. Perhaps a present or past co-worker of one or the other spouse? Someone one of the spouses knows but not necessarily on a close personal level. Just a thought and my unsolicited :twocents:

 

[pianistclare]

No, any kind of social interaction is a curse.
Just going to work is enough for me, and she’ll have day care.

Please speak frankly with your pastor.

 

[PhiloMed]

Please speak frankly with your pastor.

And a good counselor. Your high level of anxiety pours through the computer screen.

 

[Xantippe]

Ms. Manners,

Have you found that your symptoms have ramped up during pregnancy/post-partum?

You don’t sound like yourself–you may be having some postpartum depression.

Have a word with your doctor, too.

Best wishes!

 

[Ms_Manners]

My symptoms are fine when I am not forced into relationships and connections.

 

[PhiloMed]

My symptoms are fine when I am not forced into relationships and connections.

You realize this kind of response is not healthy or typical?

Be at peace, get your child baptized. Someone would be honored to be her godparent.

 

[misspriss]

I have social anxiety and am a convert myself, no family is catholic and I dont really have any friends.

My first I spoke with the priest about it and he suggested one of the deacons and his wife stand in, which they were happy to do. For my daughter, I got up the courage and asked the RCIA director and her husband. I do not know them personally but I am aquanted with them and they are upstanding examples of the faith in all the years I have known them.

 

[pianistclare]

My symptoms are fine when I am not forced into relationships and connections.

Forced again.
Will you force your child to make friends? Or do you realize that these bonds form naturally through exposure to all kinds of people?
What will happen when you are asked to be a room mother at school?
Will you feel forced?
These are normal interactions with people. If these types of things cause you great distress, it needs to be dealt with by competent professionals. One of the responders here is a physician. She doesn’t post lightly.
You cannot isolate your child. It’s not fair to him or her.
I wish you all the best. Your pastor can help you with this, just ask. He will be kind. I’m sure you think people are judging you.
But you came here, and people now** care.** There are lots of loving and knowledgeable people here. Perhaps one of the priests will weigh in. As a Director of Religious Ed, I’m concerned that you don’t really seem to understand the role of a godparent or your obligation to provide such for your child. True, it can be omitted, but that’s a rare and extreme occurrence. Read the Rite of Baptism. There are questions asked of the Godparent & Christian witness. It’s really beautiful.
God bless.

 

[Xantippe]

My symptoms are fine when I am not forced into relationships and connections.

Down the road, you’re going to find that having a kid means a certain amount of “forced” relationships and connections–play dates for your kid, being friends (or at least friendly) with your kid’s friends’ parents, birthday parties, chaperoning field trips, school parties, other school events, etc.

That doesn’t need to start now, but by around age 3-6, the social side of parenting starts expanding a lot.

What does your husband think?

 

[Allegra]

This time last year, I was asking this exact same question, and I didn’t get much more support than you are. My situation was the same in that we literally didn’t have a single person in our family or close friends who met the canonical requirements to be a Godparent, though it was different in that I had a good dozen close family members who really wanted to be my child’s Godparent, but didn’t meet the qualifications. In our situation, we lucked out in that it came to light that my uncle converted to Catholicism in order to get married two his second wife.

I can only offer my sympathy and suggest that you pray that God will send/reveal some minimally qualified individual that you can have awkwardly stand around at what should be one of the most joyful events of your life. Later in life, when you and your child are looking at the photo album and he asks, “Who’s that?” you can smile as you strain to remember their name and be comforted by the fact that a stranger prayed for your child once for five minutes and then enjoyed some Baptism party cake.

 

[Ms_Manners]

Thank you all. I came for a simple answer, but I regret it. I am now deleting my account and this is one less community I will be participating in.
Goodbye.

 

[pianistclare]

Thank you all. I came for a simple answer, but I regret it. I am now deleting my account and this is one less community I will be participating in.
Goodbye.

That’s really too bad. Everyone cares. You could have just asked the priest if you’re that sensitive.

Your simple answer:
No. Frowned upon.
Unless you have an extreme scenario, like emergency baptism, no.

If the priest is familiar with your high anxiety, he might work with you. Maybe. Our pastor would try to counsel you.

Bye.

 

[Don_Ruggero]

Thank you all. I came for a simple answer, but I regret it. I am now deleting my account and this is one less community I will be participating in.
Goodbye.

I am sorry that you did not get the simple answer to the simple question that you were seeking. Since you came seeking an answer to a specific question, and not general advice, the general advice is obviously not going to be well received and its offer is futile.

To the specific question, should you happen to read this…I am a priest and I have several Godchildren from across the decades. They are quite dear to me, even if our relationships with the passage of years became more and more one of prayer.

The role of sponsor is not without significant import and that is central to the matter. Nor is it to be lightly disregarded.

Perhaps there is a Deacon in your parish who could take on this role, a role with implications both for the Church and for your child?

The godparent/sponsor role has undergone significant revision – both liturgically and in our thoughts – since the renewal of the liturgy in the wake of Vatican II. While there have been occasions where I am baptising in danger of death and set aside the concern about a sponsor…I don’t take the issue of a sponsor lightly at all. Someone has already cited the relevant canon.

As for the request for citations to argue with the parish priest about a “non-necessity,” this is a tactic I would not try to advance, if I were you.

Before I retired as a parish priest, I quite well knew what the rite and canon law both required and allowed because I lived it, I taught it and, as an official in the diocese, I had overseen its implementation by others…I did not need a lay person to tell me what is and is not allowed. It was also not for one of my parishioners to decide an issue that was within the prudential judgement of the parish priest – that was my prerogative.

It is your prerogative to explain why you would prefer that your child not have a sponsor. The parish priest may or may not agree with you. His judgment will guide his application of the law to your situation. He may determine that for the sake of the child – and the sake of the community of the baptised, who the sponsor embodies – that those goods outweigh your personal preference.

 

[otjm]

I have social anxiety and am a convert myself, no family is catholic and I dont really have any friends.

My first I spoke with the priest about it and he suggested one of the deacons and his wife stand in, which they were happy to do. For my daughter, I got up the courage and asked the RCIA director and her husband. I do not know them personally but I am aquanted with them and they are upstanding examples of the faith in all the years I have known them.

It sounds like you have solved the issue.

May God grant you and your family many graces.