No Idea What I'm Called to

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Melodeonist said:
Truth is, I don’t know how to date. I’d feel like a creepy pervert if I asked women out unless I was also going somewhere with friends. I have a crush on a Christian woman at work who’s the same age as me, but she probably already has a boyfriend.

Another reason I’ve never dated, besides not knowing how, is fear of my parents rejecting me and being uncomfortable discussing such matters with them. Their fallen away Catholics who are now best classified as non religious. This is honestly the biggest thing holding me back. If I had a girlfriend I’d want to keep it secret until I got married because I don’t know how my parents would react if I told them I had a girlfriend. I still live with them, and the area I live in has rents too high so I can’t escape my fear of my parents. I’m honestly more afraid of my mother as I am always afraid she wants me to be her “little baby” forever.
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I think the first order for you should be psychological help. Full stop. It’s hard to tell from your posts where the actual truth lies in regards to your family. Being non-religious has nothing to with not letting go of your children, and you may have to move to find a place that is better to live then your current area.
 
Melodeonist said:
Truth is, I don’t know how to date. I’d feel like a creepy pervert if I asked women out unless I was also going somewhere with friends. I have a crush on a Christian woman at work who’s the same age as me, but she probably already has a boyfriend. She also goes away to college so I only see her when college is out. She seems to be very pious as she apparently turned down a non Christian who wanted to date her.

Another reason I’ve never dated, besides not knowing how, is fear of my parents rejecting me and being uncomfortable discussing such matters with them. Their fallen away Catholics who are now best classified as non religious. This is honestly the biggest thing holding me back. If I had a girlfriend I’d want to keep it secret until I got married because I don’t know how my parents would react if I told them I had a girlfriend. I still live with them, and the area I live in has rents too high so I can’t escape my fear of my parents. I’m honestly more afraid of my mother as I am always afraid she wants me to be her “little baby” forever.
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You think your parents would reject you because you were dating someone? And you think that you would/could keep it a secret until you got married?

What does still living with them have to do with you dating or not? Lots of people date while they still live at home.

Honestly, please look into getting some counseling, or perhaps even a life coach to help you sort through your unusual and yes, odd ways of thinking.
 
I doubt in reality they would reject me. It’s just that I would be very uncomfortable telling them I had a girlfriend as I’ve never had one before.
 
Melodeonist said:
I doubt in reality they would reject me. It’s just that I would be very uncomfortable telling them I had a girlfriend as I’ve never had one before.
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Melodeonist–does anything you say sound ok to you? Do you really think that is a healthy way to live? If someone you cared about told you that they were in your sort of situation what would you advise them?
 
I think the vast majority of us are exactly where you are. Don’t fret. The basic call is to be a good human being in your state in life. At this point, your call seems to be to live your life in accordance to God’s commandments, in obedience to the Church.
 
Honestly, I’d tell them to stop being afraid, something I struggle with, especially in regards to telling my parents stuff like that. From past experience with similar tales of me being afraid of being judged by my parents, it seems that my fear is always worse than what really happens after I tell them controversial stuff. Heck, I even had the same fear when telling my parents I wanted to become Catholic. I even think after I told them I wanted to be a Christian my mom bought me a bible. I just need to man up and not care what they will say.

But returning to dating, I feel I could easily befriend a young Catholic woman, but telling her she has a pretty face before I got to know her would sound pretty creepy if you ask me.

The only reasons I never wanted to get married in the past was pretty selfish in retrospect: I wanted to be able to decorate our future house by myself.
 
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Melodeonist said:
Honestly, I’d tell them to stop being afraid, something I struggle with, especially in regards to telling my parents stuff like that. From past experience with similar tales of me being afraid of being judged by my parents, it seems that my fear is always worse than what really happens after I tell them controversial stuff. Heck, I even had the same fear when telling my parents I wanted to become Catholic. I just need to man up and not care what they will say.
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I’m not sure “manning up” is the crux of the issue. For instance, without giving medical advice, your posts tend to convey anxiety. A good doctor may be able to assist you with this. Medicine may help you.

As far as speaking to a Catholic woman? Why not try a Neuman center? There you may find many people to talk to. Going out on a “double date” with another guy your age and a couple of women would be a great way to get to know her without seeming too odd.

You have a rather bizarre idea of social communication.
 
It’s not a healthy approach when say that you would feel like a creepy pervert if you were to ask women out. As long as you are honest with yourself and bring your values to everything you do, this shouldn’t be a concern. I would echo what some of the other posters have said that you need counselling or some kind therapy to help resolve these issues.

You know I can relate to the fears you have around parents. I was sheltered as a child and my mother was overprotective of me. This didn’t bode well later in life as I became very sexually promiscuous as a result and even hid relationships from my parents. I didn’t cope well. You may fare better, especially since you have God that anchors your life. But the longer this drags on, the more susceptible you will become in falling prey to bad habits, frustration and even regret.

In regards to your parents, you can’t read their minds. How do you know that they would reject you? You mentioned how your mom bought you a bible when you told them you wanted to be Christian. I think that is fantastic. They may very well have a similar reaction when you tell them you started dating someone. You know, most parents really want grandchildren 😉

If I may be blunt, I think you are discerning the priesthood and lay single hood to justify your actions based on fear from your parents. You need to take steps forward to break this cycle of thinking. I think it will go a long way in helping you figure out what direction to take in life.
 
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I think you are 100% correct. I’m not sure I’d need counseling per se, but rather asking God to help me overcome my fears. For example, when I am not around my parents I talk to everyone and I have no fears doing so. However, when I am around my parents I become nervous talking to people. It’s way easier nowadays as I am used to not being with my parents 24/7 so I have no fear of saying “Hello” to people around them.

Honestly I’m more nervous around my mother as she has a history of “not wanting to cut the cord.”
 
It seems my college (a community college) has a Newman Club. I’m thinking of joining it to meet fellow Catholics. Hopefully there are some pious people there who I can ask questions and help me grow in faith, as well as possibly meeting a pious Catholic woman to date.

One thing I know for sure is that I will know even more people to go bowling with (I often go bowling with friends from work.) 🙂
 
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Yes, do join, don’t just think about it. It may help you greatly to be around other people your age that are Catholic. While getting a date might be nice, please do not look at the club as a dating network though.
 
I joined the Church officially (baptized, confirmed) in 2016. However, I’d say I became a Christian in late 2014. I joined the RCIA in late 2015.

My father was confirmed years ago but fell away from the faith possibly before confirmation. My mother was never confirmed. I was born in 1997 and never attended Mass to my knowledge until my grandparents anniversary around 2010-2011 or so. I wasn’t baptized when I was born as my parents had already fell away from the faith years prior to them even getting married.

I’m no entirely sure what is confusing.
 
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robertmidwest said:
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Xanthippe_Voorhees:
I think they fell away before he received the sacraments or any significant instruction
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I figured that was what he meant. He didn’t really convert, but came into church later.
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Well no, he did convert. His parents didn’t pass on the faith, nor did they do their duties as Catholic parents to get him the sacraments. Just because his parents are Catholic Church Members (one cannot erase this indelible mark from Baptism) does not mean that he is.
 
Nope. I didn’t get baptized till 2016. I say I became Christian because I found God in late 2014 after being a superstitious agnostic/atheist for a bit.

Here’s my story: I made a wooden cross (which I wear to this day) originally for superstitious reasons: keeping demons/evil spirits away. This felt wrong or something so I looked online and saw that only Christians should wear crosses as it has no power, it just shows that they are Christian and that they should be living a Christian life. This planted the seeds of faith in me, leading me to convince my mother to get me a Bible. I chose the Catholic faith because logically it was the original Christian faith and because it is my heritage. This expanded to a far greater understanding of the Catholic faith and what it means to be Catholic.
 
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