No Marriage in the future for young Catholics?

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confusedgirl

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I wasn’t sure of what to call it but I just wanted to share my thoughts.

Does anyone else feel that dating and marriage is hard? I am 21 and I can’t seem to find a nice Catholic guy go so much as grab a coffee with. Maybe it is just the town I am in but there does not seem to be a lot of options. My mom is really trying to push me into looking for a husband and maybe my expectations are too high for when it comes to dating but I don’t think it is happening for at least another 10 years. Does anyone have experiences they would like to share?
 
I guess I’m confused as to what you are looking for. Are you actively looking to date?

In any case, if you’re not ready for dating, that’s your call and not your Mom’s. You’re an adult now and need to make your own decisions at the end of the day with this. It’s important because there are young people who marry too early and then there are problems.
 
SuperLuigi said:
I guess I’m confused as to what you are looking for. Are you actively looking to date?

In any case, if you’re not ready for dating, that’s your call and not your Mom’s. You’re an adult now and need to make your own decisions at the end of the day with this. It’s important because there are young people who marry too early and then there are problems.
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Definitely not right now. I tried dating and with my schedule I don’t have free time for even myself. Thinking about marriage though I just don’t know if it is likely. At my parish I am really the only one in my age group and at school the campus church guys don’t favor Catholic girls. Fulton Sheen got me thinking about this when he was talking about youth and sex. There are 3 things that I won’t compromise on 1 is he must be a Catholic 2 he has to put God before everything else and 3 marriage has got to be something he wants in the future. I didn’t realize until now that that might be a tall order for right now
 
Sometimes it’s best to look at guys as friends first before contemplating if they are marriage material. You are very young to be so worried about getting married - have fun finishing undergrad and grad school. Make sure you love your chosen profession and you will attract others with your same interests agents values.:rolleyes:
 
confusedgirl said:
I wasn’t sure of what to call it but I just wanted to share my thoughts.

Does anyone else feel that dating and marriage is hard? I am 21 and I can’t seem to find a nice Catholic guy go so much as grab a coffee with. Maybe it is just the town I am in but there does not seem to be a lot of options. My mom is really trying to push me into looking for a husband and maybe my expectations are too high for when it comes to dating but I don’t think it is happening for at least another 10 years. Does anyone have experiences they would like to share?
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  1. It doesn’t sound like you have the time to put into this right this minute.
  2. Do you even want to, though?
  3. If you actually do, then wait until you’re a little freer and less stressed–maybe next summer or after you graduate and/or know where you’re going to be spending the next few years? Nothing needs to happen right this instant.
  4. The current US stats for marriage are that the median first-time bride is 27 and the median first-time groom is 29. So you personally are not off-track. There are US colleges to this day where a lot of couples meet on campus and get a “ring by spring” but even there, it’s not everybody.
  5. Typically, guys date slightly younger and girls date slightly older–so using the US medians for marriage, your likely future husband is 23. Hence, he’s probably not on campus right now, as he’s already graduated.
Of course there are a lot of exceptions, but that could at least partly explain the lack of interest you’re experiencing. Also, college dating has gotten to be a rare and exotic beast–it’s not just you not dating–most people on campus aren’t.
  1. It may just make the most sense to keep doing what you’re doing, finish college, start working, and see where you are then. You might be in a totally different geographic area at that point.
I’d also suggest getting all your financial ducks in a row. Keep your student debt under control, pay it off aggressively after you graduate, and start saving. Doing that will give you a lot more options once you find the right person.
  1. Don’t panic!
 
kozlosap said:
Sometimes it’s best to look at guys as friends first before contemplating if they are marriage material. You are very young to be so worried about getting married - have fun finishing undergrad and grad school. Make sure you love your chosen profession and you will attract others with your same interests agents values.:rolleyes:
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That’s pretty good advice 🙂 believe me I feel like I am too young to be worrying about marriage.
 
Xantippe said:
  1. It doesn’t sound like you have the time to put into this right this minute.
  2. Do you even want to, though?
  3. If you actually do, then wait until you’re a little freer and less stressed–maybe next summer or after you graduate and/or know where you’re going to be spending the next few years? Nothing needs to happen right this instant.
  4. The current US stats for marriage are that the median first-time bride is 27 and the median first-time groom is 29. So you personally are not off-track. There are US colleges to this day where a lot of couples meet on campus and get a “ring by spring” but even there, it’s not everybody.
  5. Typically, guys date slightly younger and girls date slightly older–so using the US medians for marriage, your likely future husband is 23. Hence, he’s probably not on campus right now, as he’s already graduated.
Of course there are a lot of exceptions, but that could at least partly explain the lack of interest you’re experiencing. Also, college dating has gotten to be a rare and exotic beast–it’s not just you not dating–most people on campus aren’t.
  1. It may just make the most sense to keep doing what you’re doing, finish college, start working, and see where you are then. You might be in a totally different geographic area at that point.
I’d also suggest getting all your financial ducks in a row. Keep your student debt under control, pay it off aggressively after you graduate, and start saving. Doing that will give you a lot more options once you find the right person.
  1. Don’t panic!
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I just saw dollar signs flash before my eyes. I am not worried so much now its really after that makes me worry
 
confusedgirl said:
That’s pretty good advice 🙂 believe me I feel like I am too young to be worrying about marriage.
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If you feel like you are way too young, you probably are.

The next time your mom tells you you need to be looking for a husband, just ask her, “Mom, is there anybody you want to set me up with?” and leave it there.

If she does produce somebody and he sounds OK, go ahead and have coffee with him. Who knows? But you can’t just magic up suitors out of thin air.
 
Yeah, I get where you’re coming from (I’m 22). One thing I find comforting is entrusting such matters to God. If its His will for you to marry, you will find the right man at the right time. 🙂

Peace.
 
Get established, learn who YOU are before you start looking for a life partner! I married at 25 and have been happily married for the last 35 years, my wife is just now going through RCIA…SO don’t be too rigid on specific requirements. Good luck. Praying for your happiness!
 
confusedgirl said:
Definitely not right now. I tried dating and with my schedule I don’t have free time for even myself. Thinking about marriage though I just don’t know if it is likely. At my parish I am really the only one in my age group and at school the campus church guys don’t favor Catholic girls. Fulton Sheen got me thinking about this when he was talking about youth and sex. There are 3 things that I won’t compromise on 1 is he must be a Catholic 2 he has to put God before everything else and 3 marriage has got to be something he wants in the future. I didn’t realize until now that that might be a tall order for right now
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It might be a tall order for right now, but, when you are ready, you may find guys who share your three non-negotiables at a FSSP parish.
8-10 altar servers per Mass are the standard at my FSSP parish and when Father offers catechetichal sessions before Mass, the hall is packed with families willing to put and extra hour (or two) into deepening their faith.
In God’s good time.
Amen.
 
I leave everything in the hands of God. He knows what I need, and I trust that He will give it to me one day. 🙂
 
confusedgirl said:
I wasn’t sure of what to call it but I just wanted to share my thoughts.

Does anyone else feel that dating and marriage is hard? I am 21 and I can’t seem to find a nice Catholic guy go so much as grab a coffee with. Maybe it is just the town I am in but there does not seem to be a lot of options. My mom is really trying to push me into looking for a husband and maybe my expectations are too high for when it comes to dating but I don’t think it is happening for at least another 10 years. Does anyone have experiences they would like to share?
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You’re 21 and worrying about marriage?! Honey, I’m the same age, and I still struggle to do my laundry, eat food, and finish my homework. Be a leaf in the wind; enjoy life, and when God’s good and ready he’ll send a good man your way.

What your mom is doing is very weird. If your dad is around, I would ask him to talk some sense into her.
 
TheAmazingGrace said:
You’re 21 and worrying about marriage?! Honey, I’m the same age, and I still struggle to do my laundry, eat food, and finish my homework. Be a leaf in the wind; enjoy life, and when God’s good and ready he’ll send a good man your way.

What your mom is doing is very weird. If your dad is around, I would ask him to talk some sense into her.
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I think she is worrying that I don’t care enough and thinks I won’t get married. I have been getting the grandchildren talk ever since I was 19
 
I don’t want to sound negative, but date rape is a big thing on college campuses right now., If you’re not into dating, waiting until after you graduate might be wise.
“It is estimated that for every 1,000 women attending a college or university, there are 35 incidents of rape each academic year.” from Sexual Assault Awareness. That’s not counting the attempts.

It happened to my daughter. She put herself into a dangerous situation, but still . . .

.
 
A few points:
Nothing inherently wrong with dating young. But that depends on the availability of partners worth dating when one is sticking to Catholic standards. Nothing wrong with the OP asking her mom for suggestions, nothing there about she has to marry one of them just because it’s her mother introducing them.

My take is that if she is serious about being married and she is not that beautiful, she needs to strike while her youth is at its best, hence she needs to start searching soon. Even if she doesn’t marry until that average age of 27, it could very well take her that long to find that guy if she starts now.

Might have to look for men who are 2 to 5 years older, may be more likely to find men who are ready to be married at those ages. So she’s 21, she could look at men who are 23 to 26 or so. These men will have graduated from college, will hopefully have started making something of themselves and just maybe they will think about being family men. So she finds one she likes, they date for a couple of years, they marry at 23 to 24 for her, 25 to 29 for him.

Debt is a big deal. I hear a lot about vetting spouses for debts and I think that is not a bad thing as I plan to do the same. Family formation and home buying are hard enough without that additional burden.
 
I wouldn’t rush into dating and marriage. If it happens, it happens, but I would enjoy being single. Is there anything you are passionate about? Anywhere you are dying to live? Any adventures you want to take. Take them before you get married and have kids. Family is an adventure itself.

When I was 27, I was living in my horrible Oregon hometown, I was miserable. Two years later I was living in Scotland about to get married. My husband is perfect for me (we met on CAF), and I’m glad I took that risk.

When I met my now husband, I was open to dating, but not hunting down guys (too busy with work). Plus the Catholic men were the “have ten children and be quiet” types. So not me. I thought no Catholic man is going to want a wife who speaks her mind, can quote all of King’s Quest 6, and is very sarcastic. Well, no Catholic man in the States. I had to go 5000 miles for him.

It hasn’t been all roses, it was a hard road at first. Miscarriage, death in the family, multiple international moves, Post Natal Depression, etc. But I wouldn’t want anyone else by my side.

Enjoy your life now, you never know what God has in store.
 
confusedgirl said:
I wasn’t sure of what to call it but I just wanted to share my thoughts.

Does anyone else feel that dating and marriage is hard? I am 21 and I can’t seem to find a nice Catholic guy go so much as grab a coffee with. Maybe it is just the town I am in but there does not seem to be a lot of options. My mom is really trying to push me into looking for a husband and maybe my expectations are too high for when it comes to dating but I don’t think it is happening for at least another 10 years. Does anyone have experiences they would like to share?
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It will happen just when you are least expecting it. I met my husband when I was 24 after having pretty much stopped thinking about meeting anyone. Just enjoy your single life !
 
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