No meat without offending family?

[EasterJoy]

But is not eating meat really a great offense to the aunt? If I had someone over for dinner and they did not like or were allergic to something I were serving, I would not be greatly offended. Nor would I be offended that someone is not eating it because of their religious beliefs.

I still don’t see how just not eating it is really a big deal.
A dispensation? Really? I thought it was dumb when our parish wanted one when St. Patrick’s day fell on a Friday.

It depends on the host. Some of them are both mortified and offended with suprising ease. One needs to be sensitive to these things.

As for the dispensation, of course one can discern that a legitimate excuse exists without the direct help of one’s pastor, but when one is unsure pastoral guidance can be invaluable. It is better to talk to your pastor for five minutes than to lie awake at night!

 

[EasterJoy]

I guess you could casually ask, “oh, does your family do meatless Fridays during Lent?”. That will open the door for her to ask you the same question, and then to offer to make seafood or vegetarian food when you express that you are indeed abstaining. If not, though, there’s nothing you can do. If you show up and there’s meat, just eat it and appreciate her hospitality.

I like this one. It recognizes that some Catholics in the family may abstain while others may not, without making a big deal of it and perhaps stirring up grief. Grandma’s funeral is no time to sweep in like Sr. Bertha Better-than-You.

As a hostess, I’d say it would help to e-mail sooner rather than later if you’re going to do it, before the grocery shopping is done! You might even want to ask if the groceries have been bought before asking if they “do meatless Fridays”. It would also be a good lead-in for offering to buy the take-out for a night or to chip in towards the food. Even if your aunt doesn’t let you pay for anything, OP, the gesture will probably be appreciated.

 

[NSFrame]

But is not eating meat really a great offense to the aunt? If I had someone over for dinner and they did not like or were allergic to something I were serving, I would not be greatly offended. Nor would I be offended that someone is not eating it because of their religious beliefs.

I still don’t see how just not eating it is really a big deal.
A dispensation? Really? I thought it was dumb when our parish wanted one when St. Patrick’s day fell on a Friday.

I’d feel pretty embarassed if I had prepared a beautiful rib roast, having forgotten or not otherwise known my guests did not eat meat due to a religious restriction. So if I were a guest at someone’s home on a Friday and they had gone through the trouble and expense of making something so festive, I would not have the heart to tell them that I couldn’t eat it.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I have buried both parents and my father-in-law. There were awful days leading up to that awful day that they died, and I did not sleep well. With the stress and pain of those days, when the day came that they died, I could barely function. As a guest, I would not draw attention to myself in any way but look to what she needed. If I could quietly avoid food with meat, I would do so, but not make a request for ‘special’ treatment, nor point to dishes on the table and ask “Does this have meat in it? Does this?”

This x 1000.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

But is not eating meat really a great offense to the aunt? If I had someone over for dinner and they did not like or were allergic to something I were serving, I would not be greatly offended. Nor would I be offended that someone is not eating it because of their religious beliefs.

I still don’t see how just not eating it is really a big deal.
A dispensation? Really? I thought it was dumb when our parish wanted one when St. Patrick’s day fell on a Friday.

For me, it’s the funeral and all that stress that complicates the issue. If the OP were just coming into town for a visit with her relatives, she could more easily mention the abstinence in a casual way. To add “one more thing” to a situation that is difficult, is just not necessary when one may be excused legitimately.

She told us that her aunt considers cooking an integral part of her hostess duties, so she certainly would notice if her niece was picking out the meat part of the meal. It would cause her distress and the OP said she would likely try to fix something else, which would be extra work and extra trouble.

I say, just eat the food in front of you. Say an extra rosary or abstain from some other well-loved treat for the time you are there.

 

[faithfully]

I should note that I’m a celiac and my wife’s a vegetarian, and with our toddler’s very picky eating habits (she won’t even eat the food she asks us to cook), we’re quite a lot of fun to have to house and feed.

We’re used to bringing a lot of food with us when we travel. It’s just a given. It was hard at first with my father’s family who doesn’t understand the nature of our diets - conversations like “well, your wife can have pork once in a while, right? and you can eat pizza just this once and it won’t hurt, will it?”. I can’t even take the Eucharistic Host without spending a day or two ill, no pizza is not a good idea.

It did get a lot easier once my mom was also diagnosed. We eat so well when we visit her.

I think people are just nutz now a days. I get eye rolls from my in laws ALL The time because of what I refuse to put in my mouth. They take it very personal my nutrition choices.

I immediately remembered “my big fat greek wedding with your bit about your wife.”

youtu.be/HnjWZT3yWWc

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I should note that I’m a celiac and my wife’s a vegetarian, and with our toddler’s very picky eating habits (she won’t even eat the food she asks us to cook), we’re quite a lot of fun to have to house and feed.

We’re used to bringing a lot of food with us when we travel. It’s just a given. It was hard at first with my father’s family who doesn’t understand the nature of our diets - conversations like “well, your wife can have pork once in a while, right? and you can eat pizza just this once and it won’t hurt, will it?”. I can’t even take the Eucharistic Host without spending a day or two ill, no pizza is not a good idea.

It did get a lot easier once my mom was also diagnosed. We eat so well when we visit her.

You do know about the low-gluten host, right? It is valid matter for consecration. You can put it in a pyx, bring it to church, it gets put on the paten and you pick it up, minister to yourself, and there you are. Some parishes even stock them for their celiac parishioners. The Poor Clare sisters near St. Louis dedicated years to working out a way to cut out almost all of the gluten yet still have enough to be valid matter. What a triumph for celiacs.

PM me if you need more specifics. You can order right off their website.

 

[Richard320]

The easiest thing to do would be to arrange it so you arrive just after dinner on Friday, if that’s possible. Then no excuses need to be made. Stop at Long John Silver’s, Red Lobster, even McDonalds - everybody has a fish special this time of year.

Maybe you’ll even get lucky. Tell her you’ll be arriving sevenish, that she won’t need to hold dinner for you, you’ll just stop and grab some filet-o-fish so as not to inconvenience her. She’ll grasp the Friday thing, and tell you not to be ridiculous, she’ll make some tuna casserole that will reheat beautifully if you’re late. Think positive!

 

[PennyinCanada]

I find the ‘no meat’ is easier to manage than ‘no gluten’ !! My sis-in-law requires no gluten meatless dishes and I find that a challenge. I’m sure you guys have it nailed down at this point though. lol

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I find the ‘no meat’ is easier to manage than ‘no gluten’ !! My sis-in-law requires no gluten meatless dishes and I find that a challenge. I’m sure you guys have it nailed down at this point though. lol

Well, the corn allergic folks are in the worst situation, IMO. Corn syrup or some corn-based ingredients are in practically EVERYTHING we eat except totally non processed foods.

But gluten is in a lot of things you’d never suspect - like soy sauce. Most soy sauce is brewed from wheat, not soy. And people who are gluten intolerant or have celiac disease can’t eat barley, so barley malt flavoring is out. Oats are suspect, not technically in the 3 grasses that cause the immune system reaction, but because the oats are grown in rotation and/or processed in the same facilities as wheat, most celiacs also avoid oats, which are in foods such as canned chili.

So your SIL is a vegetarian by choice, but also has celiac disease? Guess she’s limited to fish (if she eats it), pasta, and vegetable dishes. Yeah, that’s a tough one.

 

[LilyM]

With the number of people these days who are vegetarian or vegan, any hostess really needs to include meatless food oprions. And if they don’t, they certainly have no cause to be offended if said non-meat eaters don’t eat their cooking.

 

[faithfully]

Well, the corn allergic folks are in the worst situation, IMO. Corn syrup or some corn-based ingredients are in practically EVERYTHING we eat except totally non processed foods.

But gluten is in a lot of things you’d never suspect - like soy sauce. Most soy sauce is brewed from wheat, not soy. And people who are gluten intolerant or have celiac disease can’t eat barley, so barley malt flavoring is out. Oats are suspect, not technically in the 3 grasses that cause the immune system reaction, but because the oats are grown in rotation and/or processed in the same facilities as wheat, most celiacs also avoid oats, which are in foods such as canned chili.

So your SIL is a vegetarian by choice, but also has celiac disease? Guess she’s limited to fish (if she eats it), pasta, and vegetable dishes. Yeah, that’s a tough one.

I recommend San-J Tamari gluten free soy sauce YUMMY! That made me hungry. I think I’ll have my soy/peanut sauce cabbage salad for lunch now!

NO BEER either! Which is fine by me… I like wine much better

Pasta is generally made with flour. Although a person can buy a ton of food products that are gluten free now a days. Which I think is worth avoiding, and sticking to whole foods. But in a pinch, Sure! I don’t imagine feeding a celiac vegetarian is that hard. A vegan a bit harder. How lucky we are to live in the age of the internet. Because even if a person doesn’t own one of the many cookbooks for such things, they can certainly google recipes. 2 seconds:

vegetarian.about.com/od/glutenfreerecip2/Vegetarian_and_Vegan_GlutenFree_Recipes.htm

Celiac also seems to vary in degrees of severity. I have a celiac friend who is also an MD. Learned a lot from her. Like TOUCHING things with gluten for many people can be devistating. IT’s also important to check cosmetics and vitamins for gluten. Celiac children can NOT play with things like play doh. They can’t make a cheerio necklace and wear it. Things can get difficult in a pre school. There are plenty of people who will get incredibly sick even on the low gluten host for example.

Finally, I think anyone that PRIDES themselves on being a host/ess ASKS people if there are food issues. They don’t just assume everyone eats the way they do. Or they share the menu with guests, so a guest knows to fill in the gaps.

People that get offended are good host/esses. Period.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Celiac also seems to vary in degrees of severity. I have a celiac friend who is also an MD. Learned a lot from her. Like TOUCHING things with gluten for many people can be devistating. IT’s also important to check cosmetics and vitamins for gluten. Celiac children can NOT play with things like play doh. They can’t make a cheerio necklace and wear it. Things can get difficult in a pre school. **There are plenty of people who will get incredibly sick even on the low gluten host for example.
**

I have not read anything about this. If they do, then it is because somewhere along the way, it’s been contaminated by regular hosts. The sisters have tested and tested, and many celiacs have been taking this host weekly, and have gotten their antibodies tested and have had NO elevation in antibodies. No antibodies, no damage, no symptoms. They can’t call it gluten-free, but it’s as close to GF as it can get.

As for sensitivity - if the person has celiac disease, EVERY TIME they eat gluten in whatever amount, the antibodies react. It’s nothing that can be turned off. Maybe if it’s a small amount, the person doesn’t notice symptoms or they pass quickly. Or the antibodies are fewer, we can’t see inside our small intestines to know. Many times, a person who has just gone gluten-free can tolerate some amount of contamination, better than someone who has been off gluten for a longer period, for example. I have heard from many people who say, “I didn’t even have these symptoms before I went GF, but now, if I eat one morsel of gluten, I get very sick.” Sometimes, that severe response goes away after another time period, but sometimes it doesn’t. At any rate, if you are a celiac and you eat gluten, your body reacts to the gliadin and treats it like an intruder.

There is a great GF beer made by Budweiser - you can find it in most liquor stores - it’s called Redbridge. I like it a lot, it’s made from sorghum. It has a lot of body.

But since this thread isn’t about celiac disease and the GF diet, I will stop now and exit stage left.

 

[Moore11]

I wonder what responses you would get on a Jewish thread about abstaining from pork? Sometimes I think the Bishops parable of the kosher deli is more for Catholics than the secular world.

 

[faithfully]

I have not read anything about this. If they do, then it is because somewhere along the way, it’s been contaminated by regular hosts. The sisters have tested and tested, and many celiacs have been taking this host weekly, and have gotten their antibodies tested and have had NO elevation in antibodies. No antibodies, no damage, no symptoms. They can’t call it gluten-free, but it’s as close to GF as it can get.

I’ve actually read it on another forum that was diet related. A person was asking what to do, since they got sick even from the low gluton host. I don’t know, Maybe they were lying. Or maybe they failed to be careful? Regardless, this person dropped the issue when they learned they were ok just taking the wine.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I’ve actually read it on another forum that was diet related. A person was asking what to do, since they got sick even from the low gluten host. I don’t know, Maybe they were lying. Or maybe they failed to be careful? Regardless, this person dropped the issue when they learned they were ok just taking the wine.

It’s what my sons do. It can be problematic for the times when not enough EMs show up to provide the Blood. Or Good Friday. But they make the adjustment, because neither of them wants to go to the trouble of taking a pyx up to the altar for consecration and trusting that it will come back to them at the right time. I used to minister the Blood to my younger son before his brother started having the same problem. He had his own little chalice and I was only his minister. That was before the very low gluten host was available. In fact, I had called the nuns to see how it was coming along and I got a very depressing answer, “We don’t think it’s going to happen,” but then a few years later, they had a breakthrough and solved the problem. God bless them for persevering!

That person may not have been lying, but the host could easily be contaminated if the ministers didn’t know enough to keep the pyx closed (assuming the person even used a pyx). Or, the reaction might be from something else the person ate, drank, or had contact with. I have participated on a celiac disease forum since our younger son was diagnosed (2001) and no one has ever complained about the VLG host.

 

[Mrs_Sally]

The easiest thing to do would be to arrange it so you arrive just after dinner on Friday, if that’s possible. Then no excuses need to be made. Stop at Long John Silver’s, Red Lobster, even McDonalds - everybody has a fish special this time of year.

Maybe you’ll even get lucky. Tell her you’ll be arriving sevenish, that she won’t need to hold dinner for you, you’ll just stop and grab some filet-o-fish so as not to inconvenience her. She’ll grasp the Friday thing, and tell you not to be ridiculous, she’ll make some tuna casserole that will reheat beautifully if you’re late. Think positive!

Perfect!

 

[twoangels]

I used to be very insistant on abstaining from meat on Friday when other people were making food for me. It is rude. I found out that if its going to cause you to be rude, the morally right thing to do is to eat the food that is presented to you. If at all possible, avoid the meat and eat everything but the meat, but if that’s not possible, you’re stuck. You may want to do an alternative penance that day such as showering in lukewarm water.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I used to be very insistant on abstaining from meat on Friday when other people were making food for me. It is rude. I found out that if its going to cause you to be rude, the morally right thing to do is to eat the food that is presented to you. If at all possible, avoid the meat and eat everything but the meat, but if that’s not possible, you’re stuck. You may want to do an alternative penance that day such as showering in lukewarm water.

I agree, but I would not think of it as being “stuck,” I would see it as a greater challenge, something more to sacrifice, an even larger cross. Sometimes we get into our minds that things can only be one way or it’s all wrong. Well, being rude because we are performing a spiritual exercise defeats the entire purpose, does it not? Please correct me if I am wrong.

 

[Deo_Gratias42]

But is not eating meat really a great offense to the aunt? If I had someone over for dinner and they did not like or were allergic to something I were serving, I would not be greatly offended. Nor would I be offended that someone is not eating it because of their religious beliefs.

I still don’t see how just not eating it is really a big deal.
A dispensation? Really? I thought it was dumb when our parish wanted one when St. Patrick’s day fell on a Friday.

We’ve become over-sensitive to human respect and worrying about offending other people and putting our religious beliefs and practices aside for the sake of keeping other people from becoming “offended”.