No sacraments this Easter

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Luvtosew said:
Civil marriage you can marry and divorce as you please Not true unless your not a Christian. One should never get married thinking its ok to get divorced.

I think you took an oath when you were married by a justice of the peace. Just because you didn’t get married in the CC doesn’t make your marriage less valid. You also have a child with this man.

It sounds like your staying with him as hes paying for your nursing education, you say you love him, but want to be open to marry a nice Catholic man if one should cross your path.

I do think the ball is in your court, either take your marriage seriously now, or separate and become a Catholic. I really don’t blame the Priest in this matter, and you don’t want to get your marriage validated in the Catholic Church is saying you don’t plan on staying with your present husband. Then you are using him.
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Exactly.

Time to choose. You married this man and he’s your husband. The priest was right. You are not ready to become Catholic unless you see why the priest was right.

And don’t use your present husband to pay for schooling if you are only going to leave him.
 
While very true with regard to marriage recognized, what is confusing to me is;
if her husband doesn’t want to convalidate the marriage, how can a priest (if he was aware of this very issue) give her sacraments (baptising) knowing it would instantly put her in a situation where her marriage would then be considered invalid?

What is the usual proceedure for that kind of situation?
 
figs said:
While very true with regard to marriage recognized, what is confusing to me is;
if her husband doesn’t want to convalidate the marriage, how can a priest (if he was aware of this very issue) give her sacraments (baptising) knowing it would instantly put her in a situation where her marriage would then be considered invalid?

What is the usual proceedure for that kind of situation?
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It doesn’t. It sounds to me like her husband does not want to convalidate because it is in the Catholic Church. They are already married by form of whichever faith they were practicing (making the assumption) - this does not change validity. Validity is at the time of the marriage. Him not wanting to convalidate does not change this. Also we can pretty much assume unless she is from one of a very few Protestant denominations that she is already baptized just not Catholic so their marriage is already Sacramental.
 
FAB said:
We don’t disagree. If neither spouse has ever been married before and neither spouse is Catholic, then the union they are in is valid and recongized by the Church and there is no reason that she cannot recieve the sacraments.
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Yes there is: she wrote it herself. She’s of a mind to divorce her husband already, when he’s done paying for nursing school. The priest is likely aware that this marriage is to finish nursing school and then she’s out the door, or at least out the door when some Catholic man comes along. He cannot validate a marriage that she already is considering leaving. She wants to have the Church and the option to leave this man when she’s finished with nursing school or if someone else comes along. That civil marriage is her “out” as long as the priest does not convalidate it but she lives in sin. She wants it both ways.

"with the troublesome civil marriage I already have with him, I don’t think I should take that risk, because if I was to ever divorce him or just leave him, and sometime down the line I was to meet a better, even Catholic devoted man who’d like to lead me down the aisle, then I wouldn’t have that opportunity in my disposition.
 
Leegal said:
Yes there is: she wrote it herself. She’s of a mind to divorce her husband already, when he’s done paying for nursing school. The priest is likely aware that this marriage is to finish nursing school and then she’s out the door. He cannot validate a marriage that she already is considering leaving. She wants to have the Church and the option to leave this man. She wants it both ways.

"with the troublesome civil marriage I already have with him, I don’t think I should take that risk, because if I was to ever divorce him or just leave him, and sometime down the line I was to meet a better, even Catholic devoted man who’d like to lead me down the aisle, then I wouldn’t have that opportunity in my disposition.
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Regardless in that case she may still need a full decree of nullity. So this is something that she may want to determine very carefully as her other option would be not remarrying.
 
joanofarc2008 said:
Regardless in that case she may still need a full decree of nullity. So this is something that she may want to determine very carefully as her other option would be not remarrying.
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She’s looking for the easy way – not the right way.
 
If you truly wish to be baptized into the Catholic Church, seek out another parish or priest who can help you and guide you in a positive way. Don’t listen to to anyone who puts you down or accuses you of mortal sin. You are good and God loves you.
 
joanofarc2008 said:
Regardless in that case she may still need a full decree of nullity. So this is something that she may want to determine very carefully as her other option would be not remarrying.
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She states she is not married by catholic standards, "I don’t believe is if I should truly make that great covenant with him" so any sacraments are invalid at this time
 
The salvation of your soul is the upmost importance. Furthermore, it seems from floating around the Catholic blogosphere, especially here on Catholic Answers, it seems there’s a general apathy to hatred for the Church, even from other Chrisitans and every means will be used to say our faith is right or the Catholic Church is _______. Sounds like your husband shares some animosity against the Faith.

However the real wrench is your kid. If you can’t separate cleanly without legal issues, it could be a messy divorce and severe financial consequences. While usually the woman has a real advantage in the form of sexual bias in the woman`s favour when it comes to marriage courts, you never know how voraciously your partner will fight you in courts. Plus you aren’t through your nursing school yet.

As much as it pains you, for the sake of your child, it might be best to wait and get your nursing career established (you gradulate + 1-2 years on the job to have starter cash in the bank or be able to cover legal fees.) Then you’d have a means of support for your child and you could have a way to break with the kid from your husband without losing everything, and then enter the Catholic Church. You might not need an annulment if you married him outside of it through civil law or a Chrisitan church marriage.

In the meantime, you can offer up all your sufferings to the Lord, as St. Rita of Cascia did when she was married to a harsh and cruel husband. Maybe St. Rita could be your patron saint for now too and she could act as your intercessor for your prayer! Through her humility and constant effort to be a faithful wife and servant of the Lord, she eventually converted his heart and the Lord answered her prayers and desire for a better life.

Hope this is support for you. Its situations like this that make me want to marry Catholics only, or at the very least someone not antipathic to the faith. Its not fair when your partner doesn`t seem to share in the life of Christ he claims to, being a christian that is.
 
Oh one more piece of advice if you haven`t done so: Have an account only in your name (not a joint or shared account) so any money earned from your nursing career goes directly to you. If there is anything else too, get a lawyer on the side and start putting things legally in your name.
 
Anna_Claire said:
If you truly wish to be baptized into the Catholic Church, seek out another parish or priest who can help you and guide you in a positive way. Don’t listen to to anyone who puts you down or accuses you of mortal sin. You are good and God loves you.
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This sounds suspiciously like you are advising the OP to church-hop until she finds a liberal priest who will allow her to receive. Is that what you really mean? Her situation is complicated at best.

OP, I think you should talk to the next level up, go to the diocese, a Bishop, and DO NOT LIE or hold anything about your situation back. Explain ALL of the circumstances and then get more information. We can’t really tell you whether you are eligible to receive or not, but do know that you are not the only person who has these challenges.
 
YoungCanRCMale said:
As much as it pains you, for the sake of your child, it might be best to wait and get your nursing career established (you gradulate + 1-2 years on the job to have starter cash in the bank or be able to cover legal fees.) Then you’d have a means of support for your child and you could have a way to break with the kid from your husband without losing everything, and then enter the Catholic Church. You might not need an annulment if you married him outside of it through civil law or a Chrisitan church marriage.

In the meantime, you can offer up all your sufferings to the Lord, as St. Rita of Cascia did when she was married to a harsh and cruel husband. Maybe St. Rita could be your patron saint for now too and she could act as your intercessor for your prayer! Through her humility and constant effort to be a faithful wife and servant of the Lord, she eventually converted his heart and the Lord answered her prayers and desire for a better life.

Hope this is support for you. Its situations like this that make me want to marry Catholics only, or at the very least someone not antipathic to the faith. Its not fair when your partner doesn`t seem to share in the life of Christ he claims to, being a christian that is.
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By all means, increase the sin and use the husband, who she never said was harsh and cruel to her, but instead seems to be a good provider in that he’s paying for her to go to nursing school, and then dump him, but before that secretly move things into her own name. You assume that he’s horrible to her and the child-- nowhere does she state this.

Her problem is that she knows (and so does the priest) that once she takes the sacraments that marriage means forever which is why she does not want to convalidate it – and she’s not so sure she wants forever with this man, but he is paying for that nursing school. On the other hand that more devoted Catholic man may show up too. Just keeping her options open.

And one wonders why the priest won’t give her the sacraments? And the priest was not more comforting because the priest cannot give her what she wants and then automatically allow her to live in sin. We don’t get to pick and choose the parts or doctrine we like and the parts we don’t like. What’s that called?
 
Leegal said:
Yes there is: she wrote it herself. She’s of a mind to divorce her husband already, when he’s done paying for nursing school. The priest is likely aware that this marriage is to finish nursing school and then she’s out the door, or at least out the door when some Catholic man comes along. He cannot validate a marriage that she already is considering leaving. She wants to have the Church and the option to leave this man when she’s finished with nursing school or if someone else comes along. That civil marriage is her “out” as long as the priest does not convalidate it but she lives in sin. She wants it both ways.

"with the troublesome civil marriage I already have with him, I don’t think I should take that risk, because if I was to ever divorce him or just leave him, and sometime down the line I was to meet a better, even Catholic devoted man who’d like to lead me down the aisle, then I wouldn’t have that opportunity in my disposition.
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I am speaking on strickly if she can recieve the sacraments in her current state. It appears form the information she has given me, she can.
The question of the the state of her marriage is a different issue. As I deacon I would also hesitate on validating the marriage in the Church since it would lack permenance and she already looking for a way to get our of the marrige.
If she divorces after revcieving the sacraments, divorce is not the issue, if she wanted to remarry it would be. The nulity of the first marriage could be a simple as a lack of cononical form.
 
FAB said:
I am speaking on strickly if she can recieve the sacraments in her current state. It appears form the information she has given me, she can.
The question of the the state of her marriage is a different issue. As I deacon I would also hesitate on validating the marriage in the Church since it would lack permenance and she already looking for a way to get our of the marrige.
If she divorces after revcieving the sacraments, divorce is not the issue, if she wanted to remarry it would be. The nulity of the first marriage could be a simple as a lack of cononical form.
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She cannot because by not convalidating or leaving (neither of which she intends to do) she is living in sin. The priest knows. He’s not giving her the sacraments because she wants to leave her marriage “up in the air” while she decides. Priest says: “convalidate or live apart.” But if she moves out, the nursing school money dries up.

What you don’t understand is that she wants to leave her options open – her way. She does not want to do this the right way. Convalidate, maybe an annulment. Too messy. If she leaves it as it is, the marriage is not convalidated (civil marriage anyway) and it’s not problem to leave for Mr. Right later.

What’s the word – cafeteria Catholic. Are we so desperate for converts that a priest cannot deny the sacraments until the person “gets” it?
 
I hope the OP returns. It does seem someone at the Parish dropped the ball by not having this discussion at the very beginning of RCIA.
 
And about the tats. Google your Town/state and “LifeTeen”. If a parish has LifeTeen, chances are that the priest is not going to have a heart attack over tattoos 🙂
 
Guys, you are MISSING the point. The Priest told her correctly. The issue isn’t that her marriage isn’t valid with the Church if she seeks a convalidation. It’s that she doesn’t want it to be recognized b/c she wants to open to divorce and leaving her husband for someone else!!!:eek:

The Priest is correct.
 
Leegal said:
She cannot because by not convalidating or leaving (neither of which she intends to do) she is living in sin. The priest knows. He’s not giving her the sacraments because she wants to leave her marriage “up in the air” while she decides. Priest says: “convalidate or live apart.” But if she moves out, the nursing school money dries up.

What you don’t understand is that she wants to leave her options open – her way. She does not want to do this the right way. Convalidate, maybe an annulment. Too messy. If she leaves it as it is, the marriage is not convalidated (civil marriage anyway) and it’s not problem to leave for Mr. Right later.

What’s the word – cafeteria Catholic. Are we so desperate for converts that a priest cannot deny the sacraments until the person “gets” it?
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Non baptised person(female) + baptised non catholic (male) does not = living in sin: in the eyes of the Church the marriage is valid since there are not rules that apply to the non-catholic baptised male or to her as an unbaptised female.
The only way they could be seen as living in sin is if one of them were now catholic and they have a civil marriage.

There can be no convalidation at this point because neither is Catholic. I would have to verify with my tribunal, if I were involved in this case, but I don’t believe that the marriage would be convalidated after the now none Catholic is baptized, because at the point of exchanging vows the marriage is valid.

Both the priest and the RCIA director are wrong to deny her the sacraments.
 
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