No sacraments this Easter

[mi6vida9loca]

If you truly wish to be baptized into the Catholic Church, seek out another parish or priest who can help you and guide you in a positive way. Don’t listen to to anyone who puts you down or accuses you of mortal sin. You are good and God loves you.

:clapping: Thank You Anna for stating the TRUTH and for giving me reassurance…may God Bless good, loving people as yourself!!! :hug3:

 

[joanofarc2008]

Actually, I’m trying to do this the RIGHT way, because I could of LIED about my situation to the RCIA teacher AND the Priest,and I could of said that I was currently single, blah, blah, blah, blah…BUT instead I was HONEST and I spoke of my truthful circumstances…and what I AM trying to do the easy way is to find some kind of way that I could receive my sacraments instead of having to wait time down the line about what it is I should do…I don’t believe the Church should FORCE Catholic Marriage on me if I’m not sure that I want to be with this man forever due to the circumstances of my relationship with him…but what I do wish is to SAVE my soul FIRST and FOREMOST (since our son is already baptized CATHOLIC, thanks to me and my family, and it’s only a matter of time before I show him the Catholic way)… do not comment on my posts any further if you have nothing positive or helpful to state besides your stupidities and hateful comments… :doh2:

Take a deep breath. Either way if you convert now you may be in a Catholic marriage just by definition of what a marriage is and the fact that the Church recognizes marriages of non-Catholics in some circumstances. Most understand now that you are not looking for an easy way out. You need to calm down a bit. Please sit down with someone from your diocese if your priest is not receptive and discuss your options. I would also recommend getting in touch with Catholic Charities for marriage counseling. If he won’t go start it on your own - it will help you make your decisions. You do not need to be Catholic for Catholic Charities to help you.

 

[mi6vida9loca]

The salvation of your soul is the upmost importance. Furthermore, it seems from floating around the Catholic blogosphere, especially here on Catholic Answers, it seems there’s a general apathy to hatred for the Church, even from other Chrisitans and every means will be used to say our faith is right or the Catholic Church is _______. Sounds like your husband shares some animosity against the Faith.

However the real wrench is your kid. If you can’t separate cleanly without legal issues, it could be a messy divorce and severe financial consequences. While usually the woman has a real advantage in the form of sexual bias in the woman`s favour when it comes to marriage courts, you never know how voraciously your partner will fight you in courts. Plus you aren’t through your nursing school yet.

As much as it pains you, for the sake of your child, it might be best to wait and get your nursing career established (you gradulate + 1-2 years on the job to have starter cash in the bank or be able to cover legal fees.) Then you’d have a means of support for your child and you could have a way to break with the kid from your husband without losing everything, and then enter the Catholic Church. You might not need an annulment if you married him outside of it through civil law or a Chrisitan church marriage.

In the meantime, you can offer up all your sufferings to the Lord, as St. Rita of Cascia did when she was married to a harsh and cruel husband. Maybe St. Rita could be your patron saint for now too and she could act as your intercessor for your prayer! Through her humility and constant effort to be a faithful wife and servant of the Lord, she eventually converted his heart and the Lord answered her prayers and desire for a better life.

Hope this is support for you. Its situations like this that make me want to marry Catholics only, or at the very least someone not antipathic to the faith. Its not fair when your partner doesn`t seem to share in the life of Christ he claims to, being a christian that is.

:yup: THANK YOU for your thoughtful ideas and graceful advice, I’m already taking precautions about my future and if this civil marriage doesn’t comply…may God Bless You for your understanding, truthful, and wiseful advice…way ahead of you my friend… :bowdown2:

 

[ValPal]

There’s a lot of information by the OP and I’m trying to sort it out. My answer assumes the following:

-The OP is not baptized (stated in the first sentence of the first post).
-The husband is baptized, and I assume that he was not baptized Catholic.
-Neither party was previously married.
-Marital problems exist.

I see no evidence that the marriage is not valid, and no reason that a convalidation is necessary. A convalidation can only be performed if the marriage is not valid.

With that said, I do see a very good reason not to proceed with the sacraments. If the OP gets baptized, the marriage becomes sacramental. It also becomes indissoluble after consummation. It would be inadvisable to get baptized until the marital issues are straightened out. As long as the OP remains unbaptized, the existed marriage could potentially be dissolved. That is not easy and involves specific circumstances, but as long as the OP remains unbaptized, the possibility remains open.

 

[mi6vida9loca]

Take a deep breath. Either way if you convert now you may be in a Catholic marriage just by definition of what a marriage is and the fact that the Church recognizes marriages of non-Catholics in some circumstances. Most understand now that you are not looking for an easy way out. You need to calm down a bit. Please sit down with someone from your diocese if your priest is not receptive and discuss your options. I would also recommend getting in touch with Catholic Charities for marriage counseling. If he won’t go start it on your own - it will help you make your decisions. You do not need to be Catholic for Catholic Charities to help you.

I’ll take that into consideration, thank you, I’m going to try to get a hold of my Diocese first, and I’ll comment further about what they tell me or the Bishop, but hopefully this can be resolved before Easter (if it is that I’m able to still have the opportunity and the will of God at my disposition)… I’ll keep everyone updated… God Bless!!! :grouphug:

 

[Castello]

One question, were either of you married before?

 

[mi6vida9loca]

There’s a lot of information by the OP and I’m trying to sort it out. My answer assumes the following:

-The OP is not baptized (stated in the first sentence of the first post).
-The husband is baptized, and I assume that he was not baptized Catholic.
-Neither party was previously married.
-Marital problems exist.

I see no evidence that the marriage is not valid, and no reason that a convalidation is necessary. A convalidation can only be performed if the marriage is not valid.

With that said, I do see a very good reason not to proceed with the sacraments. If the OP gets baptized, the marriage becomes sacramental. It also becomes indissoluble after consummation. It would be inadvisable to get baptized until the marital issues are straightened out. As long as the OP remains unbaptized, the existed marriage could potentially be dissolved. That is not easy and involves specific circumstances, but as long as the OP remains unbaptized, the possibility remains open.

:ehh: Let me clarify the following that you stated: All four are correct, I’m not baptized (which I wish to be), my civil husband IS baptized (but NOT catholic), and neither one of us was ever married (but now we are civily), and Marital Problems DO and CONTINUE to exist…now my parish priest took all of that into consideration (or so I think) when I went to speak with him, and since he knows that I’m in a “tuff” spot, he “adviced” me to continue pursuing the Faith, but to also continue with my school (because in the long run, that’ll be my backbone & stability), but that he could not allow me to come into the Church if I was still living with him (unbaptized, unmarried thru the Church, and living together having relations, because it’s basically “incest”,“fornification”, or “pre-marital sex” or some bogus like that…but we have been together for SEVEN years and we have a son together…and plus we are civillary married…I mean…I still seek further info about this and if it’s true what he states because I don’t fully trust his ‘judgement’ and ‘assumptions’…

 

[mi6vida9loca]

One question, were either of you married before?

:nope: No we have never been married before, or any of that…we were high school sweethearts… we’ve came a long way… now we both are in our mid-twenties (if any of you are wondering our age)… :aok:

 

[mi6vida9loca]

Non baptised person(female) + baptised non catholic (male) does not = living in sin: in the eyes of the Church the marriage is valid since there are not rules that apply to the non-catholic baptised male or to her as an unbaptised female.
The only way they could be seen as living in sin is if one of them were now catholic and they have a civil marriage.

There can be no convalidation at this point because neither is Catholic. I would have to verify with my tribunal, if I were involved in this case, but I don’t believe that the marriage would be convalidated after the now none Catholic is baptized, because at the point of exchanging vows the marriage is valid.

Both the priest and the RCIA director are wrong to deny her the sacraments./QUOTE]

I ABSOLUTELY AGREE WITH YOU…THANK YOU!!! :clapping:

 

[mi6vida9loca]

**Perhaps you need to discuss the matter with another priest. Posting here certainly has not resulted in much good advice, from what I have read - and I have read all the posts.

You need to, instead of going into all the reasons you don’t seem to know whether you should stay with him or leave, state the situation clearly and concisely.

You are in RCIA.
Your husband is not a Catholic (or your husband was baptized Catholic but has left the church) This is very important, as it can change your situation.
****Neither of you were married before (or, one or both of you were married before) This is also very important.
You were married in a civil ceremony.

If your husband was not a Catholic (ever) and neither of you were married before, then you are in a valid marriage right now and nothing more needs to be done about it.

If your husband was previously a Catholic, and/or either of you was married before, then you are not in a valid marriage and you need to decide what you are going to do to change your situation.

You cannot be received into the Church while in an invalid marriage.

If you truly believe that the Catholic Church is the True Church instituted by Jesus, then you will do whatever you need to do to become a part of it. God must come first.
**

:flowers: You are AWESOME!!! Thank You for your advice…God does come first, (does he not?)…I’ll see what can be done…God Bless You!!! :bounce:

 

[ValPal]

but that he could not allow me to come into the Church if I was still living with him (unbaptized, unmarried thru the Church, and living together having relations, because it’s basically “incest”,“fornification”, or “pre-marital sex” or some bogus like that…but we have been together for SEVEN years and we have a son together…and plus we are civillary married

I’m not going to comment on the priest, because he is fully aware of the situation and deserves due respect.

Unless an impediment exists, you are legally married in the eyes of the Church. You would not be living in sin, fornicating, etc. in this case. If the priest says you are in an invalid marriage, ask him what the impediment is.

…I mean…I still seek further info about this and if it’s true what he states because I don’t fully trust his ‘judgement’ and ‘assumptions’…

These types of situations can be difficult, especially for people that have no prior experience with the issues (through no fault of your own). There may be a communication problem here.

 

[mi6vida9loca]

Oh, sorry - I didn’t mean to say “FAB” where I did; for some reason, I mistook your screen name for the name of the OP. I know from the content of your post that we are in full agreement.

Exactly; something is not adding up. The OP writes as though she’s been given the impression that their marriage requires convalidation… but from her description, it doesn’t seem possible that the Church doesn’t already recognize their marriage.

But if the marriage is already valid, then no convalidation is required. She seems to have been given the impression that one is needed, but that doesn’t add up, because the Church recognizes non-Catholic marriages by default. If neither she nor her husband has ever been married before, then she needs to contact the diocese and get answers. From what she’s said, it appears she’s in a valid natural marriage already.

Then why was she talking about convalidation? The only reason she’d be doing that would be if she was led to believe that one was needed. If she’s already married, no convalidation is necessary or even possible, and if she’s not validly married, then she’s not bound to her husband anyway. She needs to contact her diocese to straighten this out. Either something in her description was mistakenly inaccurate, or her priest is incorrect about the need for a convalidation.

That civil marriage is binding until death, and because she indicated her husband has been baptized, that marriage will automatically become Sacramental when she enters the Catholic Church.

I think you’re misjudging the issue: she said her distress began when she was told she is living in sin. If what she has described is accurate, then she is in no way living in sin - she and her husband have a valid marriage.

If they are (a) not Catholic and never have been, and (b) each other’s first spouse, then “going through a Catholic marriage” is not to be done, because they are already married validly.

She seems to have been given the impression she’s living in sin… why is that the case? The Church presumes marriages between non-Catholics to be valid natural marriages…

Exactly. Until that matter is cleared up, it’s foolish for us random Internet people to attempt to comment on the other aspects (i.e. leaving her husband, etc.).

:bowdown2: Thank You so much for your clarification, I’d have to agree with you…but I’m still confused about the matter…GOD BLESS!!!

 

[mi6vida9loca]

I’m not going to comment on the priest, because he is fully aware of the situation and deserves due respect.

Unless an impediment exists, you are legally married in the eyes of the Church. You would not be living in sin, fornicating, etc. in this case. If the priest says you are in an invalid marriage, ask him what the impediment is.

These types of situations can be difficult, especially for people that have no prior experience with the issues (through no fault of your own). There may be a communication problem here.

:yup: Yes, you may be right…this is all new to me, and it’s a heavy burden already…thank you for your advice… and yes I did respect the priest even after he threw me out of his office after criticizing me, but I now have a different thought about him and I don’t believe he’s doing everything he can to help me out… I believe there’s a way around all of this mess… uch:

 

[mi6vida9loca]

I’m so sorry for everything you’ve suffered. And I’m sorry that some posters here have been implying or asserting bad things about you.

If everything you’ve said is true, please note that you do not require a convalidation: your marriage is valid in the eyes of the Church already. I recommend you contact your diocese for assistance.

Concerning the matters to which you alluded, may God bless you and your family and may you be able to work these issues out for the good of you, your child, and your husband.

This is really none of my business, but you should know that if worse comes to worst, the Church respects that sometimes a separation - and, if legally required, a secular divorce - is necessary. If that became necessary, you could still receive the Sacraments unless you remarried without an annulment.

But obviously that is a matter for you to work out with those who know you, not us random Internet people.

The most important thing here is that you should contact your diocese: I see nothing that should stand in the way of your fully entering into the Catholic Christian faith this Easter. Thus I prayerfully exhort you to call your diocese so you can work this out. If what you’ve said here is true, complete, and accurate, then regardless of what happens in the future your marriage does not require convalidation and you are not living in sin.

God bless you, friend!

GOD BLESS YOU TOO FOR YOUR KIND WORDS AND GREAT ADVICE…it’s so great to know that people as yourself still exist!!! Thank You!!! :hug1:

 

[Texas_Roofer]

mi6vida9loca

There are a couple of really confusing issues in your posts. ** The main one being what does it matter if you agree to a convalidation on the marriage?**. Once catholic it will matter little, so I cannot understand the issue. Once you become catholic this current marriage is considered valid either way. This current marriage is an impediment to any other marriage regardless of marriage type. Dispensations are not available to married people. Dispensation is for a Catholic to non-catholic wedding ceremony in the Catholic Church, but you are married anyway. The issue is not your current marriage, I hope you understand that. Help me understand what is the difference about a convalidation or not a convalidation?

 

[joanofarc2008]

mi6vida9loca

There are a couple of really confusing issues in your posts. ** The main one being what does it matter if you agree to a convalidation on the marriage?**. Once catholic it will matter little, so I cannot understand the issue. Once you become catholic this current marriage is considered valid either way. This current marriage is an impediment to any other marriage regardless of marriage type. Dispensations are not available to married people. Dispensation is for a Catholic to non-catholic wedding ceremony in the Catholic Church, but you are married anyway. The issue is not your current marriage, I hope you understand that. Help me understand what is the difference about a convalidation or not a convalidation?

Because the priest told her convalidation was necessary which is what has made this whole situation confusing.

 

[Texas_Roofer]

Because the priest told her convalidation was necessary which is what has made this whole situation confusing.

maybe not, maybe that is the misunderstood version, lets wait to see what she thinks the difference is.

 

[mi6vida9loca]

:ehh: I’m not sure I follow this “Convalidation” topic…ya’ll are asking me when I’m the one asking about the faith…???

 

[Texas_Roofer]

:ehh: I’m not sure I follow this “Convalidation” topic…ya’ll are asking me when I’m the one asking about the faith…???

The catholic faith allows you celibacy or fully 100% married under which option in catholic faith are you going to live?

 

[ValPal]

:ehh: I’m not sure I follow this “Convalidation” topic…ya’ll are asking me when I’m the one asking about the faith…???

The marriage issue is extremely important as part of converting. You seem to be validly married in the eyes of the Church given the information here.

We don’t know what the discussion was with the priest. If you mentioned you marital problems with the priest and mentioned that you may leave your husband, that could possibly create a holdup in the process.