No thank you note for Christening gift

[FrenchGwen]

I think there are several sides to the question:

• yes indeed it is important to thank people for gifts, and INDEED a phone call is not much. OR at least, since you see them regularly, remember to thank you when seeing you would barely be too much asked.
• I do agree with the fact that people are quite busy nowadays, and that sometimes it is hard, after one’s wedding especially, to find the time to thank eeeeverybody. I tried to in my time, but I know I have forgotten some people in the rush. And for some people, the “phone call” solution was not even a possibility, because I didn’t know them / didn’t know them well enough (parents’ friends). Thanking per e-mail would have been great, too, but I was brought up to consider it unproper…
• that being said, there is a difference between forgetting to thank once… and systematically not acknowledging repeated gifts in ANY way. First one may be treated with leniency. But in case of repeated offence I would indeed stop sending gifts.

 

[puzzleannie]

Snarky much? I have just mentioned the outlook of people my age. A general thank you is seen as sufficent )

I cut out the insulting portion of your post, which is why the quote is so short. OP, and other over-the-hill neanderthals like myself would have been thrilled with a verbal thank you at the time even “hey, grandma, nice hat” but we are used to getting not even an acknowledgement of our existence, let alone of our generosity. We will get our revenge, as you too will be old and unheeded one day, sooner than you think.

The concept under discussion, since you admit to being entirely unacquainted with it, is called “common courtesy.” Please consult an approved expert such as Miss Manners for further instruction, because it is a skill you will need in your career, as much as you dispense with it in your social and family life.

Never sent them. Skip ahead 3 years, I just found them when cleaning/reorganizing my office. Do I send them? What do I do?

I think that has happened to all of us. do what I do with Christmas cards, just mail them late and let people blame the postal service

 

[BrokenFortress]

yeah…the thing about having weddings…200 people is just crazy. This is exactly why my friends have eloped.

Seriously, no need to be rude. What is your problem?

Do I need to defend myself for having so many guests at a wedding? I think not, but since you seem to have an issue with that number I will. Let’s see… My mom is one of 6 children. My dad is one of 6 children. My fiance’s mom is one of 6 children. That’s not including his dad’s side because his dad left his mom for another woman. Then move on to cousins etc and you get a lot of family. Family is important to us. What is wrong with including all of our extended family in our wedding? And we’re still able to do it on a budget, the number of guests does not mean that we’re being too extravagant.

We’re not eloping because it isn’t just about us. Who will be there if we need help? Family will, that’s who.

I’m super excited about our Nuptial Mass, so thanks for responding with charity

 

[gmarie21]

Okay, I’m in my 30s. Personally, I hate receiving Thank you notes, they are a waste of resources, imho. Then again, I also don’t like the over emphasis on gift giving either. I think the only Thank you cards I don’t mind receiving are the ones with a photo from the event or of the recipient because then that is another photo to add to my collection of loved ones. Personally, my thank you’s involve a photo with Thank you written below. Many in my family have done this for the big occasions. As far as birthday gifts, etc., save the time, money and stamp. You said thank you at the event, that is more than sufficient for me.

 

[purplesunshine]

The concept under discussion, since you admit to being entirely unacquainted with it, is called “common courtesy.” Please consult an approved expert such as Miss Manners for further instruction, because it is a skill you will need in your career, as much as you dispense with it in your social and family life.

I don’t need help with my career…It’s wonderful just as it is, I’m making decent money all considering have been employed for a couple years and being given opportunities for advancement, and have had many offers for other positions with other companies.

I have said, I follow the rules but that dosn’t mean I don’t think that they are antiquated and it dosn’t mean that any of my friends follow them, either.

Seriously, no need to be rude. What is your problem?

…

I’m super excited about our Nuptial Mass, so thanks for responding with charity

I’m glad you’re excited and can cater to all your relations…I don’t get it, neither do my friends because they’re the ones who eloped. And I don’t really care why you need to have 200 guests btw it’s still alot of people.

 

[cradlecatholic5]

I attended a baby shower yesterday. It was a large gathering. At the front door in the foyer was a small table w/ blank name tags to fill out & wear and small blank envelopes to address to yourself for the thank you. Interesting … huh?

 

[purplesunshine]

I attended a baby shower yesterday. It was a large gathering. At the front door in the foyer was a small table w/ blank name tags to fill out & wear and small blank envelopes to address to yourself for the thank you. Interesting … huh?

perhaps the person throwing the shower was taking on responsibility for the guests (and ty’s) and invited many people who wouldn’t know eachother…still that is hilariously tacky.

 

[Jea9]

I’m glad you’re excited and can cater to all your relations…I don’t get it, neither do my friends because they’re the ones who eloped. And I don’t really care why you need to have 200 guests btw it’s still alot of people.

You’ve mentioned “eloping” several times, I will assume all of your friends are not Catholic. You have mentioned you have this desire. I’m wondering how a Catholic can “elope” and yet still have a valid, sacramental marriage? Maybe it’s not important to you?

Note, I’m not saying that you have to have a large wedding to have a valid, Sacramental marriage, we didn’t. We had 9 people in attendance not counting ourselves and the priest. But, I’m just saying “eloping” isn’t valid.

 

[cradlecatholic5]

Purplesunshine, found out that the “mother-to-be/guest of honor” had the envelopes “set-up” at the front door w/ her return address label on the back. Also heard she planned most of the shower. Hmmm … that opens up another can of worms, now doesn’t it?

 

[cradlecatholic5]

I myself believing in sending TY notes. And raised my children to write TYs. But don’t expect one. Life’s too short.

 

[purplesunshine]

You’ve mentioned “eloping” several times, I will assume all of your friends are not Catholic. You have mentioned you have this desire. I’m wondering how a Catholic can “elope” and yet still have a valid, sacramental marriage? Maybe it’s not important to you?

Note, I’m not saying that you have to have a large wedding to have a valid, Sacramental marriage, we didn’t. We had 9 people in attendance not counting ourselves and the priest. But, I’m just saying “eloping” isn’t valid.

No… these were planned elopements. My friends and I knew way ahead of time. Those who were Catholics did have vaild weddings. They had them in Mexico or other places…having made the arrangemts through their dio. months in advance.

 

[Jea9]

No… these were planned elopements. My friends and I knew way ahead of time. Those who were Catholics did have vaild weddings. They had them in Mexico or other places…having made the arrangemts through their dio. months in advance.

Ahh OK. I think these types of weddings are actually called “Destination Weddings”, as an elopement presupposes that nobody knows about it and people are running off to be married at the nearest ‘Chapel O’ Love’. However, I would say that a destination wedding has an increased need of thank you of some sort. It’s an expensive thing to fly to Mexico to attend someone’s wedding.

 

[purplesunshine]

Ahh OK. I think these types of weddings are actually called “Destination Weddings”, as an elopement presupposes that nobody knows about it and people are running off to be married at the nearest ‘Chapel O’ Love’. However, I would say that a destination wedding has an increased need of thank you of some sort. It’s an expensive thing to fly to Mexico to attend someone’s wedding.

I don’t know if it’s truly a destination wedding b/c no one is invited…my friends and all I knew that we weren’t invited to attend, tho. A few didn’t post the date or location until after the fact, even though it was a planned elopement.

 

[SwizzleStick]

Seriously, no need to be rude. What is your problem?

Do I need to defend myself for having so many guests at a wedding? I think not, but since you seem to have an issue with that number I will. Let’s see… My mom is one of 6 children. My dad is one of 6 children. My fiance’s mom is one of 6 children. That’s not including his dad’s side because his dad left his mom for another woman. Then move on to cousins etc and you get a lot of family. Family is important to us. What is wrong with including all of our extended family in our wedding? And we’re still able to do it on a budget, the number of guests does not mean that we’re being too extravagant.

We’re not eloping because it isn’t just about us. Who will be there if we need help? Family will, that’s who.

I’m super excited about our Nuptial Mass, so thanks for responding with charity

I perfectly understand the need to invite a lot of people to your wedding, because I too come from a fairly large family. My Mom was 1 of 10 children, while my Dad was 1 of 5. Just inviting my family alone with my 13 aunts and uncles by blood (since 2 never married, 24 aunts and uncles total counting each of their spouses) and 27 cousins (about 53 people since most of my cousins were married by the time I got married and all of them except 1 got married) added up quickly. Counting cousin’s kids who had been born by the time I got married and, of course, my parents and grandma (other grandparents had passed away by then), involved over 100 people in just my family alone without yet counting hubby’s family and our friends.

My family is made up of important people in my life, folks I saw every Easter, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Thanksgiving and Christmas on my Dad’s side while growing up. On my Mom’s side, we got together every Memorial Day, Labor Day, Thanksgiving weekend and sometime over the Christmas season while growing up. So, I cannot imagine not including my entire family on my wedding day. I was invited to and went to each of my cousin’s weddings too. Since being involved and supportive is what family means to me, I cannot imagine not attending or not being invited to all those weddings.

Congratulations on your upcoming nupitials! I’m glad you have a lot of family support and I’m guessing that they are very happy and excited to be sharing in your special day! And, from what you’ve written, I know you won’t mind at all writing them proper thank you notes for having shared in your joy on your wedding day. Good for you!

 

[PatriceA]

Seriously, no need to be rude. What is your problem?

Do I need to defend myself for having so many guests at a wedding? I think not, but since you seem to have an issue with that number I will. Let’s see… My mom is one of 6 children. My dad is one of 6 children. My fiance’s mom is one of 6 children. That’s not including his dad’s side because his dad left his mom for another woman. Then move on to cousins etc and you get a lot of family. Family is important to us. What is wrong with including all of our extended family in our wedding? And we’re still able to do it on a budget, the number of guests does not mean that we’re being too extravagant.

We’re not eloping because it isn’t just about us. Who will be there if we need help? Family will, that’s who.

I’m super excited about our Nuptial Mass, so thanks for responding with charity

Oh I hope you have a blessed, blessed day.

I can not fathom NOT spending one of the happiest days of my life with my friends and family surrounding me and my husband. We were so blessed! Unless there are extreme family issues surrounding the wedding, I just can’t wrap my brain around excluded all the people I love from such a blessed event. And no need to justify your guest list, we had close to 300 people at our wedding.

 

[Nanny_PK]

I agree that the sending of a thank-you note has become a lost art, and that’s very sad.

I think that the gift should be acknowledged in some way – phone, e-mail, or handwritten note. I can’t tell you the times that I have sent my nieces and nephews things in the mail and never gotten any reaction at all from my sisters. Most of the nieces and nephews are too young to respond. I will usually ask if they got the package because if they didn’t, I need to put a trace on the package.

I think in very formal situations – graduations, weddings, christenings, baby showers – that a written thank-you should be sent. That’s just etiquette.

 

[jilly4ski]

Okay, I’m in my 30s. Personally, I hate receiving Thank you notes, they are a waste of resources, imho. .

The lack of thank you notes is putting the Post Office out of business.

 

[mom2Grace]

I have a question a bit related. I went to a baby shower, and the host of the shower handed out envelopes for us to address to ourselves for our “thank you note”. What do you all think of that, in general?

I just went to a shower where they did that, also. I think it’s fine. She probably wants to make sure to have the correct address. The host sent invitations via e-vite. Some people move a lot, so even if the invitations were sent in snail-mail, some might have been forwarded, so it could also be a way of keeping addresses current. (I like to assume good intentions. )

 

[m_crane]

• that being said, there is a difference between forgetting to thank once… and systematically not acknowledging repeated gifts in ANY way. First one may be treated with leniency. But in case of repeated offence I would indeed stop sending gifts.

I am persuaded by several posters to agree and I will not be bringing or sending anymore gifts.

 

[maggie2]

Forgive me if anyone has already said this, but for those of you who have said that you will stop giving gifts because you are afraid you won’t receive a thank you note… well… is your reason for giving the gift to receive acknowledgement for yourself and your ‘good deed’, or to be charitable and to do something good for someone else?

Could you imagine if Christ had that attitude?

I’m all for the very good practice of writing thank you notes, but I do not give gifts to people in order to receive a thank you note. I give them a gift because I care and want to do something nice.