No way out

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Searchofhope

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Hi everybody,

I’m writing here as I feel no way out of my present situations and I feel I’m coping very badly with them.
I live together with a grandmother who is mentally sick and moreover totally selfish (has been all her life). By now she bangs the walls periodically about every 15 mins, constantly shouting the same things, my mother having regular loud fights with her and I feel that my mind is getting mad. No finances to move out and two animals to care about anyway.

I come home from work after stressful days as a teacher of a secondary school, where I have difficulty with understanding students, very hard to tolerate their language, clothes, views and morals. My colleagues’ morals are the same by the way.
The third thing is that I’m a 38 year-old woman and still single as my relationship failed. The person I have loved very much for a few years, has been delaying making things serious between us and also I don’t accept some things he’s not willing to change (adding women on fb, or they add him and he accepts, talks with them in private message, these women unknown to him and I’m unable to cope with this fact, told him many times, he said he does not care as I’m unreasonable, too possessive and control freak and it’s nothing wrong) Our relationship stopped last autumn but still I’m still in a deep, everyday friendship with him that causes the same fights and same problems as I’m unable to let it go.

I don’t really get on with people, I’m introverted, have very few friends and even they don’t understand me as I would like to. They think my problems don’t justify my feelings.
I don’t know what to do as I feel I can’t cope anymore with all these together. Lost concentration level at work and physical problems. Because of all this, a lot of impatience and bad relationship with God. Trying but can’t help it.

Thank you in advance for your care and words.
God bless you all.
 
I am sorry you are going through a rough time. I would encourage you to talk to a professional counselor about your feelings and your relationship issues.
 
1ke said:
I am sorry you are going through a rough time. I would encourage you to talk to a professional counselor about your feelings and your relationship issues.
Click to expand...
Yes.

Also, if you are a secondary school teacher it should eventually be possible for you to have a home of your own, even if it is a very, very small apartment or shared with roommates. A basement apartment or mother-in-law might be just the thing for you.

So, along with seeing a counselor, I would suggest you start saving to move out.
 
Searchofhope said:
Hi everybody,

I’m writing here as I feel no way out of my present situations and I feel I’m coping very badly with them.
I live together with a grandmother who is mentally sick and moreover totally selfish (has been all her life). By now she bangs the walls periodically about every 15 mins, constantly shouting the same things, my mother having regular loud fights with her and I feel that my mind is getting mad. No finances to move out and two animals to care about anyway.

I come home from work after stressful days as a teacher of a secondary school, where I have difficulty with understanding students, very hard to tolerate their language, clothes, views and morals. My colleagues’ morals are the same by the way.
The third thing is that I’m a 38 year-old woman and still single as my relationship failed. The person I have loved very much for a few years, has been delaying making things serious between us and also I don’t accept some things he’s not willing to change (adding women on fb, or they add him and he accepts, talks with them in private message, these women unknown to him and I’m unable to cope with this fact, told him many times, he said he does not care as I’m unreasonable, too possessive and control freak and it’s nothing wrong) Our relationship stopped last autumn but still I’m still in a deep, everyday friendship with him that causes the same fights and same problems as I’m unable to let it go.

I don’t really get on with people, I’m introverted, have very few friends and even they don’t understand me as I would like to. They think my problems don’t justify my feelings.
I don’t know what to do as I feel I can’t cope anymore with all these together. Lost concentration level at work and physical problems. Because of all this, a lot of impatience and bad relationship with God. Trying but can’t help it.

Thank you in advance for your care and words.
God bless you all.
Click to expand...
A school teacher makes enough to live on their own away from an unhealthy situation. I second the advice to seek counseling but I would add financial counselling would also be important. I think not only do you deserve better but your students deserve to have a teacher than is not affected by all of this drama. And believe me, you are affected, and believe me, they know.
 
Hoosier_Daddy said:
A school teacher makes enough to live on their own away from an unhealthy situation. I second the advice to seek counseling but I would add financial counselling would also be important. I think not only do you deserve better but your students deserve to have a teacher than is not affected by all of this drama. And believe me, you are affected, and believe me, they know.
Click to expand...
👍

Also, you need to quit that “deep, everyday friendship with him.” It’s not doing you any good.
 
Im sorry you are so stressed. I second the rec for counselling. I actually start Saturday and I dont believe it is anything to be ashamed of. Im actually happy I found a Catholic therapist! Maybe you could try? Would you consider it?

Did the relationship end? Was he adding women to flirt with or did you try to prohibit him from friending any females? It seems like you dont want to completely end things even though you are broken up?

What is causing the lack of understanding with your students? Do you have a particularly challenging group or is this a long term issue? Do you want to stay in teaching? Would you be happier elsewhere?

None of these problems are insurmountable. It seems like it might be what you dont have in your life rather than what you do have going on. I get a feeling that you are looking for peace and companionship but struggle with that based on the way you describe your personal life and work life.
 
Remember that God has seen your life in entirety, and take hope that it’s possible he’s already seen your victory, maybe in a little place of your own, married a few years down the road. Also keep in mind that you’re special, so many things had to occur just right to make you into the person you are today, and that person is completely and totally loved by God. Keep your chin up, please talk to a priest, counselor, or good friend. I would recommend making a plan to maybe move out and get your own place. At 38 I can imagine you want to stretch your wings a little, and enjoy some freedom.

God Bless you, I will pray for you.
 
Praying for you. You can meet good people on Catholic Match. That’s where I met my husband at the age of 46.
 
I’d like to echo what others have said:

a) move out. On a teachers salary you can afford to rent a small apartment and keep setting aside some money to own your own home one day.

b) stop seeing and talking with your ex-boyfriend. It is holding you back.
 
1ke said:
I am sorry you are going through a rough time. I would encourage you to talk to a professional counselor about your feelings and your relationship issues.
Click to expand...
I have done. He helped nothing. Thank you for your concern and prayers.
 
Xantippe said:
Yes.

Also, if you are a secondary school teacher it should eventually be possible for you to have a home of your own, even if it is a very, very small apartment or shared with roommates. A basement apartment or mother-in-law might be just the thing for you.

So, along with seeing a counselor, I would suggest you start saving to move out.
Click to expand...
I cannot save anything. My family needs money too as they have little, I have to support. Thank you for praying for me.
 
Hoosier_Daddy said:
A school teacher makes enough to live on their own away from an unhealthy situation. I second the advice to seek counseling but I would add financial counselling would also be important. I think not only do you deserve better but your students deserve to have a teacher than is not affected by all of this drama. And believe me, you are affected, and believe me, they know.
Click to expand...
Maybe in the US they do, but not in Eastern Europe where I live. I barely get on with my salary. I have an exam in finance, I know how to do it but I don’t have anything to do it on. Tried counselling, helped nothing. What my students would deserve, is not a concern of mine right now, as I try to give my best to them still, and also, don’t know how wonderful teenagers are there in the US, but here they are very disrespectful, lazy and most of them lie to you, so I have serious doubts what they deserve for that.
Thank you for your advice and praying for me.
 
agnes_therese said:
👍

Also, you need to quit that “deep, everyday friendship with him.” It’s not doing you any good.
Click to expand...
I cannot do that. I have been trying for years. I can’t stop it, if I could have, I would have done a lot of time ago. I went to one counsellor, told him everything, he was a Christian counsellor, but said nothing I could use. Everybody says I should quite but nobody tells me how.
Thank you for your concern and prayers.
 
BlossomingFaith said:
Im sorry you are so stressed. I second the rec for counselling. I actually start Saturday and I dont believe it is anything to be ashamed of. Im actually happy I found a Catholic therapist! Maybe you could try? Would you consider it?

Did the relationship end? Was he adding women to flirt with or did you try to prohibit him from friending any females? It seems like you dont want to completely end things even though you are broken up?

What is causing the lack of understanding with your students? Do you have a particularly challenging group or is this a long term issue? Do you want to stay in teaching? Would you be happier elsewhere?

None of these problems are insurmountable. It seems like it might be what you dont have in your life rather than what you do have going on. I get a feeling that you are looking for peace and companionship but struggle with that based on the way you describe your personal life and work life.
Click to expand...
Thank you for asking these questions. These are necessary I guess to understand better, maybe also for me. I tried the therapist, Christian one, he listened to me and told me I should think about changing things, but he didn’t tell me how and I cannot do them on my own, so therapy was completely useless.
The relationship ended as I ended it, but he still says he would like to hope it will work out but I cannot see real steps by him taken into that direction.
No, I’m sure he does not have any bad intentions, but as I feel it disrespectful towards me, I cannot see the reason for accepting unknown women to talk to, I cannot accept it, I have no doubts that it’s unnecessary and wrong, thaat cannot be changed in me. No, I don’t mind him writing or occassionally talking to friends he has known for long, from school or work and he does as well. I cannot end things because I feel I cannot be understood by anybody else, I’m not attracted to others and I feel he is very close to me, like a family member, because we spend a lot of time every day together, with lot of talking and I cannot live without this.Also we share the faith in Christ.
Thank you also for asking about my students, Yes, I have particularly challenging groups, lower class families, and because of the nature of secularity in Europe, high level secularity, lack of motivation and respect towards me and their parents as well.
I’m staying because I like some parts of it still and because it’s almost impossible to get a better job where I live (Eastern Europe, also inside the country, unfavoured part).
Yes, you are right, I’m searching for peace and safe companionship but cannot find the way there.
Thank you for praying for me!
 
Flambeau said:
Remember that God has seen your life in entirety, and take hope that it’s possible he’s already seen your victory, maybe in a little place of your own, married a few years down the road. Also keep in mind that you’re special, so many things had to occur just right to make you into the person you are today, and that person is completely and totally loved by God. Keep your chin up, please talk to a priest, counselor, or good friend. I would recommend making a plan to maybe move out and get your own place. At 38 I can imagine you want to stretch your wings a little, and enjoy some freedom.

God Bless you, I will pray for you.
Click to expand...
Thank you for your encouragment, it was very important for me to remember the things you said. God surely will help me just my present situation causes a lot of distress and impatience.God bless you.
 
jaimeleglise said:
Praying for you. You can meet good people on Catholic Match. That’s where I met my husband at the age of 46.
Click to expand...
That’s very nice you met your husband there. God can find a way everywhere. Thank you for your concern and prayers.
 
underacloud said:
I’d like to echo what others have said:

a) move out. On a teachers salary you can afford to rent a small apartment and keep setting aside some money to own your own home one day.

b) stop seeing and talking with your ex-boyfriend. It is holding you back.
Click to expand...
I cannot set any money aside, as my Eastern Europe teacher salary and my family’s other financial problems won’t let it happen. Impossible to save anything.
I tried to stop it and find what God really wants if it is not moving on, our relationship, but I cannot do that by now, I am not strong enough to do that, especially not knowing how to find out what the real will of God is. I’m afraid of making mistakes and then feeling guilt as it happens most of the time.
Thank you for your prayers.
 
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