L
lifeisbeautiful
Guest
Ok, so if a family waits too long while their baby is crying at Mass to take the baby out, they are being inconsiderate, yet if a mother notices her baby is starting to fuss (not too loudly yet or anything) and nurses him to calm him down before it turns into anything major, she is being inconsiderate. I can agree with the idea that a baby should be taken out if he/she is being too loud/disruptive, and it is something we do whenever necessary. Nevertheless, I can see how a family might have some “techniques” or “strategies” that usually calm their babies and might try those in the pew hoping to stop the crying right then and there, faster and being less disruptive/distracting than getting up and walking past everyone with a wailing child. Please don’t give the family a hard time, mean looks, etc etc. True, some parents may be being “rude”, but others may have a reason to try to avoid going out. If there are other little ones, often they will run after the parent that is leaving, which can cause another problem on its own, or it can cause one of the other young kids confusion and they can start crying or asking why their parent is leaving. As a pregnant mom with 3 ages 3, 2, and 1, I know you have to take into consideration how each move can affect the conduct of all the members of the family. Other times, there may be two parents with one of them ill and unable to handle the other children alone that well (I know a couple at my Church where he has a degenerative disease and so she does not leave him alone with the kids). You never know their situation, but I think we are all better of with that family at Mass than staying home for fear of “offending”.
As a mother who has breastfed all my kiddos (well, am still bfing ds2), no offense but I had to laugh a little when someone mentioned a mother who bf’s at Mass is only thinking of “herself”. Sure, bfing can be a beautiful thing, but some times bfing can be excruciatingly painful, when you have morning sickness or something like that, the only thing that will motivate you is your love for your baby, because if not you would throw bfing out the window. Anyways, I personally usually leave the church to bf, for several reasons, but, although less than a handful of times, there have been occasions where I have bfed at Mass. I do know more than one family where the mothers breastfeed modestly and discreetly at Mass (they go to daily Mass). Actually, I never noticed it until I had my first and started noticing more carefully other infants and how their mothers cared for them. These are women that take care of little details of modesty and purity, with themselves and their children. They are faithful Catholics that are bringing up their children in the faith. They are great examples of what a Catholic family should be, not because they breastfeed at Mass, not despite they breastfeed at Mass. I think the important thing is doing it modestly and as discreetly as possible. There is a chance that with this 4th one I might have to bfeed more at Mass, I don’t know. Sure, there is all sorts of ideas of how to avoid bfing at Mass since it can make others uncomfortable: A mother can try to schedule bfing around Mass: does not always work, babies, especially breastfed babies, can’t control when they are hungry, and with breastfed babies they can go through growth spurts with cluster feeding, etc, where feeding them before Mass does not mean they will make it through Mass without getting hungry, plus if they are not hungry right before Mass, you cannot make them eat. A mother can pump milk to feed the baby at Mass with a bottle if the baby gets hungry: doesn’t work if the mother has problems pumping or the child does not like or does not know how to drink out of bottles. There are more ideas out there, but the bottom line is they don’t always work, plus even if they could work, a mother may not be able to do it when there are more children involved. I definitely agree that a mother shouldn’t go and lift up her shirt and flash others around her while bfing at Mass, or bfeed to make a statement or do anything to call attention on herself, but a mother can do it modestly, trying to be considerate with how others may feel, but still meeting her child’s needs. The times I have had to bf at Mass (one time it was super crowded, I could not get out without moving at least 20 people), I have used a cover. No one saw anything. I think a mother should be allowed to assess her situation and feed her child accordingly. Yes, she should take into consideration all the factors, the people around her (which is why she should take care of doing it modestly as opposed to how she might do it in the comfort of her bedroom etc), she should take into consideration how the rest of her family needs her, how it may affect their behavior etc. This may lead her to bf in the pew, or it may lead her to choose an alternative. BTW, don’t get me started on cry rooms. I have used them when necessary and etc, but I have been to many that resemble a playgroup than an extension of Church and at times it has even affected my children’s behavior at Mass the first time we go outside of the cry room. If I am able to go to daily Mass, I usually got to the cry room because we are alone in it and I can keep them “in line” as if we were outside, but the rest of the people don’t have to hear anything if there are any issues (the church during the week is empty and veeery echoey). During the weekend I do not go to the cry room for anything. If someone needs to be taken out, we go to the vestibule until the baby/child’s behavior is ok for Mass, then we go back in.
Going back to the bfing, I think the inconsiderate one is the one that thinks a mother and her baby should not be at Mass if they may need to bf in the Church.
As a mother who has breastfed all my kiddos (well, am still bfing ds2), no offense but I had to laugh a little when someone mentioned a mother who bf’s at Mass is only thinking of “herself”. Sure, bfing can be a beautiful thing, but some times bfing can be excruciatingly painful, when you have morning sickness or something like that, the only thing that will motivate you is your love for your baby, because if not you would throw bfing out the window. Anyways, I personally usually leave the church to bf, for several reasons, but, although less than a handful of times, there have been occasions where I have bfed at Mass. I do know more than one family where the mothers breastfeed modestly and discreetly at Mass (they go to daily Mass). Actually, I never noticed it until I had my first and started noticing more carefully other infants and how their mothers cared for them. These are women that take care of little details of modesty and purity, with themselves and their children. They are faithful Catholics that are bringing up their children in the faith. They are great examples of what a Catholic family should be, not because they breastfeed at Mass, not despite they breastfeed at Mass. I think the important thing is doing it modestly and as discreetly as possible. There is a chance that with this 4th one I might have to bfeed more at Mass, I don’t know. Sure, there is all sorts of ideas of how to avoid bfing at Mass since it can make others uncomfortable: A mother can try to schedule bfing around Mass: does not always work, babies, especially breastfed babies, can’t control when they are hungry, and with breastfed babies they can go through growth spurts with cluster feeding, etc, where feeding them before Mass does not mean they will make it through Mass without getting hungry, plus if they are not hungry right before Mass, you cannot make them eat. A mother can pump milk to feed the baby at Mass with a bottle if the baby gets hungry: doesn’t work if the mother has problems pumping or the child does not like or does not know how to drink out of bottles. There are more ideas out there, but the bottom line is they don’t always work, plus even if they could work, a mother may not be able to do it when there are more children involved. I definitely agree that a mother shouldn’t go and lift up her shirt and flash others around her while bfing at Mass, or bfeed to make a statement or do anything to call attention on herself, but a mother can do it modestly, trying to be considerate with how others may feel, but still meeting her child’s needs. The times I have had to bf at Mass (one time it was super crowded, I could not get out without moving at least 20 people), I have used a cover. No one saw anything. I think a mother should be allowed to assess her situation and feed her child accordingly. Yes, she should take into consideration all the factors, the people around her (which is why she should take care of doing it modestly as opposed to how she might do it in the comfort of her bedroom etc), she should take into consideration how the rest of her family needs her, how it may affect their behavior etc. This may lead her to bf in the pew, or it may lead her to choose an alternative. BTW, don’t get me started on cry rooms. I have used them when necessary and etc, but I have been to many that resemble a playgroup than an extension of Church and at times it has even affected my children’s behavior at Mass the first time we go outside of the cry room. If I am able to go to daily Mass, I usually got to the cry room because we are alone in it and I can keep them “in line” as if we were outside, but the rest of the people don’t have to hear anything if there are any issues (the church during the week is empty and veeery echoey). During the weekend I do not go to the cry room for anything. If someone needs to be taken out, we go to the vestibule until the baby/child’s behavior is ok for Mass, then we go back in.
Going back to the bfing, I think the inconsiderate one is the one that thinks a mother and her baby should not be at Mass if they may need to bf in the Church.
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