Non-Catholic has trouble with Catholic college roommate

[Doc]

As a cradle Catholic and an attorney, I agree with montanaman, that IF what you write is true, you have to sometimes get in the face of your antagonist and let them know their behavior will not be tolerated. Once at a church picnic my son was bein’ bothered by another kid in line - he didn’t know the kid from Adam, but he kept twisting my son’s ear despite requests by my son to stop. So I just leaned down, and in a voice loud enough for the other kid to hear, gave my son permission to hit him right in the nose as hard as he could if the kid bothered him again. The kid stopped acting up. So sometimes you got to make your intentions real clear to get others to clean up their act.

So, I’d say, go to the local police and file a complaint against your roommate for damage to the car, your laptop and anything else that was damaged. I’d also get the free legal aid folks on campus to write a letter on your behalf to the Housing Administrator outlining the harassment you’ve suffered and demanding that your roommate (not you) be moved out. Then I’d have the legal aid folks help you file a civil suit for damages to your car, laptop and whatever else can have its damages quantified. Once you get a judgment, then you can garnish her checking account and then she can telly Daddy where the money he sent for next semester’s tuition went…

Good luck, I’ll be praying for ya!

 

[Mindy_Mae]

Doc:

As a cradle Catholic and an attorney, I agree with montanaman, that IF what you write is true, you have to sometimes get in the face of your antagonist and let them know their behavior will not be tolerated.

What?? Why would I write something that isn’t true? I mean, why waste the time and effort? Do people do that alot here (on the forums)??

 

[renee1258]

Mindy,

I think we are just taken back back by the actions of your roommate. In any circumstance I couldn’t not imagine someone destroying a computer with a hammer and getting away with it. I hope that you will take legal action if proerty has been destroyed. I can relate to how dorms work, they won’t move anyone for any reason it seems. I just got upset at the illegal activity in my own experience, transfer and lived at home. The college’s lost in the end.

 

[Marauder]

Mindy Mae:

The fact that my roommate is Catholic is relevant only in that she quotes something called the “catholic cannon laws” and says that the Bibles says my parents should be killed and it wouldn’t be a sin.

There is nothing in Canon Law that protects a person that abuses another. She is misquoting Catholic teachings. These things do not exist. If you are still talking to her, ask her to show you where in Canon law that this is stated. I’m betting she won’t find anything that states it.

I’m not familiar with the forums. What does this mean?? Did I say something wrong?

Probably someone did not feel that something in this thread was appropriate for some reason, either someone posted something inappropriate or some other reason the mods decided to lock the thread down. After review they decided to open it back up again.

 

[montanaman]

What?? Why would I write something that isn’t true? I mean, why waste the time and effort? Do people do that alot here (on the forums)??

I say it doesn’t pass the smell test because #1, her actions are so outrageous they hardly seem real; #2, because you say the administrators are passing up a chance at making an example of a religiously intolerant anti-homosexual bigot, and how often does THAT happen? And #3, your above quote seems impossibly naive. I guess I’d add #4 to that list, too: You’ve only posted a few posts here, which isn’t in itself suspicious, but I haven’t got a feel for you yet.

I’m not saying I think you’re insincere or outright lying, but I AM saying the whole situation seems a little in-credible. I’ve come across some real whack-jobs, but usually Catholic whack-jobs torture themselves with their issues. I’ve never met a outwardly militant screwed-up Catholic.

(Well, I DID have a few years there in the mid-90’s…)

 

[raphaela]

Montanaman,

It’s hard to believe that something like this would happen, but trust me, it does. I went through the same thing. I had a roommate who was black and athiest. That in itself isn’t bad. Though i can’t say I’ve met very many black people (I come from a small town) I know that black people aren’t bad. But this guy…

He constantly called us stupid retarded etc, for believing in God 9my other room mate was catholic). If we tried to correct his wrong assumptions about christianity he would get angry, hostile, and almost violent. He was racist. If I had any thing to say to him, he’d claim that i was being racist, that white people are all the same blah blah blah. I once asked him why he was so mean, and he told me that it’s because he was black and it was his right since white people abused his people for hundreds of years. He called me “cracker” all the time, becuase I’m white i guess. He was so sexist and by the time I moved, he became violent, he started coming into my room, cutting my internet and computer cables, yelling at me cause the house was dirty, embarasing me infront of my friends, he even tried to charge me with harrasment and racial slander, but luckily I wrote everything that was happening down and the charges went no where. Needless to say, this occurs more often than not.

 

[misericordie]

Mindy Mae:

Sorry for the long post. Maybe someone can help me?

I’m not Catholic (but still Christian), but my college roommate is (right down to the crucifix on the wall of our dorm room). We’re both freshmen and have spent the last eight weeks enrolled in summer courses (we’re part of an accelerated program that cuts off a year of undergrad studies).

Here’s the problem:

Eight weeks ago, my parents accompanied me to orientation day and helped move me in. My parents are lesbians and I am not ashamed of them. Though I am adopted, I consider them to be my only parents. As soon as she met them, my roommate suddenly became rude and belligerent and referred to them using vulgar terms, while referring to other students’ parents as Mr. or Mrs. So-and-so.

The past eight weeks, my roommate and her friends have made my life miserable. They’ve broken into my desk using a hammer and smashed my laptop. I walked into the room and caught them using a cigarette lighter to burn my homework. They shrugged it off, saying it was what I deserved for having gay parents. Security cameras caught them scratching my car doors with keys and, though I filed a police report, nothing was done and they weren’t not made to pay for the damages.

I’ve talked to the administrators and they’ve told me emphatically several times that I’m stuck with her for the rest of the year, so we “just have to work it out.” The dorms are full and freshman are not only required to live on campus, but are all confined to one dorm. I will not drop out because of her, but I’m afraid of the effect she might have on my mental health and grades.
I know Catholics are against homosexuals, but I don’t think that is enough to warrant the actions of these girls. I’m trying to get to “know” my enemy, so to speak. What can I do?? Any advice??

With all respect to everyone here, anyone who engages in the behavior you mention here regarding your roomate, is not Christian or even less Catholic!!! There is no reason for harrasment of any human being created in the image of God, no matter if they are catholic or not. the roomate is anything but catholic in behavior. Okay, if she supports catholic teachings, but the Church does not teach to hate.
In my personal opinion, since you seem to be asking for advice here from all of us, I would go again to the administration, the President of the college, and If they refuse to correct the situation, well, maybe you want to consider transferring to another college, and then you could let the administration of your present college know that you may take your situation to the media and hire an attorney. Maybe that will improve your situation.
May God bless you, and may God grant you peace, and the grace of Christ.
Blessings.

 

[BLB_Oregon]

What she has been doing is abominable, and there is no excuse for it. What you are describing is gross harassment, to the point that it is grounds for expulsion of your roommate and possibly her friends, on any campus, anywhere, including the Catholic ones. It is remarkable that you are able to concentrate on your studies at all in an environment like that.

Keep going up the chain of the administration, because there is no excuse for any tolerance of this kind of behavior on a college campus. Make your complaint in writing, detailing the time, place, and specifics of the abuse directed at you and the crimes committed against you, including in particular any evidence that can be verified by a third party. Make note of the name of every person representing the college that you talk to, the date and time, and what they said. You should also take your concerns to your college counselor, who may be less likely than dorm management to try to end-run you with a “kids will be kids” attitude.

Please accept my sympathy for having your first year in college marred by such outlandish behavior. Hang in there, and know that in this regard her behavior is utterly outside of the practice of the Catholic faith.

I am not in to litigation, but if your options are exhausted without remedy, consider taking all of your documentation and consulting an attorney. Once enrolled in a university, they are responsible to ensure you at least a minimum standard of safety and civility, particularly if you are experiencing it in housing they require you to inhabit.

 

[montanaman]

Raphaela,

I guess I haven’t been THAT sheltered from it. I’ve had an assortment of dorm encounters, later-on other roommates were just inhuman, and since I work in the media in Washington, I come across galactic-sized egos all the time. Well, at least in Washington they try to sell you a pack of absurdities with a smile. Those sweaty, fever-swamp dormroom “discussions” were usually hatched in the bowels of hell.

 

[misericordie]

BLB_Oregon:

What she has been doing is abominable, and there is no excuse for it. What you are describing is gross harassment, to the point that it is grounds for expulsion of your roommate and possibly her friends, on any campus, anywhere, including the Catholic ones. It is remarkable that you are able to concentrate on your studies at all in an environment like that.

Keep going up the chain of the administration, because there is no excuse for any tolerance of this kind of behavior on a college campus. Make your complaint in writing, detailing the time, place, and specifics of the abuse directed at you and the crimes committed against you, including in particular any evidence that can be verified by a third party. Make note of the name of every person representing the college that you talk to, the date and time, and what they said. You should also take your concerns to your college counselor, who may be less likely than dorm management to try to end-run you with a “kids will be kids” attitude.

Please accept my sympathy for having your first year in college marred by such outlandish behavior. Hang in there, and know that in this regard her behavior is utterly outside of the practice of the Catholic faith.

I am not in to litigation, but if your options are exhausted without remedy, consider taking all of your documentation and consulting an attorney. Once enrolled in a university, they are responsible to ensure you at least a minimum standard of safety and civility, particularly if you are experiencing it in housing they require you to inhabit.

This is great advice. Again, I would hire an attorney if I were in your situation, and let him or her let the administration know that if nothing is done to stop the bad behavior of those people, you are willing to go to Court for justice.

 

[raphaela]

guess I haven’t been THAT sheltered from it. I’ve had an assortment of dorm encounters, later-on other roommates were just inhuman, and since I work in the media in Washington, I come across galactic-sized egos all the time. Well, at least in Washington they try to sell you a pack of absurdities with a smile. Those sweaty, fever-swamp dormroom “discussions” were usually hatched in the bowels of hell.

Sorry, montanaman, I didn’t mean to make it sound like you didn’t know anything. I’m sure you know more about dorms than I, only being in one once!!

I was just saying that I don’t think she was lying because the police never did a thing for me either.

 

[SHEMP]

Mindy Mae:

Security cameras caught them scratching my car doors with keys and, though I filed a police report, nothing was done and they weren’t not made to pay for the damages.

This story sounds incredible and difficult to believe. In the current climate of this country this would make front page news if it was true. I have a brother-in-law who came home drunk in college. He fell asleep in someone elses dorm room. He then proceeded to sleep walk and urinate on an african american womans closet. This made all of the news stations and he was nearly kicked out of the school even though it was stupid drunkeness rather than hatred.

All I can say is your story is incredible. If this is true, I would contact the media. I am sure that you would get a lot of sympathy and coverage.

 

[mikworld]

SHEMP:

All I can say is your story is incredible. If this is true, I would contact the media. I am sure that you would get a lot of sympathy and coverage.

I’d make sure police are well involved before getting the media into it. Bringing the media into campus issues makes the life for University Relations people terrible. While you have not been treated charitably, it is important to treat all parties with great charity and respect.
God Bless,

Justin

 

[Sandman]

How about stopping in a Catholic church and talking with a priest about it? He may be able to help your situation. I know that you are not Catholic but think about it.

Steve

 

[Mindy_Mae]

montanaman:

I say it doesn’t pass the smell test because #1, her actions are so outrageous they hardly seem real;

There have been other things but I wanted to keep my post as brief as possible so I only picked the acts that are illegal.

montanaman:

#2, because you say the administrators are passing up a chance at making an example of a religiously intolerant anti-homosexual bigot, and how often does THAT happen?

Depends on which part of the country you live in. Here in the ultra-conservative midwest, it happens frequently. My school happens to be religious affiliated - which is one of the reasons I chose it (that, the fullscholarship, and it has the best academic program for my major).

montanaman:

And #3, your above quote seems impossibly naive.

Which quote? It really doesn’t matter. So what if I’m naive. I’d wager most 17-year-olds are, whether they admit it or not. I grew up in a sheltered, home-schooled, upper middle-class environment. Big deal! That’s partially why I came to college and took part in these summer classes - so I could get some worldly experience.

montanaman:

I guess I’d add #4 to that list, too: You’ve only posted a few posts here, which isn’t in itself suspicious, but I haven’t got a feel for you yet.

I just joined the forums so I could get some insight into the Catholic faith and some ideas on dealing with my roommate situation. I have little intention of making multiple posts in other areas I’m not qualified to post in, nor interested in. And I’d prefer it if you didn’t “feel” me in any way.

 

[Mindy_Mae]

SHEMP:

All I can say is your story is incredible. If this is true, I would contact the media. I am sure that you would get a lot of sympathy and coverage.

What a horrible idea!! I don’t want “sympathy and coverage.” I just want to attend college without having my property damaged and being harassed.

I wanted to handle this myself - I don’t want my parents involved or I’m afraid they’ll pull me out of this school. Being a minor, the campus legal aid office won’t see me without permission from at least one parent.

The destruction of my computer, desk, homework…that’s all her word against mine…and she has friends who back her up. I haven’t made any yet. The damage to my car was caught on security cameras, but the two on the camera who actually did the damage aren’t 18 yet, so the city police (no campus police) won’t do anything.

Thanks to most of you for your positive, contructive feedback.

 

[montanaman]

I just joined the forums so I could get some insight into the Catholic faith and some ideas on dealing with my roommate situation. I have little intention of making multiple posts in other areas I’m not qualified to post in, nor interested in. And I’d prefer it if you didn’t “feel” me in any way.

Lol. Ah, the one-dimensional medium of the Internet…

I apologize if I seemed confrontational. I am just truly amazed at the situation. Looking for the simplest explanation sometimes over-simplifies things. So, I apologize.

 

[darcee]

Mindy Mae:

I just joined the forums so I could get some insight into the Catholic faith and some ideas on dealing with my roommate situation. I have little intention of making multiple posts in other areas I’m not qualified to post in, nor interested in. And I’d prefer it if you didn’t “feel” me in any way.

Unfortunately, well, not unfortunately, but I hope you know what I mean… this behavior is so “un-Catholic” I doubt anything beyond just the common sense advice you have already been given will be relevant.

-D

 

[SHEMP]

mikworld:

I’d make sure police are well involved before getting the media into it. Bringing the media into campus issues makes the life for University Relations people terrible. While you have not been treated charitably, it is important to treat all parties with great charity and respect.
God Bless,

Justin

I am just suggesting that if she is being ignored by the police and the University Administration then the press/media are a legitimate way to get some justice. If this story is true I believe there are many people who would be sympathetic in the media/press that could help her. I also live in the so called conservative midwest and the press is still liberal.

 

[SHEMP]

Mindy Mae:

I wanted to handle this myself - I don’t want my parents involved or I’m afraid they’ll pull me out of this school. Being a minor, the campus legal aid office won’t see me without permission from at least one parent.

I understand your desire for doing things quietly but if that is not working then you may have to be a little more forceful. That is unless you want to continue to be harassed.