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mbel4912
Guest
No news here… but thanks for sharing, this is useful! Again I pray that his eyes and heart may be open and that my own hurt and anger do not stand in the way of his growth. Thanks for your support.
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Rozellelily
Guest
It might make it less easier though for teens to see it.These days any kid with a smart phone can get onto the sites.
If it was made illegal for websites to host pornography while it may then go on black market at least people would have to make some effort to find it.
I don’t think it should be illegal to view it but should be illegal to produce it or websites to host it.
If it was made illegal for websites to host pornography while it may then go on black market at least people would have to make some effort to find it.
I don’t think it should be illegal to view it but should be illegal to produce it or websites to host it.
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Rozellelily
Guest
@mbel4912
I’m really sorry for your situation.
It seems clear that your husband has become desensitized to porn and thinks there’s nothing wrong with it.
Expressing your hurt may at best cause him to give lip service that he’s sorry etc but I don’t think it will make him change at all.
Like you said,in his view you are the prude.In his mentality he likely only sees black and white thinking-ie: a person is either sexual and into the type of sex like on porn or they are a prude and uptight.
Blocking the computer won’t do anything to change him from the inside and it’s just like being his parent/mother and you don’t want that.
He needs to come into contact with people-preferable men-who have healthy sex lives but who also think that porn is distorted,exploitative,loveless etc.
A lot of the women on porn have been sexually abused when young and this has physiologically changed their “sexual urges” and also their minds to think this is natural.
As for even the girls that have not been abused they are recruited into porn by people deluding them that they will be “stars” and famous/worshipped/desired/whatever like Hollywood actresses and promise of a glamorous life.
Your husband needs to watch this:
It’s very sad that society has become so twisted in places so that some people genuinely believe that a woman having sex with many many different men for money is just “normal and fun”.
I’m really sorry for your situation.
It seems clear that your husband has become desensitized to porn and thinks there’s nothing wrong with it.
Expressing your hurt may at best cause him to give lip service that he’s sorry etc but I don’t think it will make him change at all.
Like you said,in his view you are the prude.In his mentality he likely only sees black and white thinking-ie: a person is either sexual and into the type of sex like on porn or they are a prude and uptight.
Blocking the computer won’t do anything to change him from the inside and it’s just like being his parent/mother and you don’t want that.
He needs to come into contact with people-preferable men-who have healthy sex lives but who also think that porn is distorted,exploitative,loveless etc.
A lot of the women on porn have been sexually abused when young and this has physiologically changed their “sexual urges” and also their minds to think this is natural.
As for even the girls that have not been abused they are recruited into porn by people deluding them that they will be “stars” and famous/worshipped/desired/whatever like Hollywood actresses and promise of a glamorous life.
Your husband needs to watch this:
It’s very sad that society has become so twisted in places so that some people genuinely believe that a woman having sex with many many different men for money is just “normal and fun”.
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mbel4912
Guest
I’m afraid you’re right that nothing I do will help. I spent a whole afternoon trying to discuss the problems with the pornographic industry from all kinds of angles (not necessarily Christian). He read the article from “Psychology today” recommended in this thread as well as a documentary on how damaging the industry was to women. Then this morning first thing (while I was saying my prayers, no comment) he was at it again. I confronted him and he was VERY angry and sounded like a little child faced with his own misdeeds trying to blame me for “spying” and “escalating” the situation etc. (no spying needed, he had locked himself in the bathroom with his ipad so I just needed to put 2 and 2 together). We are going to couple’s therapy on Tuesday but I’m afraid I’m finding myself de-coupling by the minute. As to friends with healthier views he has been isolating himself and dropping all his friends (no one is “good enough” for him) over the years so he has no one left and is very isolated. I tried including him in my own circle of friends a number of times but no one is good enough ever. The irony is that he calls himself a “feminist” and is working on women’s issues in the workplace etc. If it wasn’t so sad it would be funny. What a burden this has become.
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Rozellelily
Guest
I’m really sorry.
I will keep praying for you and your husband.
Do you know what the therapist you are seeing views on porn are?
If your husband thinks he’s a feminist does he actually believe that porn is empowering to women or is it more that he is just addicted and tries to not think about it at all that these are real women?
When he read the article,did he say anything (positive or negative) or was he dismissive etc?
It sounds like he’s still responding like he did as a teenager when got caught and has “arrested development” because he’s viewed it for so many years now that he just believes this is normal.
He’s turning you away sexually because he has no idea what a normal/healthy lovemaking life is and because of being “conditioned” to the extremes of porn it maybe wouldn’t satisfy him anyway I guess?
In no way are you responsible morally as long as any children in the home aren’t exposed to it-it’s his issue and you have stated you don’t want it in your home.
You might be interested in these websites if you haven’t already seen them:
www.yourbrainonporn.com
http://www.rebootnation.org
I will keep praying for you and your husband.
Do you know what the therapist you are seeing views on porn are?
If your husband thinks he’s a feminist does he actually believe that porn is empowering to women or is it more that he is just addicted and tries to not think about it at all that these are real women?
When he read the article,did he say anything (positive or negative) or was he dismissive etc?
It sounds like he’s still responding like he did as a teenager when got caught and has “arrested development” because he’s viewed it for so many years now that he just believes this is normal.
He’s turning you away sexually because he has no idea what a normal/healthy lovemaking life is and because of being “conditioned” to the extremes of porn it maybe wouldn’t satisfy him anyway I guess?
In no way are you responsible morally as long as any children in the home aren’t exposed to it-it’s his issue and you have stated you don’t want it in your home.
You might be interested in these websites if you haven’t already seen them:
Desensitization: A Numbed Pleasure Response
Desensitization Desensitization is just one of many brain changes caused by addiction. A few other major brain changes include; Sensitization: Formation of Pavlovian memory circuits related to the addiction Hypofrontality: Weakening of the impulse control circuits. Dysfunctional stress circuits...
www.yourbrainonporn.com
http://www.rebootnation.org
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