I said earlier i kind of like you. I’m sure you’re not coming from a bad place, how specifically am I disingenuous? I commented on the thread being dead, the thought of Jesus announcing the sacrament of the eucharist came to mind, because it seemed my last post had had a similar effect. Then I thought of just what Jesus said, namely: ‘‘If you don’t eat of my flesh and drink of my blood, you have no life in you’’. Jesus never meant for things to be construed in a mundane way, so it follows that ‘‘no life in you’’ is more than the natural life, it is the supernatural life. If you have no supernatural life in you, you can’t have eternal life with God in heaven, period. If the only way to have supernatural life is by receiving the eucharist in a state of grace, then one has no choice but to conclude that the Catholic Church is not the way par excellence to salvation but actually the only way. Which is what Salus extra ecclesiam non est unequivocally states.
I’ve not lied about my past, some of the things that crushed me, my strained relationship with God, how i’ve always felt like he treated me like dirt, not like a loving father, much less like an omnipotent being who, I’m told, says he loves me with an eternal love. i’ve waged a mental war for decades, felt pretty sure God was on my side, then a realization came crashing down that the hoped-for breakthrough wasn’t coming, ever. For the sake of total openeness, I often pray for God to give me a terminal illness so I can be done with this burden of a life and die at peace and in a state of grace. I never in 40 some years of life ever thanked God once for giving me life, not once. A lost soul, shy, socially anxious, terrorized to be humiliated, when people kind of like me, I always think they wouldn’t if they knew me for real, burden of shame, inadequacy, always had a visceral dread of the future, certain periods of disarray and just wanting to not be, not even exist in heaven, just stop to exist. I don’t understand how God let every of those things slowly but surely destroy me. Some people call these things ‘‘strongholds’’, if you could get an xray of my heart, you wouldn’t believe how many of these strongholds are there or how deep they run. Life feels strange because it’s almost as I feel I shouldn’t have existed, I’m not supposed to be here, yet I am. My mom once confided in me that she was under such stress when she was pregnant with me that she wished she would miscarry. Some people (charismatic movement etc.) seemed to think that can be registered by the foetus or that it’s like a curse spoken on a new life.