not a good day

[josephback]

Now my intention is to just be very kind/charitable at home… not argue with my mom… and I’ll just keep on practicing my faith. Maybe it’s best if I keep it sort of hidden, a bit… like not read spiritual books in the middle of the living room lol.

Why keep it hidden? You can quietly go about and try not to argue, but don’t hide your religion. That’s the first step toward indifference.

 

[fellow_servant]

My mom banned me from church today

 

[Lost_Wanderer]

In the park, some things happened, like I got mud all over my white skirt, and another thing that was really embarassing/mortifying… and my mom said, that is a sign that God is angry with me and is punishing me.

And then I started wondering… is my mom right??

Heck no. That’s just like my New Age-y parents telling me that the reason bad stuff happens to me is because I’m always some fountain of negativity. (Gee mom and dad, I wonder why cars don’t blow up as I walk past or fire hydrants don’t burst when I touch 'em? I might as well become a supervillain. Where’s my costume? )

Look the thing with the mud is completely natural. We all make clumsy mistakes. (I probably make them more than you in fact. ) We’re only human after all. Even if we avoid accidents, somebody is going to cause an accident for us. Why should we blame God for accidents when you’ve got no proof He’s had a hand in it? Personally, if some idiot drove by and splashed mud on my pants without looking, I wouldn’t look up to the sky and blame God.

I’d just blame the idiot.

 

[Monica4316]

Hi Monica- I am so sorry that you are going through this mess. First, you have done nothing wrong-sounds like your mom has issues and taking it out on you. She should never make you feel guilty-You are keeping the commandment of keeping holy the sabbath day (attending mass). Sounds like your mom is very dysfunctional. Some parents just don’t understand or can become quite manipulative. My ex-husband’s mom used to lay guilt trip on her adult kids and ran the show. Of course, my ex was a mama’s boy. My father blames me for my son’s autism. Just learned that both myself and my youngest daughter has mild aspergers-and I am in the air force. I just wish that you were in a more supportive environment that will help you grow in your faith-negative people-yes-that includes parents can actually do more harm than good.
Don’t let your mom come between you and God-parents can and do make mistakes-you are definitely in my thoughts and prayers.
Stand strong in your faith!

(sorry I had to remove a whole bunch of those wonderful smilies cause the forums won’t let me have so many =))

thanks for the encouragement, - sometimes I feel guilty if I put God first, just because it creates tension… I am trying to find a balance where I put God first yet am still patient and charitable with those who disagree, - and where I’m not disobedient to my family or rebellious, but at the same time, am obedient to God also. It helps to read about the Saints sometimes because they are great examples of this. I wonder if God allows these difficulties for a reason. I’m sorry to hear about your situation especially about your father blaming you for your son’s autism. Prayers for you as well :hug1:

I am so sorry you are going through this! You have gotten some great advice but maybe if I add my own story it could help?

I am very lucky to have been preceded into the Catholic Church by my mother so my situation is somewhat different. My husband (who is Catholic btw) is now blaming my devotion to the faith the reason he doesn’t like being Catholic. He gets upset and argues and throws a temper tantrum when I pray or go to my Carmelite meeting or want to go to Mass.He says he doesn’t like it b/c it makes him feel guilty. It is getting rather ridiculous. I was having trouble with my vocation of marriage and making sure my husband’s needs were taken care of and being faithful to God.

Through other people’s advice I realized that even though as a spouse it is my duty to help him get to heaven I can’t let him drag me down either. The devil would love that too much. You can’t let your mother blame you and your faith to God for her problems. That is the devil using her to get you to stop being so faithful.

Don’t give up, keep praying, especially for your mom! Pray the St Monica chaplet which I’m guessing you already know about considering your name

thanks for sharing your story :hug1: I’m sorry you’re facing that situation with your husband sounds like quite a cross for you. I don’t really understand why sometimes people start disliking Catholicism even more when they see someone devoted to it, - but of course, - it’s our responsibility to be faithful to God and devotion is a good, not a bad thing. Maybe people are just facing something in themselves. I do not know. I just thought of something though, - do you know of the Green Scapular? that might help… it helped my grandmother to find faith in God

Yes.

St Martin. His parents were atheists, and his Father forced him to join the army. One night, he saw a homeless man and he cut off some cloak and gave it to him. His parents disagreed with his holiness, and hated that he was so “foolish” to be so.

thanks!! wow that is quite a story… I just read about him… very inspiring! I like how it’s related to helping the poor, as well, because I feel I should do this more than I do.

 

[Monica4316]

I’m sorry your having a bad day. Giving you cyber prayers.

thank you!!

To be honest, it sounds like there are bigger issues here. I’m sensing that your mother has a tendency to twist your arm into her ideals, which seem to be very materialistic. She basically seems to want you to act like a normal Westerner… extroverted, success driven, over-sexed, etc. You’re not doing anything wrong at all, in fact if you were to become any holier (sad to say) your mother would probably ostracize you and abandon you in one way, shape, or form. True, she pushes these things on you out of love, but what she thinks is right is totally twisted by society and dangerous for you. I’ve been right in your position, trust me I understand. I was drugged for a private revelation I received as a minor, picked on for my eccentricities, forbidden to be baptized, called gay, told I was anti-social and negative, belittled for my appearance and weight, and prodded repeatedly to get off my you-know-what and get some money because no woman would marry me for me (apparently that’s some warm fuzzy delusional ideal) while being severely mentally ill and incapable of it. All by my mother. Do I know she loves me? Yes. Does her particular form of love injure me? Yes. Do we have to obey them in these things? Hell no.

wow sorry you went through all that I guess I can understand how my mom’s views are different and more similar to the views of society (though in some ways, she is very much anti-society-values) - because she was not raised in a Christian home. I guess it is very good that I discovered God earlier - while still a teen. I’m sure you would agree how it’s really hard when someone loves you but their idea for what is best for you, is different than what you know you must do… i’ts even more painful when you love them too lol but of course we must do that.

One thought that helped me is remembering how much God values devotion to Him despite opposition and disagreement from others… and also how He values the way He made us, and does not want us to be like ‘the world’. I tried in high school to be popular, I tried going clubbing, etc, - all that brought more emptiness to my soul. I wish people knew how empty it all is. I don’t find it fun anymore. I’m more of an introverted person, and of course in our society that’s like a crime but I think we should just seek to be who God created us to be

God bless

 

[Monica4316]

Blessed Kateri Tekakwitha, Lily of the Mohawks:

The father was a Mohawk chief, the mother a Roman Catholic Algonquin, so Kateri Tekakwitha was baptized Catholic as a baby. When both her parents died, she went to live with an uncle and other relatives.

Since these other relatives were not Catholic, Kateri Tekakwitha was greatly persecuted, with even threats being made on her life.

One instance I remember reading about was the battle Kateri had with attending Sunday Mass and not working on Sunday. Kateri had to walk for miles to go to Mass. She was told that on whatever Sunday she went to Mass and did not work in the cornfield, she would be given nothing to eat on that Sunday.

wow… thanks for sharing! I know very little about this Saint. I should read about her she sounds very courageous.

I second these thoughts. I’m the only Catholic in my family and they’re apprehensive about it, but that’s no reason to stop. Obey God before man. Going to Church is not a crime.

thanks for the encouragement also nice to meet another only Catholic in the family…

Why keep it hidden? You can quietly go about and try not to argue, but don’t hide your religion. That’s the first step toward indifference.

I will think about that… I don’t want to hide it like something I’m ashamed of, hmm… maybe if I practice it but just don’t talk about it unless I’m asked, that would help. I just know when I first discovered my faith, I was very excited about it and talked about it quite a bit, but that really caused tension with my mom - it didn’t help that I often argued, which is totally my fault. I wish I could go back and fix my mistakes, I am still a baby Christian but I was definitely a baby Christian back then - but I suppose it’s best to just focus on today and being different now, rather than letting the past discourage me. I try not to argue anymore.

My mom banned me from church today

sorry to hear that fellow servant… I guess we are facing similar trials :hug1:

 

[Monica4316]

Heck no. That’s just like my New Age-y parents telling me that the reason bad stuff happens to me is because I’m always some fountain of negativity. (Gee mom and dad, I wonder why cars don’t blow up as I walk past or fire hydrants don’t burst when I touch 'em? I might as well become a supervillain. Where’s my costume? )

so they believe in karma? I really don’t believe that bad things happening is God punishing us. I got confused when my mom said this though. I started thinking, what if it’s true. But later she apologized so I dont know how much she meant it. But certainly - bad things happen to everyone, and it’s better to look at them as crosses, rather than punishments, because God is good and has our best in mind.

Look the thing with the mud is completely natural. We all make clumsy mistakes. (I probably make them more than you in fact. ) We’re only human after all. Even if we avoid accidents, somebody is going to cause an accident for us. Why should we blame God for accidents when you’ve got no proof He’s had a hand in it? Personally, if some idiot drove by and splashed mud on my pants without looking, I wouldn’t look up to the sky and blame God.

I’d just blame the idiot.

that makes sense thanks

 

[Monica4316]

thanks to everyone who helped me out about this I feel better now… it helped to not feel so alone in this situation.

God bless

 

[lauraabarlow]

I am so sorry you are going through this! You have gotten some great advice but maybe if I add my own story it could help?

I am very lucky to have been preceded into the Catholic Church by my mother so my situation is somewhat different. My husband (who is Catholic btw) is now blaming my devotion to the faith the reason he doesn’t like being Catholic. He gets upset and argues and throws a temper tantrum when I pray or go to my Carmelite meeting or want to go to Mass.He says he doesn’t like it b/c it makes him feel guilty. It is getting rather ridiculous. I was having trouble with my vocation of marriage and making sure my husband’s needs were taken care of and being faithful to God.

Through other people’s advice I realized that even though as a spouse it is my duty to help him get to heaven I can’t let him drag me down either. The devil would love that too much. You can’t let your mother blame you and your faith to God for her problems. That is the devil using her to get you to stop being so faithful.

Don’t give up, keep praying, especially for your mom! Pray the St Monica chaplet which I’m guessing you already know about considering your name

 

[Lost_Wanderer]

so they believe in karma? I really don’t believe that bad things happening is God punishing us.

It’s not karma. It’s something more obscure. Typical New Age baloney about my mind emitting vibrations or something. Honestly, I’d actually wish I could emit something to cause stuff like that. (Think of me as a male version of Jinx from Teen Titans.)

My parents oughta thank God for not deciding to rewrite the world into that type of reality.

 

[mariafransisca1]

Well, I do not know any saints who suffer persecution from their family, blessed jacinta is one, but others has helped me too.

Actually, what you go through, a lot of people, including me go through, we suffer persecutions within our own family. Sometimes our devotion, or our inner life, why we are so absorbed with God and uninterested with other things are considered as… weird. Unusual.

I have had these remarks from my mother and grandmother.

Yet… I do have trials with them, I feel like they are not following God as they should, and very worldly, this saddens me, especially my grandmother, because her time is near (she is 80). She still is angry with people, watches romantic soap operas, and worse, she used God as a backup for all she does. And this put strains in my family. My mother is 1/2 of it,
she loves money and work. We need to pray for the members of our family, for their salvation, and conversion, so that they may love God, praise him, now and for eternity and escape hell.

But they never treated me badly, or ban me from church. They are just indifferent and put some hindrances.

Thank you for making this thread, monica, I think many people suffer from what you do, in greater or less degree. We are not saints, yet, but we do suffer greater or less than you, in similiar situations from our family.

I once complained to God, I said, Lord, there aren’t any saints who have bad family… St. Therese of Lisieux has a family of Saints! Her father and mother was declared blessed, and so does her 4 sisters. Her 2 brothers died at infancy. They all go to heaven:angel1:

But then I remembered, there is St. Catherine of Sienna. She was banned from praying in her family, she was this unusual child, or young lady, she was completely immersed in God. And her family made her did house chores to prevent her from praying. And she was not allowed to do corporal mortifications, once she was so zealous in her mortifications, her mother commanded her to sleep in her room, so that she can watch over her.

But she got through that and be a saint.

You can read the book

Life of St. Catherine of Sienna - by her confessor Blessed Raymond of Capua
saintsworks.net/books/Bl.%20Raymund%20of%20Capua%20-%20The%20Life%20of%20St.%20Catherine%20of%20Siena.pdf

Worldliness, yes yes, we shouldn’t be worldly. You should read the Imitation of Christ by Thomas a Kempis, the favorite of St. Therese. It talks mostly about the error of worldlines, worldly society, worldly talk, and the vanity of these things. That those people who abandon these things, gets consolation from God, which is a higher quality (cannot be compared) of consolation, than worldly consolation.

Do you go to confession frequently?

Here is the link of books that might help you, they are free
saintsbooks.net/BooksList.html

 

[CB_Catholic]

btw… just wanted to ask, does anyone know a Saint that I could relate to on this? (yet I can’t always perfectly relate to the Saints here because they did nothing wrong in their family, yet I’ve made many mistakes. But still )

St. Francis of Assisi had some bad family problems, and some of it was of his own doing.
His Father was totally against his religious devotion after his conversion and treated him cruelly, even beating him and locking him up. However, Francis did provoke his wrath by taking some cloth that belonged to him (his father was a cloth merchant) without his father’s permission and selling it to restore a church at San Damiano he (wrongly) thought God wanted him to restore. There is more to this story ending up with Francis terminating the father-son relationship.

There are some books about him available and some online articles about these incidents if you do a Google search.

It is not true that the Saints did nothing wrong in their families. All of the Saints were sinners, and some of them lived grevious lives before their conversions and hurt many people, including their families. St. Augustine had a taste for the ladies and had a son out of wedlock and lived with his paramour without being married. You can read about him in his Confessions.U His mother, St Monica, prayed for his conversion for 20 years.

There are others, too, but these two are pretty famous.

I think it is important for you to remember that your Mother is probably acting out of love and concern for you, although she might be going about it the wrong way. You are an adult, after all, and responsible for your own behavior. Try to be patient and try to continue to find a job to support yourself so you can be independent. Pray hard for patience and forgiveness and continue to practice your faith as well as you can in the circumstances, but try not to provoke any arguments. Always honor your parents. However, God does come first, and you are not a child (I think I read that you had finished your degree).

 

[the_phoenix]

It’s not karma. It’s something more obscure. Typical New Age baloney about my mind emitting vibrations or something. Honestly, I’d actually wish I could emit something to cause stuff like that. (Think of me as a male version of Jinx from Teen Titans.)

My parents oughta thank God for not deciding to rewrite the world into that type of reality.

I should direct you to a post I made earlier today where I explain how messed up my sense of direction is due to what I think is my unique electromagnetic field. Compasses tend to give unusual readings around me was the basic idea of my post. Additionally, I mess up watches … stopped someone else’s watch dead when I shook hands once, watch never ran again. Plus, I attract lightning. (Multiple examples, I’ll spare you for right now.) And a maintenance guy in my former apartment informed me that by simply turning off (or was it on?) the lights in the laundry room, I managed to blow a fuse that killed electricity to three entire buildings … he explained to me as he went to fix the fusebox.

It’s not New Age. I was simply born an X-File, I suppose, and there’s some logical scientific reason behind it.

Anyways, sorry for the tangent, please continue on with the thread topic!

 

[cviolette]

I just wanted to give you a :hug3: I have 4 teenagers and would be very proud if I had a daughter that put God first.

 

[FaustinaClare]

thanks for sharing your story :hug1: I’m sorry you’re facing that situation with your husband sounds like quite a cross for you. I don’t really understand why sometimes people start disliking Catholicism even more when they see someone devoted to it, - but of course, - it’s our responsibility to be faithful to God and devotion is a good, not a bad thing. Maybe people are just facing something in themselves. I do not know. I just thought of something though, - do you know of the Green Scapular? that might help… it helped my grandmother to find faith in God
.

Thank you very much, actually i have one hidden in his stuff. By the grace of God things will get better for all of us who are in this kind of situation.

 

[Monica4316]

It’s not karma. It’s something more obscure. Typical New Age baloney about my mind emitting vibrations or something. Honestly, I’d actually wish I could emit something to cause stuff like that. (Think of me as a male version of Jinx from Teen Titans.)

My parents oughta thank God for not deciding to rewrite the world into that type of reality.

that sounds like a harsh reality New Age ideas can be so strange. Isn’t it good they’re not true after all lol. =)

Well, I do not know any saints who suffer persecution from their family, blessed jacinta is one, but others has helped me too.

Actually, what you go through, a lot of people, including me go through, we suffer persecutions within our own family. Sometimes our devotion, or our inner life, why we are so absorbed with God and uninterested with other things are considered as… weird. Unusual.

I have had these remarks from my mother and grandmother.

that is very much like what I mean =) my mom gets worried about me because sometimes I seem to only be interested in spiritual things, or if I’m interested in other things, it’s for some reason like ‘it would please God’ etc. Please don’t get the impression I’m so dedicated to God because I’m a really big sinner and often feel very lukewarm and far from salvation. But I have faced this too, where people would not understand why I’m not interested in partying, shopping, etc. Especially because of my age (early 20s). But the truth is that whenever I get more worldly, that’s a huge distraction for me.

Yet… I do have trials with them, I feel like they are not following God as they should, and very worldly, this saddens me, especially my grandmother, because her time is near (she is 80). She still is angry with people, watches romantic soap operas, and worse, she used God as a backup for all she does. And this put strains in my family. My mother is 1/2 of it,
she loves money and work. We need to pray for the members of our family, for their salvation, and conversion, so that they may love God, praise him, now and for eternity and escape hell.

there’s something St Therese of Lisieux said that really encouraged me… she said, our prayers and sacrifices do more than our words. It helps to offer little sacrifices… also the Green Scapular is good for conversions (it helped my grandmother to find faith in God and she lived as an agnostic all her life! she wrote me in a letter that she believes in God now, after I sent her a green scapular). I agree we should pray for our families… sometimes it’s so painful, I don’t know if I can take it, because I feel afraid for their salvation - and my own. Then it helps to just pray, “Jesus I trust in You”. There’s a prayer that He said would help convert souls to Him… “O Blood and Water which gushed forth from the Heart of Jesus as a fount of Mercy for us, I trust in You”. I will pray for your family too, please say a prayer for mine

But they never treated me badly, or ban me from church. They are just indifferent and put some hindrances.

Thank you for making this thread, monica, I think many people suffer from what you do, in greater or less degree. We are not saints, yet, but we do suffer greater or less than you, in similiar situations from our family.

I once complained to God, I said, Lord, there aren’t any saints who has bad family… St. Therese of Lisieux has a family of Saints! Her father and mother was declared blessed, and so does her 4 sisters. Her 2 brothers died at infancy. They all go to heaven:angel1:

But then I remembered, there is St. Catherine of Sienna. She was banned from praying in her family, she was this unusual child, or young lady, she was completely immersed in God. And her family made her did house chores to prevent her from praying. And she was not allowed to do corporal mortifications, once she was so zealous in her mortifications, her mother commanded her to sleep in her room, so that she can watch over her.

But she got through that and be a saint.

You can read the book

Life of St. Catherine of Sienna - by her confessor Blessed Raymond of Capua
saintsworks.net/books/Bl.%20Raymund%20of%20Capua%20-%20The%20Life%20of%20St.%20Catherine%20of%20Siena.pdf

very interesting, thank you! I’ve made the same complaints lol…

Worldliness, yes yes, we shouldn’t be worldly. You should read the Imitation of Christ by Thomas a Kempis, the favorite of St. Therese. It talks mostly about the error of worldlines, worldly society, worldly talk, and the vanity of these things. That those people who abandon these things, gets consolation from God, which is a higher quality (cannot be compared) of consolation, than worldly consolation.

very true I have read portions of the book.

Do you go to confession frequently?

yes I try to

Here is the link of books that might help you, they are free
saintsbooks.net/BooksList.html

thanks!

 

[Monica4316]

St. Francis of Assisi had some bad family problems, and some of it was of his own doing.
His Father was totally against his religious devotion after his conversion and treated him cruelly, even beating him and locking him up. However, Francis did provoke his wrath by taking some cloth that belonged to him (his father was a cloth merchant) without his father’s permission and selling it to restore a church at San Damiano he (wrongly) thought God wanted him to restore. There is more to this story ending up with Francis terminating the father-son relationship.

I forgot about St Francis! thanks! =) I can relate to him more here because I also made mistakes.

There are some books about him available and some online articles about these incidents if you do a Google search.

It is not true that the Saints did nothing wrong in their families. All of the Saints were sinners, and some of them lived grevious lives before their conversions and hurt many people, including their families. St. Augustine had a taste for the ladies and had a son out of wedlock and lived with his paramour without being married. You can read about him in his Confessions.

yes that is true =) it seems to me though that even if they sinned a lot before their conversion, they sinned much less afterwards… but I just keep on sinning althogh - I guess it is always a struggle… I’m not falling into despair or anything. I want to improve. I have many bad habits to overcome.

I think it is important for you to remember that your Mother is probably acting out of love and concern for you, although she might be going about it the wrong way.

I do agree with this I will try to remember. The worst thing I can do is get angry with her over this and resent her.

You are an adult, after all, and responsible for your own behavior. Try to be patient and try to continue to find a job to support yourself so you can be independent. Pray hard for patience and forgiveness and continue to practice your faith as well as you can in the circumstances, but try not to provoke any arguments. Always honor your parents. However, God does come first, and you are not a child (I think I read that you had finished your degree).

thanks for the advice

I should direct you to a post I made earlier today where I explain how messed up my sense of direction is due to what I think is my unique electromagnetic field. Compasses tend to give unusual readings around me was the basic idea of my post. Additionally, I mess up watches … stopped someone else’s watch dead when I shook hands once, watch never ran again. Plus, I attract lightning. (Multiple examples, I’ll spare you for right now.) And a maintenance guy in my former apartment informed me that by simply turning off the lights in the laundry room, I managed to blow a fuse that killed electricity to three entire buildings … he explained to me as he went to fix the fusebox.

It’s not New Age. I was simply born an X-File, I suppose, and there’s some logical scientific reason behind it.

Anyways, sorry for the tangent, please continue on with the thread topic!

Interesting

I just wanted to give you a :hug3: I have 4 teenagers and would be very proud if I had a daughter that put God first.

thank you cviolette :hug1:

Thank you very much, actually i have one hidden in his stuff. By the grace of God things will get better for all of us who are in this kind of situation.

yes by the grace of God!

 

[mariafransisca1]

Here is the link to the Imitation of Christ:
saintsworks.net/books/Thomas%20a%20Kempis%20-%20The%20Imitation%20of%20Christ.pdf

For those who are struggling with worldliness, worldly society, and worldly talk, and try to separate themselves from them

Introduction to the Devout Life by St. Francis de Sales is also good for those who are living in the world but trying to lead a devout catholic life.
saintsworks.net/books/St.%20Francis%20de%20Sales%20-%20Introduction%20to%20the%20Devout%20Life.pdf

It is written for a spiritual daughter who is living in the world, he called her Philotea, we are her spiritual daughters, and he address us as his spiritual children.

It is basically spiritual direction. We need that. Excellent book.

Oh Monica has already gotten the book of Imitation. It’s for others lol

I will pray for you and your family. We have the same concerns:tada:
Finally, someone who understand my pain, even it be not physical (they do not abuse me or anything)

 

[Monica4316]

Here is the link to the Imitation of Christ:
saintsworks.net/books/Thomas%20a%20Kempis%20-%20The%20Imitation%20of%20Christ.pdf

For those who are struggling with worldliness, worldly society, and worldly talk, and try to separate themselves from them

Introduction to the Devout Life by St. Francis de Sales is also good for those who are living in the world but trying to lead a devout catholic life.
saintsworks.net/books/St.%20Francis%20de%20Sales%20-%20Introduction%20to%20the%20Devout%20Life.pdf

good books

 

[Celticnovice]

Monica,

You might be interested in St. Teresa of the Andes…Not a total match but when I read your post she came into my mind