Not another singles thread....YES!...lol

[Luvz2travel]

Yes this is yet another singles thread. Just thought I’d pose this question. Are u still single because you had such a good example from your parents or the opposite?

 

[nickybr38]

Yes this is yet another singles thread. Just thought I’d pose this question. Are u still single because you had such a good example from your parents or the opposite?

I’m single because I have never met a man who was compatible with me…
and because I’m not willing to marry just anyone since marriage is forever in my mind.

 

[trinichiqn]

Same here. Single because I haven’t met the right person yet.

My parents are probably the worse example or probably the best example that you should wait for the right person and ensure that God is part of that relationship. So I guess in a way because of my living cautionary tale I am single because I am not willing to settle.

 

[carguy]

Single because I haven’t meet the right person, but damn I could you some luck. lol

 

[cecilia97]

Yes this is yet another singles thread. Just thought I’d pose this question. Are u still single because you had such a good example from your parents or the opposite?

My parents are blessed with a strong marriage of almost 50 years. I did not follow their example well…married a wrong person and divorced. That relationship has since been found unsacramental by the Church. Years later, I find myself unwilling to settle for anything less than Jesus again and I’m starting to discern a call to perpetual celibacy.

 

[Norseman82]

Single because I haven’t meet the right person, but
(bad word deleted) I could you some luck. lol

Kinda same here…the person I thought was the right person ended up joining a religious order and received her habit a few months ago.

 

[djforce888]

Yes this is yet another singles thread. Just thought I’d pose this question. Are u still single because you had such a good example from your parents or the opposite?

The opposite although my Mom has been a great influence on me. (My Dad cheated on my mom so I dont look up to him in that regard). I sacrificed being around girls for getting paid to go to a pretty much all guys school. Also, college has really strengthened my faith and beliefs in purity/chastity. (So the most important thing to me when looking for a gf is her faith/morals) Before college I had never had a gf either (still dont) because I was so determined to get into my dream school so I figure it will happen in God’s timing.

 

[DeniseNY]

I think I’m still single because I spent a great deal of my life feeling woefully inferior, not having much confidence in myself, and I experienced a lot of social anxiety. I think those factors led me to make some really bad choices and I was never really certain of what I was looking for in a partner.

I’ve overcome those issues and now I’m eager to meet someone. VERY eager!

 

[runwaymodel]

I was single for many years by choice because my parents set a wonderful example. They are more in love now than ever before. My parents are truly inspirational to me and I strive to have a marriage like that some day. So before I met the man I am with now I would have gladly been single for several more years because I refuse to settle and I don’t believe in dating someone continuously unless there is potential for something much more.

Good thread, OP, because I hadn’t thought about how parents can influence those kinds of life choices.

 

[ShanaA1984]

Still single for 2 reasons.

1. I have not found the right person yet (and starting to wonder if I ever will).
2. I have a small child which makes dating almost impossible.

I do feel that my parents poor relationship has influnced me which in turn resulted in reason number 2.

 

[JoeofCupertino]

I am single. I wish I could be taken though lol. There are a multitude of reasons to be single still. Anywhere from not meeting the right one, to bad choices, my impulsive and often times eccentric personality combined with a certain shyness that combines to have given me just some bad luck. I am 24 and know that time is still on my side but I always feel that everyday I am single is another day that I am pushing marriage back later. For some reason Ive always feared getting married at an older rather than younger age.

For now I stay single but would love to find someone at any point now!

 

[Nanny_PK]

I’m not sure marriage is in God’s plans for me. I just have not met the right one – and to be fully honest, I’ve picked some real losers. I’ve gone out with some really nice guys, but there was just no match. Of course, the losers I’ve always been attracted to – but they didn’t last.

So we’ll see what God’s future holds. Until then I’ll just enjoy my life.

 

[cmscms]

I think I’m still single because I spent a great deal of my life feeling woefully inferior, not having much confidence in myself,

Ditto. I remember when I first went to university and a man would hold a door open for me, I didn’t dare walk in front of him. In the back of my mind I would be thinking 'Once you know who I am and realize you held the door open for the stupidest girl on campus, will you ever feel like a fool. Sad but true.

 

[cmscms]

I Anywhere from not meeting the right one, to bad choices, my impulsive and often times eccentric personality combined with a certain shyness that combines to have given me just some bad luck.

Ditto. I was very shy when I was younger and looking back, I am sure some people misread that as me being a snob who though I was too good to be with them

Also, my personality seems like a contradiction to a lot of people. I like to be a clown and laugh. I also like to call men ‘my boyfriend’. For example, there was a priest at my church who was the sweatest man and I would always say ‘Father, get a dispensation, I want to marry you’. My intent was always innocent. But then people would be shocked when I would ask to not tell a dirty joke in front of me

I am now at a stage (almost 42) where I am so use to living alone and coming and going as I please, I think compromising would be a big stretch. Not to mention, when I was in my late 30s men my age ‘though I was too old to have kids’ and went for the younger girls. And lastly, the fact that most ‘single’ men my age are divorced makes the probability so low of me meeting anyone so low, I gave up about 6 years ago. But then again, maybe it is the low self-esteem giving me a good excuse to not try

Which brings me to another point, sometimes I think if I had a core group of friends I could rely on, I have to wonder if I would even want to marry. I often think single people don’t want marriage half as much as they seem to think marriage takes away loneliness

But, I do want a marriage like my parents in the sense the man is the main bread winner and the woman is the main housekeeper. However, I would want both people to help with the non traditional gender duties

CM

 

[dachsiemom2]

I am in my mid fifties and still single. Basically because the right person didn’t come along and my standards are rather high. Also I am a bit on the shy side and and not the most social person when it comes to meeting men. After so many years of being disappointed and hurt, I just gave up and didn’t try to meet anyone.

Almost two years ago I started dating a wonderful man who I have known for over 30 years. His sister and I have been friends for decades. His wife passed away several years ago and his sister urged him to give me a call.

We see each other on the weekends as live an hour and a half away from each other. Will we get married? Hopefully sometime - after he retires. At this point in our lives it would be difficult to change jobs - either of us. For right now I am happy with the relationship as is.

 

[SheaWilson]

I’m still single because of my parents. Dad was abusive and I am afraid of turning into him. He was a heavy alcoholic, drug addict, porn addict (gay and straight), and he committed suicide because my mom and I left him. She divorced him. Mom got re-married 7 years later, and, after one year, got divorced. Step-dad divorced her. I’m afraid of me turning into my dad so much, that I can’t open myself up to women.

 

[chevalier]

Yes this is yet another singles thread. Just thought I’d pose this question. Are u still single because you had such a good example from your parents or the opposite?

All six of my half-siblings (while I don’t have even a single “full” sibling) have had problems with relationships. Family stuff and childhood have a lot to do with it. This is similar to what Adult Children of Alcoholics have, although none of my parents were fans of alcohol. It’s more like dealing with the missing parental figure, not getting the right patterns to emulate, not getting a healthy relationship to watch and learn from etc. This is probably why approaching a woman has always been weird.

On the other hand, there are probably bigger factors to the point that you could argue the above does not matter or has not been the deciding factor much. I’ll explain below.

You see, I was a genius kid that lost the spark (and, consequently, never learnt how to learn, which hurt later) after experiencing the initial hype. Also, a fat nerd turned a starved nerd turned a suddenly handsome nerd. I had a huge number of different hobbies in my younger years, reading about a lot of different stuff, in incredible combinations. For example I know Latin and I can code. I went on and finished law school, while I currently work as a linguist (and a decent one) despite not actually having a degree there. The favourite hobby most of the time was history, anyway. This makes it very easy to connect with almost anybody and everybody but hard to find the kind of connection where you’re really understood by someone. Couldn’t really connect with someone who saw me as just a lawyer (law grad, more like) or just a linguist or just an IT nerd (it’s not only coding I do) or just a history geek or just that funny old-fashioned dude who “speaks” Latin (I probably could but it wouldn’t be cute). Most people tend to be specialised in one thing. I believe this really, really comes in the way of my ever finding a “match”. And no, I’m not a genius who’s good at everything, I don’t have that horsepower. It’s more like jack of all trades master of none. So I’m different. Besides, I can’t drive and I don’t do any sport, which makes me different all the more. Another factor that makes me different is personality and that’s a whole new story altogether that I won’t bore you with. Let’s just mention one thing: that I’m sensitive and can’t take vulgarity, and that I’m capable of being somewhat moody, Celtic style (except I’m not Celtic, for the record).

As a result of the above, there’s little in the way of connection. Doesn’t mean I don’t have my “issues” but they probably don’t get a chance to matter. And the reason why women almost invariably lose interest in me early, even if they had otherwise been interested or even made moves on me, may be compound, probably more due to being different than any direct results of my “issues” relating to family or childhood. Something must probably be showing early that makes them think I’m weird or creepy. Their loss. There’s no issue because whatever makes them see me as that, also makes us incompatible.

The other part of my being single is that I’m a romantic in my own way. This is not signing a partnership agreement and running a business together, despite all the practical similarities. I’m not going to make a casting for a wife and choose the best available option within the available timeframe. Things don’t work like that with me. And where there’s no spark, I won’t be having a campfire. I need attraction and I need that loving feeling and I need warmth (in the ascending order of importance, I guess).

 

[Bezant]

I’m still single because of my parents. Dad was abusive and I am afraid of turning into him. He was a heavy alcoholic, drug addict, porn addict (gay and straight), and he committed suicide because my mom and I left him. She divorced him. Mom got re-married 7 years later, and, after one year, got divorced. Step-dad divorced her. I’m afraid of me turning into my dad so much, that I can’t open myself up to women.

You were probably told, at some point during this drama that “It’s not your fault.”

I’ve used to think it was stupid thing for adults to say (why would even a child think his parents’ marital issues were his fault?), but you need to think about that advice in a different way: you’re not damaged goods, and there’s no such thing as bad blood.

A great deal of life is about choice, even if you couldn’t choose a better childhood. You can choose to be decent, even if your father wasn’t.

Do you abuse alcohol, drugs or pornography? Would you hit woman? Do you like to bully people?

If all the answers are a definite no – then you’re ruling yourself out of the dating game before you’ve given yourself a chance to play. And where will you be if you continue to do so, ten years later, if you convinced yourself that you’re saving women the inevitable trouble?

 

[Bezant]

Yes this is yet another singles thread. Just thought I’d pose this question. Are u still single because you had such a good example from your parents or the opposite?

I’m single because I’ve realised that this is not the proper time in my life to be committed, that I don’t need to be committed to enjoy my life–especially not to the first woman coming my way. In the past, I thought I was too unattractive, too awkward, and too boring to attract a girl, and that if I were lucky enough to find one, I’d be all set. After a couple bad breakups, I’m glad to say I was wrong and I walked away wiser and happier.

 

[SheaWilson]

You were probably told, at some point during this drama that “It’s not your fault.”

I’ve used to think it was stupid thing for adults to say (why would even a child think his parents’ marital issues were his fault?), but you need to think about that advice in a different way: you’re not damaged goods, and there’s no such thing as bad blood.

A great deal of life is about choice, even if you couldn’t choose a better childhood. You can choose to be decent, even if your father wasn’t.

Do you abuse alcohol, drugs or pornography? Would you hit woman? Do you like to bully people?

If all the answers are a definite no – then you’re ruling yourself out of the dating game before you’ve given yourself a chance to play. And where will you be if you continue to do so, ten years later, if you convinced yourself that you’re saving women the inevitable trouble?

Well, I don’t abuse alcohol (I am not even legally allowed to drink), I don’t smoke or do drugs, and pornography… well, I don’t want to go there. That would be uncomfortable for me. But I will say I struggle with addictions. As for hitting a woman… absolutely never will I EVER hit a woman. I struggle with the thought of even hitting a man. I hate bullying too. It’s all I ever got when I was in elementary up until high school when people started to act their age.

I’m starting to open myself up to a woman I have known for about a month. We agreed to chit-chat tonight after mass. It’s not really a date, but a… (insert word I can’t think of). I can’t wait for tonight. Also, like you suggested chevalier, I will be getting counseling. Tuesday I’ll be getting in touch with my parish about stuff like that.