Not attending brother's wedding

[JMJ01]

Hello. My brother has been Catholic his whole 24 years of life until now. He wrote my mom and dad a letter stating he is no longer Catholic and the Catholic Church’s beliefs are not correct. He thinks all you need is the Bible which is bull because no where in the Bible does it say “Bible alone” and that is all. Anyways, he is getting married in a non-denominational bible church. My parents and I have informed him we will not be attending the wedding. We told him we love him very much but we just do not feel we can be there. To us, that would say we are condoning what he is doing. What he is doing is totally wrong. I was just wanting to know anyone else’s opinion. It is not easy deciding not to attend but I believe it is best. Any other thoughts? Thanks.

 

[Rascalking]

Your right. It’s NOT easy. My heart hurts for the situation your family is in.

Having said that, attending the wedding is different than participating in it. You might want to go to support your brother-he knows that you dissaprove.

I have a little sister, and I cannot imagine a situation where I wouldn’t at least attend her wedding…

Just my thoughts…

 

[grace_singh]

JM ~

if you feel that in good conscience you can not attend your brother’s wedding, than it may be best to stay away… weddings are a big deal, but matters of Christian faith tend to divide families more than unite them.

if your attending the wedding would mean your feeling miserable, angry, and hurt the entire time this will probably show. it is better to let your brother have his Protestant, sola-scriptura wedding and be happy, rather than drag yourselves to something you feel is deeply wrong, and being miserable through out the entire ceremony.

 

[John_Higgins]

Absolutely go. Your brother knows how you feel. Family is family. If you ever want to be in a position to help him (if he wants) to come back to the Church, you can’t shut him out now.

Go.

John

 

[iluvmybabies]

I learned something from my mother this week…My brother doesn’t support me restarting my life, I wrote this in another thread…It wasn’t the point that I am pg outside of marriage it was the point that I left my abusive husband, ever since I did that my brother has disowned me and will not speak to me except to tell me off like he did before Christmas and after… I took the first message extremely wrong and reacted with as much disapproval as he treated me… My sister agreed with my lecturing him parents didnt…Mother didn’t talk to me for several days and father scolded me as if I was a 10 year old throwing a tantrum didn’t even let me speak…

Well several days later mother answered her phone and began speaking with me right before Christmas Eve, told me she spoke with father about the situation and said “we can not approve of our children’s behaviors ever but we can’t change whom they are, they are our children and their decisions are not our decisions…We must love them and pray for them endlessly…”

My brother married a nonCatholic woman and is having doubts about GOD as well…Tells my parents Catholics are hypocrites etc, and as long as he believes that there is a GOD that should all be that matters…They attended his wedding, next year in June they are celebrating their marriage with a huge banquet what they didn’t get to do this Christmas…I was yelled at when I said I wasn’t going to be able to go, first of all, my income tax money has to go towards a new baby not spending 2500 for all of us to fly a plane to Idaho and spend money on a hotel just for a cranky little bratty brother whom hasn’t spoken to me in years except to tell me off let alone one not marrying with a Catholic, fine he chooses his wife that way and decides he doesn’t want to be Catholic anymore, fine that’s his choice doesn’t mean I have to be supportive about it! I love him and I pray for him and hope GOD blessed them endlessly…But I will not attend his wedding like he will not attend mine not because I am trying to be hurtful like he is but because I am trying to at least bless my relationship and try to be closer to GOD, in my most unperfect way…

My sister and brother will go, they feel a wedding no matter what is a time to celebrate… No matter what…I told them that was great…and hope they have fun…

If I had a good relationship with my brother the sacrifice of spending my income tax money on him would have been worth it, even if it isn’t through a Catholic wedding, because at least they will try to live as husband and wife, the way GOD intended wether they want to accept GOD in their lives or not…I would offer them prayers in their ceremony and many blessings from GOD, shower them with love that GOD has given me…But I do not have a good relationship with him, I will pray for them and shower them with love from a distance…

All we can do is love them and pray for them…their choices are not our choices their lives are not our lives…

 

[JMJ01]

Thank you all for your responses. I understand all of your points. I just get so irritated when someone, especially my brother turns his back on the Church that Christ founded and tells my mom and dad that what they have taught him over the years is wrong. That they taught him the wrong beliefs. Very very frustrating.

 

[iluvmybabies]

Thank you all for your responses. I understand all of your points. I just get so irritated when someone, especially my brother turns his back on the Church that Christ founded and tells my mom and dad that what they have taught him over the years is wrong. That they taught him the wrong beliefs. Very very frustrating.

Oh I hear you…I feel the same way too…Esp when he tells my father “If you want to preach become a priest and go someplace else!” Very rude…All my father tries to do is guide us through scripture and help us learn to be better with GOD, not try to ruin our lives or our fun times, but that’s life for you and that’s brothers…Some get closer to GOD others further…Pretty sad…I know…

 

[flyingfish]

Hello. My brother has been Catholic his whole 24 years of life until now. He wrote my mom and dad a letter stating he is no longer Catholic and the Catholic Church’s beliefs are not correct. He thinks all you need is the Bible which is bull because no where in the Bible does it say “Bible alone” and that is all. Anyways, he is getting married in a non-denominational bible church. My parents and I have informed him we will not be attending the wedding. We told him we love him very much but we just do not feel we can be there. To us, that would say we are condoning what he is doing. What he is doing is totally wrong. I was just wanting to know anyone else’s opinion. It is not easy deciding not to attend but I believe it is best. Any other thoughts? Thanks.

I would be careful at the message you are sending. People can be validly married in non Catholic Churches, they can even be validly married by a government official.

By not attending his wedding you are going to really hurt your relationship with him and his wife. It might not matter that much for you, but your parents should really think twice. Once they have children, how involved do your parents want to be in the lives of their grandchildren?

This kind of silliness is just going to cause a rift in your family, and for what? It is not even the Church’s official position that you must refuse to attend the wedding.

 

[that_name]

I would be careful at the message you are sending. People can be validly married in non Catholic Churches, they can even be validly married by a government official.

By not attending his wedding you are going to really hurt your relationship with him and his wife. It might not matter that much for you, but your parents should really think twice. Once they have children, how involved do your parents want to be in the lives of their grandchildren?

This kind of silliness is just going to cause a rift in your family, and for what? It is not even the Church’s official position that you must refuse to attend the wedding.

As a Catholic, this person is bound by Canon law. They have to marry according to the laws of the Chruch. They can never marry validly outside of that law.

Good for your parents in sticking up for morality and faith! In the end, your brother will respect them for their faith.

 

[Sparki777]

Not knowing your brother, your parents, or you, it’s difficult to assess the situation properly, so I’m just going to ask you a few questions:

Are you and your parents giving your brother a feeling of love and long-suffering and patience or the cold shoulder?

Is your new sister-in-law going to feel welcomed into your family and willing to seek a good, solid relationship with you and your parents if you boycott the wedding?

Is your brother going to be more likely to hear you out in the future if you go to this wedding or if you boycott it?

Look, I understand how difficult this is. My sister is getting “married” sometime in 2010, and she’s promised me an invitation, but she is “marrying” another woman, with whom she has been living for several years. Obviously, I can’t go to that event because of the illicit nature of their entire relationship.

I’ve looked at my situation from every possible angle, and I’ve weighed every possible response, searching for the most loving and Christ-like way to say that I can’t be there. It doesn’t matter – she’ll be ticked off. She’s already bucking for a fight. She’s eager to be able to point out to the rest of the family that I’m the crazy fundamentalist Catholic who heaps judgment on others, such a hypocrite, such a horrible, horrible person.

But if I go, she’ll call me a hypocrite for saying I’m Catholic and then celebrating her “wedding,” which is exactly opposed to Catholic teaching, and that’ll be her proof that Catholicism is schmucktacular. Really, the woman hates Catholicism so much, she’s going to call me names either way, so there is no point in me going.

Honestly, if my sister were marrying a man in a church by a real minister instead of a woman at the city gardens in a ceremony performed by a pal who got “ordained” on the Internet, I’d go. Is it ideal? Nope. Is the marriage licit? More than likely not. But by going – not participating – I would be showing her that I want to have a relationship with her, and hopefully building that relationship to the point where I can gently and humbly point out the truth as long as we both live.

Please think about this carefully. What’s your job here? To condemn him or to win him back to the Church? And what’s the best way to do that? Maybe he’s the type of guy who really needs you to draw a line in the sand. Maybe that will make things worse. I don’t know, because I don’t know your brother. You’ll have to answer that yourself.

 

[tbcrawford]

Absolutely go. Your brother knows how you feel. Family is family. If you ever want to be in a position to help him (if he wants) to come back to the Church, you can’t shut him out now.

Go.

John

Very good post!!!

 

[JMJ01]

As a Catholic, this person is bound by Canon law. They have to marry according to the laws of the Chruch. They can never marry validly outside of that law.

Good for your parents in sticking up for morality and faith! In the end, your brother will respect them for their faith.

Thank you very much. I really appreciate it.

 

[aicirt]

I would be careful at the message you are sending. People can be validly married in non Catholic Churches, they can even be validly married by a government official.

By not attending his wedding you are going to really hurt your relationship with him and his wife. It might not matter that much for you, but your parents should really think twice. Once they have children, how involved do your parents want to be in the lives of their grandchildren?

This kind of silliness is just going to cause a rift in your family, and for what? It is not even the Church’s official position that you must refuse to attend the wedding.

What she/he said.

 

[tweetymom]

Hello. My brother has been Catholic his whole 24 years of life until now. He wrote my mom and dad a letter stating he is no longer Catholic and the Catholic Church’s beliefs are not correct. He thinks all you need is the Bible which is bull because no where in the Bible does it say “Bible alone” and that is all. Anyways, he is getting married in a non-denominational bible church. My parents and I have informed him we will not be attending the wedding. We told him we love him very much but we just do not feel we can be there. To us, that would say we are condoning what he is doing. What he is doing is totally wrong. I was just wanting to know anyone else’s opinion. It is not easy deciding not to attend but I believe it is best. Any other thoughts? Thanks.

What a sad thing to do. You should respect your brothers decision. You and your family could be a forever block in his life.

 

[Musician]

Go to your brother’s wedding and tell your parents they should go, too. This sets a very bad precedent for future relationships.
Remember, “Love never fails.”!

 

[that_name]

Amazing - to those of you who encourage celebrating this fornication also celebrate other grave sins with your family? Do you go over and watch the first time your nephew gets falling down drunk - to support him and let him know that you love him? How about being the alibi for your sister so she can go have an affair, I mean, you don’t want to alienate her

 

[KostyaJMJ]

Have you tried to get him to follow canon law so that you can attend the wedding? I don’t believe it will be very difficult to either formally defect or get a dispensation.

 

[Musician]

How ridiculous… This is not fornication, it is the celebration of a legal, binding marriage. His brother has already left the Church. The marriage is legally, societally binding. For the OP and his parents not to go to this wedding makes them seem heartless and cold, not warm and loving in a Christian manner.

 

[JMJ01]

What a sad thing to do. You should respect your brothers decision. You and your family could be a forever block in his life.

So who cares if he turns his back on Christ’s Church? My brother says it is between him, her, and God. So if that is the case, he shouldnt have a problem with us not going. He told us his reasoning for changing to her non-denom religion is because that is what he now believes. Well, this is what we believe. We are not cutting off ties with him. We still love him and we will call him. We just won’t witness something that is not morally right.

 

[tweetymom]

How ridiculous… This is not fornication, it is the celebration of a legal, binding marriage. His brother has already left the Church. The marriage is legally, societally binding. For the OP and his parents not to go to this wedding makes them seem heartless and cold, not warm and loving in a Christian manner.

Amen and amen/