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tafan2
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All things being equal, marry a Catholic. Unfortunately all things are rarely equal.
Not caring whether one marries a Catholic or not?
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That, too, is at the core of what I was trying to convey. Thank you.
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DeniseNY
Guest
I think what people find offensive is the judgement of the marriages of others and their motivations. Your first post in this thread was extremely judgmental.
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OurLadyofSorrows
Guest
At present you are still married. You are not on the market, not available, and should not be thinking of new mates. It does not matter how your marriage is or was. You are at this point, still married. It would be up to a Tribunal to determine its status and potential annulment.
Therefore, speak to your priest about this line of thought and seek his wisdom on it. But for others it can be occasion for scandal. Marriage is marriage, regardless of its civil status, those married should not be thinking about new wives or husbands.
You asked my thoughts, I answered. I am in the same boat, civil divorce , no annulment, haven’t even applied for one. My husband, yes he is still my husband, is remarried. Her husband was recently killed so she is now a widow. But according to the church, he is still married to me.
If anyone approaches me about dates or asking if I would be interested in their male relative, I have to answer, no I am still married, no annulment.
I pray for my husband and his new civil wife.
We all get on quite well together.
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jlc2k2
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Thoughts? I’m so glad that wasn’t my husband’s criteria as I would not be Catholic and raising 4, soon to be 5, Catholic children.
Experiences? I know many people talk about how hazardous marrying a non-Catholic can be. And believe me, I know there are challenges. I lived a small number of them before my conversion. But in my experience, of all the Catholic/non-Catholic marriages I know, the non-Catholic spouse either converts or participates in parish life in such a way that it is nearly impossible to tell that they aren’t Catholic unless you closely monitor whether they take communion. This includes my in laws and multiple couples I know through our parish. I know many aren’t so fortunate but I think people don’t realize how often it does work.
Yes, I have known of several marriages that are as you describe. For this kind of thing to play out, the Catholic needs to be the “alpha spouse” where matters of religion are concerned, take the lead, and draw the non-Catholic “beta spouse” into this kind of relationship with the Church.
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OurLadyofSorrows
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It is a thought in your head and you have acted on it by writing it down on a forum. We must not encourage married, civilly divorced Catholics to give these thoughts any air time.
Their first thought should be regarding annulments.
And that is where we have to be the example. You have to be the example, as do I. Say to your civilly divorced friend/relative ‘hey get an annulment before you think of dating’. Otherwise lives can become very messy.
The typical scenario does not make it the right scenario.
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DeniseNY
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I disagree and I think a couple of other people read it the same way I did. I’m muting this thread.
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Pattylt
Guest
In Judaism there is also strong pressure to marry within the faith but it’s really not going very well. I know many Jews who have married outside the faith and most of them have been quite successful.
I was completely agnostic when I met my husband. Any religion he had did not matter to me as long as it wasn’t important to him…which it wasn’t. He, too, was an agnostic. I think the problems that can arise from mixed marriage is when both have strong feelings towards their own faith and can create problems due to those strong feelings. As long as one of them is flexible , ideally both, then the couple can usually navigate the issues that may arise…even the faith upbringing of the children. As long as both of them have discussed their boundaries and agree to each other’s, the marriage can be very successful.
Even though I no longer had any desire to continue my previous faith, one area where my husband and I had to agree on was that I wanted any children named in the synagogue. My reasons were entirely for the ability, if they wished, to be allowed to emigrate to Israel under the law of return. He agreed that was an option that he could go along with.
Of the very few divorces I’ve witnessed that were due to religion, I think all of them were when one of the spouses became much more religious after the wedding. The other spouse felt that was a betrayal of their original agreement. I don’t think they actually blamed the other spouse for suddenly becoming overly religious, just that it now created conflicts they couldn’t overcome…so they divorced. These were not Catholics as I recall.
Marriage has so many ups and downs anyway and religion can create more or it can be a shared bond that strengthens them. Most of them can be overcome but, sadly, not always.
I understand the churches desire for their members to marry within the faith. Judaism is slowly dying with so many marrying outside the faith or just not following it to begin with. But, I really don’t think it can do much to stop mixed marriages. They’ll lose followers if they become too strict over it and lose members if they allow it. By allowing it, I think they stand in a better position to retain them…at least less anger about it!
I was completely agnostic when I met my husband. Any religion he had did not matter to me as long as it wasn’t important to him…which it wasn’t. He, too, was an agnostic. I think the problems that can arise from mixed marriage is when both have strong feelings towards their own faith and can create problems due to those strong feelings. As long as one of them is flexible , ideally both, then the couple can usually navigate the issues that may arise…even the faith upbringing of the children. As long as both of them have discussed their boundaries and agree to each other’s, the marriage can be very successful.
Even though I no longer had any desire to continue my previous faith, one area where my husband and I had to agree on was that I wanted any children named in the synagogue. My reasons were entirely for the ability, if they wished, to be allowed to emigrate to Israel under the law of return. He agreed that was an option that he could go along with.
Of the very few divorces I’ve witnessed that were due to religion, I think all of them were when one of the spouses became much more religious after the wedding. The other spouse felt that was a betrayal of their original agreement. I don’t think they actually blamed the other spouse for suddenly becoming overly religious, just that it now created conflicts they couldn’t overcome…so they divorced. These were not Catholics as I recall.
Marriage has so many ups and downs anyway and religion can create more or it can be a shared bond that strengthens them. Most of them can be overcome but, sadly, not always.
I understand the churches desire for their members to marry within the faith. Judaism is slowly dying with so many marrying outside the faith or just not following it to begin with. But, I really don’t think it can do much to stop mixed marriages. They’ll lose followers if they become too strict over it and lose members if they allow it. By allowing it, I think they stand in a better position to retain them…at least less anger about it!
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CilladeRoma
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The situation was rectified through radical sanation.
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Lea101
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It does make raising kids easier, as well as dealing with things like nfp.
Despite being a practicing Catholic, i actually almost don’t want to marry a Catholic man but someone else who would put up with my beliefs. Of course, the latter rarely exists.
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luvzkittenz
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I’m surprised that there is even an argument about this. I don’t get how anyone who is serious in their faith would be alright or indifferent to marrying outside theirs. The thing I keep seeing is the notion that a bad Catholic is no better to marry than a non-Catholic. It’s not binary. Neither is correct. I’m not in a mixed marriage but I’m a product of one (one whose parent is a fallen away Catholic) and I can assure you I know firsthand the insufferable pain it is.
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LisaB
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OP - you said nothing wrong or offensive. You just expressed your opinion which is precisely what an Internet forum is for. People just get upset because they are taking your post personally instead of reading it for what it is.
The purpose of marriage is to help each other get to heaven. Pick your spouse accordingly.
The purpose of marriage is to help each other get to heaven. Pick your spouse accordingly.
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Kindnessmatters
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Well of course, devout Catholics believe in the Catholic Church, and consider it correct and superior to other churches. In our mass we profess to believe in one God, and in “one holy Catholic and apastolic church”. This does not connote hatred for others, but on the matter of faith, we do believe non Catholics are simply wrong. We are careful not to offend and to respect others, but let’s face it…they think we are wrong, too!
Choosing a spouse is a pretty singular decision, which impacts how we raise our children and live daily. Will the non-Catholic spouse model the life of a devout Catholic for his or her children?
A strong argument can be made that chosing a Catholic spouse is a wise course of action.
I married a Lutheran who was nonpracticing, and learned that my cafeteria Catholic approach came at a high cost. Very high. Others can do as I did…make an adult decision snd determine to whom and how much they wished to listen. If they come to CAF for insight, they should get the unvarnished truth in favor of Catholicism. Other thoughts can be shared, of course, but why take offense over pro-Catholic views shared on a Catholic board?
Choosing a spouse is a pretty singular decision, which impacts how we raise our children and live daily. Will the non-Catholic spouse model the life of a devout Catholic for his or her children?
A strong argument can be made that chosing a Catholic spouse is a wise course of action.
I married a Lutheran who was nonpracticing, and learned that my cafeteria Catholic approach came at a high cost. Very high. Others can do as I did…make an adult decision snd determine to whom and how much they wished to listen. If they come to CAF for insight, they should get the unvarnished truth in favor of Catholicism. Other thoughts can be shared, of course, but why take offense over pro-Catholic views shared on a Catholic board?
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EnglishTeacher
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I have read that while Reform Judaism is shrinking, Orthodox Judaism is steadily growing. I think mixed marriages among the Orthodox are rare (or perhaps virtually nonexistent in the stricter groups). Orthodox To Dominate American Jewry In Coming Decades – The Forward
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If you don’t mind my asking, why do you say this?
You hit the nail right on the head!
While not condemning or judging anyone who marries a non-Catholic (something I have not done in this thread), I wonder if anyone stops to ask the question “will it be easier for me to save my soul, if I marry a Catholic, or if I marry a non-Catholic?”.
If we are talking about marrying a faithful, orthodox Catholic, the question answers itself.
Another point well taken.
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VanitasVanitatum
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Only a few people here a eligible to marry in the first place.
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Margaret_Ann
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TB, this is not meant for you so please don’t take this personally.
Excerpt from My Divine Friend:
St. Ambrose rightly says: “With the holy thou shalt be holy, and with the perverse thou shalt be perverted! If this be true in other things how much more in marriage! How can there be accord in charity when there is discord in faith? The first thing, therefore, to be sought in marriage is religion.”
Source: Schudlo, Rev. M., compiler. My Divine Friend. 1959, Yorkton, SK, Canada: Redeemer’s Voice Press, p. 68.
Excerpt from My Divine Friend:
St. Ambrose rightly says: “With the holy thou shalt be holy, and with the perverse thou shalt be perverted! If this be true in other things how much more in marriage! How can there be accord in charity when there is discord in faith? The first thing, therefore, to be sought in marriage is religion.”
Source: Schudlo, Rev. M., compiler. My Divine Friend. 1959, Yorkton, SK, Canada: Redeemer’s Voice Press, p. 68.
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