Not happy in Florida -- any advice? (little long, sorry)

[whatevergirl]

Thanks for your ideas.

I would move to Jacksonville in a heartbeat, because it would only be 6 hours away from 2 family members, affordable Catholic schools, & an atmosphere I’m comfortable with, but it isn’t an option.

Eh, sorry, this isn’t my thread, I was just so floored to see it! I’m glad you’ve found a renewed sense of fortitude and confidence. I liked what you said about God sending us on “missions” that make no sense to us. That should help me keep things in perspective, whether the kids and I rush to follow DH or hang back and wait it out for a year.

*Yes, it does help. Mother Teresa did not head to India right away–it took years until she felt called there. So, sometimes, God brings us to places, figuratively, and literally–that we can grow. Maybe there is something for you as a family, or you as a person, needs to grow and learn from. I heard something recently…"adversity introduces us to our true selves.’ Yikes, does that mean I’m a whiner? But, I like that phrase because it shows me that I don’t want to complain, that I have things to do for God, and for others, and by complaining, I’m not getting them done. It also shows me that when things come easy, I’m fine, when I hit some bumps in the road, I want to run away. I believe the Holy Spirit pointed that out to me the other day. Not that you have no reason to complain, it’s part of being human. To question, and feel at first, a little uneasy. But, look at this challenge as a way to test you, spiritually, and as a person.

I think that for me, too…my job changed a bit. I didn’t realize how high pressure the office I was to work in, would get. Maybe that is just corporate america in general these days, with folks worried about layoffs, etc. And I’m attributing that to Florida.

It will no doubt take getting used to…BUT, remember…you may grow from the ‘challenge,’ and you may be called there for great things by God. God doesn’t lead us anywhere that He won’t lead us through. I will keep you in my prayers–please do the same for my family and me, would you? And feel free to pm me if you like, I’m very familiar with Florida, I went to college in Orlando, have family in south florida, and now live in the tampa area, so I’m relatively familiar with many parts. God bless you!*

 

[whatevergirl]

*I think I’m going to look into this free counseling that my company offers. You can have up to 6 free sessions with a counselor, and they have a ‘program’ for those who have relocated to a new office. I think I need some help, I snap out of it every now and then, and then, I’m back to feeling sad about this move. My dh and I talked more last night and it doesn’t seem to help. I really thought this was God’s will for us, to move here…we prayed about it for a long time, and everything fell into place, and when we first moved here we were all ecstatic. But, now, it’s been two years, and I just don’t feel like I can ever call this place, home.

I started thinking back to when I went to college in Orlando, and I loved it. I met my dh in Florida, and we had a great time, Florida felt like home back then. Since moving to PA, and then relocating BACK to Florida, I just don’t feel the same. And I don’t know why.

I am not happy where I work. That too started off to be an exciting change from PA, but now, it’s just a high pressure office, where no one seems altogether that happy, and I still feel like an outsider. I miss the solid longlasting friendships I had back in the PA office.

I dunno. I just can’t see staying here after our son graduates high school, which is another two years.

I don’t like feeling like this, but I can’t seem to “snap out of it.” I pray about it, and my feelings don’t change. I don’t want God to think I’m ungrateful. There are many things I like about Florida, but I just feel so unsettled here, like my dh wants to buy a house, I don’t. I don’t feel grounded here. I enjoy my neighborhood, etc…the outward beauty of where we live, the sunshine, etc…but, I don’t feel settled, because this just doesn’t ‘feel’ like home. Home is a place to me, where your neighbors don’t change every year. *

 

[whatevergirl]

*Just to give some background as to the changes that have happened here since my move…

The gentleman who hired me originally to the company, was based out of FL. He was the one who put the whole FL trip for me in motion, and requested my presence here. He resigned 3 weeks after I moved here, and honestly, the dynamic of the office changed.

Another man I had a good working relationship with died last year.

I was traveling to the offices I work with, that changed.

Our dept changed, we have new mgmt now. Not a bad thing, but just more changes

We bought a large regional company, and it’s been a bit hectic.

I became very good friends with a woman in another dept, and she moved away last year.

So, I started thinking about these changes, and perhaps, I’m just tired of so many changes. Change happens, but these are a lot, I think. *

 

[Em_in_FL]

Oh WG… your posts make me want to cry for you… :console:
I think the counseling may be a good idea… or maybe consider looking into a Catholic Counselor (talk to your priest) in the area - so that at least you’d be on the same page with your faith, because that plays so much into these arenas…
Just want you to know you’re in my prayers…

 

[whatevergirl]

Oh WG… your posts make me want to cry for you… :console:
I think the counseling may be a good idea… or maybe consider looking into a Catholic Counselor (talk to your priest) in the area - so that at least you’d be on the same page with your faith, because that plays so much into these arenas…
Just want you to know you’re in my prayers…

*Thanks EM. I took today off too from work. I didn’t feel well this morning. I stayed in my pj’s until the afternoon. I finally looked at dd and said, we need to get out and do something. Just did a little shopping and took her to grab some lunch for her and her brother. I dressed up a little…put on a pretty summery skirt, I think staying in pj’s is a little pathetic, don’t you? haha I read the Bible earlier, and today’s message was especially uplifting. Where we are, we are not to ‘hide our light for Christ.’ I apologized (again) to God for being a complainer, and not allowing His light to shine through me as I should. I admit, I sometimes turn inward when faced with a challenge. I must turn to God for everything, and not hold this inside. I am only able to accomplish anything good by the gace of God. My dh is right too…I act like something REALLY serious has happened in our lives. He said **I could see if we both lost our jobs, or we are terminal or something…but, my gosh, Sharon, you always tell me to stay focused on Christ-you need to take your own advice. When things are tough, rely on Him. *** I know, I don’t know why I have allowed myself to get this down over this. Sitting around in my pajamas, wallowing in self pity…yeah, I bet God is really thrilled with me these days.

The message in today’s Gospel spoke to me…‘whereever’ we are really, doesn’t matter…what matters is that if God lead us somewhere, He will lead us through the challenges we face there. And He wants His light to shine brightly and not be hidden.

I am planning to talk to my parish priest this weekend. He might be very busy over the next few weeks, our parish is relocating to a storefront until our church building is built. I admit, I feel ‘home’ there. I don’t know what it is, but the people there are so special. My kids and dh feel the ‘difference’ too. I am hoping to get more involved, and I think I’m going to start a club for women. Not sure what the theme will be, but I feel God tugging at me to do this.

We’ll see! I am sorry I sound like I’m dumping on Florida. You and your family have made a home here…and what I think helps, is that you have a large support system around you. We had that in PA. We also had that when we lived in Orlando.

Florida has a lot of positives, I just hope at some point, I can call it home. Thanks for your prayers and thoughts, EM. :hug1:

 

[Lifeisamazing]

Well, I am from NE Ohio. I worked in FL on a project and went back and forth for over a year. Stayed in a beautiful little town near Boca. Near the ocean. Really cute. But I really didn’t like it. I felt like people had a back stabbing type of attitude and would do anything to anyone just to get ahead. I just kept my head down, my morals in tact, and my days numbered.

Here is a story for you. My dad took a transfer from Ohio to California. I was three, brothers 4 and 1. That lasted one year. My mom HATED California and told my Dad, “I can’t live here. I hate it. I want to go home= snow and all.” Mom and Dad high fived on it and we all U-hauled it back to the beautiful NE.

BTW, my sister in law just came back from working at Disney. It was her life long dream and she couldn’t wait to get out of there.

Follow your heart. Talk to your DH. I will keep you in my prayers. :console:

 

[whatevergirl]

Well, I am from NE Ohio. I worked in FL on a project and went back and forth for over a year. Stayed in a beautiful little town near Boca. Near the ocean. Really cute. But I really didn’t like it. I felt like people had a back stabbing type of attitude and would do anything to anyone just to get ahead. I just kept my head down, my morals in tact, and my days numbered.

Here is a story for you. My dad took a transfer from Ohio to California. I was three, brothers 4 and 1. That lasted one year. My mom HATED California and told my Dad, “I can’t live here. I hate it. I want to go home= snow and all.” Mom and Dad high fived on it and we all U-hauled it back to the beautiful NE.

BTW, my sister in law just came back from working at Disney. It was her life long dream and she couldn’t wait to get out of there.

Follow your heart. Talk to your DH. I will keep you in my prayers. :console:

*I wonder if you stayed in Jupiter Beach, near Boca? That’s where my sis lives.

I dunno. We are heading to Pittsburgh for a vacation next month. If we are very sad to be leaving, then that might be a sign from God to turn back. Then, why did God move us here? Why did everything line up and light out path to Florida? We didn’t make a split second decision to come here, we really really really took our time and prayed over it. I don’t hate it here, but I don’t know if I’ll ever call it home, and that is what we need. My husband, for some reason, ‘hates’ Pittsburgh. How can you loathe a place you grew up as a kid? I don’t know. *

 

[Angels_Unaware]

Whatevergirl,

I have not read the whole thread, but wanted to tell you not to worry too much about your son not getting his driver’s license. My dd did not get hers at 16 either. Neither did HALF her friends! Then in talking to some relatives, many their age didn’t get their driver’s licenses either. It seems to be a new trend for some kids. It’s all of the emphasis we’ve put on car accident education and programs like DARE in school. For some very sensitive and cautious children, they take the warnings so seriously it scares them out of wanting to drive. I guess in trying to reach the very reckless teens, the cautious ones have been bludgeoned by the warnings. You may end up gently forcing the issue. That’s what’s happened in many cases I’ve known. They lose their fear pretty quickly after they get used to it.

Another comment, don’t worry too much about not having real “friends” at work. It’s unfortunate, but more the norm than the exception in the business world.

If you do end up moving, I vote for the southwest. I plan to move there in a couple of years because I love the sunshine and the climate and it’s very Catholic.

 

[whatevergirl]

Whatevergirl,

I have not read the whole thread, but wanted to tell you not to worry too much about your son not getting his driver’s license. My dd did not get hers at 16 either. Neither did HALF her friends! Then in talking to some relatives, many their age didn’t get their driver’s licenses either. It seems to be a new trend for some kids. It’s all of the emphasis we’ve put on car accident education and programs like DARE in school. For some very sensitive and cautious children, they take the warnings so seriously it scares them out of wanting to drive. I guess in trying to reach the very reckless teens, the cautious ones have been bludgeoned by the warnings. You may end up gently forcing the issue. That’s what’s happened in many cases I’ve known. They lose their fear pretty quickly after they get used to it.

Another comment, don’t worry too much about not having real “friends” at work. It’s unfortunate, but more the norm than the exception in the business world.

If you do end up moving, I vote for the southwest. I plan to move there in a couple of years because I love the sunshine and the climate and it’s very Catholic.

*Oh Angels, you lifted my spirits. Really. I have up days and down. I have been out sick for most of this week, so I had a bit of a break of work. lol I need to get a grip on my emotions, and not let my ‘feelings’ dictate the future. I appreciate your sentiments about my son driving. He is very cautious and reserved. My dd…she is 13, and already can’t wait to get her license. lol I think you’re right, with the dare programs, etc…but I personally have always thought 16 is a little young to have one’s license. That’s just me.

Thanks for your insights. *

 

[Angels_Unaware]

I am glad to have helped. I hope you start to feel better. My grandparents (grandfather is now deceased) have been retired in the Leesburg/Tavares area for about 30 years now. We’ve been to Florida many, many times. I am not sure I’d want to live there, even though I love the sunshine and heat and vegetation. It’s kind of touristy, and it’s humid. On the other hand, I have a second cousin who lives in the St. Petersburg area on the gulf, and she’s extremely happy, and I have thought I could possibly be happy living in the same area.

 

[whatevergirl]

I am glad to have helped. I hope you start to feel better. My grandparents (grandfather is now deceased) have been retired in the Leesburg/Tavares area for about 30 years now. We’ve been to Florida many, many times. I am not sure I’d want to live there, even though I love the sunshine and heat and vegetation. It’s kind of touristy, and it’s humid. On the other hand, I have a second cousin who lives in the St. Petersburg area on the gulf, and she’s extremely happy, and I have thought I could possibly be happy living in the same area.

We have been actually very happy living north of Tampa. While I love the beach, the schools closer to the beach and the city are not very good. I thought to move to an area that somehow resembled a section north of Pittsburgh, would be helpful to the kids too. It’s funny, when we visit other areas, they actually say, wow, we really like where we live! It’s really less to do with the atmosphere of where we live, as much as how transient it is. But, I have been praying about this a lot this week, and if God wanted us to come here, it must be for a reason, and without a doubt, wherever we are…GOD IS ALWAYS PRESENT AND NEVER CHANGES. That is the one thing that is helping us the most. But, we are excited to visit PA next month…and we’ll see how we feel about it when we’re there. I think when you vacation somewhere, it always looks appealing. When you actually reside somewhere, things change a bit.

Moving to the west is definitely out, though. Maybe in 10 yrs we will consider that, but right now, with the kids in school…to move across country. I prayed about that, and felt that would not be a good idea, or a GOD idea.

St Pete’s beaches are lovely though, angels. Thanks again for your comments.*

 

[Augie1530]

Thats what ALL the SNOW BIRDS say when they move to FL Just wait until you get your first hurricane and see how you like it. The summers in Middle to south Florida are usually very HOT and HUMID . Ive been here since 1990 and love it LOL

 

[whatevergirl]

Thats what ALL the SNOW BIRDS say when they move to FL Just wait until you get your first hurricane and see how you like it. The summers in Middle to south Florida are usually very HOT and HUMID . Ive been here since 1990 and love it LOL

*Hi augie-

I actually lived for a long time in Florida, before moving to PA. I went to college at UCF, and lived in Orlando for a while. I actually loved it, but it wasn’t Orlando so much I loved, it just seemed less transient, at least my social circle wasn’t transient back then. That is what it boils down to for me, that right now, my evolving social group is moving away day by day…

But, I have been through hurricanes before. Nothing that major. I lived here when the hurricane of Homestead happened…that was a bad one. *

 

[rpp]

You know, some of the recent posts reminded me that many reitirees move to Arizona or Florida. I think they choose these places, in large part, because of the climate. When my parents retired back around 1994 or so they were living in the Midwest. They too decided to move to a place that had a climate more to their liking. They chose Anchorage Alaska.

 

[whatevergirl]

*The Pittsburgh Penguins won the Stanley Cup tonight, so maybe that’s a sign from God that we should move back to Pittsburgh.

No?

:ehh:



I know, it’s a stretch. My dh laughed. *

 

[rpp]

*The Pittsburgh Penguins won the Stanley Cup tonight, so maybe that’s a sign from God that we should move back to Pittsburgh.

No?

:ehh:



I know, it’s a stretch. My dh laughed. *

WG, I am not certain, but I do no think that the likes of St. Therese of Avila, St. John of the Cross, St. Francis de Sales or St. Cabrini (of Chicago) believe that a hockey game should be used for divine guidance. (Congrats Penguins!)

 

[whatevergirl]

WG, I am not certain, but I do no think that the likes of St. Therese of Avila, St. John of the Cross, St. Francis de Sales or St. Cabrini (of Chicago) believe that a hockey game should be used for divine guidance. (Congrats Penguins!)

hahahaha I knew you’d get where I’m comin’ from, rpp.

 

[Jay82]

Whatevergirl – I am a little late in responding here, but I have been too busy to check the forums with any regularity, but I still wanted to respond.

I am sorry you are going through a tough time now and are second guessing your decision to move to Florida. I relocated for work too so I can partially relate to your situation, although mine is different because I am single and don’t have a family to factor into the process. I am originally from NJ (and have family in Bergen County), but that is not where I grew up. I like the area where I live now, but it is not ‘home’ and I don’t know if it ever will be. I think about moving back a lot.

I am going to try to look at your situation from both perspectives…

Did you ever think God had you move down to Florida for you to truly find out how much you really like PA and realize how good it is after all, so you don’t take it for granted?

Conversely, it seems your family has grown quite a bit from the move and you all have done well. So there were many positive reasons to move. Sometimes I feel like you need to take yourself out of your comfort zone to truly grow as a person and it helps you gain perspective on things. Your daughter loves it there; you got a great promotion, etc.

I wouldn’t worry too much about your son not getting his license right away unless it severely prevents him from ‘growing up’. I think it may be partially a sign of maturity when a teenager can honestly say they are not ready to drive or they want to wait. I didn’t get my license right away at 17 and even if I did, I wouldn’t have had a car to drive. I made the decision to wait since I felt I didn’t have enough time to practice behind the wheel because I was too busy with activities and my parents worked very long hours. Knowing several people in my HS that died in car crashes didn’t help either. Any how, I was able to walk to school and get a summer job, so not having my license didn’t affect me much back then. I don’t regret the decision.

And like your husband said, just because things aren’t going as well as you would like in Florida – wanting to ‘escape’ to PA won’t necessarily be the answer either. I am sure you’ll figure out the root cause of your dissatisfaction…whether you are truly unhappy with Florida or it is just troubles at work spilling over, or the frustration you and your husband are like ‘passing ships’ because of your work schedules, etc. If you had those same circumstances back in PA would it be as good as you remember?

You also mention something about - if you return from your trip to PA being sad that you may consider moving back. I think that you will inevitably be a bit sad when leaving. I am always a bit sad when I leave my home town after seeing my parents, relatives, and old friends, but it goes away after returning to my current ‘home’. I wouldn’t put a ton stock into your potential feeling of ‘sadness’ when leaving PA. You will revive that emotional attachment to PA when you are there and leaving, so maybe wait a few weeks after that to really determine how you feel.

I can also relate to your feelings about the churches being different. Even though the current church I attend is nice and traditional, it just isn’t the ‘same’ as the one I grew up going to each week. I knew most people back home at mass, I would be able to socialize afterwards and everyone knew each other. The mass time I go to now is almost all senior citizens or married couples. I think all of them probably wonder what a young guy is doing at a very early Sunday mass by himself since most people in their 20s are sleeping then. No one really socializes afterwards and I don’t know a single person there.

I live in the DC area and everything is sooo transient like it is in Florida. People come and go all the time and that is one of the main reasons I don’t like it as much…there is no sense of community and culture like my home town. Like you, I have made friends here that have since moved away. My recommendation to you would be to get involved in organizations or start some. If you are proactive in organizing things, at least when people come and go your organization will be the constant. It took me a while to adjust to my new area, but now I am very involved in several organizations and know a ton of people. It still isn’t home, and there are things I don’t like about the area, but I can honestly say I enjoy my job, the people I know, and the things I have been able to do.

Also - Does that fact you are renting (I think you said renting) a townhome down in Florida factor into it at all? That seems like it could add to the ‘temporary’ nature of things rather than living in a home that you ‘settled’ in and really made your own.

(Sorry that was long, but I wanted to address a number of things).

 

[southernstratus]

Just move one state up to the great state of Georgia (but not near Atlanta lol) I cant imagine living in any other state

 

[whatevergirl]

*Jay, I really appreciate your post…It gives me a lot to think about. I have been feeling a bit better about things in general, lately–I have been praying for God to help us see it all clearly. We are looking forward to our vacation up to Pittsburgh, though!

southernstratus…you know, I had never considered GA. I have visited there on business…it seems a lot like Florida, it used to have a more hometown feeling, but I see it fast becoming a Florida type place, very transient in the business areas…no?*