Thank you so much. I wanted to give you an update.
This weekend, we went up to Cleveland together. We had a nice time overall, talked about things, enjoyed dinner, etc. Eventually, the topic of alcoholism came up at my grandparents’ house. My husband drinks a lot, and is a definite alcoholic - what I would call a “controlled alcoholic.” He only drinks at certain times, mostly drinks beer, will have 8 or 9 but claim 5 or 6, does shots when he’s out partying with his buddies, which is about once a week, that kind of thing. His drinking used to be much worse - drinking before work and such. He denies being an alcoholic. Anyhow, my grandmother was talking about my grandfather who quit drinking because it made him act stupid, though he never had a drinking problem. She said a lot of things I agreed with and said so. During this, my husband gave me dirty looks the entire time. He resents me even slightly disagreeing with his drinking.
Also, as I mentioned, he is very insensitive to my anxiety problem. On our way home, he was driving very closely to people in front of us, three or so cars that were driving very erratically. I was honestly very afraid. My brother died in a car accident a few years ago, and things like that make me nervous. Finally, I asked him to please back off a bit because I was afraid. He got angry and slowed down to about 50 on the highway. He does things like this all the time, and I feel like I have to constantly tiptoe around him. He can’t just reasonably slow down a little to back off. He always has to “show me” for some reason.
Today, he took our 4-year-old to the movies and while he was gone, my mom came to talk to me. She and my dad were concerned because when they each came downstairs in the morning on separate days before work, my husband quickly left the computer room and went into the kitchen. This, of course, is what he always did when looking at porn. It wouldn’t be a surprise to me if he were looking at it again, of course.
This launched us into a huge discussion about how my parents are worried about the kids and I and can tell he doesn’t value me. My dad came home during lunch on Friday to give us a little money and directions for our trip to Cleveland, and my husband had the music blaring. I just kept thinking I should deal with it and not ask him to turn it down. I had turned it down earlier and he got mad at me. Finally, I was a nervous wreck with the music blaring, the kids yelling, and trying to listen to my dad that I finally asked him to turn it down. Yes, I was exasperated, but not mean. He gave me a very dirty look, turned the stereo off and stormed out of the room, right in front of my dad. This really upset my dad, to see how mean my husband can be to me. After my dad left, he screamed and swore at me.
Talking more about it, I decided that I would stay in Ohio with the kids while my husband finishes out the year left we have in Japan. I am going to finish my prerequisites and apply to nursing school while I’m here, which is something I can’t do in Japan. I told my husband that I love him and don’t want to divorce, and that we need a period of separation to work on ourselves. I am on a mission to raise these kids in a way that would make God happy, because I will have to answer for that one day, and I want him to be with me on this mission. During the year, I asked him to sell our computers, quit drinking, and take at least two classes per term toward his accounting degree. He was upset about my asking him to get rid of the computers. I told him God would provide a way for him to get his schooling done without it, whether from going to the library or borrowing a computer.
He went to stay at his mom’s for a couple nights to think. Please pray for us. I do not want this marriage to end, but he has to grow up and make some changes, and stop being mean to me and putting me through the wringer. The time for twenty-year-old “fun” is over now. He is 28 and just keeps frittering his life away with drinking, porn, and video games. It’s so upsetting. Please, please, please pray for us.
