C
chevalier
Guest
@Kathryn Ann: Thank you for your kind words. :tiphat: I am grateful for the effort and thoughtfulness which you put in your reply. They say that one word is often enough but as far as I go, few things are nicer to receive than a couple of solid paragraphs of well-written text. I agree on the failure of normal communication in these recent years. I tend to stick with old forms for this reason, even though I like the new forms too (this is similar to being a conservative hooked on technology, in a way). A curious thing that I see in e-mails, messages and such like, however, is the similarity to old-fashioned letter writing. 
I’m pretty sure I’d be more at ease with this if I had had more of traditional letter writing back at school. Actually, having to exchange business correspondence with clients and agencies is helping me in this regard.
On the other hand, the second hypothetical, where I was tentatively interested but mostly in getting to know the lady a bit better without an appearance of commitment, is basically a case of insufficient cause for a positive decision (yet or at all). As in, for example, a pretty girl, but there are many pretty girls. A decent one, but she isn’t the only one who’s decent. Somewhat interesting personality but there are many different interesting personalities. There is a weak to moderate positive response, and lack of a red flag (hence no conflict, just the “insufficient cause”), but no compelling reason to act. Mostly just nothing to individuate the person and make her subjectively appealing to me with enough compelling force to get me to make a move on her (forsaking all others for the time being). In such a case, if it were somebody local, I could probably just go from a greeting through a compliment/opener to an invitation to meet up (with a degree of conviction corresponding to how strongly I feet about it, not a tad bit more but generally no less either).
At any rate, I believe that meeting “accidentally” is better, at least for me. I prefer to come across that right lady in the course of life rather than looking up online, and especially making a criteria-based decision out of a finite pool. Actually, the idea of making a criteria-based decision out of a pool scares me. It’s more than stage fear, it’s just scary on a different level. Every now and then I come up with a woman that nobody else would apparently call his type and that everybody agrees seems to be from the same planet that I am. This, however, never works out in the end. I suspect myself of tribal mentality. “Connection” is not a great way to describe it but better than nothing. This doesn’t normally show when I just browse profiles (although it can show during e-mail or similar correspondence), although certain facial expressions, gestures, choices of scenery, choices of appearance (style) etc. seem to connect better with me than others, and certainly so does writing style (even more noticeably perhaps). But never or almost never to the degree that I just have to write. In every single case or almost every one, I would probably forget about the profile within 1-3 days if I didn’t write. Those profiles just all fail the “sufficent cause” test.
On the other hand, I realise how mistaken impressions can be and that we’re talking about a very intuitive and subjective (and downright moody) area, and that fireworks are less likely in a sober exchange (e.g. matter of fact, sober profile, myself reading it in a sober mood etc., not to mention that I’m not after fireworks but after connection, hence I don’t mind meeting up for a coffee and conversation without pressure. Especially if this is someone whom I’d actually like to get to know as a friend and stay in touch with.
I’m pretty sure I’d be more at ease with this if I had had more of traditional letter writing back at school. Actually, having to exchange business correspondence with clients and agencies is helping me in this regard.To be honest, it is most noticeably a lack of interest that results from the photographs. Perhaps using a different style of hair, dress, different facial expression, the same person could appeal to me (this is actually likely) but not the way it is. It’s just not my type, as in not merely insufficiently attractive to me visually but the style is not my type, puts me off aesthetically, which I feel very strongly about (while not actually being “ugly” and objectively prettier than some of the women I’ve been attracted to, it’s just not for me and I could probably specify some concrete reasons if I really had to). That, plus I don’t feel much in common, the textual content of the profile doesn’t attract me and there’s that contraception disagreement.
On the other hand, the second hypothetical, where I was tentatively interested but mostly in getting to know the lady a bit better without an appearance of commitment, is basically a case of insufficient cause for a positive decision (yet or at all). As in, for example, a pretty girl, but there are many pretty girls. A decent one, but she isn’t the only one who’s decent. Somewhat interesting personality but there are many different interesting personalities. There is a weak to moderate positive response, and lack of a red flag (hence no conflict, just the “insufficient cause”), but no compelling reason to act. Mostly just nothing to individuate the person and make her subjectively appealing to me with enough compelling force to get me to make a move on her (forsaking all others for the time being). In such a case, if it were somebody local, I could probably just go from a greeting through a compliment/opener to an invitation to meet up (with a degree of conviction corresponding to how strongly I feet about it, not a tad bit more but generally no less either).
Court corridors are fine too. It’s not like I didn’t look around when I still went.
At any rate, I believe that meeting “accidentally” is better, at least for me. I prefer to come across that right lady in the course of life rather than looking up online, and especially making a criteria-based decision out of a finite pool. Actually, the idea of making a criteria-based decision out of a pool scares me. It’s more than stage fear, it’s just scary on a different level. Every now and then I come up with a woman that nobody else would apparently call his type and that everybody agrees seems to be from the same planet that I am. This, however, never works out in the end. I suspect myself of tribal mentality. “Connection” is not a great way to describe it but better than nothing. This doesn’t normally show when I just browse profiles (although it can show during e-mail or similar correspondence), although certain facial expressions, gestures, choices of scenery, choices of appearance (style) etc. seem to connect better with me than others, and certainly so does writing style (even more noticeably perhaps). But never or almost never to the degree that I just have to write. In every single case or almost every one, I would probably forget about the profile within 1-3 days if I didn’t write. Those profiles just all fail the “sufficent cause” test.On the other hand, I realise how mistaken impressions can be and that we’re talking about a very intuitive and subjective (and downright moody) area, and that fireworks are less likely in a sober exchange (e.g. matter of fact, sober profile, myself reading it in a sober mood etc., not to mention that I’m not after fireworks but after connection, hence I don’t mind meeting up for a coffee and conversation without pressure. Especially if this is someone whom I’d actually like to get to know as a friend and stay in touch with.
For the record, I just got a new driver’s license photo, and they not only told me to smile (!!) but complimented me on how it came out. So if I ever sign up online, maybe I’ll use it