Not sure I will ever get my definitive answer

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No where in the catholic faith does it say you have to believe or pray to the saints and Mary. They are here for us to help us get into heaven. Praying to them to help us does quite allot. I’ve also read that if you are having trouble praying to Mary, then you must have an open heart and a desire to love her. Sometimes that desire alone will be enough to make her presence known to you. I recommend praying the rosary. Once you start to feel a very warm, strong and loving spirit within and around you, well that’s the mother of God, at least how I experience her. It’s like having love itself hug you 🙂
You don’t have to believe me, but pray and I’ll pray for you, and hopefully she’ll make her presence known to you. She’s truly amazing.
And it sounds like you’re doing an awful lot of worrying. Just pray, and trust God with all your heart and mind (I know how difficult this can be) and He will lead you down the path that is right for you.
 
No where in the catholic faith does it say you have to believe or pray to the saints and Mary. They are here for us to help us get into heaven. Praying to them to help us does quite allot. I’ve also read that if you are having trouble praying to Mary, then you must have an open heart and a desire to love her. Sometimes that desire alone will be enough to make her presence known to you. I recommend praying the rosary. Once you start to feel a very warm, strong and loving spirit within and around you, well that’s the mother of God, at least how I experience her. It’s like having love itself hug you 🙂
You don’t have to believe me, but pray and I’ll pray for you, and hopefully she’ll make her presence known to you. She’s truly amazing.
And it sounds like you’re doing an awful lot of worrying. Just pray, and trust God with all your heart and mind (I know how difficult this can be) and He will lead you down the path that is right for you.
(Denzinger - Sources of Catholic Dogma):Council of Trent
SESSION XXV (Dec. 3 and 4, 1563)
Invocation, Veneration and Relics of Saints, and on Sacred Images *

984 The holy Synod commands all bishops and others who hold the office of teaching and its administration, that in accordance with the usage of the Catholic and apostolic Church, received from primeval times of the Christian religion, and with the consensus of opinion of the holy Fathers and the decrees of sacred Councils, they above all diligently instruct the faithful on the intercession and invocation of the saints, the veneration of relics, and the legitimate use of images, teaching them that the saints, who reign together with Christ, offer up their prayers to God for men; and that it is good and useful to invoke them suppliantly and, in order to obtain favors from God through His Son Jesus Christ our Lord, who alone is our Redeemer and Savior, to have recourse to their prayers, assistance, and support; and that they who deny that those saints who enjoy eternal happiness in heaven are to be invoked, think impiously, or who assert that they do not pray for men, or that our invocation of them, to intercede for each of us individually, is idolatry, or that it is opposed to the word of God, and inconsistent with the honor of the “one mediator of God and men Jesus Christ” [cf.1 Tim. 2:5], or that it is foolish to pray vocally or mentally to those who reign in heaven.

985 That the holy bodies of the saints and also of the martyrs and of others living with Christ, who were the living “members of Christ and the temple of the Holy Spirit” [cf.1 Cor. 3:16;6:19 ;2 Cor. 6:16], which are to be awakened by Him to eternal life and to be glorified, are to be venerated by the faithful, through which many benefits are bestowed by God on men, so that those who affirm that veneration and honor are not due to the relics of the saints, or that these and other memorials are honored by the faithful without profit, and that the places dedicated to the memory of the saints for the purpose of obtaining their help are visited in vain, let these be altogether condemned, just as the Church has for a long time condemned and now condemns them again.
 
A definitive answer as to what sort of Christian I am. I 've done so much searching and digging on what sort of Christian I am. I’ve read books from both (there’s really more than two) sides of the coin, listened to numerous 2-3 hour long debates between scholars of both sides on youtube and remain somewhere between a Protestant and a Catholic. I think most Catholics would call this position Protestant lol. But I am pro-Catholic on some things, for sure. I am a mile away from Sola-scriptura, for example. And I love tradition. But it has been hard for me to grasp all of the rules and other bells and whistles of the Catholic faith and I have never felt even remotely comfortable even beginning to pray to Mary or any Saint for that matter (as a single example). I don’t think Ill ever get my answer in certain until I die. I do know, however, that I will die a Christian!

And I hope that the answer to the question “what sort of Christian am I?” is simply that I am a GOOD Christian. And that when, God willing, I am with you guys in Heaven, we will not be Protestants or Catholics, but brothers and sisters and loving children of God 👍
All people are grasping for God. That is how we are made, because we were meant for God. This is a humble post and a sign you are on the right track. KEEP UP YOUR PRAYER LIFE. PRAY THE ROSARY daily and your “cloudedness” will clear itself very easily… Try it why not? The main question you must answer is do you believe Jesus is in the Eucharist? If the answer is yes then convert to Catholicism. The Church was founded by Christ. The Church has the Eucharist which is the Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity of Christ. Thousands of Catholics receive Jesus in the Eucharist. Why not be one of those Blessed few people? Simply believe and conform humbly to everything the Catholic doctrine proposes for belief and you’ll be golden. Not what any particular priest says about the faith. But believe all the written laws (doctrine etc.) by the Catholic Church because it is given to us by the Holy Spirit. Jesus instituted the Church (His mystical body) so to doubt the Church is quite simply to doubt Christ Himself because He guides it, inspires it, and said the gates of hell will not prevail against it and again it is his MYSTICAL BODY. Just simply stop standing in your own way of physically receiving Jesus. We have all heard growing up that we need to submit to God’s Will but how do we do that? Submit to HIS BODY. The Catholic Church. It sounds so simple it may go over ones head. But that is the answer your heart craves. So you got it. Now all you have to do is act on it. For the Holy Spirit is at work. I may sound crazy but when you live in the light of Christ the world will think you are crazy. Feel free to pm anytime.
 
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