I have been talking to a man. He has been married twice. Cradle Catholic but no catechism. He divorced the 1st wife. 2nd wife died about 3 years ago. It’s my understanding that the 1st marriage is the one that will cause problems. He did not talk to the Church nor have that marriage blessed. It’s my understanding that it was a civil ceremony. Broke up because she cheated. Need some advice as I discern a relationship with him.
Just speaking about the legalistic stuff here:
I assume you desire to marry this man in the Catholic Church. If that is true, then the Church assumes that his first marriage is in fact a marriage unless a ruling can be made otherwise (an annulment). And, if a person is currently married (which is what the Church assumes about this man you are talking to), they are not free to marry another person.
In the case of this first marriage, however, it should be easy to show that his attempt at marriage was not valid due to “lack of form.” This comes from not being married in the Church.
He will have to have the marriage annulled before you can marry him in the Church. It is the desire of the Church that the annulment process be a source of healing so as to help avoid a repeat divorce. And, it turns out that healing emotional wounds is not a painless process, so some people do refuse to participate in the annulment process. Also, other things can come as a surprise to people during the annulment process - such as being told that cheating - in and of itself - is not a valid reason to pursue a divorce. (Each case is unique, however - so this is just a general statement.)
For example, one person received their requested annulment, but then
appealed the ruling because the reason for granting the annulment was that the requester was not actually open to marriage since they left the marriage due to infidelity.
