Obnoxious, germaphobic 15 year old nephew visiting..?

[Phil_Marinus]

I recently had a baby so my sister, brother-in-law, and their two sons are visiting. The oldest is so rude! He’s my nephew, and I love him, but I can barely stand him. I had a little bag of chips, and offered him one “That’s disgusting! That spreads germs.” I went into the bathroom just to get a hairbrush…“Did you wash your hands?” I said “No, I just got a hairbrush.” “You still need to wash your hands. How do you think Typhoid Mary got started?” I wash my hands after I go to the bathroom, and she didn’t. Completely different situation. He hates women. Best one yet, last year, I was visiting my grandmother, and he happened to be at her house, she’s 85 and she was kind enough to make him a sandwich and cut up a tomato because he wanted one on there. He told her “You should start wearing gloves. I hate people touching my food.” And there’s a blanket my great-grandmother brought over from Italy when she came to the United States, we were looking at it one Christmas “Ew I bet it carried diseases.” His parents see NOTHING wrong with his behavior. The only one who’s ever said anything to him was my grandpa calling him an “Obnoxious little s***” I don’t know whether to say something to my sister or not should I?

        HAHAHAHAHA..............................

    You Should have seen my stepson when I first met HIM........
  Little Fridge magnet monster !    
  What an Obnoxious Little SXXT........  
  at the time I worked in a large Factory & wore steel capped boots......
 I showed him a boot,let him feel it..... How heavy it was and hard it was etc....
  and suggested to him to behave better or it will go where the sun don't shine....
 well it was just a matter of a couple days and let him have one....
 It made me feel so much better.... the stress relief was amazing....
I felt so much better.....He didn't though .... was going to tell his daddy and I was going     Jail etc.... so I handed him the phone........ well we had another couple fun times.....

And now he has been in the navy for a few years and am proud to call him my son…
I think the boot did help a bit… but most teens are a pain… most become good…
Look how I turned out… I’m incredible… lol.

 

[Bill_Martin]

The worst thing to do with people like this is to accomodate them. I suspect that it isn’t a fear of germs as much as it is a fondness for telling other people what to do. A fear of germs is just the agent by which he is able to order other people around and get his way. In this case, the act of telling you to wash your hands is the end, not the means. Even if he has a genuine fear of germs, I bet it was developed alongside and because of his desire to have control over others to make himself feel better. The best thing to do is ignore every one of his demands and refuse him the satisfaction of having gained power over another person.

Of course, if I was there, I would deliberatley do things to annoy him, like pick my nose, sneeze near him, etc., but I can be like that sometimes.

 

[George_Stegmeir]

If he is in your house…Your rules!

If he is obnoxious you can tell him to go find somewhere else to stay.

Definitely let your sister know you won’t put up with his rudeness

Amen!!!
The only thing that this brat will learn from is a good whack to an appropriate part of his anatomy! And if an when his parents complain about it tell them they should have done it themselves when he started this behavior!

 

[EasterJoy]

Amen!!!
The only thing that this brat will learn from is a good whack to an appropriate part of his anatomy! And if an when his parents complain about it tell them they should have done it themselves when he started this behavior!

You cannot use corporal punishment on a visitor, even your nephew, as tempting as that thought is. Besides, that method has a very bad track record with a young person who has not found himself stuck with you as a legal guardian.

You can, however, say very frankly in advance that past rude behavior has upset you to the point that you have decided that such behavior will never again be tolerated without correction in your home, and that those who refuse correction will be asked to leave, and then stick with that. If the parents refuse to correct their child’s violation of your rules, you tell them they all need to go, because you’ll not be treated like that. If the rudeness isn’t so bad as that, well, as a host you pretty much have to put up with it unless the parents leave the child in your care. In that case, you can make it clear to the parents what correction techniques are in your arsenal, and ask if they really want you as a caregiver for their child.

 

[Et_Cetera]

It sounds like this kid might have some issues that go beyond parents who refuse to discipline. Has he been evaluated for OCD or any form of autism? How does he treat or get along with his peers?

 

[ringil]

You could point out to him that while he may consider you to be “germy,” you consider his attitude to be “toxic”! Seriously, I’d be like “Would you like to try rephrasing that as a polite request rather than a criticism or a demand?” :tsktsk: Point out that one catches more flies with honey than with vinegar.

lol, I like this.

Also 15 is a difficult age. They think they know everything and will air thair knowledge with everyone around them.

I have a four year-old (and a 8 week old)- both girls and I am TERRIFIED of the teen years!!

 

[HolyRosaryChild]

It is your Nephew’s way of gaining attention as the oldest? Child within his own Family; probably as Mum’s number one helper initially! He has obviously been saying and doing these things in a routine type of way since he was 9 years old. Next, when forced out of his ‘comfort zone’ and ‘ocd’ routines in his home and environment, visiting Family in their Homes; he ‘bucks up’ internally and voices disagreement with those people around him, in order that his ‘ocd’ routines are helped along and fulfilled!

I believe it is genuine (if your Nephew was genuinely seeking attention, he would not be raising the same issues/matters ie germ based issues, in order to seek attention. General attention seekers use different complaint topics (it could be degradation of a person generally about anything or everything) whereas this boy (by what you have stated) is complaining about the topic of ‘germs’ particularly in relation to food and its preparation.

Alternatively, your Nephew may have had food poisoning at a young age in which His Parents made him conscious about it?

I am particular on food preparation after enduring food poisoning 3 times from takeaway 25 years ago and have always ensured my kids wash their hands, do not touch meat while they are preparing it with bare hands, that trays, grills, frypans, woks, bbq’s and ovens are thoroughly cleaned before they place food on them. For instance, nails can be filthy and a person prepares meat balls or rissoles etc.

My Nephew used to become sick regularly when young (not the normal seasonal viruses) it was more. I observed my Sister one day washing his face with a dishcloth/sink chux cloth and told her that there would be millions of germs on it after washing her plates and cutlery before placing them in the dishwasher. She had not actually given any thought to it and did not do it again. My Nephew had a good health run thereafter. A few germs within the household are ‘good’ to build up the immune system however it never hurts for young people to be conscious of cleanliness before having kids of their own.

I would be asking your Sister to have her son treated for OCD before this expands into other OCD habits.

 

[dshix]

The topic has already been thoroughly answered, and almost everything I would have said has already been said. One more thing, however, has not been mentioned.

This kid is FIFTEEN. You don’t begin to teach a kid how to act when he’s fifteen, you should be reaching the finish line. You should be teaching your FOUR year old how to be polite, not your fifteen year old.

As it is, I do not think this will easily be solved by ordinary means. The parents are not on board with anything whatsoever; they think he’s just fine as he is. Even if the parents did an about-face in their parenting, there would still be a great problem.

A child, once he reaches the age of a teen, has passed the behavior molding stage. At that point, the teen should already be taught how to behave, and should be learning how to become an adult by being increasingly exposed to the world and learning new skills. If he is this far behind, it looks to me like he needs an acceleration; a boot camp or something similar might be necessary.

My :twocents:.

 

[Zekariya]

I am similar to him when it come to food preparation (I can’t eat any food that people handle with their hands). This is most likely a psychological problem rather than defiance. Perhaps you could teach him how to voice his concerns in a more polite way? Maybe, “I am afraid of getting germs. Could you please wash your hands?”

 

[coachdennis]

I recently had a baby so my sister, brother-in-law, and their two sons are visiting. The oldest is so rude! He’s my nephew, and I love him, but I can barely stand him. I had a little bag of chips, and offered him one “That’s disgusting! That spreads germs.” I went into the bathroom just to get a hairbrush…“Did you wash your hands?” I said “No, I just got a hairbrush.” “You still need to wash your hands. How do you think Typhoid Mary got started?” I wash my hands after I go to the bathroom, and she didn’t. Completely different situation. He hates women. Best one yet, last year, I was visiting my grandmother, and he happened to be at her house, she’s 85 and she was kind enough to make him a sandwich and cut up a tomato because he wanted one on there. He told her “You should start wearing gloves. I hate people touching my food.” And there’s a blanket my great-grandmother brought over from Italy when she came to the United States, we were looking at it one Christmas “Ew I bet it carried diseases.” His parents see NOTHING wrong with his behavior. The only one who’s ever said anything to him was my grandpa calling him an “Obnoxious little s***” I don’t know whether to say something to my sister or not should I?

Sounds like Grandpa is the only one speaking the truth about this kid!

They are staying in your house??? No way I would put up with his behavior and comments and tell his parents the same. If they don’t like it they can get a hotel, or better yet, leave the brat at home in a germ free bag… or even better don’t come, period.

I would also tell both parents and child that there is something more toxic than germs and that is HIS attitude ---- then throw a dirty diaper at him!

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

They are staying in your house??? No way I would put up with his behavior and comments and tell his parents the same. If they don’t like it they can get a hotel, or better yet, leave the brat at home in a germ free bag… or even better don’t come, period.

+1

 

[rebeccanew]

Maybe he is Sheldon on the big bang theory. Children often copy what they see on tv, and this character is very popular. Don’t forget your nephew is lovable and capable! Pope Francis tweeted that Mary, the Mother of God, keeps us from being teenagers for life!

 

[ringil]

I am similar to him when it come to food preparation (I can’t eat any food that people handle with their hands). This is most likely a psychological problem rather than defiance. Perhaps you could teach him how to voice his concerns in a more polite way? Maybe, “I am afraid of getting germs. Could you please wash your hands?”

Systematic Desensitization Therapy can deal with the germ phobia. It is one of the most treatable mental issues. It’s not right- and a little annoying- to have to alter one’s behavior do to the proclivities of another’s mental issues. THis will result in social problems and even isolation.

I am a licensed therapist if that means anything.

 

[Aggie414]

I am similar to him when it come to food preparation (I can’t eat any food that people handle with their hands). This is most likely a psychological problem rather than defiance. Perhaps you could teach him how to voice his concerns in a more polite way? Maybe, “I am afraid of getting germs. Could you please wash your hands?”

While I can sympathize with you – and I think your suggestion of how he could have acted is appropriate – I think we’re way past that with this kid. This kid has no appreciation for how he speaks to others, and that’s on the parents. If he was four, your suggestion would be very appropriate to the situation; however, at 15, I’m not sure anything is going to get through to this kid so there’s nothing to do except to be blunt: “Fine. You are more than welcome to make your own food.”

And as far as the washing the hands after going to the restroom – the OP stated that she did not go to the restroom. She merely went into the restroom to retrieve something.

Another poster said it very well, this kid is going to get a very rude awakening when he enters the real world. He’s going to try something like that with an employer, and he’s going to find himself unable to find employment because nobody is going to want to hire someone who cannot interact well with others. These parents are harming this kid, and it might be too late to salvage him!!!

 

[SweetLambs]

I am similar to him when it come to food preparation (I can’t eat any food that people handle with their hands). This is most likely a psychological problem rather than defiance. Perhaps you could teach him how to voice his concerns in a more polite way? Maybe, “I am afraid of getting germs. Could you please wash your hands?”

This. I am Aspie and I cannot stand having “human” pathogens, whether they actually exist or not, on my food. The thing is, I actually find people kind of “gross”- I have no issue being elbow deep in a ewe’s womb delivering lambs, giving mouth-to-mouth to newborn lambs if necessary, getting livestock manure on me, etc. But the thought of eating food that was prepared by someone who scratched their head, wiped their nose, changed a baby’s diaper, or something else without having washed their hands makes me want to vomit. I get sick easily and I am convinced that most people do not wash their hands anywhere near thoroughly enough. I’m a very scrupulous (but not obsessive) hand-washer and I always try to be as aseptic as possible when preparing others’ food, so I don’t see why they can’t be the same.

Of course, being in college studying pathogens and having a decent understanding of disease mechanisms doesn’t help. I’m not a hypochondriac either. It’s just not a risk I want to take.

Maybe your nephew is the same way. Still, he could be polite about it.

 

[Anglewannabe]

Yeah…I tried making conversation with him…

Me- I hear you’re going to take Driver’s Ed at the end of this month.

Him- Yeah

Me- Maybe your mom and dad could take you out driving for practice.

Him- Ugh. That’s illegal.

._. It’s one of those rules that as long as you’re practicing with your parents, police don’t even really care. Ugh.

Actually what I meant was the next time he tells you to wash your hands, don’t say ‘That is not polite’. Lecturing this kid goes no where.

 

[maryjk]

Maybe your nephew is the same way. Still, he could be polite about it.

And that is the problem.

There is no reason in the world for a 15 year old, or anyone, to be that rude.

I would not put up with it.

He doesn’t want me to touch his food? Good, that one less meal I have to prepare.

 

[Francoist]

And that is the problem.

There is no reason in the world for a 15 year old, or anyone, to be that rude.

I would not put up with it.

He doesn’t want me to touch his food? Good, that one less meal I have to prepare.

That’s why I asked if he has Aspergers. At 15 and undiagnosed, with doting parents… he might not actually realize he’s being rude. And the symptoms tend to be more pronounced in males than in females.

 

[7armyrugrats]

I’ve got 2 sons on the spectrum, one Aspergers, one PDD. I highly suspect that is what is going on with your nephew. That being said, what are his parents thinking? There is absolutely no way I would allow my kids–ANY OF THEM–to act like that in any circumstances. It is rude, obnoxious, and unkind.

“We home school because we have seen the village, and we don’t want it raising our child” my husband
Maryjk, your husband is a brilliant man!:thumbsup:That quote sums up our reasons for homeschooling as well.

 

[SweetLambs]

That’s why I asked if he has Aspergers. At 15 and undiagnosed, with doting parents… he might not actually realize he’s being rude. And the symptoms tend to be more pronounced in males than in females.

Sometimes too, the typical bluntness of Aspies is mistaken for rudeness. I do my very best to be polite, but sometimes words come out of my mouth in such a way that sounds incredibly rude, even if I had no intention whatsoever to be that way. It can be about anything!

So while I may feel like saying, “Could ya just please wash your hands! I saw you wipe your nose three minutes ago! I don’t want to be sick for three weeks again- I just recovered from my last cold.”, I try to catch them “in the act”, and go something like,“Goodness! Are you suffering from a viral infection? You poor thing! Here, let me get you a dishtowel (encourage individual to wash hands). You know, why don’t I add some bleach to the dishwater- we don’t want Sally and Jimmy to be ill during finals. I can finish making the sandwiches if you want.” And then I scrub up like a surgeon, put on a pair of nitriles, and finish (or restart) the job.

People are used to me speaking that way about everything, so they don’t think it’s too weird. I’d rather be straight up about it- even just say something like, “I am really worried that I might pick up an infection and since I get ill rather easily and it stays with me for a long time, I was wondering if you would mind washing your hands rather frequently and maybe wear gloves when prepping food. It’s not that I think you are some kind of Typhoid Mary, but we all come in contact with these pathogens and food preparation is a common way to contact illnesses. I do this whenever I prepare food, even for myself. If this is too much trouble for you, and I certainly understand if you don’t want to take the extra time to do this, I would be happy to fix my own food.” But this offends a lot of people still.