Obnoxious, germaphobic 15 year old nephew visiting..?

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PhamHjenPG said:
Tóm c? ngay

M?t quý bÃ* h?t ho h?t h?i d?n d?n c?nh sát:
  • Thua ngÃ*i c?nh sát, ch?ng tôi luôn de do? r?ng ông ?y s? b?n tôi!
Viên si quan c?nh sát tr?c ban di?m tinh tr? l?i:
  • Thua quý bÃ* dáng thuong, bây gi?, chúng tôi chua th? giúp gì du?c cho bÃ*. Nhung bÃ* c? yên tâm, n?u nhu ông nhÃ* b?n bÃ* th?t, chúng tôi s? tóm c? ông ?y ngay sau dó.
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OP, your nephew’s troubles have been solved with this complex formula.
 
ExpectedIrony said:
That’s what I meant when I was standing up for my grandmother. I think after kids, and grandkids of her own, she should be able not to have to deal with great-grandkids locking her out. I was standing up for her, because I don’t think it’s fair to say “Well her failure is the reason his parents are failing.” Because, she wasn’t a failure raising her own children, and she always made the grandkids treat her with respect. She’s just too tired nowadays. She has knee problems and can’t walk well. I’d probably cry and call his parents too.
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Yes. She should not have been left to take care of those kids on her own. That was not fair. The word for the parent who found out that their decision to let their parent take care of their child lead to their child locking a nearly-80-year-old out of her apartment should have been “mortified”. If your children cannot be trusted to mind their grandmother without getting spanked, they need to not be left with grandma…which is usually a punishment, because a day at grandma’s tends to be a pretty cushy gig for kids!
 
PhamHjenPG said:
Tóm c? ngay

M?t quý bÃ* h?t ho h?t h?i d?n d?n c?nh sát:
  • Thua ngÃ*i c?nh sát, ch?ng tôi luôn de do? r?ng ông ?y s? b?n tôi!
Viên si quan c?nh sát tr?c ban di?m tinh tr? l?i:
  • Thua quý bÃ* dáng thuong, bây gi?, chúng tôi chua th? giúp gì du?c cho bÃ*. Nhung bÃ* c? yên tâm, n?u nhu ông nhÃ* b?n bÃ* th?t, chúng tôi s? tóm c? ông ?y ngay sau dó.
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…I’m sorry…I don’t speak…Vietnamese? Thai? I’m not sure…I don’t speak it though. Hah.
 
EasterJoy said:
Yes. She should not have been left to take care of those kids on her own. That was not fair. The word for the parent who found out that their decision to let their parent take care of their child lead to their child locking a nearly-80-year-old out of her apartment should have been “mortified”. If your children cannot be trusted to mind their grandmother without getting spanked, they need to not be left with grandma…which is usually a punishment, because a day at grandma’s tends to be a pretty cushy gig for kids!
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Yeah it does. I always looked forward to it, I was over there all the time though, grandparents practically raised me in my early years, but I figured out real quick they at least weren’t as strict as actual parents, haha.
 
EasterJoy said:
The number of grandmas who do not extend their parental whipping policies to grandchildren are legion, but the good ones have their methods of getting compliance.
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Mine certainly did. She had “the red belt” hanging by the back door. She said she did use it on occasion – I have no memory of her using it – but I do know all she had to do was ask us if she wanted her to get the red belt and we generally started doing what we were supposed to be doing.

My mother know has the red belt on her entertainment center. Even though it was an instrument of discipline, it really brings back fond memories of a loving grandparent who would spoil the heck out of us but also would not let us get away with whatever we wanted.
 
The boy sounds like he suffers greatly from anxiety. He has a fear of germs and his parents see nothing wrong with that behavior? That makes me wonder if they too have fears of germs and have inflicted their own anxietes onto him.
 
ExpectedIrony said:
Yeah it does. I always looked forward to it, I was over there all the time though, grandparents practically raised me in my early years, but I figured out real quick they at least weren’t as strict as actual parents, haha.
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My grandma wasn’t as strict as Mom and Dad, but boy oh boy we knew what would happen if Dad ever found we gave Grandma a minute of trouble. Wow, all h*$& would have broken loose. It would have been as if we’d hassled our parish priest, which also would have brought a ton of burning coals down on our heads. (The thought makes me shudder…)
 
jazzy0710 said:
The boy sounds like he suffers greatly from anxiety. He has a fear of germs and his parents see nothing wrong with that behavior? That makes me wonder if they too have fears of germs and have inflicted their own anxietes onto him.
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Sometimes, though, 15 year olds go through that “Pharisee” phase, when no one can keep the rules correctly or even figure out what the rules are correctly, except them and their unimpeachable judgment. My analogy may be a bit harsh on the Pharisees, because some teens are unimaginable pukes about how everyone else ought to be acting and who is even worthy of a few minutes of their valuable time and attention. Some of them make the Caesars look like indulgent grandmothers.

One has to hope it is a temporary insanity, and difficult for them to realize or control. The thought is what keeps everyone else from throttling them instead of ignoring them.
 
One grandma didn’t ever babysit. She said she raised her 12 and was done. We could visit anytime, but no babysitting.

My other grandma was my the only babysitter I ever had. She watched us on a regular basis and spoiled us rotten. Never once did we cause any problems at her house because it was common knowledge that the flying monkeys form the Wizard of Oz movie lived in her basement. Never an ounce of trouble at her house!
 
EasterJoy said:
My grandma wasn’t as strict as Mom and Dad, but boy oh boy we knew what would happen if Dad ever found we gave Grandma a minute of trouble. Wow, all h*$& would have broken loose. It would have been as if we’d hassled our parish priest, which also would have brought a ton of burning coals down on our heads. (The thought makes me shudder…)
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My dad was the same way growing up…75% of the time, I was with my grandparents. Most of the time, no grandparent ever mentioned to my parents what my siblings or did…but when they did…:eek:
 
7armyrugrats said:
One grandma didn’t ever babysit. She said she raised her 12 and was done. We could visit anytime, but no babysitting.

My other grandma was my the only babysitter I ever had. She watched us on a regular basis and spoiled us rotten. Never once did we cause any problems at her house because it was common knowledge that the flying monkeys form the Wizard of Oz movie lived in her basement. Never an ounce of trouble at her house!
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Yeah, I don’t think it’s right my sister had her babysit. Grandparents practically raised me, I got a switch once when I was about 6, that was the last time I ever caused trouble.
 
EasterJoy said:
You don’t have to know. All you need to do is say, “Jon, if you have concerns about my food hygiene, you need to let me know, so we can arrange for you to take care of your own food. I’m willing to do whatever I need to do to help you to be comfortable here, but you need to do your part and take my feelings into account, too.” This is how you, if you had some kind of OCD over your food, would feel relieved to be treated, would it not? So put the best face you can on his behavior, but still feel that you can let him know when you feel his way of putting something was rude or that he’s neglecting his manners. Treat his as a learner who needs some guidance. This is what you have to do with people who show a very poor grasp of social expectations. If they make it clear that they have no interest in your social expectations, apologize that your differences are too great, and then show them the door.
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👍 I agree 100% with this.

Definitely something going on ( OCD, germophobic, maybe has some level of autism that could cause this behavior…)

Not really sure about WHAT is the cause, but Easter Joy has hit the nail on the head, I think.
 
This kid is incredibly rude and the next time he is rude to you it is certainly appropriate to call him on it. But I would proceed with caution when it comes to your sister. It is OK to discuss his rudeness with her in the moment when it happens. But you may want to rethink taking her aside to discuss her germophobic rude son. She is probably painfully aware that she has an odd kid. She will probably be greatly offended and defend the kid and may resent you. So try to just correct him in the moment. And if possible discreetly avoid this kid. Hopefully he will grow up and this will pass.
 
I don’t really have anything useful to add to the discussion; just wanted to say that I’ve been learning a lot. My wife had certain mental problems, and I’ve learned to say, “If you don’t like the way I’m doing whatever, be pleased to do it yourself.” Also, I have a niece who is autistic/aspie; she has cut off relations with me because she couldn’t deal with our political differences.

ExpectedIrony, it’s your house; it’s your decision how much rudeness you want to put up with it. From the tenor of your post, it sounds like you’re already using a considerable amount of Christian charity; keep it up 👍
 
Et_Cetera said:
It sounds like this kid might have some issues that go beyond parents who refuse to discipline. Has he been evaluated for OCD or any form of autism? How does he treat or get along with his peers?
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THIS!!!

It’s so glaring. I immediately thought OCD but he could also be somewhere on the asperger’s spectrum. He needs to be evaluated.
 
I realize I’m late to the conversation but it sounds like OCD. His rudeness may be due to stress because of his fears. He certainly shouldn’t be rude but if he is stressed over his worries that may be why. He may not even make his own food because he is afraid of contaminating it. There are some people with OCD who are like that: they fear themselves as much as others.
 
he would have a bad day if spoke like that to my grandmother,he needs a slap in the mouth
 
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