Obnoxious, germaphobic 15 year old nephew visiting..?

[ExpectedIrony]

I recently had a baby so my sister, brother-in-law, and their two sons are visiting. The oldest is so rude! He’s my nephew, and I love him, but I can barely stand him. I had a little bag of chips, and offered him one “That’s disgusting! That spreads germs.” I went into the bathroom just to get a hairbrush…“Did you wash your hands?” I said “No, I just got a hairbrush.” “You still need to wash your hands. How do you think Typhoid Mary got started?” I wash my hands after I go to the bathroom, and she didn’t. Completely different situation. He hates women. Best one yet, last year, I was visiting my grandmother, and he happened to be at her house, she’s 85 and she was kind enough to make him a sandwich and cut up a tomato because he wanted one on there. He told her “You should start wearing gloves. I hate people touching my food.” And there’s a blanket my great-grandmother brought over from Italy when she came to the United States, we were looking at it one Christmas “Ew I bet it carried diseases.” His parents see NOTHING wrong with his behavior. The only one who’s ever said anything to him was my grandpa calling him an “Obnoxious little s***” I don’t know whether to say something to my sister or not should I?

 

[_Jenn]

I vote for say what you want. And if you, oh, I don’t know, happen to flip out on him, you’ve got those post partum hormones to blame.

 

[1ke]

I don’t think his parents are doing him any favors by ignoring his inappropriate behavior. Raising an ill mannered child does the child no favors. He could also have some mental health issues that need addressing related to OCD.

Be kind if you do approach your sister.

Also, in your own home you certainly can demand appropriate respect and behavior.

 

[Mimi20]

I don’t think his parents are doing him any favors by ignoring his inappropriate behavior. Raising an ill mannered child does the child no favors. He could also have some mental health issues that need addressing related to OCD.

Be kind if you do approach your sister.

Also, in your own home you certainly can demand appropriate respect and behavior.

Yes, In the spirit of helping your nephew you should say something to your sister. She’s not doing him any favors allowing him to grow up that way. Is he truly mysophobic or is that simply his excuse to be obnoxious? That is the first thing I would address.

He told her “You should start wearing gloves. I hate people touching my food.”

He’s 15 not invalid. If he doesn’t want people touching his food why doesn’t he make it himself? He’s certainly old enough.
While they stay at your house, if I were you, and he made any remarks etc. I would either have him accommodate himself and/or correct his behavior. (E.g. the sandwich incident: "That’s not appropriate way to thank someone for making you a meal. If you’re going to be so particular about it you’re welcome to make one for yourself.)
If he insists on remarking about everything gift him some nitrile gloves and a medical face mask…

 

[ExpectedIrony]

Yes, In the spirit of helping your nephew you should say something to your sister. She’s not doing him any favors allowing him to grow up that way. Is he truly mysophobic or is that simply his excuse to be obnoxious? That is the first thing I would address.

He’s 15 not invalid. If he doesn’t want people touching his food why doesn’t he make it himself? He’s certainly old enough.
While they stay at your house, if I were you, and he made any remarks etc. I would either have him accommodate himself and/or correct his behavior. (E.g. the sandwich incident: "That’s not appropriate way to thank someone for making you a meal. If you’re going to be so particular about it you’re welcome to make one for yourself.)
If he insists on remarking about everything gift him some nitrile gloves and a medical face mask…

Exactly, and I’ve noticed he’s always ruder to the older generation. His grandparents, and great-grandparents. On our side of the family at least. I don’t know about his dad’s. He’s been lucky enough to know 2 sets of great-grandparents that he treats the worst. He had a fit when he was 9 years old, and locked my grandmother out of her house.

 

[Francoist]

I recently had a baby so my sister, brother-in-law, and their two sons are visiting. The oldest is so rude! He’s my nephew, and I love him, but I can barely stand him. I had a little bag of chips, and offered him one “That’s disgusting! That spreads germs.” I went into the bathroom just to get a hairbrush…“Did you wash your hands?” I said “No, I just got a hairbrush.” “You still need to wash your hands. How do you think Typhoid Mary got started?” I wash my hands after I go to the bathroom, and she didn’t. Completely different situation. He hates women. Best one yet, last year, I was visiting my grandmother, and he happened to be at her house, she’s 85 and she was kind enough to make him a sandwich and cut up a tomato because he wanted one on there. He told her “You should start wearing gloves. I hate people touching my food.” And there’s a blanket my great-grandmother brought over from Italy when she came to the United States, we were looking at it one Christmas “Ew I bet it carried diseases.” His parents see NOTHING wrong with his behavior. The only one who’s ever said anything to him was my grandpa calling him an “Obnoxious little s***” I don’t know whether to say something to my sister or not should I?

He might annoy you but he is very amusing to me.

Thanks for the story.

On a more serious note, is he an Aspie by any chance?

 

[ExpectedIrony]

He might annoy you but he is very amusing to me.

Thanks for the story.

On a more serious note, is he an Aspie by any chance?

He’s not diagnosed as anything. His parents see him as “A cautious little angel” Some of the things he does is sort of funny, but I can’t spend time with him longer than an hour.

 

[Mimi20]

Exactly, and I’ve noticed he’s always ruder to the older generation. His grandparents, and great-grandparents. On our side of the family at least. I don’t know about his dad’s. He’s been lucky enough to know 2 sets of great-grandparents that he treats the worst. He had a fit when he was 9 years old, and locked my grandmother out of her house.

That’s highly unfortunate. Not knowing his mental state It’s harder to correctly address the problem, but definitely have a talk with your sister and see what she has to say.
If they don’t see his behavior as problematic that’s their decision but certainly don’t put up with it in your own home. If he’s never been prompted to change it certainly won’t happen on its own. Since he’s 15 already it will likely be an uphill battle to correct, but be firm and consistent in keeping with the expectation that he be respectful to you in your home. If you can, find a way to perhaps see that your parents/grandparents expect more respect from him as well. If all he’s ever known is for everyone to be accommodating to his behavior he has no reason to expect otherwise.

 

[ExpectedIrony]

Thank you for sharing, I am sorry for what you are going through.

I am not a psychologist but a mom that has known LOTS of boys!!! Boys typically are play in the mud, rough, goof off and most I know need constant reminders to wash their hands even change their underwear! The fact that your nephew is that paranoid of germs is very sad. Try and take whatever irritation you are feeling towards him and turn it into compassion instead.

Clearly he has problems, what is the nature of those problems cannot be determined here but he needs help and his parents are not getting him help. If he were a diabetic and his parents were not getting him treatment you would feel sorry for him, try and do the same, he really must be suffering. Prayers for you and congratulations on your new little one!

Thank you, and I try to have compassion, but he just drives me crazy, because he’s so rude. I know what you’re talking about, I have two other nephews who are just a year older than him(twins) and they like sports, and are the least germaphobic kids on Earth, where this one, I’m sorry, is spoiled and so concerned about germs.

 

[tuscany]

**His parents are doing him no favors.

This kid is going to have a real awakening when he gets out
into the real world, you can’t be rude like that to people.
No boss would put up with it, or fellow employees. And you can’t talk like that to customers !

Heaven help him if he ever goes to Boot Camp (ala Pvt. Benjamin… ).

The only place this kid is ever going to find a job where they don’t fire his rear
is with Howie Mandel.**

 

[3DOCTORS]

You could point out to him that while he may consider you to be “germy,” you consider his attitude to be “toxic”! Seriously, I’d be like “Would you like to try rephrasing that as a polite request rather than a criticism or a demand?” :tsktsk: Point out that one catches more flies with honey than with vinegar.

 

[EasterJoy]

He’s not diagnosed as anything. His parents see him as “A cautious little angel” Some of the things he does is sort of funny, but I can’t spend time with him longer than an hour.

Well, then, to be on the safe side his mother ought to send him with all the food he will need, so that he can prepare it himself. Your family, after all, is very immunologically robust, so your excellent health is no guarantee that you might not unintentionally make him sick. (I’m only half joking…honestly, I’d have his mother send all of his food, if she finds his caution so adorable.)

 

[maryjk]

Best one yet, last year, I was visiting my grandmother, and he happened to be at her house, she’s 85 and she was kind enough to make him a sandwich and cut up a tomato because he wanted one on there. He told her “You should start wearing gloves. I hate people touching my food.”

The solution to that would have been to take the sandwich back. And I would have. “You don’t want people touching your food? Fine, then I will eat my sandwich and you can make your own.”

 

[jeannetherese]

You might offer up your discomfort to our Lord for his sake.
It might help to consider his age as he gives unsolicited advice. His approach is a bit brusque, but the advice seems similar to what one might find working in a hospital or an eating establishment. Perhaps he will become more tactful as he ages.
May our Lord bless you both. Amen.

 

[Jon_S_1]

I recently had a baby so my sister, brother-in-law, and their two sons are visiting. The oldest is so rude! He’s my nephew, and I love him, but I can barely stand him. I had a little bag of chips, and offered him one “That’s disgusting! That spreads germs.” I went into the bathroom just to get a hairbrush…“Did you wash your hands?” I said “No, I just got a hairbrush.” “You still need to wash your hands. How do you think Typhoid Mary got started?” I wash my hands after I go to the bathroom, and she didn’t. Completely different situation. He hates women. Best one yet, last year, I was visiting my grandmother, and he happened to be at her house, she’s 85 and she was kind enough to make him a sandwich and cut up a tomato because he wanted one on there. He told her “You should start wearing gloves. I hate people touching my food.” And there’s a blanket my great-grandmother brought over from Italy when she came to the United States, we were looking at it one Christmas “Ew I bet it carried diseases.” His parents see NOTHING wrong with his behavior. The only one who’s ever said anything to him was my grandpa calling him an “Obnoxious little s***” I don’t know whether to say something to my sister or not should I?

If he is in your house…Your rules!

If he is obnoxious you can tell him to go find somewhere else to stay.

Definitely let your sister know you won’t put up with his rudeness

 

[MaryT777]

Exactly, and I’ve noticed he’s always ruder to the older generation. His grandparents, and great-grandparents. On our side of the family at least. I don’t know about his dad’s. He’s been lucky enough to know 2 sets of great-grandparents that he treats the worst. He had a fit when he was 9 years old, and locked my grandmother out of her house.

It sounds like some counseling might be appropriate.

 

[Anglewannabe]

I wouldn’t waste my time talking to this 15 year old. He won’t listen. I would tell his mom (in a polite way) you will no longer tolerate her son’s behaviour especially in your house. In group gatherings avoid him as much as possible and when people say 'Aren’t you going to go say ‘hi’ to ‘Jimmy’ say no. I would not go over to your sister’s until she sets her son straight. I wouldn’t even send this kid a birthday card anymore. The only contact I would have with this kid is when a family member other than your sister has a gathering and you want to go to that.

Angie

 

[ExpectedIrony]

I wouldn’t waste my time talking to this 15 year old. He won’t listen. I would tell his mom (in a polite way) you will no longer tolerate her son’s behaviour especially in your house. In group gatherings avoid him as much as possible and when people say 'Aren’t you going to go say ‘hi’ to ‘Jimmy’ say no. I would not go over to your sister’s until she sets her son straight. I wouldn’t even send this kid a birthday card anymore. The only contact I would have with this kid is when a family member other than your sister has a gathering and you want to go to that.

Angie

Yeah…I tried making conversation with him…

Me- I hear you’re going to take Driver’s Ed at the end of this month.

Him- Yeah

Me- Maybe your mom and dad could take you out driving for practice.

Him- Ugh. That’s illegal.

._. It’s one of those rules that as long as you’re practicing with your parents, police don’t even really care. Ugh.

 

[EasterJoy]

Yeah…I tried making conversation with him…

Me- I hear you’re going to take Driver’s Ed at the end of this month.

Him- Yeah

Me- Maybe your mom and dad could take you out driving for practice.

Him- Ugh. That’s illegal.

._. It’s one of those rules that as long as you’re practicing with your parents, police don’t even really care. Ugh.

Well, hang in there. If you manage not to kill him, it will be what in the old days some would have called a “white martyrdom” (a bloodless self-sacrifice for the Lord’s sake that would not literally kill you, but that could make a relatively quick death by physical torture seem preferable in comparison).

 

[vsedriver]

Thank you, and I try to have compassion, but he just drives me crazy, because he’s so rude. I know what you’re talking about, I have two other nephews who are just a year older than him(twins) and they like sports, and are the least germaphobic kids on Earth, where this one, I’m sorry, is spoiled and so concerned about germs.

the next time he says something rude. Tell him he’s being rude. Kids can’t learn what is appropriate if we don’t teach them.