Occult influences

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juliasmith

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I have returned to the church after 20+ years of practicing and studying the occult. I used ouija boards, channeled, prayed to false gods, you name it. I did it.
I thought it would be simple to ‘go home’. But I am having serious trouble finding time to pray. I get so distracted when I do get to pray or read my bible. Going to mass is becoming a real struggle. I love going to mass. But the last couple of weeks I get headaches or don’t feel very well. I am tired all the time where I used to be very energetic. I have been trying to go to confession for the past month and cannot get there. Something always happens to interfere with my going. When I do have time, I have the baby to care for and no sitter.
I generally try to avoid falling into the belief of demonic influence. It just sounds so superstitious and hokey. But having witnessed things from ‘the other side of the coin’ so to speak, I am beginning to think I might need help.
Oddly enough, this started after I looked into the Order of the Legion of St Michael. I don’t want to go to my priest. I think he’ll think I am crazy. I FEEL crazy.
It may seem strange, but I feel more comfortable coming here for advice than going to my priest.
 
I don’t think you’re crazy. It does sound like you need help, however. Can you take the baby with you to see the priest? Maybe have the priest come to you?

I’ll keep you in my prayers.
 
I am hesitant to take the baby with me because I am afraid he will pick up on me getting upset (I am guessing that confession will be an emotional roller coaster). I just feel that the visit would be more beneficial if I were not distracted with having to care for the baby during the visit.
It looks as though I will wind up taking him with me though if I am ever going to get this done.
 
Perhaps calling the Parish office and explaining some of the situation and your need for a baby-sitter for the while you are with the Priest would be of help.

I can tell you…that as being a “revert” myself…the road back has had its challenges…and yes…sometimes the bad guys try to distract you and keep you from your goal. To lose you to God means they have to do double work to capture another soul… Its not hokey…its reality.

I always found this simple prayer helpful: St. Michael the Archangel defend us in battle against the wickedness and snares of the devil.

There is a longer prayer than that…but that one helps me.

Hope that helps some!👍
 
Thanks for the prayer. I plan to use that one often. Heaven is surely watching over us…I just got a call from my husband who is coming home overnight. I might be able to get to the church tomorrow if the priest can see me before my husband has to leave out again.
 
Imryl said:
I wonder what you mean by “studying the occult”.
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Are you wanting details for a specific reason or do you just have a morbid curiosity? I very generally covered my involvement in my first post. I do not feel it helpful in any way to go over every finite detail in this forum. Should my priest need the details once I get to confession, that’s another story. And I am really not enthusiastic about having to do that.
So, why do you wonder what my definition of ‘studying the occult’ would be?
(seriously not attempting to be rude…For the sake of conversation I am curious about your curiosity.)
 
There is a good prayer that you can pray that I will paste here for you:

SPIRITUAL WARFARE PRAYER

Heavenly Father, I love You, I praise You, and I worship You. I thank You for sending your Son Jesus Who won victory over sin and death for my salvation. I thank You for sending Your Holy Spirit Who empowers me, guides me, and leads me into fullness of life. I thank You for Mary, my Heavenly Mother, who intercedes with the holy angels and saints for me.

Lord Jesus Christ, I place myself at the foot of Your cross and ask You to cover me with Your Precious Blood which pours forth from Your Most Sacred Hearth and Your Most Holy Wounds, Cleanse me, my Jesus, in the living water that flows from Your Heart. I ask You to surround me, Lord Jesus, with Your Holy Light.

Heavenly Father, let the healing waters of my baptism now flow back through the maternal and paternal generations to purify my family line of Satan and sin. I come before You, Father, and ask forgiveness for myself, my relatives, and my ancestors, for any calling upon powers that set themselves up in opposition to You or that does not offer true honor to Jesus Christ. In Jesus’ Holy Name, I now reclaim any territory that was handed over to Satan and place it under the Lordship of Jesus Christ.

By the power of Your Holy Spirit, reveal to me, Father, any people I need to forgive, and any areas of unconfessed sin. Reveal aspects of my life that are not pleasing You, Father, ways that have given or could give Satan a foothold in my life. Father I give to You any unforgiveness; I give to You my sins; and, I give to You all ways that Satan has a hold of my life. Thank You, Father for these revelations, thank You, for Your forgiveness and Your love.

Lord Jesus, in Your Holy Name, I bind all evil spirits of the air, water, ground, underground, and netherworld. I further bind, in Jesus’ Name, any and all emissaries of the satanic headquarters and claim the Precious Blood of Jesus on the air, atmosphere, water, ground, and their fruits around us, the underground, and the netherworld below.

Heavenly Father, allow Your Son Jesus to come now with the Holy Spirit, the Blessed Virgin Mary, the holy angels and the saints to protect me from all harm and to keep all evil spirits from taking revenge on me in any way.

(Repeat the following sentence three times; once in honor of the Father, once in honor of the Son, and once in honor of the Holy Spirit.)

In the Holy Name of Jesus, I seal myself, my relatives, this room (place, home, church, car, plane, etc…), and all sources of supply in the Precious Blood of Jesus Christ.

(To break and dissolve all satanic seals, repeat the following paragraph three times in honor of the Holy Trinity because satanic seals are placed three times to blaspheme the Holy Trinity.)

In the Holy Name of Jesus, I break and dissolve any and all curses, hexes, spells, snares, traps, lies, obstacles, deceptions, diversions, spiritual influences, evil wishes, evil desires, hereditary seals, known and unknown, and every dysfunction and disease from any source including my mistakes and sins. In Jesus’ Name, I break and dissolve any and all links and effects of links with: astrologers; bohmos; channelers; charters; clairvoyants; crystal healers; crystals; fortune tellers; mediums; the New Age Movements; occult seers; palm, tea leaf, or tarot card readers; psychics; santeros; satanic cults; spirit guides; witches; witchdoctors; and Voodoo. In Jesus’ Name, I dissolve all effects of participation in séances and divination, Ouija boards, horoscopes, occult games of all sorts, and any form of worship that does not offer true honor to Jesus Christ.

Holy Spirit, please reveal to me through word of knowledge any evil spirits that have attached themselves to me in any way. (Pause and wait for words to come to you, such as: anger, arrogance, bitterness, brutality, confusion, cruelty, deception, envy, fear, hatred, insecurity, jealousy, pride, resentment, or terror. Pray the following for each of the evil spirits revealed)

In the Name of Jesus, I rebuke you spirit of _________________. I command you to go directly to Jesus, without manifestation and without harm to me or anyone, so that He can dispose of you according to His Holy Will. I thank You, Heavenly Father for Your love. I thank You, Holy Spirit for empowering me to be aggressive against Satan and evil spirits. I thank You, Jesus, for setting me free. I thank you, Mary for interceding for me with the holy angels and the saints.
Lord Jesus fill me with charity, compassion, faith, gentleness, hope, humility, joy, kindness, light, love, mercy, modesty, patience, peace, purity, security, serenity, tranquility, trust, truth, understanding, and wisdom. Help me to walk in Your Light and Truth, illuminated by the Holy Spirit so that together We may praise, honor, and glorify Our Father in time and in eternity. For You, Lord Jesus, are, “…the way, the truth, and the life” (John 14:6 NAB), and You “…have come that we might have life and have it more abundantly” (John 10:10 JB)

“God indeed is my savior; I am confident and unafraid. MY strength and courage is the Lord, and he has been my savior” (Isaiah 12:2 JB). Amen. Alleluia. Amen.
 
Because you said you spent 20+ years “practicing and studying the occult” and in the same sentence referenced Ouija boards. Occultist’s don’t usually list that in their “things they’ve done”.

I was curious what it meant to you when you said “practicing and studying the occult”. As in, you’ve read a book here and there… or you did some serious reflecting. “Practicing” is an appropriate term. “Studying” is not so practical considering things aren’t ‘occultic’ in nature when they’re mass produced and purchasable on Ebay or in your local Barns & Noble. I’m not saying you can’t study the occult… but when someone says they study the occult, I generally think of someone studying an individual who is involved in the occult-like things.

I don’t need to know the details behind your practices.

Don’t worry, that isn’t an attack, just curiosity. I’m actually inclined to believe you.
The problem with priests isn’t that they don’t want to help you, it’s that they (tend to) believe it’s easy to just go pick up a phone, make an appointment, go to confession and put all those sorts of things behind you.

Not so.

Then again, I’m sure they’re used to dealing with panicky teens that set up some mock ritual then decided to add some hallucinogenic drug to the mix.

My suggestion is to avoid parish priests in this instance, unless the one you go to is good. However, that implies your familiar enough with Catholicism to know the difference. Find one involved in academics (College/Seminary level) or one from a local monastery.

Look until you find one you’re comfortable with, don’t settle for the first one.
 
Juliasmith I read a book several months ago, and have unfortunately forgotten the title, about a women who was heavily into all the same things you describe in your post. She also had all the same problems you describe meeting with all kinds of resistance when trying to get to church. She eventually had to do a very thorough confession renouncing every single thing she had done, all the teachers of of each practice, gurus, and so on. She also had to get rid of every single thing from that time, every book, every crystal everything. The task of throwing everything out was not easy and shouldnt be done alone. Why well there are real demons attached to that junk and they may not take kindly to being tossed out so you should have help and be spiritually prepared first such as confession and the Eucharist. I should clarify her first confession was not the extremely thorough one, she needed at least one hour and a very understanding priest for that one.

Familiarize yourself with spiritual warfare because that is what you are in, what you are up against but you arent alone you have Jesus who has already won the battle you just need to get to him and cling to him, and that involves talking to the priest!

Saint Michael the Archangel,
defend us in battle.
Be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray;
and do Thou, O Prince of the Heavenly Host -
by the Divine Power of God -
cast into hell, satan and all the evil spirits,
who roam throughout the world seeking the ruin of souls. Amen.
 
Next time you receive Holy Communion, ask Our Lord to free you from every spell, curse, or binding that may be over you or your family.

Those who never got involved with the occult cannot fully understand (or sometimes believe) the spiritual “scum” it leaves on you and how clingy it can be, even when we try to remove it.

Get to confession as soon as possible. You will continue to experience barriers trying to prevent you from going. Overcome them. I’m not entirely certain it was him, but I think it was Fr. Amorth, the famous exorcist, who said that confession was more powerful than exorcism.

I’d also see about getting some blessed and exorcised salt for your home. Our Lord saw fit to give Holy Mother Church sacramentals for battling evil- use them!
 
I think you’re on the right track. It sounds very much like a spiritual assault – those are classic symptoms. It’s not something “hokey”. We do have powerful enemies to fight against, and very often a person who has invested much in Satan’s kingdom will feel a strong force for a while. You represent a big loss to the world of evil and that world doesn’t take losses (of a sure thing in your case) lightly.

I’d recommend a superb book, “The Deceiver” by Fr. Livio Fanzaga. This book was actually a #1 bestseller in Italy a few years back. It’s clearly written, down to earth, deep but very readable. This book will really open your eyes in a good way. (I’m reading it for a second time now).

The remedy for your situation is the tried and true methods of spiritual healing. The sacraments, of course. Frequent Confession will purify and strenghten you over time. The Holy Eucharist will bring you peace.

Daily prayer is essential, even with distractions. You have to start realizing how essential prayer is – it’s your primary weapon.

As Fr. James Buckley, FSSP teaches in his retreats:

“Return enemy fire”.

By this he means that when you feel distractions, odd-pains, discomfort, boredom, “not feeling like it” or any of these strange obstacles that come up in prayer – push your self to do a little more. Pray for one minute more. Do one minute of penance (hold your arms out at your side while praying a decade of the rosary, etc).

The Catechism of the Catholic Church actually has an excellent chapter on this very topic – entitled “The Warfare of Prayer”. It’s a very good thing to read.

Prayer, sacraments, spiritual reading and then just taking a positive attitude towards life – appreciating God’s creation and finding the joy even in hardships. That will help overcome the gloom.

I don’t think we should underestimate the spiritual forces “out there”. Our world has sadly lost a lot of grace and evil has been winning some victories. So we’re all facing some of this sort of thing more or less.

Also, get some Holy Water and bless yourself with this before prayer. And make sure to get rid of all of the artifacts of your occult past. As you cut yourself off from that mentally and spiritually, you’ll gain strength and insight into your own self and into the love and redemptive power of God.
 
“Occultist’s don’t usually list that in their “things they’ve done”.”

I must assume that is true of the occultists that you may have encountered. In the area that I live in, ‘occultists’ (I may use that term quite erroneously) run the gamut of your everyday, run-of-the-mill practitioner of wicca to someone thoroughly involved in Golden Dawn and/or Enochian practices. I tried to at least read about every single thing I could get my hands on that dealt with false gods and/or the occult. What I (and most in the local community) practiced was a highly eclectic mix of everything we had exposed ourselves to. Very ‘new age’.
I chose the terms ‘practicing’ and ‘studying’ because I studied in order to practice better. The more study of a topic that could be done, the better the practice, at least in theory. I personally believe that is why there has been such an increase in the publishing of books dealing with these topics in recent years/decades.

“Don’t worry, that isn’t an attack, just curiosity. I’m actually inclined to believe you.”

I never took it as an attack. The nature of your post seemed to relay a certain curiosity and not hostility. I actually am glad that you asked, it helps to work through some things if a dialogue can be established.
" She eventually had to do a very thorough confession renouncing every single thing she had done, all the teachers of of each practice, gurus, and so on. She also had to get rid of every single thing from that time, every book, every crystal everything. The task of throwing everything out was not easy and shouldnt be done alone."

I just threw a few items away this evening. It felt refreshing to do it. But I still have quite a few items left lying around, a great many in storage. I have had a time ‘letting go’ of some of them. I don’t know anyone in my new church yet. It is a huge church (3000+ members) and I am loathe to call up the priest for this one. Again, I cannot get rid of the fear that my priest will think I am crazy. He was so good to me when I first went to him, I would hate for him to start thinking I am an irrational weirdo.
So, I suppose I will have to pray for the strength and resolve to continue this process.
 
Eh, I feel like I’m talking to myself. I’m sort of just laughing at the parallels.

Well… except for the fact that I don’t pray. 😉

Glad to know I’m not the only one!

*By the way - That dialog that needs to be established, is best established with your priest. But, no one said you can’t practice here. It makes it easier to put your thoughts together in writing first, before you try and explain it to someone else.
 
juliasmith;3870329 Again said:
If it’s really bothering you, then make use of the privacy screen. Or else go to a different parish for confession. But go!

You might be surprised how well he takes it. New Age influence is everywhere- and with such a large parish, I’d be shocked if you were the first penitent who came to him with such a problem.
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“Next time you receive Holy Communion, ask Our Lord to free you from every spell, curse, or binding that may be over you or your family.”

That might be a problem…my marriage is not recognized by the church and I am having to seek an annulment in order to have my marriage recognized (hopefully). I desperately wish I could take communion. Got myself into rather a pickle, spiritually.

“I’d also see about getting some blessed and exorcised salt for your home.”

This is something new to me. I used ‘blessed salt’ in my rituals. Seems weird to me to use such now. Holy water I am comfortable, blessed salt I’m unsure about.
“The Catechism of the Catholic Church actually has an excellent chapter on this very topic – entitled “The Warfare of Prayer”. It’s a very good thing to read.”

My copy just arrived a couple of days ago, actually. It seems rather a lot to read through but I will definitely go to the chapter you’ve mentioned.

“I don’t think we should underestimate the spiritual forces “out there”. Our world has sadly lost a lot of grace and evil has been winning some victories. So we’re all facing some of this sort of thing more or less.”

Isn’t that the truth?! Since my return to the church I am more and more amazed at the depravity and insanity that seems to be going on. I am having some very real moments of ‘I cannot believe that I did THAT’ in regards to the whole occult/neo-pagan thing. I am disgusted and heartsick. I cannot even let my children watch television now. In fact, I am ready to throw ours out in the trash heap. If it weren’t for the History channel and Discovery I probably would. That is , however, a completely different rant.
“It makes it easier to put your thoughts together in writing first, before you try and explain it to someone else.”

It certainly does. I am so thankful for all of you and your willingness to discuss this with me.
 
“Next time you receive Holy Communion, ask Our Lord to free you from every spell, curse, or binding that may be over you or your family.”

That might be a problem…my marriage is not recognized by the church and I am having to seek an annulment in order to have my marriage recognized (hopefully). I desperately wish I could take communion. Got myself into rather a pickle, spiritually.

“I’d also see about getting some blessed and exorcised salt for your home.”

This is something new to me. I used ‘blessed salt’ in my rituals. Seems weird to me to use such now. Holy water I am comfortable, blessed salt I’m unsure about.
“The Catechism of the Catholic Church actually has an excellent chapter on this very topic – entitled “The Warfare of Prayer”. It’s a very good thing to read.”

My copy just arrived a couple of days ago, actually. It seems rather a lot to read through but I will definitely go to the chapter you’ve mentioned.

“I don’t think we should underestimate the spiritual forces “out there”. Our world has sadly lost a lot of grace and evil has been winning some victories. So we’re all facing some of this sort of thing more or less.”

Isn’t that the truth?! Since my return to the church I am more and more amazed at the depravity and insanity that seems to be going on. I am having some very real moments of ‘I cannot believe that I did THAT’ in regards to the whole occult/neo-pagan thing. I am disgusted and heartsick. I cannot even let my children watch television now. In fact, I am ready to throw ours out in the trash heap. If it weren’t for the History channel and Discovery I probably would. That is , however, a completely different rant.
“It makes it easier to put your thoughts together in writing first, before you try and explain it to someone else.”

It certainly does. I am so thankful for all of you and your willingness to discuss this with me.
 
juliasmith said:
That might be a problem…my marriage is not recognized by the church and I am having to seek an annulment in order to have my marriage recognized (hopefully). I desperately wish I could take communion. Got myself into rather a pickle, spiritually.
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A few things.
(1) Catholics have a tendency not to like it when you say “take Communion” they “receive Communion”.
(2) Once your previous marriage is annulled, assuming you were baptized, you will need to get your marriage blessed. For your marriage to be blessed you must be a “Confirmed” Catholic. If you were not Confirmed, that will be another thing you will have to discuss with your priest.
(3) Once you confess, you may “receive” Communion… even if your marriage is not blessed. The stipulation is that you and your husband must “live as brother and sister”. (Eg. No intimate contact until your marriage is convalidated.) Assuming the priest does not ask you to abstain {from Communion} until it {your marriage} is convalidated.

Of course, if you confess, receive Communion, then decide that “living as brother and sister” is to much to ask until your marriage is blessed… well, that is putting conditions on your love for God and placing yourself and your husband before him… and that my dear, is a sin. Then again, now that you know, it would be a sin not to abstain.

This is all based off the assumption that you are (validly) Baptized by the way.
My copy just arrived a couple of days ago, actually. It seems rather a lot to read through but I will definitely go to the chapter you’ve mentioned."
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You may also find the Catechism online, here:
vatican.va/archive/ENG0015/_INDEX.HTM

Compendium of the Catechism, Q&A Format:
vatican.va/archive/compendium_ccc/documents/archive_2005_compendium-ccc_en.html

Here is the Code of Cannon Law, which might also be helpful:
vatican.va/archive/ENG1104/_INDEX.HTM

If you know how to navigate the web using google, then you ought to be able to navigate the Code of Cannon Law to find the answers to your annulment, marriage and confession questions.
Since my return to the church I am more and more amazed at the depravity and insanity that seems to be going on. <…> I cannot even let my children watch television now. In fact, I am ready to throw ours out in the trash heap.
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Take care that you don’t fall into scrupulosity. Scrupulosity is seeing sin where there is none.

Make use of the search function on CAF. All of this can be found in much greater detail in this forum. I’ve had to leave out a lot of particulars for the sake of brevity.
 
juliasmith said:
This is something new to me. I used ‘blessed salt’ in my rituals. Seems weird to me to use such now. Holy water I am comfortable, blessed salt I’m unsure about.
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Another reason you need to get to Confession and cultivate a relationship with a regular confessor.

The devil loves to ape God. This includes mocking the sacramentals as well. Blessed and exorcised salt is a truly powerful weapon against evil. How like the enemy to twist it and mock it (“sacred” element of earth, anyone?).

I can understand your reluctance to use it. Take this problem to your confessor, as well. If he discerns that you are not yet ready to utilize such a sacramental, for fear of being unable to use it properly because of your occult history, then be in obedience to him. If, however, he has no problem with a proper use of it, I cannot stress enough how useful it is in the battle against evil.

There are other sacramentals out there that are also very useful in the battle we’re engaged in. Blessed oil, St. Benedict medals, devotions to St. Michael, etc. Of course, the understanding is that these sacramentals are used in the proper way- understanding that it is God, and only God, who is the Author of the protection and grace, and not the objects/words in and of themselves.

I would hate for you to feel like you had to neglect sacramentals altogether for fear of using them like spells. Talk with your confessor about it.

As for your current separation from the Blessed Sacrament- while others are receiving physically, make a spiritual communion, and ask Him to free you from your past. If you’re unfamiliar with Spiritual Communion, you can find information here:
ewtn.com/devotionals/prayers/blsac4.htm
 
What is happening to you is very real. You are under attack. You must call upon St Michael every day. You must go to confession. Have the priest lay his hands on your head and bless you. Get a bottle of holy water and bless every room of your house. Actually, it is a good idea to ask the priest to come and bless your house. If you can get EWTN, leave the tv on that station all day, and pray along with the sisters.

You have your baby to think about. Have you baptized your baby? You need to rid your home of all those evil influences.
 
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