OCD, Medication and culpability

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Jessica01

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Hello everyone, I have OCD ( Before anything I want to say I am in therapy with an OCD specialist, and am searching for a confessor but have had no luck). My OCD centers around intrusive thoughts of all kinds, and at its worst I can’t tell at all weather I want the thoughts or not. I am not seeking reassurance, I guess I just am wondering, I have not been able to find a confessor, if after taking medication the thoughts go away significantly, to what degree should I consider the thoughts sinful? Also, if remembering the thoughts brings them back, how can I go about confession? I want to be own up to any culpability I have had with the thoughts, but it’s all so messy and painful. I know there are many of you who have OCD and it would be awesome to see how you handle it. Also, if a priest sees this it would be great to hear your point of view. Thank you!
 
I think your OCD is playing tricks on you. If you aren’t sure whether wanted them or not, its not a sin. Its your obsessing confusing you!

Its painful because you aren’t sure and don’t want to offend God. But I believe God would have mercy on people whose mental state is like that. Your reaction by checking and checking makes it clear its something abhorrent to you.
 
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Remember - a lot of our spiritual battles - is - with our thoughts.
We have to “ renew “ our minds -
Glad to see you on the forum asking questions 😇
 
No Margaret, I’ve been doing therapy for a while now. I just now am starting to see a real difference though, which is mainly why I ask. Before therapy and everything my OCD was horrible, but for a few weeks now it’s been doing considerably better.
 
If they’re intrusive, i.e. not voluntary, they are not sinful, whether constant or infrequent-- and with OCD there is often I believe the “illusion” of consent, probably at least partially because the obsessive nature of the thoughts leads to a lot of thinking about them, perhaps trying to make sure they were not voluntary.

I think your other question (and the first one is by extension related) is best answered by your priest. Hopefully you will be able to find a regular confessor as that will be most helpful when it comes to this.
 
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I know, I really hope so too. I’m thinking of starting a novena to find a confessor. Please say a prayer for me if you could!
 
Let me help you. Medication isn’t some kind of magic potion. It can reduce the severity of your symptoms, but they don’t stop.

I take medication. When the medicine I was on in 2012 conked out on me, I almost fell apart—like (name removed by moderator)atient treatment, full on nervous breakdown. My doctor got me on new medicine but it took agonizing weeks for it to really make a dent in my anxiety.

But once you have thoughts, you can’t unthink them. What you need to do is start with the low hanging fruit—get the obsessions/compulsions that are less, and simply stop reacting to them. Over time, one by one, force yourself to stop reacting, and knock out one obsession/compulsion at a time. I still have some leftovers from 2012 but I have managed to eliminate some tedious rituals.

Here is a trick I thought of. Tell someone or rotate among several people “I am not going to do X ritual today.” That way, if you end up doing it, you lied. My scrupulosity about lying made that pretty effective to force me not to engage in harmful rituals. After getting used to doing this, one day just tell someone “I am not doing X ritual EVER again.” Then do not go back on your word.
 
That’s so scary, right now it’s doing so well I’m honestly dead afraid of going back to where I was. I was just able to hug my little nieces for the first time in months! I’ll try that! It’s a good idea for accountability and I had never thought of it. At least for the physical rituals, I can see this being a really good idea. Thank you Canvas!
 
It was a little trick I thought of to make myself accountable to others, not just myself—because I was so weak.
It worked for me.
 
I think the main challenge for me is the mental rituals. They can be pretty intrusive in and of themselves. My therapist keeps telling me to “lean into the anxiety”, which works pretty well, but especially the mental repetitions can be really sneaky. Do you, or any of you, have any tricks for the mental rituals?
 
See if you can apply that to the mental ones. “I will not do X mental ritual today to neutralize an intrusive thought.”

Or you could do it like getting into cool water. Instead of wading in slowly, just dive in—something you had to go through a whole mental ritual before, just do it without having to go through your neutralizing thoughts. Try it once or twice. You might fall back, but you can try again. Eventually it will stick. I remember have to go through a whole list of things before I did certain things—I even kept written lists on me so I could remember the formulas I needed. I would have to go over them over and over. It was just awful. I would have to go into another room, or step outside, or go sit in my car or something to get away. At one point I could barely stay with people for more than a few minutes without having to excuse myself to OCD. Watching tv or movies with my wife required frequent pauses.
 
Thank you! The cool water image is really good! The way OCD affects loved ones and how we interact with them is one of the worst parts of this illness.
 
Indeed, I certainly will!

Oh and by the way, it’s great to hear that you’ve been doing better recently. Keep it up! 🙂
 
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Thank you so much, for both things! You all have helped me tremendously believe it or not! Thank you all again!
 
Youre not alone i too suffer from ocd. I have severe scrupolusity. I know what its like the rituals and intrusive thoughts everything. Im seeing a doctor for it tomorrow though. Glad to know im not alone in this fight.
 
Believe me, you’re not! I think the OCD community on CAF is very supportive and kind too so it helps to not feel totally alone. There’s a thread going on called “ OCD Discussions”. Look it up! You’ll see how there’s plenty of us even on the forums!
 
Jessica01 said:
Also, if remembering the thoughts brings them back, how can I go about confession?
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I have this problem as well.

My regular Priest has told me that in these instances, as long as contrition is there like in any other Confession, I am simply allowed to say “I am sorry for all of my sins” and that covers it. Now then, I once told that to another Priest (who is a canon lawyer) and he said that wasn’t the case. It should be noted that the way I worded this to the second Priest might have been why he said this. Anyway, I went back to my regular Priest, and he told me that he asked another canon lawyer, as well as (I think) another Priest who studied in Theology and said it actually was OK. Interestingly enough, he used to struggle very much with scruples when he was younger, and this was part of what helped cure him.

Furthermore, Jimmy Aikin, elaborated on this in this article:

http://jimmyakin.com/2011/03/when-you-dont-have-to-say-something-in-confession.html

Ask any Priests you see if they are familiar with this concept, and if not, if they could check on it for you (if you have concerns).
 
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I think one of the big ones is I say “ No, No,No!” Over and over. I also repeat random Saint names over and over when the thoughts come. I also repeat prayers, but it’s compulsive repetition without devotion, for example “ Jesus, I trust in you, Jesus I trust in you, Jesus I trust in you”. I also say things like “ I don’t want to, I don’t want to, I don’t want to”. I can’t really control it either, most of the time I realize I’m doing it long after I started.
 
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