OCD, Medication and culpability

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I’m doing ERP based therapy. My therapist and I meet on Tuesdays and Wednesday’s for an hour, and she says it’s usually a 10 week “course”, but that each person is different and will work with me beyond that if necessary. She also told me that I may need to come back in the future, but that this is normal and okay. It’s a life long process, it’s exhausting! I had it this morning and I was sleepy out of my mind when we were done because it’s always extremely draining for me. But it’s working! She’s having me meet with a nutritionist at the clinic in two weeks too, tobhelp woth my disordered eating!
 
Kind of, it’s a compulsion I have. So there are times when I feel that if I swallow, I am wanting the thought or that I’m swallowing the thoughts. Part of my therapy is that she makes me swallow the whole time I am there.
 
Yes! Don’t do your compulsions as best as you can! The more you resist the urge and just face the anxiety head on, the more you’ll start to lose the impulse to do them.
 
I don’t have OCD but I had anxiety with terribly intrusive thoughts mixed with fibromyalgia. I would move my fingers and hands all around as a coping mechanism. The more I moved body parts and overloaded my nervous system, the less anxious I would be. Like bouncing ones leg to deal with anxiety but on a huge scale. I could face my anxiety more if my nervous system was “distracted”
 
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Wow, that had to be very hard. The pain from the fybromyalgia alone had to be something terrible. I do the same though! I even bounce my leg while I sleep!
 
Yes! That is what ERP ( Exposure and response prevention) is! She is literally exposing me to all my OCD fears and trying to prevent a response. I have this fear of being dishonest so she literally had me go to the store while FaceTiming with me and she had me put items in different isles and leaving them there. She also is making me watch “ Meet the Robinsons” 😂. It’s a cute kids movie, but since I have a fear of hurting children, she is making me watch it and we rewind it over and over to the parts that trigger me the most. She also makes me play with my nieces. The brain does get used to the fears.
 
More like taking four frozen pizzas and putting them in the Ice-cream fridge lol!
 
You know how you can talk to someone on the phone while looking at them on the screen? That’s what I did, and I had head phones on too!
 
I mean, so I don’t know if you know about SUDS? It’s like stress units. She asked me the whole time “ where are your SUDS?”. I was always at a good 80 ( 100 being the highest). I felt like a criminal lol! But after running around putting stuff in different spots the SUDS slowly went down. It’s the same with Meet the Robinsons. The SUDS are always way up there and towards the end of the movie they go down.
 
I think we did! I remember there being a bunch of us on the OCD chat with fears about children. It’s such a devastating obsession.
 
Yes! Avoidance is one of my main compulsions because of it. I avoid children and places where there may be children like you have non idea, but with the ERP she is purposely making me play with my baby nieces and I think next week we’ll be watching Toddlers and Tiaras for my exposure.
 
I have have a bunch of OCD forms, but the one that devastates the life out me is called POCD. I just developed POCD in October and ever since then It basically ruined my life. Here’s more information.

www.madeofmillions.com

Pedophilia OCD | Made of Millions Foundation

Pedophilia OCD, or POCD, is a subset of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder in which a person experiences unwanted intrusive thoughts about harming children.
www.madeofmillions.com www.madeofmillions.com
 
I love kids, I think this is partially why my POCD just breaks my heart. I always wanted to be a mom and to raise my own babies( well at least until I seriously considered the religious life). Children can be great at taking over if you let them though 😂
 
Yeah that would be a struggle for sure, wow. I’ve experienced similar things but not to an extreme.
 
It’s the worst possible anguish anyone could ever go through. It’s this constant self disgust and fear that just completely takes over your mind. My therapist tells me POCD leads to suicide quite often, which is why she asks me about suicide during every session. Luckily I’m Catholic so I would never even think of it, but believe me, if I had no faith, life would be hard.
 
I really believe I did, and I even was in the process of visiting the community I wanted to join. Unfortunately that is when I had my OCD crisis and well, it all kind of crashed. It was heartbreaking Margaret. To the day I wish I could try again, but I also have scruples and we’ll, to be honest, the POCD makes them distrust me, which I totally understand. I am hoping I can make some kind of vow with a priest at some point.
 
I spoke with the vocations director about it, but at the time my OCD was almost completely under control. It had been for a few years. It literally came back in October.
 
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Yes, that’s how I Understood it. I keep on reminding myself that nothing happens without His permission. He can make good cone out of the worst things, and I know this illness is one of those things. I know He can use it for whatever it is that He does want from me.
 
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