Older women, younger men?

[whatevergirl]

What can I say? It’s working great for us (I’m 18 years older than Mirdath).

We made sure we had all the problems of aging and such differences as carefully worked out as possible first - I mean, yeah, I’ll be the first to croak unless Mirdath gets hit by a truck while out getting the mail or something, and it may be kinda tricky to have kids - but we’re very enthusiastic, and my grandmother had my mother when she was older than I am, so perhaps a little help (ie, a dose of clomid, or perhaps our bloodtypes are causing problems - this is quite possible, actually).

Other than that, we are pretty blissful all around. Adore each others’ company, share everything, and generally make people nauseous at how plain HAPPY we are.

Aw. I like to read posts like this.

 

[OLHope]

I think that what someone mentioned in this thread already touched on about age not being a factor, that that is correct, however in dating, I will go younger or older within 5 year radius of my age. Some women will not date too young for maturity reasons, and some men will date older for security reasons, I have heard it all. Even though I keep a 5 year limit around my age, who knows, maybe I will end up with someone far off that restriction just because they were a delight to talk to, or made me laugh for hours, or their ideals and beliefs on politics make so much sense. Inspiration and talent have really been a lure for me in the past. Age is not the first thing I ask, but rather something I will look over if the man I meet is amazing.

I actually do not hear of too many divorces in this set up. Out of the 8 couples I know realistically in this arrangement, none are divorced so far. I think in Popular media there are a few divorces that come to mind, but all of those marriages are for furthering their own careers.

 

[SomeCatholicGuy]

Can relationships/marriages where the man is younger really work? I wonder because I’m very orthodox when it comes to the whole Catholic view on marriage type of deal, and the man being the head of the household type deal, but it seems like this scenario (the man being younger) throws a wrench into it. Maybe I’m just to stereotypical

Yes, it can work. My best friend’s wife is 5 years older than he is, and they’re happily married.

 

[KingTheoden]

Thanks for this thread guys and girls. I have been wondering about this particular issue as Easter draws nearer (and thus my Confirmation and Communion).

I’m 24 and am in a sort of long term friendship/courtship of someone who is 32 (just less than eight years of separation). While I did not think there was anything inherantly wrong about pursuing a relationship with an older woman, I was curious is some obscure part of canon law somehow addressed this!

I am curious if any other younger men are in a similar situation; while I am certainly generalizing here, younger women/girls (and for the most part men/boys) are terribly corrupted by modern culture. Since I look older and act much older, I find it very, very hard to relate to younger ones.

Certainly, I would imagine a priest taking into account this kind of age difference as a potential complication (e.g., if both are mature, achieving people and there is a 5-10 age gap, that is a far more tenable situation than someone who is 20ish marrying a woman decades his elder as he fails to demonstrate maturity).

It’s interesting to see so many people in these marriages! Thanks for sharing!

 

[chevalier]

I am curious if any other younger men are in a similar situation; while I am certainly generalizing here, younger women/girls (and for the most part men/boys) are terribly corrupted by modern culture. Since I look older and act much older, I find it very, very hard to relate to younger ones.

If it’s only a matter of age and getting over it with time, it would help to remember that people who are now, say, 30, were probably in the same place when they were 25 as people who are now 25 now are. Looking on purpose for a person several years older than you does not fix the problem. Also, if the general principle were true, most people you could deal with now should mature within a couple of years just the same… Which further shows the pointless of looking on purpose for a person older than you.

Now, if you genuinely love or have interest in that lady, the matter is much different and you shouldn’t be dismissing it outright just because she’s older than you are.

If you ask about similar situations, well, I’ve had some experience, but it confirms what I said above. I generally have better contact with ladies aged 26-28, than say, 21-24, myself being 25 going on 26 this year. But this must be largely caused by the fact that studying changes people and they are not the same after it as they were before it. It’s basically a formative stage. You may have similar experiences here. University is a strange period in people’s lives because sometimes it’s easier to talk with those who are either after it or before it than with those who are in the middle of it.

 

[whatevergirl]

If it’s only a matter of age and getting over it with time, it would help to remember that people who are now, say, 30, were probably in the same place when they were 25 as people who are now 25 now are. Looking on purpose for a person several years older than you does not fix the problem. Also, if the general principle were true, most people you could deal with now should mature within a couple of years just the same… Which further shows the pointless of looking on purpose for a person older than you.

Now, if you genuinely love or have interest in that lady, the matter is much different and you shouldn’t be dismissing it outright just because she’s older than you are.

If you ask about similar situations, well, I’ve had some experience, but it confirms what I said above. I generally have better contact with ladies aged 26-28, than say, 21-24, myself being 25 going on 26 this year. But this must be largely caused by the fact that studying changes people and they are not the same after it as they were before it. It’s basically a formative stage. You may have similar experiences here. University is a strange period in people’s lives because sometimes it’s easier to talk with those who are either after it or before it than with those who are in the middle of it.

That’s not a huge age difference though, or maturity difference. I think of situations like Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher…which looks like is a relationship that is working, but I don’t believe they ever had a baby together, because of Demi’s age. That is what a younger man (say 10 years younger) than a woman would need to take into consideration…not so much a question of actual years, but rather, will the age affect life plans together…

If a 30 something year old man for instance, marries a woman in her 40’s …there are more risks for her to become pregnant…and that to me, would probably be the only sticking point if I were a man wishing to marry someone 10+ yrs older than me.

I don’t see anything inherently wrong with it though…these are just issues people need to face before making the marriage leap.

 

[Hater_free]

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it at all. If the two are compatible and have an understanding with each other and are happy who am I or anyone else to pass judgement. It’s only a issue if you make it an issue. Hope that helps and God bless to all!!!

 

[Sarabande]

It all depends on the couple. I worked with an organist for a year who married a man almost 20 years her junior. They were married for about 10 years when I met her and were happily married. He looked like her son, but she was just as physically active as him. They were constantly going on high level hikes, kayaking, etc.

My mom is two years older than my dad, but she always looked about 10 years younger than him. LOL.

 

[Rascalking]

It could work, but age differences can be hard to practically deal with.

For instance, if you both like to excersize, or hike, if she is in her 40’s, and you in your 20’s, your paces might be different. You both could do such, but at different speeds.

Maybe when you both talk about the music you like, or pop cultures references, that might be an issue as well. You might say, “Oh, um…I don’t know about that TV show.” Or she might say, “What? Who played 1st base for the red sox then?”

Of course it could work, but these are just some things you might want to be aware of.

 

[LilyM]

Two of my sisters are married to younger men and the age difference has caused no discernible problems.

I think men such as previously mentioned, who have problems with their wives ageing, would probably have the same problems without the age difference - they just would’ve occurred farther along in the marriage.

 

[dakotagirl]

Mr Beachcomber is 5 years younger than I am. We’ve been together 22 years this month. It’s all in one’s outlook, maturity, and spirit; shared interests, communication, that sort of thing.

I read somewhere that there was a study done on this very subject and the conclusions were, in general, (you know how ‘studies’ are) that it isn’t a bad thing for the wife to be older than the husband. Women tend to outlive men and if they are older, they will have many more years together, rather than the older husband dying off and leaving a widow. I’m paraphrasing the findings, but that’s the gist of it.

I’ve often thought this would be a benefit to marrying a younger man. Who wants to be a widow in a nursing home competing to bake cookies for one of the 3 widowers left? Haha. Not me.