On leaving the park when it's time

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My grandson is 4 and a half. Recently I broke my ankle and was in a cast for 8 weeks, but am now in recovery mode, which means I can only walk slowly and with difficulty.
I take him to the park frequently, but lately he’s started refusing to come when it’s time to leave. We were there for 2 hours today, and he had a great time playing with other kids. But he ignored me when I called him. I had to get in the car and start to drive away before he would come. This is the second time it’s happened this week.

I stopped taking him to the large park he prefers because it’s too large for me to keep track of him. But even the smaller one is too far for me to chase after him.

I don’t want to stop taking him since he’s an active child with a lot of energy.
Does anyone have suggestions on getting kids to leave when it’s time?
 
Oh, I’m sorry about your ankle :confused: Frustraling when a little one can run rings around you…I’m not really sure what to suggest apart from going with another adult who can go after him to bring him to the car if he refuses…and for him to miss the next outing with a simple explanation .
 
Sometimes it helps me with my 3.5 year old girl to say earlier before we leave for the park "well you can have ****(something she wants that day- a popsicle, TV show, etc), but ONLY if you mind me and leave when I say. If she starts to rebel when its time to leave I say “Do you want ****? Then its time to leave.” That usually works. But if not, I do swat her butt and follow through on not giving her any treats that day. I can sympathize with how difficult it must be with a healing broken ankle!
 
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You could try giving him a count down. “We got two mins. left in the park is there any think you’d like to do before we leave?” It may be helpful to have him get a cookie or a treat for getting in the car. I find having a bottle of water or something to drink in the car helps as well.
 
I would skip the park for a few days, and tell him that you will not be taking him for a few days. If he asks why, tell him. “Because the last time we were there you would not listen to me when I said it was time to go.” After a few days of not going, take him, but tell him before he gets out of the car to play that “if you do not come with I when you say it is time to go, I will no longer take you to the park.” And if he still doesn’t come, don’t take him again. Make his dad take him, and let him explain to his son what the problem is and how to behave for grandma.
 
Yes, transitioning helps, so give a 10-minute warning, 5- minute, etc may help. Maybe a reward when he agrees to leave on time! 🙂
Good luck keeping up with that broken ankle! You sound like an awesome involved grandma! Your family is lucky to have you!!
 
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I have found that the disobedience/consequence form of discipline quite effective. I think other posters have said the same thing. Supper will be in an hour. Don’t eat those cookies. If you do we are not going to the park tomorrow. If the child disobeys, follow through on the consequence. And when he/she cries about not going to the park, explain to the little one that by disobeying you, he/she, not you, decided that there would be no going to the park. It teaches children that consequences occur when they disobey, and the punishment is their choice, not yours.
You are an awesome Grandma trying to keep up with the little ones.
Shalom.
 
All good advice, so far. Just make sure it’s a consequence you can live with. Saying, “I’ll never take you again” wouldn’t work if you want to take him in the future.
 
Now you can see why Mr. Von Trapp had a whistle. My father used to whistle through his teeth in an unusual way whenever we were in a department store or park and we’d all come when called. And no, we didn’t think it was abusive. We liked it. It was his way of rounding up the troops.

I’d practice going to other places with your grandson for shorter periods of time, and see if he can leave when you bid him to.
 
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A whistle is a brilliant idea! I may try that. Though other parents may find it objectionable.

Thanks for all the compliments, but really there is no choice. His mother has effectively abandoned ship months ago; he sees her on occasional weekends. I recently realized he has put me in her place emotionally, if that can even be done.
Any suggestions for grandparents who are mostly raising their grandchildren are welcome. His dad lives with us, but has health problems and right now is looking for work, practically a full time job.
 
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Operant conditioning is your answer.
  1. RIng a bell and give him a candy (at home). Ring it at increasingly random intervals, but always give a candy.
  2. Once he always comes running when you ring the bell, add additional criteria. You will only give the candy when he’s standing still and quiet, for example.
  3. Don’t tell him what you want. Just wait until he gets close to what you want, then ring the bell. Once the kid figures out that the bell is a signal for him to search for a behavior, it can actually become quite a fun game to play.
This method will work infinitely better than trying to explain concepts of responsibility to a four year-old, and to get him to remember and self-monitor based on your advice.
 
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I don’t have children, but is giving a child a reward for doing what they are supposed to do good parenting.

It is good for training a dog.

I guess it prepares them for a participation trophy later in life.
 
Well maybe, but I think I want to treat a four year old boy or girl a little better than Pavlov’s dog.
Peace.
 
Operant conditioning is your answer.

RIng a bell and give him a candy (at home). Ring it at increasingly random intervals, but always give a candy.
Once he always comes running when you ring the bell, add additional criteria. You will only give the candy when he’s standing still and quiet, for example.
Don’t tell him what you want. Just wait until he gets close to what you want, then ring the bell. Once the kid figures out that the bell is a signal for him to search for a behavior, it can actually become quite a fun game to play.

This method will work infinitely better than trying to explain concepts of responsibility to a four year-old, and to get him to remember and self-monitor based on your advice.
😠 Only employ this method if you think children should be treated like dogs.
 
Yeah. I suspect (hope) this answer was tongue-in-cheek. Kids need to learn obedience and self control, even though it takes longer than operant conditioning. Besides, I frown on candy.
 
Yeah, I was joking because someone early mentioned a whistle. Nice that a couple people caught that. 😃

To be honest, though, trying to use cognitive techniques, like explaining long-term consequences for behaviors, is going to lead to failure. Very young children will nod, understand, and even verbalize an understanding-- what they won’t do is actually remember what you said and act on it.

There are some times when conditioning is infinitely better than cognitive approaches. For example, I almost NEVER recommend spanking. But if a child runs toward a street or approaches an electrical socket, it’s probably worth a good strong shout and a couple slaps to the bottom. Once a kid gets run over or electrocuted to death, they will definitely stop listening to your explanations about the whys and wherefores for the behaviors you want.
 
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So what?

If the OP wants to risk watching a beloved little person run wild, possibly putting himself in real danger, then they are free to try and talk to him like a human being. Otherwise, you use punishment and reward in order to get the kid to behave properly. You train the kid how to behave in the safety of the home, so that when he’s out in the real world, he’s going to be controllable.

The first step, though, is to actually understand what a 4 year-old is or isn’t capable of. Kids this age are not known for remembering verbal life lessons and acting on them in a play park. They are perfectly capable, however, of being habituated to respond to commands through repetition, reward, and punishment.
 
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If you train your child using Pavlov’s method, it’s no wonder that by the age of four, they are still so stupid that they can’t understand, “If you don’t come when you’re called, you don’t get to be trusted to go anywhere.”
 
Not sure where the hostility is coming from.

We use classical and operant conditioning all the time. Every reward and punishment, every bit of praise or criticism, by which we intend to mold child behaviors, is one or the other.

So, for that matter, is simply treating people nicely when they go to Church-- you are rewarding them socially for the behavior of attendance, in the hope that they will spend more time in the Church, and really modify their behavior.

There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s how we work.
 
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