On marital sex and marriage to a non catholic

[godisgood77]

If you were smart you wouldn’t marry the non-catholic.

To the original poster… please do not consider this comment with any seriousness. It is incomplete at best and incredibly ignorant at best.

 

[godisgood77]

Why not marry an actual Catholic and fight about other stuff? NFP with a person that is not committed to NFP is really hard.

Again to the original poster… please do not consider this post with any seriousness…

Don’t be afraid of love and encounter those of different denominations and belief systems. Some people would have use stamp out diversity and only marry, spend time, associate with those that think exactly the same way. God did not create all people the same.

As we heard during this past Sunday’s Gospel reading…

I have other sheep that do not belong to this fold.
These also I must lead, and they will hear my voice,
and there will be one flock, one shepherd.
This is why the Father loves me,”

Homogenizing our culture or the individual people in society is not what God planned…and in fact it would be an incredibly boring and stifling existence.

 

[Xantippe]

As you can see “available days” are back loaded in the cycle. For the first 2.5 weeks of her cycle we might only have 3 days available. How do we deal with it? By having 6 kids. Everyone of our kids were planned atleast 5 minutes in advance.

Funny!

 

[Alix1912]

Again to the original poster… please do not consider this post with any seriousness…

Don’t be afraid of love and encounter those of different denominations and belief systems. Some people would have use stamp out diversity and only marry, spend time, associate with those that think exactly the same way. God did not create all people the same.

As we heard during this past Sunday’s Gospel reading…

I have other sheep that do not belong to this fold.
These also I must lead, and they will hear my voice,
and there will be one flock, one shepherd.
This is why the Father loves me,”

Homogenizing our culture or the individual people in society is not what God planned…and in fact it would be an incredibly boring and stifling existence.

No one is saying do not associate with people, care about people, or love people who are different. However, when you are Catholic and your church has rules for literally everything that cannot be negotiated, you need to adequately be prepared for that. It doesn’t make for an easy or stable marriage when you cannot compromise even a little with your spouse on so many things.

Also, I hope I am not reading through the lines and seeing you tacitly endorse evangelization through marriage. Because that is a DISASTER waiting to happen.

 

[underacloud]

I know little about natural family planning but i feel like the goal is the same as condoms except you may experience getting pregnant when you feel you are not ready for children.

No. You and your boyfriend need to do some research. Condoms fail - a lot - with typical use. So, your statement can be rephrased:

If you practise NFP and aren’t careful, you may experience getting pregnant when you feel you are not ready for children.

If you have sex using condoms, you may experience getting pregnant when you feel you are not ready for children.

Anyway, the effectiveness of contraception is not the issue here. Morality is. And at the moment, you and your boyfriend need to discuss this and any other serious moral issue that may affect your suitability to marry. These are not insurmountable issues, but issues that need to be addressed up front.

 

[josh987654321]

My boyfriend and I are struggling to find common ground when it comes to contraception. We both agree to save sex till marriage but he believes that after marriage the use of condoms and other birth control methods are part of a responsible sex life if you are not ready for children (financial/time reasons). It is my understanding that this goes against my faith but would like to explain it more fully.

How do you view this issue?

Carefully, if that helps.

Also what is your experiences with natural family planning?

none (I’m not married)

I know little about natural family planning but i feel like the goal is the same as condoms except you may experience getting pregnant when you feel you are not ready for children.

Yea, I don’t think it’s God’s plan for us to find a natural contraceptive either (although many use NFP and the Church encourages and supports it). I think it’s supposed to be that whenever a married couple has sex, it is open to God’s divine life-giving plan.

Also those catholics married to noncatholics (my boyfriend is christian) how did those opposing views of faith affect your marriage? How did you raise children in faith?

I can only express my opinion here, because I’m not married.

I think it depends on how much each differs on particular views, if I were considering marriage with an Atheist, I would be very careful and discerning and I would at least want them to know what the Catholic Church teaches and believes and see whether she is okay with that.

I think the problems arise when the differences in belief are swept under the rug, until something, sometime pops up which brings it to the forefront.

We are currently at a position where our conflicting views on faith could cause us to break up but are deeply concerned at how in love we feel.

Well, I would try and work through those issues and others especially relating to faith before marriage.

My sister who is Catholic was dating a Christian (can’t remember the protestant Church he belonged to) man, and the way it was dealt with was by pretty much saying “You don’t have to become Catholic but you do have to know what we believe and teach.” Anyway, long story short, they are both Catholic now and both married in the Catholic Church.

Thanks for all your (name removed by moderator)ut!!! God bless

I hope this has helped.

p.s. The Church teaches that you shouldn’t use contraceptives, but that you can’t control what your spouse does and that the sin is not on you if ones spouse uses contraceptives (I wouldn’t advise going down this path though).

God Bless

Thank you for reading
Josh

 

[Alix1912]

As you can see “available days” are back loaded in the cycle. For the first 2.5 weeks of her cycle we might only have 3 days available. How do we deal with it? By having 6 kids. Everyone of our kids were planned atleast 5 minutes in advance.

Funny!

It’s absolutely funny…and sunshine and roses…Unless you don’t want 6 kids.

Or any of the following…

You have PPD or PPA following each kid…and two or three is all the times you can handle going through it.

You have difficult or life threatening pregnancies.

You cannot afford anymore kids.

Then to be truly sure…you choice is abstinence. period.

It’s not as easy as people here want to make it seem. You can do it, but you will have to put a ton of energy, work, and sacrifice into it. For some it’s worth it. For me it wasn’t.

 

[Xantippe]

It’s absolutely funny…and sunshine and roses…Unless you don’t want 6 kids.

Or any of the following…

You have PPD or PPA following each kid…and two or three is all the times you can handle going through it.

You have difficult or life threatening pregnancies.

You cannot afford anymore kids.

Then to be truly sure…you choice is abstinence. period.

It’s not as easy as people here want to make it seem. You can do it, but you will have to put a ton of energy, work, and sacrifice into it. For some it’s worth it. For me it wasn’t.

People keep mention the NFP sunshine and roses brigade, but the NFP sunshine and roses brigade (although it does exist) does not post at CAF.

 

[underacloud]

no compromise, no negotiation, no quarter stance.

Are you really describing the Catholic Church here…or is it really more your husband and his overzealous approach and misinformed positions?

It’s not as easy as people here want to make it seem. You can do it, but you will have to put a ton of energy, work, and sacrifice into it.

I agree. NFP is hard work and sacrifice. My wife and I have not enjoyed it. I think it would be difficult - but not impossible - for a protestant to enter marriage with a Catholic who wishes to remain faithful to Church teachings on this matter. It is hard enough for two Catholics.

 

[Xantippe]

Are you really describing the Catholic Church here…or is it really more your husband and his overzealous approach and misinformed positions?

Yes. There’s no 5-crucifix-per-room minimum for Catholic homes.

 

[Alix1912]

Are you really describing the Catholic Church here…or is it really more your husband and his overzealous approach and misinformed positions?

I agree. NFP is hard work and sacrifice. My wife and I have not enjoyed it. I think it would be difficult - but not impossible - for a protestant to enter marriage with a Catholic who wishes to remain faithful to Church teachings on this matter. It is hard enough for two Catholics.

My husband is very zealous about his faith, however most of his positions are inline with catholic teaching (not the decorating )…

An interfaith marriage is very difficult. Your boyfriend might be fine with everything now, but I can promise you that when kids come along it is all going to change.

It’s hard and while I love my husband very much, I would not advise someone to enter into an interfaith marriage without a TON of premarital counseling first at minimum.

Also I cannot reiterate enough…DO NOT MARRY HIM WITH THE HOPE OR INTENTION OF USING MARRIAGE TO CONVERT HIM. It will only lead to strife and heartache.

 

[underacloud]

My husband is very zealous about his faith, however most of his positions are inline with catholic teaching (not the decorating )…

With regard to the problem you descibe in the other thread (your potential sterilisation), no, his position is not inline with Catholic teaching. Please don’t blame the Church for your husband’s misunderstandings and failings.

I’m not sure what other issues his faith raises for you both, but many couples successfully navigate the compromises involved in inter-denominational marriage, although it can of course be hard.

 

[Usige]

It’s absolutely funny…and sunshine and roses…Unless you don’t want 6 kids.

Or any of the following…

You have PPD or PPA following each kid…and two or three is all the times you can handle going through it.

You have difficult or life threatening pregnancies.

You cannot afford anymore kids.

Then to be truly sure…you choice is abstinence. period.

It’s not as easy as people here want to make it seem. You can do it, but you will have to put a ton of energy, work, and sacrifice into it. For some it’s worth it. For me it wasn’t.

I am certainly not selling sunshine and roses, but saying how my wife and I deal with it.

We did not “want” 6 children. In fact we had two children and then I was sterilized. It was only as I came to the church that I came to recognized the selfishness of the act and so I got a reversal. We no longer talk about “wanting” children, but rather asking if God calls us to more. My wife is 40 and I am 42 and we still pray to ask if God wants us to open our hearts to another child. We don’t focus on us, but rather on the good of our children and what He asks of us. For some they may not be able to accept more children, and that is fine as long as they are praying and asking that God’s, not their will be done.

NFP certainly can be difficult at times and it should be. God designed sex to continue human kind. Children are the natural outcome of the marital embrace. When we have need to temporarily or even permanently delay children then it should be a difficult sacrifice so that it is not simply the easier path. We all have crosses to bear and none of them should be light burdens. Christ did not want to die on the cross, but He did so for our salvation.

To want all the good of the marital embrace without accepting the need to sacrifice is the true sunshine and roses sales pitch of contraception.

 

[josh987654321]

If you were smart you wouldn’t marry the non-catholic.

I believe you may be going to extremes here, as I have heard of an instance where a Catholic married a Catholic and these issues still come up and cause all sorts of grief (although I do believe it is a higher risk among those who don’t share the same faith, but not limited to). I think to stereotype people like that is bad policy, however, to be proactive and discuss ones differences and work through them before marriage (incl. during marriage if it wasn’t done before) I believe is good policy.

So in short, I believe it doesn’t mean one shouldn’t date those of other faiths, but that one should be on the same page when discerning marriage.

I hope this has helped

God Bless

Thank you for reading
Josh

 

[CallMeDad]

People on this sight will paint NFP like it’s some sort of solve all problem in marriage…it makes you closer, you will show your love more…etc. It’s not true. It’s work, EVERYDAY. You will have to do some combination of the following: chart, take your temp, pee in a cup, buy monitors, check your mucus level etc. It’s basically a TON of work. I did it for a cumulative total of three years. You have to be very cautious and if you really want to avoid you are limited to days you can have sex, and you cannot make exceptions. period. I know, we messed up one time…and had #2.

We use a small device called Lady Comp to do NFP. It is a bedside device with an alarm that goes off each morning, like any other alarm. It also has a thermometer, and my wife takes her temp first thing in the morning. It takes around sixty seconds, and that is the extent of her NFP work for that day. She replaces the thermometer, and the light is either green, yellow or red. The Lady Comp figures her cycles to let us know what the deal is for that day.

There are negative aspects to NFP, but I would not count the amount of work necessary to do it as one of the negative aspects, at least not in our case.

 

[josh987654321]

This is one of a hundred issues you are going to have with your boyfriend if you marry him.

Regardless, I believe this is one of a hundred issues she is going to have with any man she marries. I believe it should be a learning curve, as if they can’t sort this out, then it say’s a lot for future issues in which they differ I believe.

Why not marry an actual Catholic and fight about other stuff? NFP with a person that is not committed to NFP is really hard.

I think, experience on this forum alone, tells me that just because somebody identifies themselves as ‘catholic’ doesn’t mean that these are not an issue or not as hard to deal with.

I hope this has helped

God Bless

Thank you for reading
Josh

 

[Kelfa28]

We use a small device called Lady Comp to do NFP. It is a bedside device with an alarm that goes off each morning, like any other alarm. It also has a thermometer, and my wife takes her temp first thing in the morning. It takes around sixty seconds, and that is the extent of her NFP work for that day. She replaces the thermometer, and the light is either green, yellow or red. The Lady Comp figures her cycles to let us know what the deal is for that day.

There are negative aspects to NFP, but I would not count the amount of work necessary to do it as one of the negative aspects, at least not in our case.

The work itself is minimal. It’s the interpretation that one needs to do that can be very difficult at times.

I’ve heard good things about Lady Comp but I’ve also seen how expensive it is.

Plus, temping tends to be out of the question if you are nursing and/or waking up during the night because multiple children need you.

 

[CallMeDad]

True, the Lady Comp cost us around $500 at the time; that was several years ago. We’ve been real happy with it, and I thought it would be helpful to give a different perspective on the amount of effort NFP requires. Not for everyone - understood.

 

[Hans_W]

:…
Yea, I don’t think it’s God’s plan for us to find a natural contraceptive either (although many use NFP and the Church encourages and supports it). I think it’s supposed to be that whenever a married couple has sex, it is open to God’s divine life-giving plan.
…
Josh

Are you serious? Think of the rabbits in your native Australia.
There would be 50 billion of us, starving and killing each other.

 

[josh987654321]

Are you serious?

Yea. (not technically recommending it, just sayin’)

Think of the rabbits in your native Australia. There would be 50 billion of us, starving and killing each other.

How’d people do it before contraceptives were invented and before they knew about infertile periods during a woman’s cycle? and don’t people normally say the same thing when it comes to NFP too?

I hope this has helped

God Bless

Thank you for reading
Josh