On the role of fathers

  • Thread starter Thread starter ontheway1
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
O

ontheway1

Guest
“No father—no family—no faith. Winning and keeping men is essential to the community of faith and vital to the work of all mothers and the future salvation of our children.”

What is the role of fathers in the family and the church community? Why are there so few men in churches of today? Is there any way to bring them back?

More on this can be found here: The Truth About Men & Church
 
I’ve struggled with this one myself for quite a while. What helped me break through this conundrum was directly asking my fiancé, she’s a Catholic from the Philippines; what in her culture is expected of a husband and a father. What she said blew my mind, woke me up to what’s good, natural and right: struck me deep in my male instincts.

Simply put: The husband and father is the head of the family: Leading, guiding and governing the family; providing for all of his wife’s and children’s needs, spiritually and physically; and providing for a better future for his kids. Essentially being priest, prophet, warrior, provider, guide, protector and king for his wife and children: Providing wise and mature leadership, guidance and governance in rendering wise judgments and decisions in family matters; informed by his wife’s perspective.

Once I reflected; I realized this is also the traditional American expectations of a good husband and father.

Now, as for the matter of where are the men. I don’t know where you’re from, but I know that typically women are more likely to be religious than men. It’s the same here and in the Philippines. In my parish, I see a lot of men in church and they don’t have the looks on their faces telling me they’re only there because their wives dragged them there.

I don’t know what role fathers have in the parish. Sorry, I don’t know how to help you there; wish I could.
 
I can only speak to what I see around me as a middle-class American in the suburbs who grew up a middle-class American in the suburbs. I would love to hear about other experiences/cultures, but I am specifically speaking about my own.
ontheway1 said:
What is the role of fathers in the family and the church community?
Click to expand...
The father should be the natural leader of the family. This is not in a dictatorial sense but rather by displaying a leadership style that is both loving and strong. Ideally this leadership role will be unspoken. A husband shouldn’t have to constantly remind his wife and children that he is the head of household, it should be understood.

In the church community…I don’t know, I’m still trying to figure that out for myself! I would say a father’s first and most important duty is leading his family to church. Once that is accomplished he can seek out additional roles in the church that he may feel called to, but if his family is not going to mass, that is the bigger issue.
ontheway1 said:
Why are there so few men in churches of today?
Click to expand...
This is a good question. Even my good friends who are Catholic and non-Catholic in Christ don’t go to church. I myself have often struggled with regular church attendance. Is it distraction (video games, sports on tv etc.)? Is it laziness? Is it being overwhelmed with too much to do? I’d like to hear what others think on this one.
ontheway1 said:
Is there any way to bring them back?
Click to expand...
I think there is hope for this one but its going to require us who do regularly attend to step out of our comfort zone. Let’s say my friend Dave is Catholic. Our kids go to the same Catholic school but his family doesn’t go to mass on the weekend. I need to invite Dave and his family to come to mass. Maybe we go out to eat after or have a BBQ at my house. We need to be inviting people to join us, something that I have utterly failed to do on the regular. If all of us were regularly inviting our friends to join us, I think we could have a real impact on growing the church.

Interested to hear what everyone thinks. AWESOME topic by the way OP, thanks!

Peace and good.
 
As a single father whose wife walked out many years ago, I can say that the support for men in some parishes is limited. I suspect, in part, by the network of women who drive calendars/agendas for church events.

In fact, I would argue that a man might not feel welcome in some of the organizational efforts that are comprised almost exclusively of women (whether married, or not)
 
Last edited:
My I ask you how you handled the situation when your wife walked out on you? I often wonder how I would handle things if my wife ever left me.

I’m sorry that happened by the way.
 
Very carefully and with an exceptional nanny! No lost love, as she is ill (thinks she’s pregnant with the next coming of Jesus). I’m still very close to her family.
 
That is fantastic that both you and her family are able to remain close!

Do you plan on remaining married or did you seek an annulment? (Please feel free to tell me to scram if I’m getting too personal btw)…
 
Decree of nullity in hand. Cost me more than I’d care to admit… Now to discern my calling. No shortage of people out there who ‘want a man’ but want all to themselves. I’m a package deal!
 
Good luck to you brother. I know how difficult parenting is and will send up a prayer for you, the kids, and the ex as well.
 
Do you attend church regularly and take your children with you?
 
Yes, though they loathe the stodgy music, and prefer the Mass without music.
 
There are a couple of churches in my area which have masses for young people. The music is definitely aimed at the young and the are lots of kids attending. Maybe this is something you can try, if you have such masses in your area.
 
I agree, this is a great topic. Thanks, OP. I think one of the great problems in our society is that, since the 1970s at least; men have been demonized, feminized and muffled by overly zealous feminists and their fellow travelers; as if there’s something wrong with men and our natures. I think we men have been confused with the push to be overly sensitive to our feelings and yet women demanding that we step up and be the men they instinctively want and need.

The other problem being too many boys are growing up without fathers, or at least fathers who are worth a darn; in single Mom households. No man is there to teach them how to be men.

(Please Note: This uploaded content is no longer available.)

I think all of us men should read this.

I agree that one of our most important roles is the spiritual care of our wives and children by taking them regularly to Mass. We’re priests as well as providers.

As for the poster who unfortunately suffered a divorce: I feel for you, man. I went through a hell on earth when my ex wife divorced me. The funny thing was: After the divorce, she’d call me up in morning and ask me to come over and move stuff for her; claiming it was for the kids’ sake. I told her: You divorced me, get your father to do it. Hahahahaha It ticks me off when women divorce/break up with their men; yet ask for us to perform husbandly work for them. As if they can have their cake and eat it too.
 
Last edited:
Maybe its just me. I grew up in the 80s and 90s and I’ve talked with a lot of twenty somethings at my old job. I see too many young men growing up with confused ideas of true masculinity.
 
I’m about ten years older than you, then. And maybe it’s my age or maybe it’s me, but if young guys are confused about their masculinity, this is my response:

 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top