Sounds like a lot of responsibility for the husband to provide for “all of his wife’s and children’s needs”. That’s kind of the model my parents followed. My mother was a stay-at-home housewife and my father was the “provider”. But I’m not sure that that is a great model.
I agree with you on this. We live in a time now, fortunately, where I believe the “role” of a father is the same as a mother. It is to be the best parent and spouse one can be. And that will mean different things for different families, children, and spouses. We all need to love and be loved, but that can look very different given any circumstances (setting aside the obvious: food, clothing, shelter, education, health care).
My parents were married in the 50’s and, for the most of their marriage, stayed in their own lanes with regards to roles and responsibilities. Sort of sad to realize there were whole parts of them that they didn’t get to exercise to their fullest, because it “wasn’t their role”. When my dad died, my mom went through exactly what you described. Making major decisions about her life was the hardest. She did not really have to do that for the better part of her marriage. Yes, my dad was a good man and took wonderful care of her. But she wasn’t able to care for herself, once he was gone, the way people of my generation would be able to. And it would have been no better for him if she had gone first. He would have not had the skills to survive. Not because he wasn’t capable enough, but because he chose to never “get out of his lane”.
When I hear someone say the father’s role is to be the leader of the family, I am hearing a whole lot of discount. Discounting that both parents/spouses should be equally making decisions for the family and guiding the family to goodness and through hard times. It assumes that a father is more capable in this regard, and it just isn’t true.
Sometimes, maybe. All of the time? Hardly.
My husband and I live a partnership. We both were leaders to our children, when we were raising them. However, we are a partnership for the family. No major decisions are made without discussion, and agreement or compromise. We only defer to each other when we really don’t care much about the decision being made. My husband doesn’t decide what the family is doing on Sunday morning any more than I do. We decide together. It has worked well for us over the years. I couldn’t imagine it being any other way.
I love the time we are living right now. Last night, I just changed the oil in my car while my husband was cooking us a wonderful dinner. After we ate, he washed the dishes and I paid the bills and reviewed our homeowner’s policy to make sure we didn’t need to make any adjustments.
Tomorrow, he will repair a shingle on the roof, and I will do a few loads of laundry.
My husband’s role as a father is the same as mine is as a mother. To love and care for our child and for each other.
in relation to their husbands, the parish priest or society at large. They are as much “feminist” as they are “Catholic”.
