One last test before I give her a ring?

[JamesG]

Today I was a split second away from buying a ring for the girl of my dreams. After a bad experience at the jewlers I just went home and started thinking too much. Yes, maybe it was the price and I felt like I was getting ripped off.

Right now, I’m just trying my best to ignore my gut instincts on this that are telling me to take my sweet time. Let time test her a bit more - 6 months is a short time. On the other hand it isn’t when she is a very faithfull catholic woman. .

Now, I don’t mean testing her harshly or in a bad way. I’m just looking for one last sign from God.

I’m just wondering what signs you might of received from God that your woman was the right one. How did you make that choice? Did you put her to the test. If so what did you?

I guess this really isn’t an issue for women but it is for men. So I would like to hear from some of the guys that lost sleep over this

Her accepting is a sure thing. She is crazy in love with me. I have all the power to take her this weekend or wait a few more months.

I’ve often thought that for good measure a man should wait until the girl starts to get a bit impatient

 

[the_phoenix]

Here’s a test idea.

Print out a copy of this post you just made and hand it to your girlfriend to read.

If you really both love each other, what have you got to lose?

~~ the phoenix

 

[JamesG]

Here’s a test idea.

Print out a copy of this post you just made and hand it to your girlfriend to read.

If you really both love each other, what have you got to lose?

~~ the phoenix

well… she isn’t a feminist so she would be understanding.

 

[bear06]

I’ll tell you what our “old married friends” told us. People were negative about our engagement because we knew each other for a very short time. They said: Everything you need to know you know in the first two weeks. Anything you don’t know by then you won’t find out about until it’s too late. I don’t think there was ever a more true statement. Putting someone to a test is a stupid idea. We all flunk tests from time to time. Would you like her doing this to you? Fish or cut bait dude.

 

[Sina]

Why do you need a test? What do you mean she isn’t a feminist? She is a woman is she not? She doesn’t think women have rights? ok I will leave that part alone…

I have a bit of a story from when my husband proposed to me. I knew it was coming eventually but he said I would have to wait until October of that year. Around the month of May, we got in a big fight about something, and we had been fighting a lot. I think I was trying to be drastic ( yes bad me ) and I said something along the lines of " I cannot take this fighting anymore! I don’t think I can be with you right now!"

I meant that by " I don’t want to be in the same room as you right now" but of course he took it to be " I don’t want to be with you anymore."

Little known to me, he had bought me a ring already and spend mucho bucks on it!! He told me later his heart sank. He was going to ask me in June or July… the ring had JUST come in from the order. Eeek! Our fighting subsided and he asked me to marry him in early July of that year.

I don’t know what kind of test you are looking for. I would say, look deep into your heart.

Marriage is testing in itself! It is difficult but fulfilling at the same time.

Congratulations and let us know how the proposal goes when you do it!

 

[lizaanne]

I’m just wondering what signs you might of received from God that your woman was the right one. How did you make that choice? Did you put her to the test. If so what did you?

Well - before this goes off in some ridiculous tanget over feminism I’ll give my two cents.

No, I’m not a man, but a woman still has to say yes, and that is still just as big a decision as asking for her hand. Especially if one feels put on the spot with a proposal.

My DH and I talked about this after we were engaged. After all, the engagement does not force you to marry, it is a discernment period to ensure you are doing the right thing.

I asked him, how do we know? How does anyone EVER know? And what he said just made so much sense to me. He said that we can only know as well as we can at this moment. And of all the couples in all the world who have ever made this very same decision, we don’t “know” any more or less than any of them could have known when making the very same decision. So all you can do is go with what you know at this moment in time and let God take care of the rest. Because He will.

Congratulations on the almost-engagement! Buying the ring is a big first step!

~Liza

 

[kettle]

Today I was a split second away from buying a ring for the girl of my dreams. After a bad experience at the jewlers I just went home and started thinking too much. Yes, maybe it was the price and I felt like I was getting ripped off.

Right now, I’m just trying my best to ignore my gut instincts on this that are telling me to take my sweet time. Let time test her a bit more - 6 months is a short time. On the other hand it isn’t when she is a very faithfull catholic woman. .

Now, I don’t mean testing her harshly or in a bad way. I’m just looking for one last sign from God.

I’m just wondering what signs you might of received from God that your woman was the right one. How did you make that choice? Did you put her to the test. If so what did you?

I guess this really isn’t an issue for women but it is for men. So I would like to hear from some of the guys that lost sleep over this

Her accepting is a sure thing. She is crazy in love with me. I have all the power to take her this weekend or wait a few more months.

I’ve often thought that for good measure a man should wait until the girl starts to get a bit impatient

Let me preface this by saying that I’m not a man (just in case my signature doesn’t clear that up LOL.) It honestly sounds to me that your girlfriend is absolutely ready to marry you, but YOU are the one who is having a lot of indecision. It’s ok to need time to decide whether or not you are ready to marry… it is a huge commitment. But, I think the real issue here is that you know you don’t need to test her; you need to test yourself to make sure that you are ready.

For the record, my husband proposed after three weeks. We’ve been together for 14 years. There were no tests of one another… The tests were of ourselves… and still are, even after all this time.

 

[BrianK2007]

James, enough is enough. It’s time to buy a ring.

 

[rayne89]

Are you playing games? Really this doesn’t sound like mature attitude for marriage. The man should wait until the girl gets impatient? There’s no place for mind games in marriage. Are you willing to put 100% into the marriage, put you wife’s needs before your own, be forgiving and compassionate, see yourself with this woman until death do you part? Is she able to do the same for you? If the answer is yes than I believe you’re ready for marriage.

This test and playing waiting games sounds juvenile, makes me wonder if you’re really ready. Either know in your heart in your don’t.

 

[puzzleannie]

Today I was a split second away from buying a ring for the girl of my dreams. After a bad experience at the jewlers I just went home and started thinking too much. Yes, maybe it was the price and I felt like I was getting ripped off.

Now, I don’t mean testing her harshly or in a bad way. I’m just looking for one last sign from God.

Her accepting is a sure thing. She is crazy in love with me. I have all the power to take her this weekend or wait a few more months.

I’ve often thought that for good measure a man should wait until the girl starts to get a bit impatient

well, just look at the romance here
factor one is cost of the ring
(bad sign, if I knew you were waffling and that was the tie-breaker, well, it wouldn’t be a happy sight)

factor one “I have the power to take her any time I want?” Now I am the first to admit my ideas on dating and courtship are from the stoneage (so easy a caveman could do it) but this is a pretty slick even for the popular culture.

make her anxious, make her want it more, make her impatient? I think you have been watching too many Friends re-runs.

A sign from God? I think you better start paying attention to the signals your girlfriend is giving out, because I have an idea you are missing some big ones.

how about good old fashioned courtship, getting to know one another on an intimate level (soul and mind, not body for those who do not know that the true meaning of the word does not related to physical relationship). How about discussing God’s plan for your life, the continuing call to holiness, the Christian meaning of marriage. Oh, why do I bother, romance is wasted on the young.

 

[Katie1723]

well, just look at the romance here
factor one is cost of the ring
(bad sign, if I knew you were waffling and that was the tie-breaker, well, it wouldn’t be a happy sight)

factor one “I have the power to take her any time I want?” Now I am the first to admit my ideas on dating and courtship are from the stoneage (so easy a caveman could do it) but this is a pretty slick even for the popular culture.

make her anxious, make her want it more, make her impatient? I think you have been watching too many Friends re-runs.

A sign from God? I think you better start paying attention to the signals your girlfriend is giving out, because I have an idea you are missing some big ones.

how about good old fashioned courtship, getting to know one another on an intimate level (soul and mind, not body for those who do not know that the true meaning of the word does not related to physical relationship). How about discussing God’s plan for your life, the continuing call to holiness, the Christian meaning of marriage. Oh, why do I bother, romance is wasted on the young.

As always, the voice of reason.
I think the idea of “testing” someone is horrible.
Kathy

 

[deb1]

Her accepting is a sure thing. She is crazy in love with me. I have all the power to take her this weekend or wait a few more months.

I’ve often thought that for good measure a man should wait until the girl starts to get a bit impatient

I worry that you are taking this girl to much for granted. Love needs to be constantly worked on to last. If you have the attitude that you can have her whenever you want then she will begin to pick up on that vibe. This could drive her away, right into the arms of another man. Just because she loves you deeply now doesn’t mean that your actions couldn’t tear down that love.

There is nothing wrong with waiting until you are more certain to pop the question. If you are not certain, the best thing to do is to wait and pray.

As far as the cost of the ring, yes they are very expensive. She might not even want a diamond. There is no rule that you have to make the giving of the ring a surprise. Start talking to her about the possibility of marriage, if she is receptive then why not let her know that you are thinking of buying an engagement ring. Tell her the price ring that you can afford and ask her what she likes. After all, she has to wear it for the rest of her life.

 

[cecilia97]

Are you playing games? Really this doesn’t sound like mature attitude for marriage. The man should wait until the girl gets impatient? There’s no place for mind games in marriage. Are you willing to put 100% into the marriage, put you wife’s needs before your own, be forgiving and compassionate, see yourself with this woman until death do you part? Is she able to do the same for you? If the answer is yes than I believe you’re ready for marriage.

This test and playing waiting games sounds juvenile, makes me wonder if you’re really ready. Either know in your heart in your don’t.

I agree…“testing” does not unconditional love make. Marriage is WORK on everyones’ part. And the waiting until she impatient smacks horribly of dangling a diamond ring in front of her like a carrot.

 

[TOP]

Man did you get the woman here riled up. Do what you think is best, just love her. Tim

 

[deb1]

Man did you get the woman here riled up. Do what you think is best, just love her. Tim

Not everyone who has posted on this thread is female. So you are making broad generalizations. Most of us have been polite in our responses. I am certainly not angry with the young man, so I am not ‘riled’ up. I thought that I was sympathatic with him, especially about the cost of a wedding ring. They are very expensive.

 

[TOP]

Sorry, I deleted my post. Tim

 

[TOP]

In whatever you decide to do, show love and respect for her. Give it all you got . Tim

 

[stephanut]

As a woman, I say, either you ask her, or you don’t. Only God can test us (and that might be a source of contention to some people, but that’s another story). Does this mean that you will be continually testing this girl once you’re married? And that she can test you? Is that your idea of marriage my friend?

My feeling from your post is that you do love her, but I’m not quite sure if you understand the meaning of marriage. Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church. Do you? Remember that Christ gave his life for the church. Please ask yourself that, because it isn’t fair to her, and to you, and in the future your children, if you pop the question without answering this question properly.

 

[crenfro]

Are your motives here selfless and loving?

Getting married was truly one of the most terrifying things I’ve ever done, and as it turned out, one of the wisest. It only takes a few minutes, then Boom! you’re a married person!

And actually, you don’t have as much to lose as a woman does. I know I’ve read various studies throughout the years and as it turns out, married men are healthier, happier, and live much longer than unmarried men, and keep steadier employment.

Married women lose, as the cliche goes, “the best years of their lives”, are stuck with the housework no matter what the husband actually says, get pregnant - I doubt if you’ll ever experience that state of being - and on top of that are expected to work at a job outside the home…

Have you ever watched that movie “Much Ado About Nothing?” (the Kenneth Branaugh version…) Shakespeare has some insightful things to say about men and marriage.

And also, will lenthening your engagement possibly cause increased moments of near occasions of sin?

 

[mary_bobo]

Today I was a split second away from buying a ring for the girl of my dreams. After a bad experience at the jewlers I just went home and started thinking too much. Yes, maybe it was the price and I felt like I was getting ripped off.

Right now, I’m just trying my best to ignore my gut instincts on this that are telling me to take my sweet time. Let time test her a bit more - 6 months is a short time. On the other hand it isn’t when she is a very faithfull catholic woman. .

Now, I don’t mean testing her harshly or in a bad way. I’m just looking for one last sign from God.

I’m just wondering what signs you might of received from God that your woman was the right one. How did you make that choice? Did you put her to the test. If so what did you?

I guess this really isn’t an issue for women but it is for men. So I would like to hear from some of the guys that lost sleep over this

Her accepting is a sure thing. She is crazy in love with me. I have all the power to take her this weekend or wait a few more months.

I’ve often thought that for good measure a man should wait until the girl starts to get a bit impatient

Good grief. From a granny who is older, and I hope wiser, where did you get that last piece of wisdom? Marriage is not a game, either you love her and want to make a life with her, or you don’t. And you are much too sure of yourself in believing that she will have you on any terms. She may, indeed, love you and be ready to say “yes”, but is this the way you expect to treat her for the rest of your married lives? I sure hope not.

Marriage is a very serious step and takes many years of give and take and lots of hard work. To make a joke out of this, as you seem to be, does not seem very mature to me. Sorry if this seems harsh, but the whole concept just smacks of “me-ism” to me.