One last test before I give her a ring?

[catherine_m]

Good grief. From a granny who is older, and I hope wiser, where did you get that last piece of wisdom? Marriage is not a game, either you love her and want to make a life with her, or you don’t. And you are much too sure of yourself in believing that she will have you on any terms. She may, indeed, love you and be ready to say “yes”, but is this the way you expect to treat her for the rest of your married lives? I sure hope not.

Marriage is a very serious step and takes many years of give and take and lots of hard work. To make a joke out of this, as you seem to be, does not seem very mature to me. Sorry if this seems harsh, but the whole concept just smacks of “me-ism” to me.

I completely agree with this . I could hardly believe the original post when I read it.

 

[pink]

Today I was a split second away from buying a ring for the girl of my dreams. After a bad experience at the jewlers I just went home and started thinking too much. Yes, maybe it was the price and I felt like I was getting ripped off.

Right now, I’m just trying my best to ignore my gut instincts on this that are telling me to take my sweet time. Let time test her a bit more - 6 months is a short time. On the other hand it isn’t when she is a very faithfull catholic woman. .

Now, I don’t mean testing her harshly or in a bad way. I’m just looking for one last sign from God.

I’m just wondering what signs you might of received from God that your woman was the right one. How did you make that choice? Did you put her to the test. If so what did you?

I guess this really isn’t an issue for women but it is for men. So I would like to hear from some of the guys that lost sleep over this

Her accepting is a sure thing. She is crazy in love with me. I have all the power to take her this weekend or wait a few more months.

I’ve often thought that for good measure a man should wait until the girl starts to get a bit impatient

Based on what you said, it sounds to me that you are no way near ready to get engaged. I think you have to grow up more. You seem to be a bit immature. Sorry, I don’t mean that to be offensive.

 

[dwc]

Let’s see == you want to test her. You hold all the power to take her whenever you’re ready. You think it’s good to wait until she’s impatient before granting her the favor of yourself. My thought is that if you truly love her, do her a favor and free her up for someone who is mature enough and man enough to be a good husband to her.

 

[kage_ar]

My advice, grow in wisdom for a few more years.

To dispute romantic myths… there is no one soul mate for you. There is not ONE person who is right and everyone else is “wrong”. Choosing a spouse is something that takes prayer and maturity.

Do you share the same values?

Do you LIKE this person - would you choose them as a friend? This is important, because the romantic fireworks will ebb and fade - and if you do not have a strong friendship, you will be in trouble.

Do you care about her well being, that you would give up your comfort to see her comfortable?

Do you like each-other’s families?

 

[ltbpoe43]

As a guy married 25 years this month, I have to agree with some posters here - I’m not sure you are ready.

We don’t test others to see if they are ready. We don’t ask God for a sign - as in a test - to see if they are worthy.

We search our own hearts and minds and ask ourselves the tough questions. “Am I responsible enough to be able to take care of this precious gift and will I love, protect, and honor her all the days of my life?” Pray for guidance until your heart tells you the answer is absolutely, positively, without a doubt ever - Yes.

Then the real test begins - a lifetime journey together, good stuff and bad stuff will happen, you both get it all and need your faith and love for each other to get through it. Marriage is not a destination - its the beginning of a beautiful journey together.

Based on your comments, I’m not sure you are looking at the big picture of the commitment - if so - a test would be the last thing to spring to your mind. You either know it in your heart or you don’t. Listen to your heart, pray for guidance and wisdom, and good luck.

 

[maryjk]

Let’s see == you want to test her. You hold all the power to take her whenever you’re ready. You think it’s good to wait until she’s impatient before granting her the favor of yourself. My thought is that if you truly love her, do her a favor and free her up for someone who is mature enough and man enough to be a good husband to her.

I agree. Be a man and let her go.

 

[JamesG]

I really think that many of you have totally jumped to false conclusions based on my writing style, which is rather blunt.

I disagree with all of you who say that a man and a woman should not test each other before they get married. The fact is marriage is not a joke and it is not game. With that in mind you had best not make the mistake of getting married foolishly… You have to have a firm understanding of how that person reacts to your worst and best sides. You had best question that person on their values and faith in God. If you don’t then you will suffer in the end and you will have only yourself to blame.

On the other side of this I expect my woman to put me to the test. If she doesn’t then I would wonder if she was serious or not. For example. My girl once wanted to hear me pray. That was one of her tests for me. She didn’t want to be with a man that didn’t know how to pray. Of course I loved her for that If you are both serious and not afraid then the tests (mature tests) do not hurt one bit. In fact you are happy to be tested.

Let me say that I have dated many women. I’ve let many of them go because they did not measure up to what I was looking for.
Yes that might sound harsh, but when you consider how many catholics are only catholics by name it must done.

The fact is I know that God only wants the best for me. He doesn’t want me to lose my mind and my life over somone who isn’t a match physically, mentally, emotionally, and spirtually. If you don’t have all of those things then you need to let that person go.

In the past there were many times that I was fooled into listening the wisdom of this world that says,“oh it is all about working through these issues. You have to accept all their differences” Only a very foolish man would do such a thing! He is ignoring what Gods plan is and his Gods wisdom.

In the bible it says that God made the woman from the rib of adam. That means that the woman is made perfect for him. She is a part of him. The reason he did that is so there wouldn’t be alot of work as some of you has suggested. After all, that person is part of you and you are made for that other person.

When I hear someone say that marriage is a lot of WORK. I have to ask why? Why does it have to be so complicated? That is not part of Gods plan. Why do so many modernized women say that? I wonder if thats because those women always want to challenge their husband for power? Is it because they want to be the head of the family? Are they trying think of marriage as WORK so that they don’t have WORK WITH their husbands as head of the family? I really can’t understand why a woman would chose a man that she does not trust to lead her and her family.

With that said I am very traditional and if there are some nasty feminists who want to call me a caveman then so be it. They are most likely very upset and are hell bent deconstructing Gods plan for men and woman anyway. They should know that I am very happy to be a caveman just like adam and so is my cavewoman who is just like Eve. Now I’m not saying that we are jumping around the bushes with fig leaves or clubing each other on the head, but … if it’s after marriage and in private then that realy isn’t anyone elses business.

anyway…

All I want to say is that my prayers and wisdom have payed off. She said yes last night at niagra falls. It was amazing and very romantic with the fireworks I love her so much and she is crazy about me. None of this would of happened if I had not adopted an outlook that was based on hope, faith, and the wisdom from the bible. She is a woman that I can pray with and love. She is part of me and that is why I love her. I will honour her like a man should and use the power that God has given me with wisdom.

My original post was me trying to deal with the power that I had. The power to accept her or reject her. At that moment I had to give up that power. I did that and now I am very happy. She will be my wife and will honour my family name, be the mother of my children, and I will provide for her, and love her forever

 

[JamesG]

Good grief. From a granny who is older, and I hope wiser, where did you get that last piece of wisdom? Marriage is not a game, either you love her and want to make a life with her, or you don’t. And you are much too sure of yourself in believing that she will have you on any terms. She may, indeed, love you and be ready to say “yes”, but is this the way you expect to treat her for the rest of your married lives? I sure hope not.

Marriage is a very serious step and takes many years of give and take and lots of hard work. To make a joke out of this, as you seem to be, does not seem very mature to me. Sorry if this seems harsh, but the whole concept just smacks of “me-ism” to me.

that last bit was a joke and should of been taken as a joke.

 

[JamesG]

Are your motives here selfless and loving?

Getting married was truly one of the most terrifying things I’ve ever done, and as it turned out, one of the wisest. It only takes a few minutes, then Boom! you’re a married person!

And actually, you don’t have as much to lose as a woman does. I know I’ve read various studies throughout the years and as it turns out, married men are healthier, happier, and live much longer than unmarried men, and keep steadier employment.

Married women lose, as the cliche goes, “the best years of their lives”, are stuck with the housework no matter what the husband actually says, get pregnant - I doubt if you’ll ever experience that state of being - and on top of that are expected to work at a job outside the home…

Have you ever watched that movie “Much Ado About Nothing?” (the Kenneth Branaugh version…) Shakespeare has some insightful things to say about men and marriage.

And also, will lenthening your engagement possibly cause increased moments of near occasions of sin?

what part of the bible or catholic document are you quoting? sorry but I can’t think of any. Is this shakespeare person or Kenneth Branaugh a Saint?

 

[JamesG]

In whatever you decide to do, show love and respect for her. Give it all you got . Tim

thanks tim. that is what I did. This was the best post here.

 

[JamesG]

As a woman, I say, either you ask her, or you don’t. Only God can test us (and that might be a source of contention to some people, but that’s another story). Does this mean that you will be continually testing this girl once you’re married? And that she can test you? Is that your idea of marriage my friend?

My feeling from your post is that you do love her, but I’m not quite sure if you understand the meaning of marriage. Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church. Do you? Remember that Christ gave his life for the church. Please ask yourself that, because it isn’t fair to her, and to you, and in the future your children, if you pop the question without answering this question properly.

I would give my life for her

 

[TOP]

I would give my life for her

The hard part is to give life to her. Tim

 

[Sina]

Congratulations on the engagement.

 

[deb1]

Congratulations on the engagement.

Dito that.

 

[deb1]

thanks tim. that is what I did. This was the best post here.

You asked our opinions and you got it. Tops was the only one who gave no opinion just wished your well. That makes it easy for you to agree with him. If that is all you wanted you should have just written a short post explaining that you were considering asking someone’s hand in marriage and wanted our prayers. We would have wished you well and that would have been it.

I think that some of the posters did make judgment calls based on your original post that were incorrect about you, such as your immaturity. I thought that was wrong on their part.

You mentioned that you were blunt. Well, you got blunt answers in return so you should take the good that some have said and ignore the rest.

by the way, I don’t think that you were any more or less blunt then most people here. You will fit in well here.

 

[hasikelee]

Okay this might not be what you were looking for…

Shop online! Forget the retail stores, lol. You can find higher quality and nice prices online.

Also, shopping online gives you thousands more in terms of design and availability.

 

[rayne89]

Congratulations!

The only people that say marriage is easy and not work are unmarried people.

I am no feminist. I do not challange my husband for power.

Marriage is work because you have to learn to live with another person. You can be best friends but you do not share the same mind. All people have flaws, annoying habits etc, differimg opinions on some things. Life has it’s ups and downs and different people deal with it differently. People grow and change, sickness comes, financial stress, dealing with children and how you parent them.

Saying it’s work does not mean it’s terrible. I love being married to my husband. I trust him with my life. The good things in life are things worth working for, things worth sacrificing and giving you heart to.

Come back and ten years and tell us your marriage doesn’t require any work.

 

[cecilia97]

I really think that many of you have totally jumped to false conclusions based on my writing style, which is rather blunt.

I disagree with all of you who say that a man and a woman should not test each other before they get married. The fact is marriage is not a joke and it is not game. With that in mind you had best not make the mistake of getting married foolishly… You have to have a firm understanding of how that person reacts to your worst and best sides. You had best question that person on their values and faith in God. If you don’t then you will suffer in the end and you will have only yourself to blame.

On the other side of this I expect my woman to put me to the test. If she doesn’t then I would wonder if she was serious or not. For example. My girl once wanted to hear me pray. That was one of her tests for me. She didn’t want to be with a man that didn’t know how to pray. Of course I loved her for that If you are both serious and not afraid then the tests (mature tests) do not hurt one bit. In fact you are happy to be tested.

Let me say that I have dated many women. I’ve let many of them go because they did not measure up to what I was looking for.
Yes that might sound harsh, but when you consider how many catholics are only catholics by name it must done.

The fact is I know that God only wants the best for me. He doesn’t want me to lose my mind and my life over somone who isn’t a match physically, mentally, emotionally, and spirtually. If you don’t have all of those things then you need to let that person go.

In the past there were many times that I was fooled into listening the wisdom of this world that says,“oh it is all about working through these issues. You have to accept all their differences” Only a very foolish man would do such a thing! He is ignoring what Gods plan is and his Gods wisdom.

In the bible it says that God made the woman from the rib of adam. That means that the woman is made perfect for him. She is a part of him. The reason he did that is so there wouldn’t be alot of work as some of you has suggested. After all, that person is part of you and you are made for that other person.

When I hear someone say that marriage is a lot of WORK. I have to ask why? Why does it have to be so complicated? That is not part of Gods plan. Why do so many modernized women say that? I wonder if thats because those women always want to challenge their husband for power? Is it because they want to be the head of the family? Are they trying think of marriage as WORK so that they don’t have WORK WITH their husbands as head of the family? I really can’t understand why a woman would chose a man that she does not trust to lead her and her family.

With that said I am very traditional and if there are some nasty feminists who want to call me a caveman then so be it. They are most likely very upset and are hell bent deconstructing Gods plan for men and woman anyway. They should know that I am very happy to be a caveman just like adam and so is my cavewoman who is just like Eve. Now I’m not saying that we are jumping around the bushes with fig leaves or clubing each other on the head, but … if it’s after marriage and in private then that realy isn’t anyone elses business.

anyway…

All I want to say is that my prayers and wisdom have payed off. She said yes last night at niagra falls. It was amazing and very romantic with the fireworks I love her so much and she is crazy about me. None of this would of happened if I had not adopted an outlook that was based on hope, faith, and the wisdom from the bible. She is a woman that I can pray with and love. She is part of me and that is why I love her. I will honour her like a man should and use the power that God has given me with wisdom.

My original post was me trying to deal with the power that I had. The power to accept her or reject her. At that moment I had to give up that power. I did that and now I am very happy. She will be my wife and will honour my family name, be the mother of my children, and I will provide for her, and love her forever

Congratulations and may God bless you both. The Genesis account does indeed verify that marriage is work…or Eve would not be Adam’s “helper”. Even in the garden, help was needed. How much more so now? Y’all will figure it out.

 

[ltbpoe43]

congrats on the engagement

MODS - shouldn’t this be in a different thread area? It’s no longer a vocation right?

 

[Ravyn_Guiliani]

I’ll tell you what our “old married friends” told us. People were negative about our engagement because we knew each other for a very short time. They said: Everything you need to know you know in the first two weeks. Anything you don’t know by then you won’t find out about until it’s too late. I don’t think there was ever a more true statement. Putting someone to a test is a stupid idea. We all flunk tests from time to time. Would you like her doing this to you? Fish or cut bait dude.

uhhhh…after 10 years of a very difficult marriage, and even tho I love my husband dearly, I have to be honest and say that if I knew then what the next 10 years would be like because of his family I do not think I would have married him. As unfair as that sounds, his family has nearly killed me healthwise with their hatefulness and constant drama and I will never get those years back. things have finally turned around for my husband with his attitude toward them and me, but it may be too late. I hope the next 10 years are better ones, but I don’t know now if I have 10 years left. Just remember if you have any doubts at all–if you feel hesitant and need to ‘test’ things out–you are not just marrying the woman, you are marrying the family too. If there are problems now, they will only get worse if they are not dealt with promptly. Love is wonderful, but truly it takes more than love to make it work.
Ravyn