G
GhostMan
Guest
I’ve been posting here for close to two years, I believe. In that time, I’ve learned a lot and been forced to consider some things that I would not have before. I’ve also developed a series of items may not be of interest to anyone else, but that confound me none-the-less.
There seems to be a strange and pervasive belief that annulment is a “get out of jail free” card; a do-over, so to speak. That saddens me. There can be nothing more sorrowful, on this side of the grave at least, than an annulment. It speaks of broken dreams and vows, hurt and pain that go far beyond the two people involved and a betrayal of the highest order. Yet, in spite of that, I often see someone post “leave him (or, much less frequently, her) and seek an annulment.” This must be the course of last attempt. Surely we are called to do everything in our power – even bearing a cross that seems too difficult for us – rather than demanding our own way and wanting to try again. An annulment should reflect badly on both parties badly enough to make it rare. Even the aggrieved party must bear some guilt for failing to properly discern the motivations of his or her spouse. Many of you will take me to task for that, but what then is the dating/courtship process about? What does God call us to do in that time?
It amuses me that a post bashing men will span pages while one talking about respecting your husband dies a quick and silent death. Kudos to the ladies who posted – you have my respect.
Another thing that bothers me is the incredible standards that some women demand of men. The poll about canceling an engagement over a man who freely confessed an impure thought almost drove me over the edge. The original poster was called out be several people for potential conflict of interest and yet the posts continued. Yes, the poll was in favor of continuing, but there were enough “yes” votes to make me queasy. Surely some of the women who said yes must be capable of walking on water on command. Something about “log and speck” comes to mind.
For a people who believe that marriage is a vocation and a Sacrament, there are many who call for divorce faster that a protestant pastor with a wandering eye and a frisky church secretary.
A man who no longer believes his wife is gorgeous because she has put on weight or bears the scares of pregnancy is a pig (rightly so), while a woman who decides that she is “done with sex” is probably just tired or depressed. Hmmm.
OK, now please read this caveat: Porn is bad; it is a sin; it has no place in any man or woman’s life. It is destructive to the soul and body; it breaks down the bonds of a marriage. Now, having said that, it seems like the worst possible sin a man can commit is to watch porn. Also, any man who watches porn is (usually) abusive, possibly a child molester, controlling, destructive and not worth even being in the same room with. Re-read my initial section on Porn now before you accuse me of defending it.
I think it’s time to put porn into perspective. (See the caveat if you are getting mad at me). What if you saw a post that said:
Initial Post: My wife is a gossip and a liar. Should I leave her?
Response: Gossip is as the sin of witchcraft, she must stop. Go see a priest.
Response: If your wife is a witch she could cause your children to stumble spiritually.
Response: Witchcraft is child abuse; report your wife now and leave the house.
Response: Some witches like to dance naked in the moonlight.
Response: Your wife is obviously sleeping with other men in the nude dancing ceremonies. Get tested for VD.
Response: She might be sleeping with a priest of Satan. Get out now.
The whole idea is ludicrous, right? No more so than several posts like that I’ve seen about men and porn. (Please re-read the caveat now). Porn is a serious sin, so is gossip, so are lies, so is reading lusty novels about swarthy men. These all detract in our own lives and our marriage, but to even suggest that someone leave another person over one of them is to bitterly color the vocation of marriage.
There seems to be a strange and pervasive belief that annulment is a “get out of jail free” card; a do-over, so to speak. That saddens me. There can be nothing more sorrowful, on this side of the grave at least, than an annulment. It speaks of broken dreams and vows, hurt and pain that go far beyond the two people involved and a betrayal of the highest order. Yet, in spite of that, I often see someone post “leave him (or, much less frequently, her) and seek an annulment.” This must be the course of last attempt. Surely we are called to do everything in our power – even bearing a cross that seems too difficult for us – rather than demanding our own way and wanting to try again. An annulment should reflect badly on both parties badly enough to make it rare. Even the aggrieved party must bear some guilt for failing to properly discern the motivations of his or her spouse. Many of you will take me to task for that, but what then is the dating/courtship process about? What does God call us to do in that time?
It amuses me that a post bashing men will span pages while one talking about respecting your husband dies a quick and silent death. Kudos to the ladies who posted – you have my respect.
Another thing that bothers me is the incredible standards that some women demand of men. The poll about canceling an engagement over a man who freely confessed an impure thought almost drove me over the edge. The original poster was called out be several people for potential conflict of interest and yet the posts continued. Yes, the poll was in favor of continuing, but there were enough “yes” votes to make me queasy. Surely some of the women who said yes must be capable of walking on water on command. Something about “log and speck” comes to mind.
For a people who believe that marriage is a vocation and a Sacrament, there are many who call for divorce faster that a protestant pastor with a wandering eye and a frisky church secretary.
A man who no longer believes his wife is gorgeous because she has put on weight or bears the scares of pregnancy is a pig (rightly so), while a woman who decides that she is “done with sex” is probably just tired or depressed. Hmmm.
OK, now please read this caveat: Porn is bad; it is a sin; it has no place in any man or woman’s life. It is destructive to the soul and body; it breaks down the bonds of a marriage. Now, having said that, it seems like the worst possible sin a man can commit is to watch porn. Also, any man who watches porn is (usually) abusive, possibly a child molester, controlling, destructive and not worth even being in the same room with. Re-read my initial section on Porn now before you accuse me of defending it.
I think it’s time to put porn into perspective. (See the caveat if you are getting mad at me). What if you saw a post that said:
Initial Post: My wife is a gossip and a liar. Should I leave her?
Response: Gossip is as the sin of witchcraft, she must stop. Go see a priest.
Response: If your wife is a witch she could cause your children to stumble spiritually.
Response: Witchcraft is child abuse; report your wife now and leave the house.
Response: Some witches like to dance naked in the moonlight.
Response: Your wife is obviously sleeping with other men in the nude dancing ceremonies. Get tested for VD.
Response: She might be sleeping with a priest of Satan. Get out now.
The whole idea is ludicrous, right? No more so than several posts like that I’ve seen about men and porn. (Please re-read the caveat now). Porn is a serious sin, so is gossip, so are lies, so is reading lusty novels about swarthy men. These all detract in our own lives and our marriage, but to even suggest that someone leave another person over one of them is to bitterly color the vocation of marriage.
Maybe if I’d been engaged for ten years and lived with him before marrying him, I might have found out his “true colors.” You’ll be happy to know I personally will bear the effects of my irresponsible marital choice for the rest of my life in the form of a debilitating injury. That’s what I get for once being a dumb 22 year old deeply in love with a man whose greatest talent was pretending to be something he was not. 
See, I didn’t get off easy. Happy? 
