Online Dating Sites and Self Esteem

[erine]

Doncha wish it were the good ole days, where the pool of available single people to date/marry was relegated to your town/city/village? Or, in some cultures, where your parents did the hard work for you and found someone for you to spend the rest of your life with?

Dating sites, man, I’m talkin’ about dating sites. All of them. Even the “Catholic” ones. They are all based on looks and promote the idea that we can find the “perfect” person for us. He/she is just another click away. So we never take time to get to know the person. Or we ignore the subtle voice inside us telling us to take a chance. We just keep clickin’ away, relying on our own imperfect standards.

Indeed, if those standards were so good we wouldn’t be on dating sites.

If you are like me and blessed with nuclear shyness, OCD, and weapons-grade bad looks, it is even worse. You can get a decade’s worth of rejection in 30 minutes.

But where are we to go? If you live in a big city there are options. If you live in a small town like I do, there aren’t any. So we get back on the sites, every day, religiously and hope and pray someone gives us a second look. And takes that chance.

Regarding your first paragraph, I couldn’t agree more

 

[Allegra]

I do not photograph well at all. People say I always look mad in photos.
If people do get hung up on looks and miss meeting a great match that’s their loss.

A smile goes a long way. Even a person who is homely looks attractive with a pleasant expression on their face. On the other hand, a person with really beautiful features is going to be off-putting if they are scowling and glaring all the time. That’s why it’s important to smile. All the cool people are doing it.

On the other hand, the worst thing to look at is someone who is always rolling their eyes. What a gross habit! When I see someone doing that I’d like to put a sheet over them so I don’t have to see. I’d honestly rather watch someone pick their nose.

 

[DMC12]

right now my idea is that you hate yourself, and that makes your posibilities even smaller.

I’ve been told I look like a snob. Huh? Come again?
How does a snob look like?

like you, obviously…J/K.

 

[Allanhorian]

i am not a very beautiful girl. just average looking. was once in a relationship, not anything physical. meet someone on a dating site. had 2 decent dates. but the man refuses to continue relationship as he found someone more beautiful and left me. its been 2 years now but i am unable to forget that feeling of rejection. that was very hurting and painful.

 

[RPRPsych]

I’ve had a lot of fun on sites like these, especially reading some of the profiles. (The Indian version is “ChristianMatrimony.com”.)

Never did find anything serious though. I met my wife through mutual acquaintances a year and a half ago, and we haven’t looked back.

I won’t knock such sites outright (though my friends and I did once think up a parody of one), but they do have their flaws. And I also don’t photograph well, which is why my avatar is a female RPG heroine instead of my Cro-Magnon face.

 

[jeannetherese]

Now, it may be that OCD and its accompanying loneliness is my cross to bear- women have a tough time dealing with me. But by no means is it something I desire.

Hi Norm,
This part of your description caught my attention as I have family with OCD. We are not allowed to give medical advice on CAF. I hope you pursue treatment-there’s hope out there.
As for the rest: a smile, keeping to clothing and hairstyles that you are comfortable with, pursuing interests that are important to you, and reaching out to others (this forumis a great examplea) will help you on your way as you trust in Gods’ plan which will unfold in God’s good time.
May God bless you and give you every grace you need.
jeannetherese

 

[livingwordunity]

I don’t know. I met my husband on Catholicmatch and he’s worked out great. I don’t know why it would be better to be rejected in person than online. Either way stinks. I think the best thing to do is to pray for the person God intends for you to be with and search for them in whatever way you are comfortable.

My wife and I met on that website, too. And we’ve been married for 10 years so far and with two beautiful daughters. I knew that she was the real deal because on her profile she made it clear that with her there was no sex before marriage. I’m not saying that I was expecting to find a woman like that. I wasn’t. But most women nowadays wouldn’t say that for fear that men would lose interest.

 

[Tridentine_MT]

i am not a very beautiful girl. just average looking. was once in a relationship, not anything physical. meet someone on a dating site. had 2 decent dates. but the man refuses to continue relationship as he found someone more beautiful and left me. its been 2 years now but i am unable to forget that feeling of rejection. that was very hurting and painful.

Don’t give up Allanhorian. As someone who’s passing through hard times myself, even to the point of thinking awful things, I understand you 100%.

 

[mikekle]

Ive always thought those online dating sites are kind of creepy and shady, I mean, if someone cant find a date on their own, what is going to be different online…sure, they may be comfortable emailing or instant messaging, but eventually to date, 2 people MUST meet face to face, in person, so people have to get out of their comfort zone if they want to find someone.

I never had any problems finding dates, I mean, look around when you are out in public, there are women/ men everywhere!! lol, all it takes is a Hello an brief conversation, sure rejection happens, and of course, some will already be married or in relationships, but thats normal, and eventually, you will find someone who accepts.

I think people are just fooling themselves in online dating, if they arent comfortable or confident in person, that will show up in their first date and it will be a disaster anyway.

 

[Chayla]

Ive always thought those online dating sites are kind of creepy and shady, I mean, if someone cant find a date on their own, what is going to be different online…sure, they may be comfortable emailing or instant messaging, but eventually to date, 2 people MUST meet face to face, in person, so people have to get out of their comfort zone if they want to find someone.

I never had any problems finding dates,** I mean, look around when you are out in public, there are women/ men everywhere!! lol, all it takes is a Hello an brief conversation, sure rejection happens, and of course, some will already be married or in relationships, but thats normal, and eventually, you will find someone who accepts**.

I think people are just fooling themselves in online dating, if they arent comfortable or confident in person, that will show up in their first date and it will be a disaster anyway.

Most women, particularly “older ladies” cannot casually start a converstion with a man when out in a public place (coffee shop, grocery store, park, etc.) Me, and just about every female of my generation, was raised with the view that to do so would make me be perceived as “loose” and that a decent man would NOT respect me.

 

[mikekle]

Most women, particularly “older ladies” cannot casually start a converstion with a man when out in a public place (coffee shop, grocery store, park, etc.) Me, and just about every female of my generation, was raised with the view that to do so would make me be perceived as “loose” and that a decent man would NOT respect me.

Things are not like that anymore, but I understand the hesitation if someone has adhered to such things for so long, very hard to deviate.