Openness to life when children aren't possible?

[Iheartcoffee]

Simcha Fisher came out with an e-book about NFP that is really good. She mentions how ridiculous the term “contraceptive mentality” is. It’s a good read.

 

[Bruised_Reed]

When you use it as the Chuch uses it, it is clear: each marriage act must be open per se too the transmission of life.

When people say it, they say the couple must be open to life.

So it would be correct to say that a single person doesn’t really have to worry about being open to life due to their current state in life? I’m not suggesting that one (I) should not learn and understand Church teaching about marriage, especially if one’s (my) vocation is marriage, but it’s not something that actually concerns a Catholic who is single.

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

So it would be correct to say that a single person doesn’t really have to worry about being open to life due to their current state in life? I’m not suggesting that one (I) should not learn and understand Church teaching about marriage, especially if one’s (my) vocation is marriage, but it’s not something that actually concerns a Catholic who is single.

A single person - assuming they are chaste of course - has no way of being open to life since being open to life concerns the sexual act, as 1ke explained above. In other words, being open to life means not using ABC and engaging in sexual acts that do not end in vaginal intercourse. I think this is as technical explanation as we can give.

What people mean when they say being open to life is often a certain attitude that ranges from being pro-life (against abortion, etc.) to having as many children as possible. But this phrase is a personal interpretation of some people, and not the same thing as what the church teaches when it comes to the sexual act being open to life.

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

Simcha Fisher came out with an e-book about NFP that is really good. She mentions how ridiculous the term “contraceptive mentality” is. It’s a good read.

I’m so glad she is debunking this myth, because so many of her fellow mom-bloggers promote this idea.

 

[thequeen]

If I’m not mistaken, a woman who is physically unable to conceive and bear children may not marry in the Church. If it happens after marriage, that’s different.

I have never been married I had to have a complete hysterectemy due to cancer when I was 28 years old and believe me if I ever do get married it will be in the Catholic church I was going through private instruction in the Catholic faith when I had my surgery.

 

[1ke]

If I’m not mistaken, a woman who is physically unable to conceive and bear children may not marry in the Church.

You are most definitely mistaken.

Sterility is not an impediment to marriage.

 

[LittleRose]

I’m curious, especially from you ladies - what would openness to life look like if you knew you couldn’t have children? Say in a situation where a woman had a prior hysterectomy and then gets married. How would you go about being open to life in a marriage knowing that biologically you couldn’t conceive?

In the marriage rite the couple vows to “accept children lovingly from God”. God sends some children into families through biology, others through adoption. The couple has to be open to God’s will in the matter. Maybe they will have biological children. Maybe they will adopt. Some people are called to become parents both ways. Or maybe it will be neither, because God has another plan for them altogether.

When facing my own infertility, it took me awhile to be at peace with the fact that the reality of how my family life would unfold was going to be different from my preconceived ideas. In the end, I had to accept what God sent, which in our case so far has been a longer and more difficult wait than we expected. That wait has, among other things, taught me greater openness to the unexpected things that may come my way.

 

[aroosi]

Hi, I experienced a long period of severe infertility due to medical issues. During that time we found consolation and inspiration in a quote taken from the “Novena for Family” of Saint Josemaria.
“May we be convinced that if God did not grant us children it was not to diminish the holy ideal of fatherhood and motherhood. We can fulfill this ideal by diligently seeking to know what the will of God is, dedicating ourselves to other members of the family, or to institutions that help abandoned children, or actively working in the formation of Christian youth and, if appropriate, considering the possibility of adopting one or more
children, after proper counselling and with due prudence.”
It was for us an incredible help when we were facing the heavy cross of infertility.
God bless you.

 

[savedbygrace71]

I had to have a hysterectomy earlier this year due to a serious medical condition. We have two children already, but I was heartbroken at the realization that no more would ever come. With prayer and time, I can see that openness to life can mean so much. I am spending much more time at my sons’ schools, with all the children, in church activities and so on. My husband and I may not understand the whys but we will continue to live our lives as they have been laid out for us, the best we can. It’s possible that someday another child will come to us through adoption, if our health cooperates. In the meantime, we nuture and raise up the children we have been given. In a surprising way, the suffering and sadness I’ve been through due to the illness and surgery has brought me not only closer to God but on the path to my conversion to the Catholic Church.

 

[quilisma]

I too have never been blessed with children, and was never able to adopt for financial reasons. Now that menopause is staring me in the face, it looks as if it is a permanent thing (unless God makes an Abraham-and-Sarah type of exception…)

For years and years I mulled over what I should do in order to be a “spiritual mother”. I don’t know if I’ve come to the right conclusions, but here’s what I try to do at every opportunity:

Donating as much as I can to pro-life causes, including the Couple to Couple League;

Praying for mothers and babies, especially those in danger of abortion;

Being as encouraging as I can to promote the culture of life. This is kind of vague, but the form it has taken for me is basically that I talk up the blessing of children whenever I can, to co-workers, friends, and the Internet. When a co-worker becomes pregnant, I use the word “blessing” in congratulating her. When people talk negatively about children or family life, I try to interject something positive to help shift the balance toward a positive view. When people say something derogatory about a large family, I always try to make clear my admiration for the family. In other words, I guess I just try to counteract the pervasive negative attitude, as much as I can, that society has toward children, families, and life.

It’s probably not enough… but I live by St. Therese’s observation that picking up a pin for love of God can be greater than the greatest works, that it is the love that counts and not the work itself, that God can take any tiny thing I do and use it to transform the world. The tapestry is His, I am only a short little piece of thread and can only see a bit of the underside; but He can use that little thread in any way He wants to make His tapestry glorious; it is His work, not mine.

Sorry to ramble on…

 

[fiona8757]

I don’t know if this is “TMI” (too much information), but 19 years ago, I was having a difficult pregnancy, was about 5-6 months along and my doctor told me that my husband and I needed to start using condoms during sex because my son kept trying to make an early entrance and they kept stopping him but the doctor was worried about me getting an infection. My priest told me no condoms. And I was already pregnant. I guess he took that “being open to life” really seriously, lol… So we did without. No infections. Our son did come early but healthy.

 

[Marie13]

I feel like I’m on a personal crusade against that one.

I have a friend who is married and can’t conceive. She and her husband have decided, after a lot of prayer, to not do anything about it and just let nature do its thing. If she miraculously gets pregnant - wonderful! If not - they will accept that and live without children. They have decided not to adopt or foster because of their circumstances. She has told me that because she is childless she feels like a mother hen to young single people at her parish, and does what she can to make them feel welcome, especially if they are students living far away from home. She is also quite keen to help mothers with young children.

Your friend has a wonderful attitude! I’m in my 40s and have never been married. I have gynecological problems which would have made getting pregnant quite a challenge, if not impossible, when I was younger.