Opinions on veiling - Husbands

[Cran]

Ok, this is just another thread about headcovering

I am not married, but this week I was told by a (Catholic) man that he didn’t like my headcovering. It was partly due to the particular style, but this is a dislike he has in general, and that made me wonder:

Ladies, if you want to cover but your husband doesn’t like it, how would you proceed, as it is a private devotion and not covering is not a sin?
a) Cover anyway and explain him you feel God is calling you to do it.
b) Do not cover because you think this is a matter where the head of the family can have his say.
c) Nagg
d) Something different.

 

[Totterman]

Well,I am a man,so I can speak only from a male point,but in The Bible,1 Kor.11:4-5 is a short note about why females should cover their head in mass,or at that time is wos not called mass,so we can say “gathering” I think. But back to this time. I cant recall that I should have notised if women are covering their head during mass,men do take off their hat,as is told in the Bible-quote I wrote a few lines before,I must look next time in mass. This is a question that maybe should be given to the priest aswell,I have a strong call to priesthood,but that does not make me one,so I cant say for sure. Maybe he only thought a woman looks better,my p e r s o n a l opinon is that each and everyone does what a) is what the Church teaches and b) what they feel best. I would not be worrie over that issue,once in my live I now can say,“do what ever You like,cover Your head or not” but if there is a Church-rule,follow that. Many blessings,Totterman.

 

[corsair]

My wife “veils” for Mass and any time she enters a Catholic church. She keeps a chapel veil in her purse and a second in the glove box of the car. For Sunday Masses she wears a mantilla.

I encourage her to veil. Several ladies have begun to join her and all tend to sit near her during Mass.

I think its great!

As for your question; I would vote for option (a). If the husband still complains, tell him to take 2 aspirin and call you in the morning.

 

[LongJourney]

My hair is long and graying. Instead of a headcover, I deliver the same message by pulling it back and braiding the rest. Works for me if there is social pressure. However, no-one should look disapprovingly at a woman who chooses to wear a headcover at Church.

 

[basinite]

I’m a man and I had really never seen women wearing chapel veils until my wife and I started going to the Traditional Latin Mass. My first impression was Wow! I thought it was really cool. I think when women wear veils during Mass it makes them look really classy. The best way I can explain it is that it makes me want to run and open the door for each and every one of them.

Since we now go to the Traditional Latin Mass my wears a veil and loves it. You should have seen her when she was picking one out, you’d have thought it was Christmas morning. She looks very sexy in it, but then again I think she always looks sexy.

My advice is wear the veil and who cares about the yahoo who told you he didn’t like them. He’s probably some flaming liberal who is still stuck in the 70’s and 80’s anyway. Or, go to the Traditional Latin Mass where all the women will be in veils.

 

[Cran]

Thanks for alle replies so far, I’d be especially interested if more women could chime in

My advice is wear the veil and who cares about the yahoo who told you he didn’t like them. He’s probably some flaming liberal who is still stuck in the 70’s and 80’s anyway. Or, go to the Traditional Latin Mass where all the women will be in veils.

Well, as I am not married to him, I really don’t care about his opinion, but as I said in the first post, it made me WONDER what if.
And I am glad you know him so well He is actually a quite conservative Catholic, and even at the Traditional Latin Mass here, most women do not cover.

 

[JoanREDirector]

I’m sorry I’m not a husband (I’m a wife) but I can’t stand to read anymore about veiling without putting in my 2 cents worth.

Historically, there is NOTHING particularly Catholic about those nylon lace mantillas or little round lace head coverings. At one time, all adult women put something on their heads whenever they left the house. Poor and working women covered their heads outdoors for the same reason men did. They put their shawls over their heads in winter to keep warm. They wore straw hats for shade in summer.

They covered their heads when they went to church, went shopping, socialized (out to tea, works of charity, fancy party like a ball), when they had to conduct business, or go to court. Depending on the culture, Spanish and Italian ladies might wear lace mantillas, African women, colorful head wraps, Dutch or Flemish woman, a white linen cap with lace trim, a Ukraininan or Polish woman, an embroidered kerchief. The point is that a decent woman in her right mind wore what was approprite for her culture, the activity she was engaged in, and her state in life.

St. Paul and the Catholic church never had anything to say about fasion. They did insist that both men and woman show understanding and respect for the Eucharist by the attire proper for the occasion in their culture. In St. Pauls time, a veil was the proper attire for a woman.

If you look at pictures of American Catholic congregations in the 20th century before the mid 60’s, all women and girls past infancy wore hats, wool felt in winter and straw in summer. Women attending synagogs and Christian churches other than Catholic wore the same. Lace chapel veils or mantillas were usually worn by school girls in uniforms for daily Mass. Adult women might keep a kerchief or chapel cap in their purse or coat pocket for visits to church, daily Mass, or attending devotions such as benediction. On Sunday, they and their daughters wore hats.

The sacrifice of the Mass is for all people in all cultures. In America, all these cultures unite at the same parish church. All are expected to arrive with the proper interior disposition but will have diverse ways of dressing as the outward sign. Weaing a nylon mantilla is your sign.

So go ahead and veil if you like and I hope your husband is in sympathy with you.

 

[basinite]

Thanks for alle replies so far, I’d be especially interested if more women could chime in

Well, as I am not married to him, I really don’t care about his opinion, but as I said in the first post, it made me WONDER what if.
And I am glad you know him so well He is actually a quite conservative Catholic, and even at the Traditional Latin Mass here, most women do not cover.

Oooops:blush:

 

[Cran]

Nevermind basinite, I know you only wrote that to make me feel better

 

[Miserys_Fence]

I am not married, but this week I was told by a (Catholic) man that he didn’t like my headcovering.

If he had said that to me, they would have been his last words. He’d be a greasy spot on the sidewalk. I’m sorry you had to experience this!

Regardless of spiritual/religious connotations, it’s just plain rude to comment negatively on someone’s attire. “Hi, Frank, how are you? Oh, jeez, what an ugly tie!”

Miz

 

[ConstantineTG]

Ok, this is just another thread about headcovering

I am not married, but this week I was told by a (Catholic) man that he didn’t like my headcovering. It was partly due to the particular style, but this is a dislike he has in general, and that made me wonder:

Ladies, if you want to cover but your husband doesn’t like it, how would you proceed, as it is a private devotion and not covering is not a sin?
a) Cover anyway and explain him you feel God is calling you to do it.
b) Do not cover because you think this is a matter where the head of the family can have his say.
c) Nagg
d) Something different.

I am the opposite. I asked my wife if she would wear a veil. Not that I want her to, but I have no objections as well if she wants to. I’m fine either way. She said “no”.

 

[HCC]

When I have dated, I never discouraged or forced the girl to veil, I left it up to her. I would be more inclined to be serious about a girl/young woman who would veil. However, if she was right in line with everything else in the Church and had a deep prayer life and decided it just wasn’t for her, I would accept it and not press further.

I would be more concerned with dating someone who didn’t see the NO Mass as valid or was a “Mary Chaser” (someone who drops everything to go check out the latest apparitions). If she spent way more time reading the Medjugorje messages than she did something solid and approved, that would bother me more than her not wanting to veil.

 

[HCC]

I’m sorry I’m not a husband (I’m a wife) but I can’t stand to read anymore about veiling without putting in my 2 cents worth.

Historically, there is NOTHING particularly Catholic about those nylon lace mantillas or little round lace head coverings. At one time, all adult women put something on their heads whenever they left the house. Poor and working women covered their heads outdoors for the same reason men did. They put their shawls over their heads in winter to keep warm. They wore straw hats for shade in summer.

They covered their heads when they went to church, went shopping, socialized (out to tea, works of charity, fancy party like a ball), when they had to conduct business, or go to court. Depending on the culture, Spanish and Italian ladies might wear lace mantillas, African women, colorful head wraps, Dutch or Flemish woman, a white linen cap with lace trim, a Ukraininan or Polish woman, an embroidered kerchief. The point is that a decent woman in her right mind wore what was approprite for her culture, the activity she was engaged in, and her state in life.

St. Paul and the Catholic church never had anything to say about fasion. They did insist that both men and woman show understanding and respect for the Eucharist by the attire proper for the occasion in their culture. In St. Pauls time, a veil was the proper attire for a woman.

If you look at pictures of American Catholic congregations in the 20th century before the mid 60’s, all women and girls past infancy wore hats, wool felt in winter and straw in summer. Women attending synagogs and Christian churches other than Catholic wore the same. Lace chapel veils or mantillas were usually worn by school girls in uniforms for daily Mass. Adult women might keep a kerchief or chapel cap in their purse or coat pocket for visits to church, daily Mass, or attending devotions such as benediction. On Sunday, they and their daughters wore hats.

The sacrifice of the Mass is for all people in all cultures. In America, all these cultures unite at the same parish church. All are expected to arrive with the proper interior disposition but will have diverse ways of dressing as the outward sign. Weaing a nylon mantilla is your sign.

So go ahead and veil if you like and I hope your husband is in sympathy with you.

And everyone wonders why religious education in this country is where it is…

 

[Timothysis]

And everyone wonders why religious education in this country is where it is…

It seems to me that JoanREDirector knows exactly what she is speaking about.

 

[HCC]

It seems to me that JoanREDirector knows exactly what she is speaking about.

She really didn’t make a point. Other than, for her, it was a fad that passed and therefore isn’t necessary any longer. Many people feel differently. Catholic women all over the world covered their hair in church for over 1,900 years. The custom and some believe obligation, was thrown out the window with the baby and the bathtub 40 years ago, many young women are reclaiming that custom today. Not because anyone is telling them to, but because they want to.

She clearly had an axe to grind by her tone. None of the posts I have read on these forums regarding veiling demand that all women must veil-or else, so I don’t understand her disgust. Most of the posts have been by young women, who either describe veiling as something they “feel called to,” or a way of serving God, or a way of feeling connected with Catholic women throughout history. All valid points and a personal decision that women make for themselves in their service of Our Lord.

There was no need for that sort of tone, it was clear she finds the whole idea very threatening because it isn’t something she does and doesn’t feel necessary. We get that. The only part of her message that was particularly relevant was her closing comment, about a woman being free to veil and hoping her husband is supportive.

Her screen name alludes to being a director of religious education. We don’t need hostility when teaching religion, especially to children or converts. She clearly teaches from a stand point of, “I don’t do–so you don’t have to…” Rather than the positive, “This has been the way and is an acceptable way to practice your faith.” I think it is one of the indicators of why parish education continues to fail in its mission to pass on the faith. The lack of good, solid teaching has had disastrous consequences and when one reads negative rants toward people trying to do something positive, one has to wonder where to lay blame. I think, in part, it begins with these types of RE program directors.

 

[zab]

She really didn’t make a point. She did make a point, I heard it. Other than, for her, it was a fad that passed and therefore isn’t necessary any longer. Did you read the same post that I read? Many people feel differently. Catholic women all over the world covered their hair in church for over 1,900 years. The custom and some believe obligation, was thrown out the window with the baby and the bathtub 40 years ago, many young women are reclaiming that custom today. Not because anyone is telling them to, but because they want to.

She clearly had an axe to grind by her tone. None of the posts I have read on these forums regarding veiling demand that all women must veil-or else, so I don’t understand her disgust. What disgust? Since when have women always veiled in this country? JoanREDirector correctly pointed out that there is nothing particularly Catholic about wearing a lace matilla or a smaller circular lace (or a Kleenex tissue for that matter.) What she was saying was that women covered their heads, not necessarily with a lace veil. Most of the posts have been by young women, who either describe veiling as something they “feel called to,” or a way of serving God, or a way of feeling connected with Catholic women throughout history. All valid points and a personal decision that women make for themselves in their service of Our Lord. What about the husband’s comment that it looks sexy? “Veiling” should be done for the right reason not because of fashion or a fad nor because it “looks sexy”. There was no need for that sort of tone, it was clear she finds the whole idea very threatening because it isn’t something she does and doesn’t feel necessary. You are way off base. There was no such implication in what she wrote. We get that. The only part of her message that was particularly relevant was her closing comment, about a woman being free to veil and hoping her husband is supportive.

Her screen name alludes to being a director of religious education. We don’t need hostility when teaching religion, especially to children or converts. She clearly teaches from a stand point of, “I don’t do–so you don’t have to…” Rather than the positive, “This has been the way and is an acceptable way to practice your faith.” I think it is one of the indicators of why parish education continues to fail in its mission to pass on the faith. There is no question that Religious Education has failed at times, but you are out of bounds on these accusations. The lack of good, solid teaching has had disastrous consequences and when one reads negative rants toward people trying to do something positive, one has to wonder where to lay blame. I think, in part, it begins with these types of RE program directors. You have no basis for making such remarks without justification.

I don’t know what Joan really thinks about veiling because she didn’t tell us nor did she make any implication that she was against it. You are so wrong to make all of these ridiculous accusations against her regarding what she has written.

 

[simple_soul]

Ok, this is just another thread about headcovering

I am not married, but this week I was told by a (Catholic) man that he didn’t like my headcovering. It was partly due to the particular style, but this is a dislike he has in general, and that made me wonder:

Ladies, if you want to cover but your husband doesn’t like it, how would you proceed, as it is a private devotion and not covering is not a sin?
a) Cover anyway and explain him you feel God is calling you to do it.
b) Do not cover because you think this is a matter where the head of the family can have his say.
c) Nagg
d) Something different.

*Dear Cran,

I know I am late in chiming in but I would most definitely have to pick “b.”
But I also have to say I do not believe this would be my only reason for not veiling.

 

[Tsuwano]

I’m sorry I’m not a husband (I’m a wife) but I can’t stand to read anymore about veiling without putting in my 2 cents worth.

Historically, there is NOTHING particularly Catholic about those nylon lace mantillas or little round lace head coverings. At one time, all adult women put something on their heads whenever they left the house. Poor and working women covered their heads outdoors for the same reason men did. They put their shawls over their heads in winter to keep warm. They wore straw hats for shade in summer.

They covered their heads when they went to church, went shopping, socialized (out to tea, works of charity, fancy party like a ball), when they had to conduct business, or go to court. Depending on the culture, Spanish and Italian ladies might wear lace mantillas, African women, colorful head wraps, Dutch or Flemish woman, a white linen cap with lace trim, a Ukraininan or Polish woman, an embroidered kerchief. The point is that a decent woman in her right mind wore what was approprite for her culture, the activity she was engaged in, and her state in life.

St. Paul and the Catholic church never had anything to say about fasion. They did insist that both men and woman show understanding and respect for the Eucharist by the attire proper for the occasion in their culture. In St. Pauls time, a veil was the proper attire for a woman.

If you look at pictures of American Catholic congregations in the 20th century before the mid 60’s, all women and girls past infancy wore hats, wool felt in winter and straw in summer. Women attending synagogs and Christian churches other than Catholic wore the same. Lace chapel veils or mantillas were usually worn by school girls in uniforms for daily Mass. Adult women might keep a kerchief or chapel cap in their purse or coat pocket for visits to church, daily Mass, or attending devotions such as benediction. On Sunday, they and their daughters wore hats.

The sacrifice of the Mass is for all people in all cultures. In America, all these cultures unite at the same parish church. All are expected to arrive with the proper interior disposition but will have diverse ways of dressing as the outward sign. Weaing a nylon mantilla is your sign.

So go ahead and veil if you like and I hope your husband is in sympathy with you.

Thank you for your post. I find it enlightening and I appreciate your common sense approach to the issue.

 

[zab]

Ok, this is just another thread about headcovering

I am not married, but this week I was told by a (Catholic) man that he didn’t like my headcovering. It was partly due to the particular style, but this is a dislike he has in general, and that made me wonder:

Ladies, if you want to cover but your husband doesn’t like it, how would you proceed, as it is a private devotion and not covering is not a sin?
a) Cover anyway and explain him you feel God is calling you to do it.
b) Do not cover because you think this is a matter where the head of the family can have his say.
c) Nagg
d) Something different.

(d) If I decided to cover my head, I would explain to my husband that I felt called to do so, and knowing my husband, he would accept my decision. However, knowing that my husband would be uncomfortable (according to this senario), I would probably begin by choosing to wear a hat or small tie back scarf or something that would not stand out. Then after a while when he because used to my new custom, I could gradually wear a longer scarf if I wanted too.

 

[scylla]

There is something particularly Catholic about head-covering… You are right that it doesn’t particularly have to be a veil.

Women cover their head to as a matter of respect for the Angels, this is a Catholic belief that there are Angels present at the Sacrifice of the Mass. Yet recently many Catholics have forgotten the faith so it was seen as a liberating motion to do away with head-coverings.
Now if you believe that it is a gesture of respect to the Angels who are present there is a very Catholic reason. This is why it is done in Latin rite as well as Eastern Catholic Churches.
It is not a fashion statement or a style that went out in the 60’s unless you do not believe the Catholic faith. We have a special presence in the Mass of the divine, Jesus is made present and the Angels are there also. I agree that Saint Paul said nothing about culture, but he did state that this was how women in particular showed respect at the Sacrifice. This is what is different about our Church and why we act differently than the culture.

My wife does veil when we go to a more traditional Mass but in our parish this would cause undue disruption. There are many pro-female ordination hippy types in our parish who would seek to cause trouble for my family if we don’t lie low and not act too Catholic.
My wife does not veil when she is in our parish as it is a hostile environment for that sort of action. I do not wear a hat at Mass and I would expect any man to slap me upside the head if I was stupid enough to do so. I am a man and it is wrong for me to wear a head-covering unless it is prescribed. This is a privilege that only some people have, to show respect for the divine.

Wear your veil and be faithful, don’t worry about silly comments that might bring you down.

God Bless
Scylla