Opp sex friendships and marriage

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I consider a friend someone who I can share things of a feminine perspective… So I vote no for me.
I already have an oppositer sex friend-my dh-why would I need another one:shrug:
 
I almost want to vote always, but if the two in question are far enough out of eachothers demographic it can be okay… like a supermodel and s 500 lb dude or a 20yr old and 60 yr old.

If it is even remotely plausible though… eh one bad day of emotional distress and humans all do the same stuff…
 
I voted for “it could be depending on the circumstances.” I think most men like friendships with men and women with women because each sex relates to their own sex best. Friendships between men and women are trickier. A friendship between an older woman, say over 60 and a young man in his 20’s, although unlikely, is probably pretty safe. The closer men and women are in age, though, it may be a real problem if either is married.

No spouse ought to be going out alone with a person who could be a potential mate, IMHO. It’s just begging for trouble. And it can be a near occasion of sin. Better to cultivate friendship with one’s own sex, unless one has a sexual proclivity towards one’s own sex–but that opens up another whole can of worms.
 
Della said:
No spouse ought to be going out alone with a person who could be a potential mate, IMHO. It’s just begging for trouble. And it can be a near occasion of sin. Better to cultivate friendship with one’s own sex, unless one has a sexual proclivity towards one’s own sex–but that opens up another whole can of worms.
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I agree with this. I also put it depends on the circumstances, but in general, it’s a bad idea and should never happen apart from your spouse.
 
I think there is less danger when the friend outside the marriage is a friend of both the husband and the wife. Or, when couples befriend other couples. I get along well with my husband’s friends, and in most cases I am friends with their wives if they are also married. But for the most part, they are my husband’s friends first, and I’d have no reason to hang out with them without my husband present. He’d say the same for me.

I am a runner, and my husband is not. So when going to events related to running, I might make small talk with other men. I don’t think this is dangerous, but if I got along well with someone and he wanted to take our acquaintanceship outside the realm of the hobby, or meet up one-on-one (not necessarily for a run, which would seem dangerous by itself, but even if it were another hobby) I would probably let the friendship cool.

If I felt my marriage were in danger or if I felt tempted to stray, I would probably restrict my social activity with other men further.
 
For the record, I voted it could be, depending on the circumstances.

I agree with Della. I would say if a husband and wife are friends with another married couple and the friendship is sort of couple-couple and not exclusive then it’s probably ok.

I would also agree that men need male friends more than female friends. And women need female friends more than male ones. Especially married men/women.

I think it’s especially important for Catholics to have good Catholic same sex friendships. People who will be a help in that persons journey to heaven.

In general I think that married people having exclusive friendships with the opposite sex is a recipe for marital infidelity.
 
I voted generally no. It does depend on the circumstances, but as a married guy someone who has several female friends I’ve never once considered them anything but my friends the same as my guy friends. And by the same token those female friends all know I’m married (and most are also friends with my wife) so they’ve never, and presumably would never, put me in a position that could theoretically put my marriage at risk.
 
I vote that it depends on the circumstances, my best friend of 13 years is a guy. We’ve known each other since high school. I don’t know if it makes a difference that he’s gay or not but he is a man and nothing negative has come of it. I’ve had other male friends some closer than others. My intended has a women friends mostly at work, they have breakfast a few times a week we have met and I think her husband has met him. Again these were people who predated me. I assume new opposite sex friends would end up being friends of the couple but I don’t think it is inherently dangerous to have opposite sex friends but everyone should be honest and smart about it. If you are attracted or have a ‘crush’ or if things are not good at home, that’s a situation that one shouldn’t put themselves in. If it’s something one feels like they have to hide from their spouse then again it’s probably a bad idea.
 
I voted no, not in general.

Threads like this make me sad. 😦

The whole idea that men & women cannot be friends is poppycock!

When did we become so obsessed with sex that this question even needs to be asked?

Is sex all that is on the brains of people now?

The idea that I cannot go to have a meal or a cup of coffee with a man other than my husband due to scandalizing someone is ridiculous and says way more about the person being scandalized that it does about the people supposedly causing it. :mad:
 
My closest female friend is fond of me but nothing beyond that. We just enjoy each other’s company. Married women are 100% off limits.

Ed
 
Oneofthewomen said:
The idea that I cannot go to have a meal or a cup of coffee with a man other than my husband due to scandalizing someone is ridiculous and says way more about the person being scandalized that it does about the people supposedly causing it. :mad:
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I don’t think it’s so much that, as it is that married people need to be careful about cultivating emotional intimacy with someone of the opposite sex if he or she isn’t your spouse. It’s one thing if that relationship exists already before the marriage, and if you invite your spouse to be part of the friendship as well. But when you’re married, your primary, most emotionally intimate opposite-sex relationship has to be with your spouse. A friendship with another should never get to a place where it could compromise the marriage.
 
I went for the middle ground.

And really. Let’s face it.

The sex of the person I’m hanging out with has long stopped being the thing that would keep me from leaning too close. :rolleyes:
 
Oneofthewomen said:
I voted no, not in general.

Threads like this make me sad. 😦

The whole idea that men & women cannot be friends is poppycock!

When did we become so obsessed with sex that this question even needs to be asked?

Is sex all that is on the brains of people now?

The idea that I cannot go to have a meal or a cup of coffee with a man other than my husband due to scandalizing someone is ridiculous and says way more about the person being scandalized that it does about the people supposedly causing it. :mad:
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No one has mentioned anything about scandalizing anyone so far, except you. 😉

Some people are okay being together and have no sinful intentions, it’s true. It’s just that, in general, it’s not the best idea since two people could find themselves more attracted to each other than as mere friends. C. S. Lewis thought he could do it, and ended up marrying the lady. Just saying it’s something to be very, very careful about. And yes, these days especially, sex is on a lot of people’s minds. More than ever we ought to be watchful of our feelings for other people besides our spouses.
 
AdamPeter said:
For the record, I voted it could be, depending on the circumstances.

I agree with Della. I would say if a husband and wife are friends with another married couple and the friendship is sort of couple-couple and not exclusive then it’s probably ok.

I would also agree that men need male friends more than female friends. And women need female friends more than male ones. Especially married men/women.

I think it’s especially important for Catholics to have good Catholic same sex friendships. People who will be a help in that persons journey to heaven.

In general I think that married people having exclusive friendships with the opposite sex is a recipe for marital infidelity.
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I voted the same way. Generally, a good measure of danger is “would my spouse approve of this friendship? If she were listening in on our conversation, how would she react?” 🙂
 
Della said:
No one has mentioned anything about scandalizing anyone so far, except you. 😉
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Actually, the whole premise of the thread is about scandal. The idea that someone else might find my relationship with another person to be wrong, without knowing anything about it, me or the other person, just boggles my mind.
Some people are okay being together and have no sinful intentions, it’s true. It’s just that, in general, it’s not the best idea since two people could find themselves more attracted to each other than as mere friends. C. S. Lewis thought he could do it, and ended up marrying the lady. Just saying it’s something to be very, very careful about. And yes, these days especially, sex is on a lot of people’s minds. More than ever we ought to be watchful of our feelings for other people besides our spouses.
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I agree that one must be careful, but to avoid making friends with the opposite sex because someone, somewhere may have a problem with it? Nope, not going to happen.

Are we adults or 5 year- olds? 🤷

Most of my close friends are male. It’s always been this way. My husband is OK with it because he trusts me, and my friends.

I am starting to think that friendship is not the problem here, it is trust issues.
I guess I may feel differently if my husband & I did not trust each other completely.
 
We have decided “no” as a couple. Coworker-friends are ok, but not outside of work unless they are part of a larger group.
 
RPRPsych said:
I voted the same way. Generally, a good measure of danger is “would my spouse approve of this friendship? If she were listening in on our conversation, how would she react?” 🙂
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I agree. I think it’s not about seeing the opposite sex as a threat to your marriage but looking at certain situations as a threat.

Human emotions are involved in every relationship and it’s better IMHO to keep a certain “respectful distance” (emotionally speaking) from women who aren’t one’s wife.
 
Oneofthewomen said:
Actually, the whole premise of the thread is about scandal. The idea that someone else might find my relationship with another person to be wrong, without knowing anything about it, me or the other person, just boggles my mind.
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It seems to me that you have leapt to a conclusion not in evidence in the thread. No one wrote anything at all about how others find anyone’s relationship with another person being right or wrong.
I agree that one must be careful, but to avoid making friends with the opposite sex because someone, somewhere may have a problem with it? Nope, not going to happen.
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Again, who wrote anything about avoiding friends with the opposite sex? Or for the reasons you stated.? It seems you making judgments about statements no one has made. 🤷
Are we adults or 5 year- olds? 🤷
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Definitely adults, which is the problem. Very few 5 year olds even think about sex. 😉
Most of my close friends are male. It’s always been this way. My husband is OK with it because he trusts me, and my friends.
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If he’s fine with you having males friends why should anyone care? I certainly don’t.
I am starting to think that friendship is not the problem here, it is trust issues.
I guess I may feel differently if my husband & I did not trust each other completely.
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I wouldn’t say trust issues, but rather recognizing that we’re all fallen creatures subject to temptation. Some of us are all but immune to sexual temptations and others have to be much more careful. It’s not a black and white issue. It appears that you are the only one reacting as if it were.
 
Oneofthewomen said:
Actually,** the whole premise of the thread is about scandal. The idea that someone else might find my relationship with another person to be wrong, without knowing anything about it, me or the other person, just boggles my mind.**

I agree that one must be careful, but to avoid making friends with the opposite sex because someone, somewhere may have a problem with it? Nope, not going to happen.

Are we adults or 5 year- olds? 🤷

Most of my close friends are male. It’s always been this way. My husband is OK with it because he trusts me, and my friends.

**I am starting to think that friendship is not the problem here, it is trust issues.
**
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It’s not really about scandal. It’s more about whether certain friendships may be a threat to chastity in marriage. Scandal may be a result in some cases but I’m more talking about emotional intimacy that could lead to sin.

I don’t think you’re right about trust issues. I just think that, human nature, being what it is, needs to be respected.

It’s prudent, within marriage, to place a limit on exclusive friendships with the opp sex.
 
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