Opposition to children

[Magickman]

My lifelong strong opposition to having children was a major reason why I did not seek marriage. There seemed no point to getting married.

But should I, or another commited childfree person, have wished to marry, would Catholic marriage be a possibility? This would be in the context that absolutely precluded parenthood.

 

[vppoole]

What has lead you to firmly believe that God does not want you to have children?

Or is this just a desire for a more convenient life?

I’m just trying to understand why you are so strongly opposed to having children.

May God bless you and guide you as you seek your vocation.

Pax!

 

[apromisemade]

I’m in the same boat. I love kids (most kids anyway) but would never want any of my own. I have a long list of reasons, not the least of which is I just have other passions and intrests in my life that would get in the way of my children being central to my life, which is how I would want it to be if I ever had a family. And I have no shame in saying that.

I’d be a terrible mother anyway.

What really confuses me, is when people ask me the question “Do you want to get married and have kids?”

I’ll only know if I’ll want kids if/when I meet the person I want to be with for the rest of my life, and I’ll only know if I want to get married if/when I meet that person, if he’s out there. The concept of wanting a family for its own sake is what just baffles me.

Anyhow…I’ll be interested to see how people respond to this question.

 

[Magickman]

“What has lead you to firmly believe that God does not want you to have children?”

I am without knowledge of God’s intentions for me regarding children. The decision was exclusively mine.

=====================================

“Or is this just a desire for a more convenient life?”

Because children need and deserve competent, devoted parents, I bvelieve it inappropriate for those who don’t want children to become parents.

=====================================

 

[Magickman]

“I’m just trying to understand why you are so strongly opposed to having children.”

From childhood, this is just something that was always without any appeal to me.

===================================

“May God bless you and guide you as you seek your vocation.”

Thank you.

 

[choosechrist]

My lifelong strong opposition to having children was a major reason why I did not seek marriage. There seemed no point to getting married.

But should I, or another commited childfree person, have wished to marry, would Catholic marriage be a possibility? This would be in the context that absolutely precluded parenthood.

Marriage is about companionship and procreation. That is what the Church teaches, so I don’t see why you would want to be married in the Church or why would you want to be married in the first place.

Marriage is not something you do for your sake, you do it to bring about God’s kingdom and do HIs will.

 

[Magickman]

"Marriage is about companionship and procreation. That is what the Church teaches, so I don’t see why you would want to be married in the Church or why would you want to be married in the first place.

Marriage is not something you do for your sake, you do it to bring about God’s kingdom and do HIs will."

====================================

I have not sought marriage. Living alone seems more suitable.

But my original question was whether commited childfree people would be eligible for Catholic marriage.

 

[choosechrist]

"Marriage is about companionship and procreation. That is what the Church teaches, so I don’t see why you would want to be married in the Church or why would you want to be married in the first place.

Marriage is not something you do for your sake, you do it to bring about God’s kingdom and do HIs will."

====================================

I have not sought marriage. Living alone seems more suitable.

But my original question was whether commited childfree people would be eligible for Catholic marriage.

firstly, Catholic marriage is about coming to God in purity of heart, mind and body. Therefore, couples unless one of them is widowed would come to the altar without children.

Second, the marriage sacrament asks the couple whether they would accept children sent to them by God. Since this is a sacrament, like baptism, we have to affirm our belief in the sacrament and only then can we get into the sacrament. therefore, marriage has to admit the procreation of children, you have to be open to children.

 

[Voradin]

For a long time I considered not having children myself,
but after becoming close to my own nephew by taking care of him while his mother worked.
I became a father in my own way, and it’s truly changed my life.
Without that I would still be a porn addict, trust me it’s incredible.

I think the best way to look at children is as adults, and think of them at an equal age to yourself. knowing that they will be interested in life when they turn into teenagers.
I love that fact, I can actually show the miracle of this world to another person.
It’s truly a gift, to train someone near savage into a respectable individual.

 

[Maureen_L]

…choking on my coffee here; Voradin, children are best avoided between the ages of 13 and 25…although at least one of my sons remained quite reasonable until he hit 22!

I had five - all have brought the greatest joy I could possibly have imagined, and one has brought such grief that I am still plumbing the depths. This has caused me to wonder whether I would have wanted children had I known the pain that was in store for me. I can answer yes, with absolute conviction.

 

[Abbadon]

"Marriage is about companionship and procreation. That is what the Church teaches, so I don’t see why you would want to be married in the Church or why would you want to be married in the first place.

Marriage is not something you do for your sake, you do it to bring about God’s kingdom and do HIs will."

====================================

I have not sought marriage. Living alone seems more suitable.

But my original question was whether commited childfree people would be eligible for Catholic marriage.

Then these childfree couples would have to practice celebacy also. Why would you get married and not partake in the ritual union between man and wife?

Unless of course your planning on contraception and abortion…

 

[1ke]

My lifelong strong opposition to having children was a major reason why I did not seek marriage. There seemed no point to getting married.

But should I, or another commited childfree person, have wished to marry, would Catholic marriage be a possibility? This would be in the context that absolutely precluded parenthood.

No, a person who has a firm intention against children cannot enter into a marriage validly.

A firm intention against children invalidates an attempt at marriage. It is a defect in intent.

 

[PRmerger]

I think the best way to look at children is as adults, and think of them at an equal age to yourself.

Can you elaborate a little bit on this, Voradin?

Surely you can’t mean that children have the same logic, wisdom, reason, judgement, etc etc etc as an adult, right???

 

[purplesunshine]

If you’re happy as a single person don’t doubt yourself.

Why? Becuase God made you who you are. Society says that you should get married (to a man or a woman) and be happy. But you’re already happy.

I believe that God does truly call some people to the single vocation. Its a tough road becuase you can be very lonely at times, but, perhaps in general its what God wants out of some people.

Maybe you say “But I’m not wealthy and I don’t like service…I just like to enjoy nature” But I do think that God does set out dear hearts for the love and enjoyment of things without any necessary call to service of others. Sometimes, there are just those special people that he calls close to Him, to enjoy the beauty of the earth as it is.

 

[Em_in_FL]

But should I, or another commited childfree person, have wished to marry, would Catholic marriage be a possibility? This would be in the context that absolutely precluded parenthood.

NO…
usccb.org/catechism/text/pt2sect2chpt3art7.shtml

Useful quote from the above link to the Catechism:

1601
"The matrimonial covenant, by which a man and a woman establish between themselves a partnership of the whole of life, is by its nature ordered toward the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of offspring; this covenant between baptized persons has been raised by Christ the Lord to the dignity of a sacrament."84

The openness to fertility

1652
"By its very nature the institution of marriage and married love is ordered to the procreation and education of the offspring and it is in them that it finds its crowning glory."162

      Children are the supreme gift of marriage and contribute greatly to the good of the parents themselves. God himself said: "It is not good that man should be alone," and "from the beginning [he] made them male and female"; wishing to associate them in a special way in his own creative work, God blessed man and woman with the words: "Be fruitful and multiply." Hence, true married love and the whole structure of family life which results from it, without diminishment of the other ends of marriage, are directed to disposing the spouses to cooperate valiantly with the love of the Creator and Savior, who through them will increase and enrich his family from day to day.163

In the case of infertility:

1654
Spouses to whom God has not granted children can nevertheless have a conjugal life full of meaning, in both human and Christian terms. Their marriage can radiate a fruitfulness of charity, of hospitality, and of sacrifice.

HTH.

 

[puzzleannie]

My lifelong strong opposition to having children was a major reason why I did not seek marriage. There seemed no point to getting married.

But should I, or another commited childfree person, have wished to marry, would Catholic marriage be a possibility? This would be in the context that absolutely precluded parenthood.

the Catholic understanding of marriage is that its purposes are unity of the spouses and propagation of children, so entering into marriage with the deliberate absolute intent of avoiding parenthood would invalidate the marriage from its inception. The exception of course is couples who receive a message from the angel Gabriel with specific instructions for their personal situation.

 

[shannyk]

magickman, I think you’ve got a good clear answers to your question but I just have a request to ask of you.

I’ve seen many of your posts re:children and you always use the term ‘childfree’. Maybe you don’t realize this, but that term was coined by people with venomous attitudes and intentions towards children, who advocate keeping themselves free of having to be burdened with children by any and all means necessary.

Perhaps a better term for you to use would be ‘childless’. Since we know children are a blessing, to be less them rather than free of them, seems more charitable.

You know, I think many many MANY people, do not want children, or, they think they don’t. But I’ve known many who when meeting that right person, have their hearts opened up to them because of the love reflected in their spouse. I think this is especially true for men, but women too. Some of the best dad’s I know are the one’s who swore they’d never be dad’s, but their hearts were softened as they ought to be by their wives.

Just something to think about.

 

[barb_finnegan]

I’m not keen on marriage myself.

I don’t like children, and I’m scared to death of pregnancy and childbirth-plus I’m squeamish about anything to do with the human body…

 

[leonie]

One way in which my children have been a gift to me is to make me less self centered. Unlike many people, I’m not a servant at heart. If I was childless, I would not be working at the soup kitchen, protesting at the abortion clinic, or doing any service for others. I’d be a very selfish single person. Caring for my children has made me more compassionate overall.

I can see why God called me to the married life. Living a daily life of service towards my family is necessary for my salvation.

People who are called to the single life have to be more naturally sacrificial than those called to be married.

That’s why it’s important to know why you are called to each vocation. If a single person is living his life for Christ and not for himself, then the single life can be a beautiful way to serve God. But if a single person is living for himself, then it’s a road to hell.

My brother and his wife are married, but not open to children. They spend all their free time doing their hobbies. They are both very charming moral people, but they are living for themselves. Having children would teach them to live a sacrificial life, but they don’t because it would interfere with the life they have chosen. It makes me both sad and worried for them. IT’s not enough to be a good person; you have to live a life that glorifies God.

The single life dedicated to God is a beautiful one. If you don’t have a wife or children, you have more freedom–it’s important to use that freedom in service to others. Because I have children and a husband, I cannot do ministries that detract from my service to my family. I’m very grateful for those single men and women who use their freedom to serve society, those in need, the Church.

 

[barb_finnegan]

One way in which my children have been a gift to me is to make me less self centered. Unlike many people, I’m not a servant at heart. If I was childless, I would not be working at the soup kitchen, protesting at the abortion clinic, or doing any service for others. I’d be a very selfish single person. Caring for my children has made me more compassionate overall.

I can see why God called me to the married life. Living a daily life of service towards my family is necessary for my salvation.

People who are called to the single life have to be more naturally sacrificial than those called to be married.

That’s why it’s important to know why you are called to each vocation. If a single person is living his life for Christ and not for himself, then the single life can be a beautiful way to serve God. But if a single person is living for himself, then it’s a road to hell.

My brother and his wife are married, but not open to children. They spend all their free time doing their hobbies. They are both very charming moral people, but they are living for themselves. Having children would teach them to live a sacrificial life, but they don’t because it would interfere with the life they have chosen. It makes me both sad and worried for them. IT’s not enough to be a good person; you have to live a life that glorifies God.

The single life dedicated to God is a beautiful one. If you don’t have a wife or children, you have more freedom–it’s important to use that freedom in service to others. Because I have children and a husband, I cannot do ministries that detract from my service to my family. I’m very grateful for those single men and women who use their freedom to serve society, those in need, the Church.

I live by myself as a single person-why would you say it’s a ‘road to hell’? Just because I’m not ‘involved’ in social works, does that make me a bad person?