Our 16 year-old daughter says she is

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JohnStrachan

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bisexual and has had a girl-friend for ten months. I don’t need any comments about the morality. I just want to know how you would respond. She is RC and attends church regularly as does her girlfriend.
 
I would be patient, love her all the same, and wait until maybe she works it out. I’ve known several people, from teenagers to young adults who were bisexual and then decided they weren’t.
 
I would seek guidance from Courage and enCourage for both myself and my daughter.

They are having a conference in July.
 
I would imagine sleepovers, for the time being, are out of the question; at least if that was my daughter.
 
If you have good contact with you daughter you can try asking her how she feels exactly.
It is possible that she just find good friend but cannot understand this feeling properly because modern world try to convince us that if we feel attraction to someone it has to be sexual attraction.
 
I know that it was a fad in some junior high/high schools, especially in large cities— if you wanted to stand out and be cool and have everyone love you, you needed to be gay or bisexual or whatever. I haven’t had to deal with it here, but I know some parents who were very frustrated by the student culture, and ended up enrolling them in online schools/homeschooling.
 
First, I think it is good she told you. She trusts you. That’s good…I would respond with love and discussion.

I’d recommend doing some research too. For example, understand the Kinsey Scale. You don’t have to agree with it, but it is an interesting idea…that is there a different levels of sexual attraction to the same and opposite sex and there is a spectrum. Also understand the research by Robin Baker. He is an evolutionary biologist. He takes religion and morality out of the equation and researches humans and sex. His research is the only thing that has ever really made any sense to me with regards to homosexuality or bisexuality. He basically says true homosexuality is extremely rare. He called bisexuality a heterosexual survival trait…I’m not saying you have to agree…I don’t entirely, but just understand. I don’t think anybody in the LGBTQIA… community would agree with that, but I think it is worth understanding.

Honestly, sometimes it really is just a phase. The evolutionary biologist I mentioned above wrote about why that might be.


 
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Thank them for telling you and for being so vulnerable. Tell them you believe them and love them (many times). Ask what support they need and commit to being there for them. Use this as an opportunity to learn more about what your daughter may be going through.
 
I doubt most young people think it is cool to be gay, even today. Gay people are still made fun of and humiliated both in person and online. Not a cool thing including in large, liberal cities. Maybe not hidden as much from close friends as it was in the past, but still hidden from parents by many children and from peers.
 
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meltzerboy2 said:
I doubt most young people think it is cool to be gay, even today. Gay people are still made fun of and humiliated both in person and online.
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It doesn’t matter if gays are accepted or not in order for wanting to be gay to be cool. Being against the rules and facing public confrontation is cool in itself. You feel revolutionary and feel good also for being one of the victims and this justifies your inner anger and questioning of your parents judgement (who suddenly “are wrong” in all they say). Plus the creative people always want to have “an edge”, something unusual that noone else understands.

To the OP - I would try to find out if she thought about being bisexual herself or did someone at school (counsellor, psychologist) told her that she is. Or if she took a test online etc. And be on guard (without her noticing as much as possible) about who she talks with (especially online).
 
Is she involved in any kind of youtb group at the church? Maybe you could talk to the youth ministers. They are having to become increasingly versed in this subject.
 
DisorientingSneeze said:
Is she involved in any kind of youtb group at the church? Maybe you could talk to the youth ministers. They are having to become increasingly versed in this subject.
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Youth group (NOT Girl Scouts) is a good idea, but don’t you say anything about what your daughter said. Leave it up to your daughter what she wants to share with the leader.
 
That’s what I would have thought as well— the kids I’m talking about were in the University Park/Carrollton/Farmer’s Branch area in/near Dallas. Liberal, affluent, upscale area. Loads of peer pressure, and an unhealthy dose of bullying as well-- not just the socio-emotional bullying, but the physical bullying as well. Pretty toxic place.
 
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Two doors down from me lives a wealthy liberal family.Three kids all attend neighborhood pricey private school. A few years ago the oldest a boy,decided he was really a girl.The youngest a girl,decided she was really a boy.Paint me skeptical that this is genuine and not just a trendy behavior
 
Amen.

Unless someone has an emotional or mental condition, people do not wish to be ostracized, mocked, threatened.

The claims of “just coming out to be cool” are made by people who have never had a close friend who is LGBTorQ. The sheer weight of the burdens they bear 😦
 
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