Our 16 year-old daughter says she is

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TheLittleLady said:
Amen.

Unless someone has an emotional or mental condition, people do not wish to be ostracized, mocked, threatened.

The claims of “just coming out to be cool” are made by people who have never had a close friend who is LGBTorQ. The sheer weight of the burdens they bear 😦
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Another one agreeing that young people don’t choose to be LGBT because it’s “cool.” In fact I remember back then it was the least cool thing in the whole world to be called insulting anti-gay names.

In fact I’d go even further and say they don’t “choose it” at all.

I always ask conservative Christians who think they “choose it”: How old were you when you chose to have opposite-sex attraction? What made you want to choose it? I’ve never gotten a sensible answer.
 
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meltzerboy2 said:
I doubt most young people think it is cool to be gay, even today. Gay people are still made fun of and humiliated both in person and online. Not a cool thing including in large, liberal cities.
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Most of my girlfriends went through a bisexual phase, and this was in the days when it most definitely wasn’t “cool” and people weren’t even aware of the term “bisexual”. Whether they had any sex or just cuddled and kissed a little, it was basically a combination of experimentation coupled with strong feelings and hormones. When you are a teen girl, you often have one or more girlfriends you intensely love, and you’re trying to sort out your own hormones as well.

Bisexuality in girls has never been as hated on as any sort of gay behavior in boys. I hate to say it is a normal part of the teenage landscape because that will cause 10 people to say no it’s not and that they personally never felt anything of the sort, but…it’s a normal part of the landscape. It even turns up in places like Anne Frank’s unexpurgated diary, and in dozens of other biographies.
Most girls grow out of it by college.

The only difference nowadays is that girls are more likely to say out loud that they’re bisexual if they’re engaging in these activities because we have all kinds of pop culture support for them, from Pride month to “I Kissed a Girl”. I would also add that for those who are definitely gay and not bi, there is some resentment about girls who just flirt with the concept and then go back to being straight, because the person who is definitely gay does not see herself as having that option, and does view some of these other girls as just jumping on the bandwagon to be “cool”.

The recent movie “Frances Ha” gave a good picture of what this can look like. Although Frances is not portrayed in the film as having a sexual relationship with her best friend (who essentially “dumps” her to marry a guy), one can totally see it occurring at some point in the course of their extremely close and dependent friendship.
 
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The big question is from where did your daughter get the concept of bisexuality. Other posters have already told you what to do (accompany and encourage without condemning; look into COURAGE and other groups; continue frequenting the Sacraments as able; pray) but I think you should look at her environment and see where the peer pressure is coming from, lest something worse happen. That’s usually what drives teenagers questioning their sexuality. It can come from “friends,” the Internet, the media, or any other place she is being exposed to secular culture. Once you find the breach, you’ll need to compassionately help her to answer it. If it’s peers who are all in relationships and she feels left out, she needs to know that true love waits. If it’s friends who are LGBT and pressuring her, you can show her how Pope Francis has handled that situation without either condemning the LGBT person or compromising on Catholicism.

Does your daughter have a strong relationship with Mary? If not I would strongly encourage you to introduce her to Her.

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Mary888 said:
To the OP - I would try to find out if she thought about being bisexual herself or did someone at school (counsellor, psychologist) told her that she is. Or if she took a test online etc. And be on guard (without her noticing as much as possible) about who she talks with (especially online).
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YES. An adult figure may also be the source.
 
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Exactly. Girls having crushes on other girls is part of growing up. Today it is labeled, no one has ever told girls that these feelings do happen and that it is okay to have close loving friendships that are not sexual.

My dear friend came into town yesterday. First thing we did is yell “I LOVE YOU” and then we walked around with our arms around each others waists. Girls and women hold hands as they walk around. It is simply part of deep friendship. Even us old ladies deeply love our friends.
 
It is definitely a difficult situation. I would start by praying and asking God for help and guidance.

I would tell her if she understand that this is contrary to Catholic Teachings and therefore a sinful behaviour. That is assuming she is Catholic of course.

However even if she was not, I would try to speak with her about this when suitable.

Christ always spoke and clearly stated important moral issues, of course we must do it with charity but with full confidence that what we are seeking is to restore each person to their God given purpose.

“When I say to the wicked, ‘You wicked person, you will surely die,’ and you do not speak out to dissuade them from their ways, that wicked person will die for their sin, and I will hold you accountable for their blood” (Ezekiel 33:8)

Clearly if I am seeing someone I care about going down a dangerous path it would be uncharitable for me not to do or say anything. I would only do that to someone who I did not care about.
 
John10 said:
“When I say to the wicked, ‘You wicked person, you will surely die,’ and you do not speak out to dissuade them from their ways, that wicked person will die for their sin, and I will hold you accountable for their blood” (Ezekiel 33:8)
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This is an Old Testament prophet speaking to pagans, not a Christian mother speaking to her child.
 
“If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother.” Matthew 18:15

This is the New Testament and it is saying the same thing, when we see another person sin we have to take action. Of course as I have said before we must be gentile and with charity, but resolute on our principles and moral compass.
 
This thread was started by the concerned parent of a child.
I highly doubt he is going to just stand around and not do or say anything, the question is what should he do or say and how best to help.
Probably calling her a “wicked person” is not going to be productive in this instance.
 
And nobody is suggesting to tell her that, however the point is if you really care about your children you would take action.
 
Thank you.

Fire and brimstone on a confused teen might work to push her more away from the church.
 
I do notice something though. Heterosexual kids who consider themselves “woke”. They think it’s cool to have a gay friend, to be supportive of them, to encourage them to search out other gay kids, play matchmaker etc.

They think they are being supportive, but they are using their gay friend to show how “woke” they are. I know of a girl who was outed by her friend becsuse “it’s not a big deal. Why are you hiding it?” It’s really not courageous to out someone else. It’s selfishly cruel.
 
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Encourage is s good resource.

Courage on the other hand doesn’t have a ministry for those under 18. They discourage them being “out” for similar reasons in my previous post.
 
When my niece was 14 she was attracted to another girl. I’m not sure how long it lasted but it was only with this one girl (no sex, just kissing). Today, she is 23 and contemplating marriage to a very nice young man.

Being a teenager in this day and age can be very confusing as we live in a culture where all types of disordered relationships are accepted.

It’s good that she trusts you enough to discuss it with you.
 
I’ve certainly known a few self-promoting, self-proclaimed lesbians who ended up with a man and having his children.
 
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While not at all the same, my oldest, and dearest friend (who is not Catholic) decided about 5 years ago to divorce her husband and marry a woman. I tell my children—who have grown up calling her Auntie— that we can love my friend and still disagree with her life choices.

I agree with others who believe it is a phase. She may be stretching her boundaries to see just how far she can push before you break. I would love her, and support her as your daughter, but not agree with her decisions. Set rules for her dating. If her girlfriend is someone she has formerly had slumber parties with, state that is no longer acceptable. You could phrase it as the same rules we had for you dating a boy, still apply for dating a girl. I don’t believe that is in anyway expressing that you feel this is ok in the Catholic beliefs, but you are still being supportive of your daughter because she is your child.
 
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Another thing is that no matter how much “inclusiveness” is talked about, people still know that a gay person stands out. And will say to their friends, etc- “he’s gay”. Know what I mean?
 
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Have the teachers there taught anything about “choose the gender you want to be”?
 
I’m astounded by all the seemingly “hands off” type advice being given here. A Catholic parent’s job is to instruct in the faith and guide their children to be holy. If as a parent you are aware of this inappropriate relationship and say nothing, your child will interpret your silence as being complicit and in agreement. It is natural to think they will “rebel harder” if corrected, but that’s too bad. A parent’s job isn’t always to make the child feel good, but to be good.
 
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