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Phemie
Guest
By virtue of their baptism children have a right to be at Mass, why would you expect a parent to drop them off at the nursery?? I never would have done that with mine.
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drafdog
Guest
I raised four children without the use of a cry room or church nursery. My children behaved in public at all times because we insisted on it at home before they went out the door. That being said, they were not always perfect, but we didn’t look for perfection either.
My sister-in-law had a similar experience to that mentioned by the original poster. Her story was different insofar as it occured in the Military Archdiocese. The priest evidently thought that being a military chaplain would absolve him of the need to deal with families and children. NOT.
Write the bishop again expressing your concerns and citing the meeting at which the priest expressed displeasure with families with children and the meeting to discuss approaches to solve the problem to the satisfaction of the parish council and the pastor at which meeting the pastor failed to appear.
The reverend pastor apparently needs help beyond what we can provide and beyond what he has been able to use effectively.
Matthew
My sister-in-law had a similar experience to that mentioned by the original poster. Her story was different insofar as it occured in the Military Archdiocese. The priest evidently thought that being a military chaplain would absolve him of the need to deal with families and children. NOT.
Write the bishop again expressing your concerns and citing the meeting at which the priest expressed displeasure with families with children and the meeting to discuss approaches to solve the problem to the satisfaction of the parish council and the pastor at which meeting the pastor failed to appear.
The reverend pastor apparently needs help beyond what we can provide and beyond what he has been able to use effectively.
Matthew
M
Markstorm
Guest
Much as people want to remove blame from themselves, much of this problem comes from parents. When people take children out in public, there’s a distinct pattern in the way the children behave.
The well-behaved, quiet ones have parents who obviously enforce discipline. Of course you can’t really tell since they’re behaving so well, but occasionally they’ll slip up and then the parent immediately corrects the problem, and it’s obvious that the kid knows daddy won’t put up with nonsense.
Then you have the louder ones who can’t seem to stop fidgeting, running around, yelling, and making a general nuisance of themselves. Pure chance? Hardly. The parents of these kids are generally apathetic, or overly accommodating. They’ll see their kids roughhousing, and maybe tell them to “stop doing that” once or twice. The laxity in their family’s discipline becomes apparent when the kid openly defies the command, and continues as if nothing has happened. The parent invariably shrugs, puts on a big grin, and inquires loudly “What am I going to do with him?” as if it’s just the cutest thing. Of course, what they should do is go up to the parents of a well-behaved child and ask them what they are doing.
No one likes to hear this, but it’s true. Discipline and obedience needs to be trained from very early on. Before heaping blame on others for not tolerating their progeny’s obnoxious behavior, parents might do well to consider what they might do about the situation.
This doesn’t apply to actual infants, of course.
The well-behaved, quiet ones have parents who obviously enforce discipline. Of course you can’t really tell since they’re behaving so well, but occasionally they’ll slip up and then the parent immediately corrects the problem, and it’s obvious that the kid knows daddy won’t put up with nonsense.
Then you have the louder ones who can’t seem to stop fidgeting, running around, yelling, and making a general nuisance of themselves. Pure chance? Hardly. The parents of these kids are generally apathetic, or overly accommodating. They’ll see their kids roughhousing, and maybe tell them to “stop doing that” once or twice. The laxity in their family’s discipline becomes apparent when the kid openly defies the command, and continues as if nothing has happened. The parent invariably shrugs, puts on a big grin, and inquires loudly “What am I going to do with him?” as if it’s just the cutest thing. Of course, what they should do is go up to the parents of a well-behaved child and ask them what they are doing.
No one likes to hear this, but it’s true. Discipline and obedience needs to be trained from very early on. Before heaping blame on others for not tolerating their progeny’s obnoxious behavior, parents might do well to consider what they might do about the situation.
This doesn’t apply to actual infants, of course.
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zagjames
Guest
The Priest at my church has said several times that crying children are a blessing. It shows that the parish is alive. And it is true, 1 crying baby is better then 10 snoring grandpas. Not that there is anything wrong with anyone, but a children are the future and a parish with no children has no future.
I am terrible sorry about your situation. I will pray for a positive change in your parish.
I am terrible sorry about your situation. I will pray for a positive change in your parish.
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whatevergirl
Guest
I would write a letter to the Bishop of your Diocese. He is a priest, and needs to be careful when handling the precious body and blood of Christ. I read this thread in shock–I have known grouchy priests in my life, I mean, they are human like us all, and can have bad days-- But slamming the chalice is not acceptable. I would pray for him in the meantime, that he develops patience to deal with the younger of the parish…But, I’d also drop a thoughtful note to the Bishop.
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KCtheMommy
Guest
Another problem that hasn’t been addressed is the lack of available priests we currently have. So I am JUST SAYING that the Archbishop’s have a bit of a logistics problem, much less a clergy shortage. When they have a problem - for instance a priest who should not really be dealing with families as his personality is not compatible - they will make a parish wait. And WAIT. AND WAIT.
Here’s a story along these lines of thought: our last parish went from an awesome old grandfatherly-type priest to a very studious, quiet, and fresh out of seminary priest. “Fr. Mike” I’ll call him. Right before Christmas a student at the high school killed himself. The principal of the HS (public, btw, the church had no school) asked all the religious leaders in town to come speak to the kids in an assembly for fear this suicide might become “contagious.” He SPECIFICALLY asked that the CATHOLIC PRIEST let the kids know what the catholic view of suicide was and to be the primary speaker at the assembly. He had made his request through the long-standing (nearly 30 years) RE director. She asked Fr. Mike to go to the school on the scheduled day and he responded he would not as he did not have enough “warning.” It was somewhere around 4 days notice. Then the parents of our Catholic teens - mainly those parents whose children were up for confirmation asked through the RE director to have Fr. Mike speak to the kids at their Sunday night class regarding suicide…again he refused. Feeling pressure not only from the congregation and the community the RE director went straight to the Archdiocese and asked that SOMEBODY come speak not only to our teens, but to the community teens per the HS principal’s request.
Which turned into a major battle at the church. The priest was angry the RE director went behind his back, and according to her, went about making her job so miserable he forced her to quit. Even tried to force her into signing a document absolving him of responsibility to the loss of her job, etc. An attorney in the congregation told her not to sign it. For her reason’s she went many steps further and tried to create an uprising among the parishoners. Let’s face it, one Catholic church in town, one priest, no choice, people would not simply turn their backs on the mass. She ended up destroying her own reputation over this in many church circles, which is a shame…I really liked her…heck I worked for her as the Preschool Mass Teacher of “Little Lambs.”
A LOT of parishoners did get together and demand the Archdiocese send a new priest, one with a bit more “family” experience.
At the end of the day we got a new priest, but it took MONTHS. The damage this sort of thing causes in a parish continues to echo through the church’s halls long after the problem is fixed. And yes, some parishoners DID leave and were hesitant to come back. My own DH had such a problem with this whole thing he stopped attending mass there (he was so upset when the RE director broke down in tears to the both of us in the days proceeding Christmas he just couldn’t get over it.). Thankfully there was mass on base, and he was able to attend mass on the ship, far from these problems. That’s his issue though, and he’s well over it, I am just trying to state how much it did effect people, right on down to my DH.
Personally, I sucked it up for the mass. I went, I prayed, I took communion, and I prayed for the priest and for the congregation each time I went. So much turmoil or tension you could LITERALLY feel it.
I can’t imagine how hard it would be to not just have a priest turn his back but to outwardly attack children and parents. You have my prayers. You also have my advice:
Together, as a parish, demand a new priest, even with the understanding it may TAKE A WHILE, but something has to be done.
Do update us ok?
Here’s a story along these lines of thought: our last parish went from an awesome old grandfatherly-type priest to a very studious, quiet, and fresh out of seminary priest. “Fr. Mike” I’ll call him. Right before Christmas a student at the high school killed himself. The principal of the HS (public, btw, the church had no school) asked all the religious leaders in town to come speak to the kids in an assembly for fear this suicide might become “contagious.” He SPECIFICALLY asked that the CATHOLIC PRIEST let the kids know what the catholic view of suicide was and to be the primary speaker at the assembly. He had made his request through the long-standing (nearly 30 years) RE director. She asked Fr. Mike to go to the school on the scheduled day and he responded he would not as he did not have enough “warning.” It was somewhere around 4 days notice. Then the parents of our Catholic teens - mainly those parents whose children were up for confirmation asked through the RE director to have Fr. Mike speak to the kids at their Sunday night class regarding suicide…again he refused. Feeling pressure not only from the congregation and the community the RE director went straight to the Archdiocese and asked that SOMEBODY come speak not only to our teens, but to the community teens per the HS principal’s request.
Which turned into a major battle at the church. The priest was angry the RE director went behind his back, and according to her, went about making her job so miserable he forced her to quit. Even tried to force her into signing a document absolving him of responsibility to the loss of her job, etc. An attorney in the congregation told her not to sign it. For her reason’s she went many steps further and tried to create an uprising among the parishoners. Let’s face it, one Catholic church in town, one priest, no choice, people would not simply turn their backs on the mass. She ended up destroying her own reputation over this in many church circles, which is a shame…I really liked her…heck I worked for her as the Preschool Mass Teacher of “Little Lambs.”
A LOT of parishoners did get together and demand the Archdiocese send a new priest, one with a bit more “family” experience.
At the end of the day we got a new priest, but it took MONTHS. The damage this sort of thing causes in a parish continues to echo through the church’s halls long after the problem is fixed. And yes, some parishoners DID leave and were hesitant to come back. My own DH had such a problem with this whole thing he stopped attending mass there (he was so upset when the RE director broke down in tears to the both of us in the days proceeding Christmas he just couldn’t get over it.). Thankfully there was mass on base, and he was able to attend mass on the ship, far from these problems. That’s his issue though, and he’s well over it, I am just trying to state how much it did effect people, right on down to my DH.
Personally, I sucked it up for the mass. I went, I prayed, I took communion, and I prayed for the priest and for the congregation each time I went. So much turmoil or tension you could LITERALLY feel it.
I can’t imagine how hard it would be to not just have a priest turn his back but to outwardly attack children and parents. You have my prayers. You also have my advice:
Together, as a parish, demand a new priest, even with the understanding it may TAKE A WHILE, but something has to be done.
Do update us ok?
T
taylo223
Guest
What about people like me!? Who choses to go to mass alone as a single college student with ADD. Are you telling me that I don’t have the right to enjoy the mass without being distracted every couple of minutes by the children sitting around me…dropping toys, chatting, wanting to play with the hymnals, etc. I can’t focus with all that noise, and it basically leads me to sin and not be fully involved in the service because of the distractions. I love children and agree completely that they should be involved. But parents need to be considerate of others also. After so much crying, or talking the child needs to be removed. I understand you and every other family wants to enjoy the mass TOGETHER but I would like to enjoy it ALSO. Thank you very much.
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wifeandmomoftwo
Guest
Maybe we should have an “adult nursery” for all of those folks that think mass is not a place for children:shrug:
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StacyS
Guest
If this had happened 3-4 years ago, I would swear the Priest came from our parish! We had one just like that a few years back as an associate pastor, and he didn’t last his two years, because he did these exact same things! Our parish is pretty large, mostly younger families, so he was moved to a smaller rural parish at that time.
I have no idea how they got him moved, though. Our church was his first or second appointment, I think.
I do recommend sitting in the back, though! That is what I had to do with my three year old! I remember sweating bullets waiting for him to give us the evil eye! I saw many parents fretting about it! He even called someone out, in front of the entire congregation, over their child’s behavior! So unnecessary! Do they think the parents are unaware of their kids’ behavior?!
Good Luck!
I have no idea how they got him moved, though. Our church was his first or second appointment, I think.
I do recommend sitting in the back, though! That is what I had to do with my three year old! I remember sweating bullets waiting for him to give us the evil eye! I saw many parents fretting about it! He even called someone out, in front of the entire congregation, over their child’s behavior! So unnecessary! Do they think the parents are unaware of their kids’ behavior?!
Good Luck!
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Sr_Sally
Guest
That is so incrediably sad! I think you should write to the bishop again, or see if perhaps someone (an older man would be best) from the congregation can ask to see the bishop in person.
You should also start right now to pray for this priest. Start saying a rodary for him every day if you can, try to get as many people praying for him as possible. He is obviously struggling and your prayers are his best support now.
Another step would be to ask him if you and a few others can start a children’s liturgy of the word or other program during Mass. It wouldn’t be for the youngest babies obviously, but for toddlers and preschool aged kids.
I will be praying for your whole parish.
You should also start right now to pray for this priest. Start saying a rodary for him every day if you can, try to get as many people praying for him as possible. He is obviously struggling and your prayers are his best support now.
Another step would be to ask him if you and a few others can start a children’s liturgy of the word or other program during Mass. It wouldn’t be for the youngest babies obviously, but for toddlers and preschool aged kids.
I will be praying for your whole parish.
J
jssaxon
Guest
When there’s a shortage then you have to put up with inferior help. It’s called ‘warm body syndrome’. If your Bishop could, he would assign Father Angry to a desk job, I’m sure. 
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beckers
Guest
Honestly Childern should be allowed to particapate in mass just like you. We are all equally in the eyes of God. If you get distracted then how about changing your patterns? Go to the earliest mass. Normal those have less childern or sit all the way in the front so your not distracted by those around you and that you can focus on jesus.If your a women how about wearing a headcovering? It helps you focus on whats going on. Also when you get distracted pray a hail mary or an our father or repeat jesus i love you or jesus have mercy on me a sinner or any number of sayings.Those always help me refocus my attention on Jesus. This could be a time for you to grow more spiritually.
Honestly i get more distracted at church from the Chatty older women who talk during mass then younger childern.
TO the OP. Call and write your bishop and don’t stop. There should be at least one letter from a parishoner on his desk each week.
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mnmom
Guest
It sounds to me that this priest has either severe depression or may be bi-polar in the very depressed state. I have several relatives with both of these problems and medical intervention is necesarry to diagnose the problem. Sitting in the dark and avoiding things is typical of a person who is depressed and anger prolbems is definitley a sign of depression in men. Also his inability to relate to people etc. Just simply being annoyed by children is seen a lot but this priest has other severe issues and needs help from a medical professional and this needs to be relayed to the bishop and they both need our prayers and compassion to get this man some help.
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CatholicSam
Guest
:crying:
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taylo223
Guest
Maybe we should have an “adult parenting class” for the parents that clearly haven’t taught to their children to behave at home and allow it to flow over into the mass.
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CatholicSam
Guest
And you can be the teacher, I bet :bowdown: A single college student surely has all the knowledge we parents of small children are obviously lackingMaybe we should have an “adult parenting class” for the parents that clearly haven’t taught to their children to behave at home and allow it to flow over into the mass.
IF this is such a sore point with you why not try to offer a class like this, seriously? I bet they’ll be breaking down the doors for a piece of your wisdom.
Just PLEASE do **not **become a priest, or we’ll have another problem like the OP’s.
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wifeandmomoftwo
Guest
Nah, I like the adult nursery better.Maybe we should have an “adult parenting class” for the parents that clearly haven’t taught to their children to behave at home and allow it to flow over into the mass.
DOnt you? you get to sit in a stinky room all by yourself or with like minded folks and watch the mass through a glass wall if your lucky or perhaps just listen to it over a PA system that may or may not work that day.
Heck it should be really peaceful in the nursery no distractions
at all:thumbsup:
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Lovemyfaith
Guest
I read through these posts and really wonder what people are thinking. No one wants small children to be banned from Mass. Personally, I would gladly give up my seat and stand for a mom to sit with her little one, and God Bless her for bringing her child to church. I think very few people demand that a child be dragged out of church for making a peep, or for that matter a few squeals/cries here and there. No more than anyone should leave for sneezing or forgetting to turn of a cell phone and quickly turning it off when it hits the first bar. I think even less people want to see parents and children make a bee line for the cry room when entering church until the child hits whatever magical age it is that children don’t make a peep anymore (my teenagers haven’t hit it yet by the way). But really, listening to a baby SCREAM the entire Mass while being handed back and forth from mom to dad, is over the top. A child banging a medal against a pew the entire Mass is a distraction. Exactly how many Hail Mary’s should I say while the noise doesn’t let up?
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CatholicSam
Guest
Exactly what does this post have to do with the problem in Skiblerrn’s parish? I’m sorry you were frustrated at Mass, but this is not the thread. If you feel the need to vent, start a new thread please.
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wisdom_3_5
Guest
What is obvious from previous posts is that what is missing is simple common courtesy, on the part of the priest, the parents and the posters!
Honestly, I’ve been on both sides. I’ve had small children, who would sometimes make noise during mass and sometimes be very good. It can be difficult to discern when to quiet them in the pews and when to take them out. I was always concerned about disturbing the people around me so more often than not we took them out to the vestibule. And yes, we had a priest who would wait for the noise level to die down before continuing. So I know what that feels like too.
Now that my children are older they are better behaved. It is distracting to my kids and me when there is a noisy baby/child nearby. You just can’t hear anything over a screaming baby. Thankfully I haven’t seen it continue throughout mass. The parents will take the child out if they can’t calm her/him down quickly.
Now, maybe the way the priest in the OP handled it was not the best way but honestly he (and God) deserves the common courtesy of people participating and paying attention at mass, which might not be happening with alot of noise. When our priest made the comments about noisy children it did cause a fuss. People were offended, but the level of noise dropped, and it has stayed that way even since he left (about 5 years now).
Think outside of your own feelings and think about the person sitting next to you!
Honestly, I’ve been on both sides. I’ve had small children, who would sometimes make noise during mass and sometimes be very good. It can be difficult to discern when to quiet them in the pews and when to take them out. I was always concerned about disturbing the people around me so more often than not we took them out to the vestibule. And yes, we had a priest who would wait for the noise level to die down before continuing. So I know what that feels like too.
Now that my children are older they are better behaved. It is distracting to my kids and me when there is a noisy baby/child nearby. You just can’t hear anything over a screaming baby. Thankfully I haven’t seen it continue throughout mass. The parents will take the child out if they can’t calm her/him down quickly.
Now, maybe the way the priest in the OP handled it was not the best way but honestly he (and God) deserves the common courtesy of people participating and paying attention at mass, which might not be happening with alot of noise. When our priest made the comments about noisy children it did cause a fuss. People were offended, but the level of noise dropped, and it has stayed that way even since he left (about 5 years now).
Think outside of your own feelings and think about the person sitting next to you!
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