Outrageous "parish wedding fee"

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My fiancée and I will be married this November at a modest (number-wise and aesthetically speaking) parish . We’re importing our priest, sacristan/MC, and have already secured the parish Schola Cantorum and organist.

When speaking to the parish’s wedding coordinator last night, my fiancée was informed that the “fee for getting married at St. _” will be $1,350. The services that the fee will supposedly procure for us include: The Wedding Coordinator (apparently a mandatory charge) and the use of the building. There are NO other services included in this, even altar servers must be hired at an additional cost. We have been informed that our wedding date is “penciled in,” but that in order to be “inked in” we must fork over “a portion of the fee.”

Is it licit for the parish to require a bride and groom to use the services of a “wedding coordinator?” This is, as far as I see it, a charge for availing ourselves of a sacrament according to the normative form intended by the Catholic Church (that is, to get married within a church building). Do either codes of canon law or any other documents bearing similar weight address this issue? Thank you!
 
CatholicNerd said:
When speaking to the parish’s wedding coordinator last night, my fiancée was informed that the “fee for getting married at St. _” will be $1,350. The services that the fee will supposedly procure for us include: The Wedding Coordinator (apparently a mandatory charge) and the use of the building.
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Are you both, or at least one of you, regular, participating members of the parish?
 
Here and here are a coupla lengthy old threads on the topic that might give you some more to think over, before you get angry or hurt about your own particular situation.
Good luck and congratulations!
 
StephanieC said:
Here and here are a coupla lengthy old threads on the topic that might give you some more to think over, before you get angry or hurt about your own particular situation.
Good luck and congratulations!
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Thank you very much for the references! I think, however, that our situation is a bit different. The other threads seem to be discussing couples who are going “church-shopping” to find the prettiest church, or fees that include a stipend for the priest, musicians, sacristans, marriage preparation program, etc.

This is not the case here. We didn’t pick this church because it’s pretty or near the reception site–we chose it because it’s our parish. We have already paid or will soon pay (and willingly) the priest’s stipend, the musicians’ fees, and the fee for marriage prep. No one has to open the church for us–this church is left unlocked all day. No one will be cleaning up because we are required to arrange for this ourselves. We are paying a separate fee for the church hall for the reception. We are paying about $2000 for services associated with the parish on top of this strange $1350 fee. “Having the church to ourselves” is hardly a concern, as there are only ten weddings scheduled for the parish for the entire year. This fee is only for going into the church building and having a wedding coordinator show us where everything is.

We are not angry or hurt. We are confused by this high price for a service that we do not require (the wedding coordinator).
 
CatholicNerd said:
Thank you very much for the references! I think, however, that our situation is a bit different. The other threads seem to be discussing couples who are going “church-shopping” to find the prettiest church, or fees that include a stipend for the priest, musicians, sacristans, marriage preparation program, etc.

This is not the case here. We didn’t pick this church because it’s pretty or near the reception site–we chose it because it’s our parish. We have already paid or will soon pay (and willingly) the priest’s stipend, the musicians’ fees, and the fee for marriage prep. No one has to open the church for us–this church is left unlocked all day. No one will be cleaning up because we are required to arrange for this ourselves. We are paying a separate fee for the church hall for the reception. We are paying about $2000 for services associated with the parish on top of this strange $1350 fee. “Having the church to ourselves” is hardly a concern, as there are only ten weddings scheduled for the parish for the entire year. This fee is only for going into the church building and having a wedding coordinator show us where everything is.

We are not angry or hurt. We are confused by this high price for a service that we do not require (the wedding coordinator).
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Talk about money changers. But as long as you’re willing to put up with it, at least let us congratulate you and wish you a life of happiness.
 
Originally Posted by augieboo
Are you both, or at least one of you, regular, participating members of the parish?
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CatholicNerd said:
Yes. 😦
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UGH!

That’s ridiculous! :bigyikes:

I can see why some pastors want to hold up “Church shoppers” – as you alluded to in another reply, but when you are active parish members it’s just, well, … I don’t know your pastor’s heart, so I’ll just say I have to disagree with him rather strongly.
 
Have you asked if that is a hard and fast fee or if they would be willing to reduce it considering you are regular parishoners and perhaps it might cause a financial hardship for you? Who knows, maybe the fee quoted to you is what they typically charge non-parishoners. I’m just thinking, it wouldn’t hurt to question it.
 
The $1,350 sounds a little suspicious. I’m not married and do not plan on getting married in the Roman Catholic Church any time soon, so I don’t know much about these rates. Sorry. Maybe call the diocesean office and ask them what they think about it.
 
dulcissima said:
Have you asked if that is a hard and fast fee or if they would be willing to reduce it considering you are regular parishoners and perhaps it might cause a financial hardship for you? Who knows, maybe the fee quoted to you is what they typically charge non-parishoners. I’m just thinking, it wouldn’t hurt to question it.
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Unfortunately they’re being inflexible. I was hoping that there was some bit of canon law that we could use to help the wedding coordinator change her mind. The pastor is newly-assigned and doesn’t really want to rock the boat, which I can understand. Unless we can come up with some concrete piece of evidence that this is nuts we’re just going to go elsewhere.
 
I think they were listing the “wedding coordinator” to make it seem like you’re getting more for your money. I doubt this really is for the wedding coordinator services hardly at all.

As the other threads have said, compare this to all your expenses…I mean, what really matters here? its somewhat of a justice issue…my pastor told me I should charge more for music services at weddings…so that it is valued more. When you compare the expense to so many other things…isn’t having a wedding in a church WORTH it?

The wedding coordinator at our parish is really a huge help. Here’s a list, (but not comprehensive) of what they do:

THey unlock, they take care of air conditioning/.lights, moving kneelers, helping set up, make sure all the wedding party is in place (huge huge huge task) , they are “eyes” to keep things valid (some wedding parties have problems with alcohol, or they dont’ know how to respect the building, or the liturgical ceremony…“spit out the gum before going down the aisle please”), take care of photographers and florists (make sure photographers don’t take too long before or after, nor are intrusive to the ceremony), sometimes run rehearsals, run to the store for thread, diapers, pins, etc, and deal with bridezillas (which is worthy way more than a $1000 believe me)

When you add up everything …utilities, clean up (yes, there is more clean up even after you clean up)-janitorial services, wear and tear, and the fact that people do church shop, I say its not as bad of a number as it seems.

Now, it should not be prohibitive. you should be able to have a marriage rite during a daily mass at no cost.
 
When our parish sets a marriage fee, it includes all the marriage preparation as well…the meetings with the priest, a FOCCUS and the followup sessions, not to mention handouts. The Cana conference is a separate fee in our diocese but the same fee will allow them to go to Introductory NFP classes and also two followup workshops during the first year of their marriage. The organist charges their own fee and we ask the couple to include a small stipend for the altar servers…but that is negligible. What are you being assessed for the marriage prep??
 
Is the fee for Marriage Prep classes or something like that? I know weddings at my church used to be free for members, the only charges would be for a cantor and organist, which were paid directly to them. It was up to the couple if they wanted to tip the servers or priest. There was a $200 fee for the initial meeting to schedule the wedding and pay for the prep classes and the rehearsal. That money also paid for the actual use of the church. Flowers and clean up were the responsibility of the family. I can tell you a few priests secretly seethed seeing the $$$ spent on limos, photographers, flowers, harpists, etc from couples who balked at the $200 fee. I know the fee has gone up substantially with our new pastor, and I know a lot of couples who are finding alternate wedding locations, like University Chapels because of it.
God Bless you with your upcoming wedding!
 
agapewolf said:
The wedding coordinator at our parish is really a huge help. Here’s a list, (but not comprehensive) of what they do:

THey unlock, they take care of air conditioning/.lights, moving kneelers, helping set up, make sure all the wedding party is in place (huge huge huge task) , they are “eyes” to keep things valid (some wedding parties have problems with alcohol, or they dont’ know how to respect the building, or the liturgical ceremony…“spit out the gum before going down the aisle please”), take care of photographers and florists (make sure photographers don’t take too long before or after, nor are intrusive to the ceremony), sometimes run rehearsals, run to the store for thread, diapers, pins, etc, and deal with bridezillas (which is worthy way more than a $1000 believe me)
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Our coordinator did all this, as well as running the rehearsal (Father was not at the rehearsal at all, no need to be if the coordinator does her job). On top of this, our Church was massive (www.shrinechurch.com) so just the heating/cooling of the place has to be somewhat subsidized as well.

EDIT

I think it might be a bit steep - but there are a lot of costs involved with putting on a wedding.

Congratulations to you both though! 😃

~Liza
 
Can’t answer your question. We have a small parish and are not able to have a “coordinator” or things like that.

How many are invited to the wedding? I do know that some of the larger parishes ave fees based on the number of expected guests. Not sure why but that is how it is done.

Also even if this is “your” parish do you use the weekly envelopes and participate in the Parish Life?
 
Well, hey----
It’s a wonder that Johann Tetzel didn’t think of this. I wonder if Rome is aware of the little shakedown game being played
If not, someone ought to tell them. This is ridiculous.

EDIT

“Hi. We’re heah from the Ahchdiocese, t’collect da rent for da use of da choich. So cough up, or it might get, yanno, unhealthy, y’unnerstand what I’m sayin’?”

http://hottermpapers.com/images/mobsters.jpg
 
KathleenElsie said:
Can’t answer your question. We have a small parish and are not able to have a “coordinator” or things like that.

How many are invited to the wedding? I do know that some of the larger parishes ave fees based on the number of expected guests. Not sure why but that is how it is done.

Also even if this is “your” parish do you use the weekly envelopes and participate in the Parish Life?
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Yes, yes, and yes again. This is our parish, we are regular contributers, and my fiancée gives up more than a reasonable amount of her time to sing with the Schola Cantorum.
 
As we’ve covered in previous posts, this nebulous $1350 fee does not cover things like marriage prep, pre-cana, the consultation with the priest, etc. We’ve already paid for that 😃 We, our sacristan, and our priest are intimately familiar with the Roman Missal, its instructions, and pious liturgical tradition.

Frankly, we do not *need *the wedding coordinator to even be there. We know exactly what the Church asks, requires, and the permissions she affords, and we do not intend to deviate from that one bit. If there’s any ambiguity, we’ve all got copies of the GIRM, *Ceremonies of the Modern Roman Rite, *and The Rituale Romanum. I don’t mean to sound like I’m getting frustrated. I just want everyone to know where we stand.
 
I can understand requiring a couple to use a wedding coordinator if only for the sake of having a parish official there to make sure everything goes by the Church and parish books and the facilities are used properly. That said, though, the $1350 fee is outrageous. The Basilica of the Sacred Heart at Notre Dame only charges $500 - and it’s a grandiose minor basilica that is highly sought after for weddings!
basilica.nd.edu/marriage-and-baptism/

I understand that things cost more geographically, but considering the demand for the basilica, that should do something to even things out. So unless this parish church can rival it in ecclesiastical finery, the fee should not be any more, especially for a coordinator you don’t need one bit.
 
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